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MaeBe's Trail of Discovery


MaeBe

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I need a girlfriend.

 

By that I mean a friend that is a girl. Someone that will go shopping and tell me when my make up is off or what would look really cute on me.

 

My wife is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but she’s not that kind of person in my life. She’s supportive and will gladly purchase something I want/ask for, but she’s not really into clothes and has never been a makeup person. Our relationship would also make those kind of interactions more tenuous. She seems to walk on eggshells sometimes and others she just lets me do what I do, which is nice but it’s not always helpful. She likely doesn’t want to say anything that might hurt me and at the same time doesn’t know what to do with me. 🤭

 

It’s pretty tough learning to be a girl when you’re already grown up, isn’t it?

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1 hour ago, MaeBe said:

It’s pretty tough learning to be a girl when you’re already grown up, isn’t it?

Yup.

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Also a laser update! The big patch on my chin is nearly gone!

IMG_9954.jpeg

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6 minutes ago, Ivy said:

Yup.

Thank you for reading along, Ivy!

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2 hours ago, MaeBe said:

Someone that will go shopping and tell me when my make up is off or what would look really cute on me.

Oh yes! That would be such a dream come true for me too!

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22 hours ago, MaeBe said:

I need a girlfriend.

 

By that I mean a friend that is a girl. Someone that will go shopping and tell me when my make up is off or what would look really cute on me.

 

My wife is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but she’s not that kind of person in my life. She’s supportive and will gladly purchase something I want/ask for, but she’s not really into clothes and has never been a makeup person. Our relationship would also make those kind of interactions more tenuous. She seems to walk on eggshells sometimes and others she just lets me do what I do, which is nice but it’s not always helpful. She likely doesn’t want to say anything that might hurt me and at the same time doesn’t know what to do with me. 🤭

 

It’s pretty tough learning to be a girl when you’re already grown up, isn’t it?

Are we twins???

 

Your path is different to mine, you are way more forthright in your journey and you know exactly where you're going. Me, I'm just drifting and don't know where I'll end up. I'm currently beached on Androgynous Island and I'm happy to stay there for a while.

 

That said, our wives appear to be very similar. Totally accepting, maybe not totally understanding, and not really enthusiastic. It is probably typical, but what are we to do? I also crave some sort of real-life friendship outside of the home, preferably with an understanding woman, not necessarily to advise me on makeup etc. but just to engage in girly talk as an equal being.

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2 hours ago, Mirrabooka said:

I'm just drifting and don't know where I'll end up.

I feel like this a lot of the time too. Maybe it's a lie I tell myself and others? A lie I subconsciously think makes this easier for other people and removes some pressure off of my shoulders? Or it's the truth because I just haven't committed to any specific end goal? Obliterate my T levels by spiking E and watch my boobs grow and bits and tackle shrivel? Sure. Eschew my male wardrobe in its entirety and replace it with chic women's wear? Yeah! Start changing my "preferred name" places? OK! Do I want to be a woman? uhhh...yes? can I though? please? no? Why?! 😆

 

2 hours ago, Mirrabooka said:

to engage in girly talk as an equal being.

Oh, for sure this too!

 

2 hours ago, Mirrabooka said:

Are we twins???

If we are, I am totally jealous of your lovely locks! Sibling rivalry!!!

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On 4/3/2024 at 7:57 AM, MaeBe said:

I need a girlfriend.

 

By that I mean a friend that is a girl. Someone that will go shopping and tell me when my make up is off or what would look really cute on me.

 

My wife is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but she’s not that kind of person in my life. She’s supportive and will gladly purchase something I want/ask for, but she’s not really into clothes and has never been a makeup person. Our relationship would also make those kind of interactions more tenuous. She seems to walk on eggshells sometimes and others she just lets me do what I do, which is nice but it’s not always helpful. She likely doesn’t want to say anything that might hurt me and at the same time doesn’t know what to do with me. 🤭

 

It’s pretty tough learning to be a girl when you’re already grown up, isn’t it?

I'm trying to find one. I'm talking to one on Facebook. It would be nice if I had a few more that we could meet up for coffee or something and just talk. She said she would be interested in going to the beach and our kids could play together while we would talk. We both are introverts so it might be awkward in the beginning. I wished we were closer I would be your girlfriend. 

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On 4/3/2024 at 9:23 AM, MaeBe said:

Also a laser update! The big patch on my chin is nearly gone!

IMG_9954.jpeg

Congratulations on what just your second wave? I'm still waiting on my evaluation. 

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1 hour ago, Ashley0616 said:

I wished we were closer I would be your girlfriend. 

Awww! 💜

 

I hope your new connection becomes a good friend!

1 hour ago, Ashley0616 said:

Congratulations on what just your second wave?

Yes, third treatment is on the 15th! Thank you! 😊

 

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You're welcome. Mine is supposed to be towards the end of the month.

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14 hours ago, MaeBe said:

If we are, I am totally jealous of your lovely locks! Sibling rivalry!!!

I'll remind you every chance I get, lol! 😝

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Am I a "she"?

 

My birthday is this month and my license is up for renewal. I have a stark choice, what do I select for "sex"; it's selection is self-reporting in this state and I have options for M, F, or X. This question has really pushed on something I've been pushing off, what gender do I want to tell the world I am. Through this whole journey so far, I have focused on the world responding to me instead of me prompting or demanding the world interact with me in any given way. Now, I have to chose--as long as I wish to drive legally and be honest with myself. Instead of being the question-less question of the past, it now comes bearing weight. A weight that illogically a single letter carries, yet it drags at me more than any anchor could. The moment I chose this letter is a moment I either relinquish my history or perpetuate a lie of convenience. Is the choice as obvious as it seems?

 

Am I a "she"?

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Wow, I blame the eclipse yesterday for somehow deciding to spell "choose" with one "o". Not once, but twice!

 

My mother is turning in her grave.

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1 hour ago, MaeBe said:

somehow deciding to spell "choose" with one "o".

Meh… I read it as choose anyway.  I wouldn't have even noticed if you hadn't pointed it out.   But then, I can barely spell my own name.

I'm one of those people that can read a word if it is all scrambled, as long as the letters are there… somewhere.  

I'm also useless without spellcheck.  

I have seen it suggested that it's a form of dyslexia.  I couldn't spell "dyslexia" either.  I mean, I could write something, but it would be wrong.  

I could barely pass English class in school, for my spelling mistakes.  They tell you to look the word up in the dictionary.  But you have to know how to spell it to look it up.  Go figure.  But dictionaries are fun to read - you can waste a lot of time in one.  The ones with pictures are best.  Lots of trivia as well.

Do they still have dictionaries?  I mean, google is so much easier.

Sometimes my guess is so far off even spellcheck can't figure it out, and I have to give up and figure out a synonym…

 

All the just to say, don't worry about chose/choose, or what ever.   I got your point.

Sorry, I guess I'm getting tired.

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2 hours ago, MaeBe said:

Wow, I blame the eclipse yesterday for somehow deciding to spell "choose" with one "o". Not once, but twice!

 

My mother is turning in her grave.

I'm with @Ivyon this. However if you feel the need to have a post corrected, you can always contact a Moderator for help. As for you mother tuning in her grave... Remember this is a forum board, not English Literature. I'm sure the grammar police shiver when they read some of my postings. My biggest problem is that I write like I speak, and don't worry to much about sentence structure.

 

Write with feelings,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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12 hours ago, MaeBe said:

Am I a "she"?

 

My birthday is this month and my license is up for renewal. I have a stark choice, what do I select for "sex"; it's selection is self-reporting in this state and I have options for M, F, or X.

Happy upcoming birthday!

 

How often do you have to renew your license over there? Here, it's 10 years until you reach 75, then three years after that. I was just thinking that if you have to renew yours more often, say every two or three years, maybe just go with X for now and F will seem more natural next time? Just a suggestion. I totally understand though if X on your license is just as unpalatable as M.

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10 hours ago, Mirrabooka said:

Happy upcoming birthday!

 

How often do you have to renew your license over there? Here, it's 10 years until you reach 75, then three years after that. I was just thinking that if you have to renew yours more often, say every two or three years, maybe just go with X for now and F will seem more natural next time? Just a suggestion. I totally understand though if X on your license is just as unpalatable as M.

Thanks, Mirra!

 

The last time I renewed is 4 years ago, we have to renew pretty frequently. I have never contemplated myself as non-binary, which makes the non-binary choice of X seem incorrect. That said, I can't say marking it F is necessarily correct either. How about "Prefer not to say"? :D

 

I spoke with my wife about it yesterday and just the thought of me getting my license with female designation was enough for her internal turntable to skip a beat. Frankly, I fear she thinks I'm just a man in makeup and has never reconciled me as being anything else--or simply refuses to. The currently legislated label of "Gender Expansive" for me, to her, is just the way I look; the estrogen, changed personality (even before estradiol), and projected identity seem to be subconsciously hand-waved past. How can I be anything different than the man she married?

 

The question remains though, does all of this add up to an F on a license? Maybe I should ask the person behind the counter, "given what you hear and see in front of you, what should I put down for this question?" and just mark whatever they say, because that's all this really is...perception. Or, perhaps, I should ask if I can mark myself as a Meat Popsicle? ^_^

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Whatever makes you happy. If you feel like you want to fully transition then it’s not a lie. It’s your gender. I went ahead and changed everything to reflect on my Wounded Warrior Project membership. Waiting on them to correct my military discharge paperwork and then birth certificate and that’s it. I won’t have anything else to change so when the time comes to get a passport it will be easy to put my name and gender on there. No one can make the choice for you. 

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2 hours ago, Ashley0616 said:

No one can make the choice for you. 

No, but they sure can shake their fists and remonstrate no matter what is on my documents. Yes, it's a "them problem", but it's always a them problem when it comes to this.

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14 hours ago, MaeBe said:

No, but they sure can shake their fists and remonstrate no matter what is on my documents. Yes, it's a "them problem", but it's always a them problem when it comes to this.

I'm sorry. I wished they wouldn't be so difficult. :(

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So MN here has gone from Winter to Summer, completely bypassing Spring in one epic leap. We had like three 40 degree days and this weekend it's been over 80. This has completely shown the vulnerability of my clothing collection. I have like three tops and a couple skirts and no decent warm weather shoes (I have my old Reef flip flops as my only real choice) for this kind of heat intensity! Also, I still have my Winter tires on! It snowed like 10 days ago!

 

That said, I went out to dinner last night with my eldest wearing a skirt in public for the first time ever, because nothing else! We were going to sit on the patio, but I noticed a favorite server of mine working the back room and decided to stay inside. She is awesome and they were going to seat us at the first table as you walk onto the patio, so it wasn't a difficult decision to skip the sunshine. She was lovely! We had our dinner and we left without any issue or fanfare.

 

I will say this, wearing a skirt in the heat was very nice! Also, I need to get a better array of general-use panties. The cotton bikinis just aren't cutting it for keeping a casual tuck. HRT changes plus (maybe) losing some weight has made life difficult in that regard. I have avoided purchasing any specific garments or products to assist with it, I prefer the thought of not having to re-tape in a public restroom, but that may need to change. I have a couple pair of seamless high wasted panties from UNIQLO that rock for keeping a secure tuck, so maybe I just have to go underwear shopping again instead of going down the gaff/tape path.

 

Anyway, enough about...that...

 

I still need to get my license renewed. I'm thinking I go dressed up and put on a face. It's probably easier for a cop or TSA agent to see me gussied up on my document when I'm not than seeing me gussied up and having my license look "plain". I almost feel like I should get my hair styled first, too. My hair is in that awkward growing stage, where it's comparatively long in the back compared to the rest. I'm still rocking the pseudo-bob with a side part, but the back doesn't jive. Frankly, if I do go for a style, I have to make sure no scissors are involved. Having to take a four year photo in the middle of awkward hair phase is bad enough, I don't want to have to delay its passing!

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I've never worried much about tucking.  I favor high waisted dresses and full skirts, at least knee length.  And then, even before HRT my original equipment was never that impressive.

 

A light skirt is hard to beat in hot weather.

 

I got away with keeping my wig on for my drivers license pix, and my passport.  I wore a kerchief over it, and they made me take that off, and then didn't think of the wig.  My devious plan worked! 

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I love wearing gaffs. They fit just like a thong so nice and tight.

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On 4/4/2024 at 7:33 AM, Mirrabooka said:

That said, our wives appear to be very similar. Totally accepting, maybe not totally understanding, and not really enthusiastic. It is probably typical, but what are we to do?

I would say the "totally accepting" is not very typical... at least from my vantage point ... but I am biased because my wife is so against this part of me (and not all that happy with a lot of other things about me either)... that is a blessing that you at least have that more firm foundation around you...

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