Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Non-transitioning Mormon Mts Ts


Guest interalia

Recommended Posts

Guest interalia

Hello everyone,

A few months back, my mother passed away right about the time I was dealing with some severe depression brought on by my GID. I looked around online for someone to talk to and met a few people on the Laura's Playground chat room. The few times I got on to chat were very helpful. Strangely enough, I never realized there was a forum until recently (with the whole fake news article business that occurred). So here I am, desiring to meet new people and hoping we can benefit from one anothers' experiences.

The short version of me: I am a Mormon (Latter-day Saint) and joined the church about ten years ago at the age of 18 despite my strong gender dysphoria. Unable to reconcile my gender dysphoria with remaining male, I transitioned at the age of 19. In a short amount of time, I got a job, started college, and started dating successfully as a female. I lived as a girl until the age of 21 (about 2.5 years) when, due to interactions with other TS, analyzing their feelings as compared with my own, I began to wonder if transition was really necessary for me, and if it wasn't possible to alleviate the symptoms of the GID condition without actually going through full sex change. So, being inspired by such a task and challenge, I de-transitioned, and have been such ever since.

Through that time, I've forced myself to learn a lot about how this condition affects me, affects others, and how to alleviate the feelings. This doesn't mean I'm 100% successful all the time: as I mentioned at the beginning of this post. However, more often than not, I have learned to fight the feelings associated with the dysphoria and live a relatively normal life. I am married now to a woman who has been my greatest ally in my battle with GID, have finished college, and work almost daily in pursuing greater understanding of our shared experiences and how to better handle the cards we've been dealt.

Now, because people in the past have often read what I wrote above and made all sorts of ungainly assumptions about me, let me include a little FAQ:

Am I religious mole out to convert transsexuals to "the true way" or something like that?

Absolutely not! I am here because I struggle with the same condition as many of you and likewise need support and find comfort being with members of my in-group. I happen to have a different story than most and therefore different insights, but by no means am I here to say my way is the only way, or convert anyone.

Do I feel transition is wrong?

No, not at all. One of my very best friends transitioned fully, is married now with kids (adopted) on the way. I would never tell her she made the wrong choice for herself as I've seen the happiness it has brought her. While I don't believe transition will bring happiness 100% of the time, I do not see it as wrong.

Do I encourage others not to transition?

No again. I do not feel it my place to encourage someone to or not to transition. It is a very, very personal decision that will affect on a person the rest of their life. I am one guy, on the internet, who happens to have found peace living without transition. Does this mean it will work for you? I have no idea - I just offer an alternative viewpoint. To date the only tested and proven way to alleviate gender dysphoria is through transition - I will not attempt to claim otherwise.

What pronoun do I prefer?

I consider myself to be a male with gender dysphoric feelings that make me think I am female. As such, despite how pleasant it is being referred to by a female pronoun, I would prefer to be referred to as male.

Are you intending to be offensive?

A final and resounding no. I will definitely challenge ideas that I perceive to be destructive, self-justifying, or derisive (as I imagine most of you would), but it isn't my place to say who is right or who is wrong, simply to provoke people to think and to offer an different perspective and insight.

That being said, I'm grateful to be a new member here on Laura's and hope we will benefit from one another.

Link to comment
Guest LightNebula

Welcome. I'm sorry your mom passed away, especially at a time like that. I know the feeling, too. I hope we'll be able to help you just as much as the chatroom, if not, more.

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean

Interalia, Hon......

Welcome to the Playground...

I have to say that I don't doubt your reasons for being here for a minute! I also went and read your blog and saw what you have been through to get to this point in life and time! You have been through a lot! And I'm sorry that it's been so hard on you.....

Also, I'm not religious, yet I do admire people that are secure and comfortable in their convictions and beliefs!...

I'm 59 and MTF....I am transitioning and fulfilling a lifelong need to be my true self....

It's been very hard because I denied it for many years, yet when I accepted it ...the flood gates opened and I am so very happy anymore.

And reading your story....you having been SO close to realizing this goal of transitioning....yet, giving it all up to go back to being male....whatever the reason....well, hon...it's totally beyond my comprehension...

I can't wrap my head around it...

I could never go back now, although I'm not all of the way there yet...I fear that it would kill me...destroy everything I have gained....

So, I have to hand it to you.....what ever your reasons....you're way stronger than I could ever be ....

I wish you the very best, Hon...I hope that you get to where ever you need to be.....

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

Link to comment
Guest Zenda

Kia Ora Interalia,

:rolleyes: I found your story quite interesting, however what I do find somewhat strange is why on earth would you join a transgender support group in order to try and ‘cure’ your compulsion –It’s like a recovering alcoholic going to work in a brewery-it doesn’t quite make sense…

But in saying that I’m pleased that you have posted your blog so others can see the struggle that you ‘still’ face after ‘re-transitioning’ -transitioning was a costly mistake on your part, physically as well as psychologically …

In hindsight do you feel that you were more into ‘wanting’ to be like a female as opposed to your core identity being that of a female?

A while back I saw a documentary about a couple of British ‘guy’ and an Australian ‘girl’ who believed they were meant to be the opposite sex-one guy in particular lived quite a successful life as a woman for twenty odd years-even having the surgery and dating men etc, then all of a sudden ‘he’ realised that ‘he’ was not who ‘he’ originally thought ‘he’ was and with great difficulty started to live as a male again…transvestic fetishism taken to the extreme no doubt…

The other guy was fortunate enough not to go the whole way ‘he’ just was on HRT and I think like yourself after a couple of years ‘he’ realised a life of a woman was not for ‘him’…He had his female hormone created breasts removed but still 'crossdressed' on the odd occassion...

The Australian woman had gone so far as to have her breasts removed and had been on HRT for a while when ‘she’ suddenly saw the ‘light’ well ‘she’ actually blamed the psychiatrist for making ‘her’ think that ‘she’ was an ‘he’….She ended up in a cult church group getting married and having two children…

Many ‘transsexual’ people if they do decide to transition and after smoothing out the few bumps in the road, take to their new environment like ducks to water-some unfortunately still have to face society’s gender gauntlet, but find that being ‘who they are’ [true to themselves] helps them cope with any societal backlash…

You said in your blog that now you are at ‘peace’ with yourself, I hope that this peace is the real thing and not a pseudo peace that comes from ones desire to conform to church policy…A pseudo peace as such would not be very beneficial for ones mental welbeing...

Metta Jendar :)

Link to comment
Guest interalia
Welcome. I'm sorry your mom passed away, especially at a time like that. I know the feeling, too. I hope we'll be able to help you just as much as the chatroom, if not, more.

I hope so too! I'm grateful for the responses I've received so far.

Interalia, Hon......

Welcome to the Playground...

I have to say that I don't doubt your reasons for being here for a minute! I also went and read your blog and saw what you have been through to get to this point in life and time! You have been through a lot! And I'm sorry that it's been so hard on you.....

You know what they say! That which doesn't kill us (although it came awfully close to)...

And reading your story....you having been SO close to realizing this goal of transitioning....yet, giving it all up to go back to being male....whatever the reason....well, hon...it's totally beyond my comprehension...

I can't wrap my head around it...

I could never go back now, although I'm not all of the way there yet...I fear that it would kill me...destroy everything I have gained....

It was one of the most difficult decisions I've ever made - more difficult in fact than the decision TO transition, but one I felt that was necessary. I could not have done it without the support of others around me.

Kia Ora Interalia,

:rolleyes: I found your story quite interesting, however what I do find somewhat strange is why on earth would you join a transgender support group in order to try and ‘cure’ your compulsion –It’s like a recovering alcoholic going to work in a brewery-it doesn’t quite make sense…

If being around other transgendered people provoked GID attacks for me, then I certainly would not be able to come here. However, I have untrained my brain to associate being with others who transition as provocation to transition. As such, I can benefit from your experiences while sharing my own, and even get some support when things get tough without going into the suicidal depression that used to grip me. It is nice to be around people with whom you can identify.

But in saying that I’m pleased that you have posted your blog so others can see the struggle that you ‘still’ face after ‘re-transitioning’ -transitioning was a costly mistake on your part, physically as well as psychologically …

Actually I don't consider it to have been a mistake for me at all. On the contrary it provided incredibly valuable experience and something I would do again if I had to do it all over again. The only thing I regret was not sperm-banking beforehand. But back then, I was as convinced as any one else, that I would NEVER go back to being male, and so sperm-banking seemed a bit pointless of an activity for someone who intended to marry a male.

In hindsight do you feel that you were more into ‘wanting’ to be like a female as opposed to your core identity being that of a female?

That is such a difficult question to answer. If I respond from my feelings, I would tell you that I am female, and that is more core identity. However, I'm not above the idea that such an identity could have developed during due to a biological or environmental impairment.

When I transitioned, it felt like I was complete and whole and ultimately feel I could have remained female the rest of my life. However, despite transitioning, my interest in transsexuality didn't end there. I continued to learn all I could, continued to listen to the experiences of others, and in time, I felt it might be possible for me to learn to live with the GID without transition and that if I could do it, it would be of great benefit to my fellow transsexuals.

This doesn't mean I'm advocating not transitioning, but for some, specifically those with families, etc. having an option other than transitioning would be preferable. I can't say I've found it, but I have found techniques that work for me. I am still a transsexual, and still have GID, I am in no way cured, nor do I believe I could find a cure. However, I can control the symptoms of GID to make it manageable so that I live life as my birth sex. If you'd like to see more about what I've learned, I wrote a blog post concerning some of the traits of gender dysphoria and how they operate: http://gidinteralia.blogspot.com/2009/06/n...-dysphoria.html Mind you this is not exhaustive, it merely details a portion of the feelings we feel.

You said in your blog that now you are at ‘peace’ with yourself, I hope that this peace is the real thing and not a pseudo peace that comes from ones desire to conform to church policy…A pseudo peace as such would not be very beneficial for ones mental welbeing...

I hope it is a real and final peace too, but like I tell many people: the only evidence that I ever lived successfully for my entire life, is to die happy without transitioning. Until then, the argument could always be used against me that I will eventually be overwhelmed by my GID. Of course, if I do make it without transitioning, the argument could always be used against me that I was never a "real" transsexual. Because of the threatening nature of my story, both have been used against me for others to justify themselves.

That being said, right now, I believe I can make it and have done very well addressing (not hiding or escaping from) my GID.

Thanks for your comments all! I really enjoyed responding to them. Oh, and for Jendar, E haere rā!

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~
... I continued to learn all I could, continued to listen to the experiences of others, and in time, I felt it might be possible for me to learn to live with the GID without transition and that if I could do it, it would be of great benefit to my fellow transsexuals.

This doesn't mean I'm advocating not transitioning, but for some, specifically those with families, etc. having an option other than transitioning would be preferable. I can't say I've found it, but I have found techniques that work for me. I am still a transsexual, and still have GID, I am in no way cured, nor do I believe I could find a cure. However, I can control the symptoms of GID to make it manageable so that I live life as my birth sex.

Hi Interalia,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Forgive me, but I do not understand the two paragraphs above. I am unclear as to what you mean by "learn to live with GID without transition". Additionally the statement "if I could do it, it would be of great benefit to my fellow transsexuals" leaves me perplexed. To me, I interpret these statements as being gender-gifted is a disease that can/must be controlled. I also do not understand the notion of "cured" again implying that gender-giftedness is a disease that needs curing.

Clearly, I do not have this view of being transgendered. My experience has been that repressing my gender identity only led to emotional distress, depression, and lack of sense of self. It was only when I accepted and embraced my gender-giftedness did I start to heal and feel really good about myself.

I apologize in advance if I have misread or misunderstood your postings. I do not mean to make you feel defensive

Brenda

Link to comment
Guest interalia
Hi Interalia,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Forgive me, but I do not understand the two paragraphs above. I am unclear as to what you mean by "learn to live with GID without transition". Additionally the statement "if I could do it, it would be of great benefit to my fellow transsexuals" leaves me perplexed. To me, I interpret these statements as being gender-gifted is a disease that can/must be controlled. I also do not understand the notion of "cured" again implying that gender-giftedness is a disease that needs curing.

Clearly, I do not have this view of being transgendered. My experience has been that repressing my gender identity only led to emotional distress, depression, and lack of sense of self. It was only when I accepted and embraced my gender-giftedness did I start to heal and feel really good about myself.

I apologize in advance if I have misread or misunderstood your postings. I do not mean to make you feel defensive

Brenda

First, thank you for your post. I'm pleased to say that I am rarely rarely ever defensive, but thank you for the consideration of such with your questions.

Let me explain that I do believe GID to be a disorder. That being said, my basis for that belief is the fact that it seems to cause significant emotional distress. Such distress requires correction (which most undergo transition to alleviate). Along that vein, many believe their distress brought on by their gender dysphoria to be "cured" when they transition.

Let me make the next statement using your terminology so we don't confuse terms (if I understand them correctly).

Repressing your gender identity does lead to the dysphoria I am talking about. But not repressing it, in other words accepting it, does not necessarily require transition. For many repression of their gender identity leads to such distress as to cause them to pursue transition - something that also causes sizable distress in the process but can ultimately lead to relief and greater acceptance of oneself. Many individuals lose family relationships, friends, and employment in the process.

For some the costs of transition are too high and the decision to do so is only made when the individual feels they have no choice but to transition or commit suicide. My hope is to one day find a way for transsexuals to no longer repress their gender identity, but to not to need to go through the rigors of transition to do so. This will allow a gender-gifted individual to accept themselves and their gender identity without having to go through the pain of transition.

I hope this clears up the confusion.

Link to comment
The short version of me: I am a Mormon (Latter-day Saint) and joined the church about ten years ago at the age of 18 despite my strong gender dysphoria. Unable to reconcile my gender dysphoria with remaining male, I transitioned at the age of 19. In a short amount of time, I got a job, started college, and started dating successfully as a female. I lived as a girl until the age of 21 (about 2.5 years) when, due to interactions with other TS, analyzing their feelings as compared with my own, I began to wonder if transition was really necessary for me, and if it wasn't possible to alleviate the symptoms of the GID condition without actually going through full sex change. So, being inspired by such a task and challenge, I de-transitioned, and have been such ever since.

Hey Interalia,

I have a little problem, not with you or any of your views, they are your opinions and nobdy has any right to try to change them.

My problem is with me not quite understanding the paragraph that I have quoted.

Here are my questions:

How far did you transition?

Did you take hormones and develop physically female?

How, exactly do you de-transition?

Did this require more hormone treatment?

I'm not worried about the mental or spiritual aspects of your decission, they are for you to work out between you, your body and your beliefs - we all have our own issues to work out in each area and we alone can supply the answerd correct for us with our faith to guide us.

It is the physical aspect only that has me a bit confused.

If you could explain that to me, I'd understand all of the rest so much better.

I am sorry that you lost your mother and it must have been devastating at a time with such emotional issues already.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
First, thank you for your post. I'm pleased to say that I am rarely rarely ever defensive, but thank you for the consideration of such with your questions.

Let me explain that I do believe GID to be a disorder. That being said, my basis for that belief is the fact that it seems to cause significant emotional distress. Such distress requires correction (which most undergo transition to alleviate). Along that vein, many believe their distress brought on by their gender dysphoria to be "cured" when they transition.

Let me make the next statement using your terminology so we don't confuse terms (if I understand them correctly).

Repressing your gender identity does lead to the dysphoria I am talking about. But not repressing it, in other words accepting it, does not necessarily require transition. For many repression of their gender identity leads to such distress as to cause them to pursue transition - something that also causes sizable distress in the process but can ultimately lead to relief and greater acceptance of oneself. Many individuals lose family relationships, friends, and employment in the process.

For some the costs of transition are too high and the decision to do so is only made when the individual feels they have no choice but to transition or commit suicide. My hope is to one day find a way for transsexuals to no longer repress their gender identity, but to not to need to go through the rigors of transition to do so. This will allow a gender-gifted individual to accept themselves and their gender identity without having to go through the pain of transition.

I hope this clears up the confusion.

If we were to accept for a moment the medical belief at the moment that Gender Identity Disphoria stems from a physical condition, a brain that has developed and is trying to function in a gender different from the body's, then we could remove the stigma from transitioning.

The pain and emotional costs of transitioning are because of the view of transsexuals as perverted, there is no other reason to lose jobs, friends and self esteem,

A person with a club foot gets surgery and has it corrected without losing their job, family or friends and their self esteem is bolstered by it - we should be treated the same way but because we hold onto the 'mental disordered' and the wonderful idea that it can be controlled or cured we will never attain that status.

There is really very little physical pain involved in transitioning other than recovery from any surgeries that might be selected.

If the world was more accepting of us a lot fewer of us would bother with surgery.

For most it is just another 'necessary' step toward being accepted and that is what we all seek.

You feel more accepted now and I am glad, I only hope that this peace will last for you.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest interalia
Hey Interalia,

I have a little problem, not with you or any of your views, they are your opinions and nobdy has any right to try to change them.

My problem is with me not quite understanding the paragraph that I have quoted.

Here are my questions:

How far did you transition?

Did you take hormones and develop physically female?

How, exactly do you de-transition?

Did this require more hormone treatment?

I'm not worried about the mental or spiritual aspects of your decission, they are for you to work out between you, your body and your beliefs - we all have our own issues to work out in each area and we alone can supply the answerd correct for us with our faith to guide us.

It is the physical aspect only that has me a bit confused.

If you could explain that to me, I'd understand all of the rest so much better.

I am sorry that you lost your mother and it must have been devastating at a time with such emotional issues already.

Love ya,

Sally

No problem! Let me explain.

I started dressing part time at 18 going out with friends, TG meetings, etc. I also started to let me hair grow out. I started therapy and hormones at 19. By 20 I had started to live full time, had significant hormone effects to my body fat placement (I was always thin), with limited breast growth (my mom was a A cup herself so I never had the genetics for large growth), and had an orchidectomy, changed my name, and moved away from my hometown.

I decided to de-transition before I turned 22 and came out to my college and work-friends about my origin (shocked a ton of people) to explain why I was about to disappear. I cut my hair, received VERY limited testosterone treatments (enough to change some fat distribution), and wore jackets and other large shirts to cover my breast growth.

I looked odd for a long time, like mid-way between, but I worked out a bit to change my physique. I modified my mannerisms to make them slightly more appropriate for a male so as not to weird out employers but not to much as to feel "fake". Eventually I got my name changed back to my original name.

Link to comment
Guest (Lightsider)
First, thank you for your post. I'm pleased to say that I am rarely rarely ever defensive, but thank you for the consideration of such with your questions.

Let me explain that I do believe GID to be a disorder. That being said, my basis for that belief is the fact that it seems to cause significant emotional distress. Such distress requires correction (which most undergo transition to alleviate). Along that vein, many believe their distress brought on by their gender dysphoria to be "cured" when they transition.

Interalia, I too am mormon. A fully transitioned Mormon. In my journey I have found that if one is in pain from this and the "Cure" is to transition and that Cure brings them to peace...what is likely to be closer to the lord? a tormented soul or one at peace? I learned...the one at peace. GID is a physical ...NOT a mental disorder.

Like you I too de-transitioned at one point. Wasting 8 years of my life trying faith to cure my "disorder". To no avail. In the end I found...

If you accept yourself and you love your self and are at peace all else will fall in place. I hope you do not spend the next 8 years of your life struggling to make this work. Good luck in finding the true you.

Link to comment
Guest interalia
If we were to accept for a moment the medical belief at the moment that Gender Identity Disphoria stems from a physical condition, a brain that has developed and is trying to function in a gender different from the body's, then we could remove the stigma from transitioning.

The pain and emotional costs of transitioning are because of the view of transsexuals as perverted, there is no other reason to lose jobs, friends and self esteem,

A person with a club foot gets surgery and has it corrected without losing their job, family or friends and their self esteem is bolstered by it - we should be treated the same way but because we hold onto the 'mental disordered' and the wonderful idea that it can be controlled or cured we will never attain that status.

There is really very little physical pain involved in transitioning other than recovery from any surgeries that might be selected.

If the world was more accepting of us a lot fewer of us would bother with surgery.

For most it is just another 'necessary' step toward being accepted and that is what we all seek.

You feel more accepted now and I am glad, I only hope that this peace will last for you.

Love ya,

Sally

I, like you, accept the idea that a physical condition exists that causes GID. I also accept the idea that there are physical conditions that exist that cause major depression and physical conditions that exist that cause schizophrenia. Both depression and schizophrenia are still treated as mental disorders despite their biological base. Both have medications to help control the effects, but ultimately the best fix is psychological through therapy and learned cognitive techniques. I approach GID the same way. I look for cognitive techniques, such as the ones used to control and manage depression, to control and manage my GID. There hasn't been a lot of (credible) research this direction though. Currently transition is the only option proven to alleviate the feelings.

Link to comment

Your account is very interesting but I'm confused. What changed your mind? Were you suicidal either before or after transition? Was there an incident or a discussion with a friend or a therapist or perhaps a Church "Counselor" that changed your mind?

Usually those who are honest with their therapist who follows the Wpath Standards of Care do well in transition. Many too have suicidal thoughts or incidents as evidenced by 78,800 suicidal crisis's here over a 5 year period. The Standards provide 2 options: Therapy, hormones, RLT, SRS for Transsexuals and Therapy, hormones and living the role but no SRS for transgenderists. The dissatisfaction rate for transsexuals after surgery is about 6% and for transgenderists living the role about 31% in a survey here.

Laura

Link to comment
Guest interalia
Your account is very interesting but I'm confused. What changed your mind? Were you suicidal either before or after transition? Was there an incident or a discussion with a friend or a therapist or perhaps a Church "Counselor" that changed your mind?

Usually those who are honest with their therapist who follows the Wpath Standards of Care do well in transition. Many too have suicidal thoughts or incidents as evidenced by 78,800 suicidal crisis's here over a 5 year period. The Standards provide 2 options: Therapy, hormones, RLT, SRS for Transsexuals and Therapy, hormones and living the role but no SRS for transgenderists. The dissatisfaction rate for transsexuals after surgery is about 6% and for transgenderists living the role about 31% in a survey here.

Laura

What changed my mind? Many things in fact. Let me see if I can label them in the order of importance to my decision:

1) Empathy. I was lucky, I realized that. I was young and transitioning very successfully, and was active in the TG community. However I saw the pain among older TG's who were transitioning. Compared to their losses (in terms of family, employment, etc) mine was trivial. Many of them seems consumed with jealousy for the younger of us, and very angry at the world and at the hand life dealt them. I wished there was another way for them to be happy than continuing transition seeing the pain they were still in. (And these were individuals who had been in transition years, with most living FT, both post and pre-op).

2) Validation. I saw patterns of behavior among the transsexuals in the various communities I was in where the individual would stretch to inordinate lengths to justify their choice to transition or to validate themselves as transsexuals. Recognizing these patterns, I began to analyze my own life for the same patterns and saw correlations. It made me wonder if I wasn't trying too hard to be me.

3) Lying. I hated, hated, hated lying. I felt like I had to lie to everyone about my past. I was so easily accepted as female at work and at school that I had to hide or make up stories about my past as a "girl" in order to be consistent. I wanted to be real with others about me and my past, but felt I couldn't (and often was told I shouldn't by other TS who told me my life would turn to hell).

4) Spirituality. I had doubts about whether my transition would ultimately lead me to the best possible life. I knew going back to church as a female (I hadn't been going for a long time, but still believed the church was true) would change the way in which the church would relate to me (for better or for worse). I wondered if perhaps if I were to be male again, if I could somehow do it differently and not be consumed with GID.

Each of these things weighed on me. Transition was almost too easy: perhaps had I had to give up more to do it, I would have been more cemented in my choice to transition (as people tend to become more attached to decisions that are costly than ones that are not), but because I had to give up relatively little, perhaps I there was less cognitive dissonance involved in stopping.

I must note that being unhappy was not a factor at all in my deciding to de-transition. Niether was a conversation with anyone that changed my mind. Pretty much everyone in my life was supportive, and those who were not I had either cut off from communicating with me or they cut themselves off from me. All of this happened inside my own introspective head. I was very happy as a female. I was only suicidal before transition. I went through all the proper HBSOC channels (this was 10 years ago) and was approved by my therapist and doctors to transition.

I hope this clears that up. I feel honored and am glad people are asking questions rather than make assumptions.

Link to comment
I hope this clears that up. I feel honored and am glad people are asking questions rather than make assumptions.

We're here to help people find answers. Transition and surgery is not for everyone. While it;s the answer for many, for some it is not. With 9 million users there are some who regret transitioning. USually though when you look back with them there were original hints that transition or surgery shouldn't have been entered by them in the first place. Knowing these indicators and where mistakes were made can help someone avoid the same mistakes. So any help you can give in that area is beneficial.

If you were to look back at when you transitioned with a therapist Were there warning signs that you missed this might not be for you that could have predicted your outcome? Were you honest with your therapist for instance? I can tell you that not everyone is and tell a therapist what they think they want to hear. While that may not be true of you can you think of other warning sign that would have predicted your outcome?

It's our goal here to eliminate or reduce regrets through education from those who came before. To do that we need the right information from those detransitioning.

Laura

Link to comment
Guest gentleman1

Interalia,

I wish to extend my sympathy to you concerning the loss of your mother.

That having been said, I must admit, you scare the heck out of me. I believe you have encountered hostility from others like us in the past is because you scare them too. We are fighting so hard for our "right" to transition and to de-pathologize transexualism and I still cannot help that inspite of your best intentions.......and I do believe you.......Organizations such as NARTH....(National association on research and therapy of homosexuality....yep! we get lumped in with homosexuality.....), would LOVE...LOVE....LOVE to snatch you up and use you as a poster person to deny us our treatment and make your path the one that we must follow.

I don't know what you mean by stretching to justify the reasons to transition.......but I did it to save my life. I have given up drinking copious amounts of alcohol and just very recently gave up smoking....(for my upcoming top surgery) to be more comfortable in my body and be able to live and feel FREE without being stuck in a unasked nor deserved prison of the wrong body for the rest of my life. Now you come along.......and well, I'll be honest.... you scare me not just because of detransitioning......I can actually respect that but I'd respect it more if you didn't still struggle with disphoric feelings..........Why? So you or I, or anyone else be fully accepted in their faith community?....?

I am very bitter and angry over the treatment I and all of us receive from conservative, traditionally minded "Christian folks"l, and that includes those from your own church. I'm sorry if I seem hostile toward you. I don't mean to be, but when you say that you felt you had to do what you did even though you list your spirituality as number 4 on your list, it makes me angry all over again. If I had to do that in order to feel accepted by God, I'd just blow my brains out. I cannot nor will I accept a God like that because that would make him a despot. Can you understand my feelings? Thanks for letting me vent and sorry for the rantings, but my "spiritual" wounds are still quite fresh. This is my only angst or grief in my transition. - Shawn

Link to comment
Guest interalia
Interalia,

I wish to extend my sympathy to you concerning the loss of your mother.

That having been said, I must admit, you scare the heck out of me. I believe you have encountered hostility from others like us in the past is because you scare them too. We are fighting so hard for our "right" to transition and to de-pathologize transexualism and I still cannot help that inspite of your best intentions.......and I do believe you.......Organizations such as NARTH....(National association on research and therapy of homosexuality....yep! we get lumped in with homosexuality.....), would LOVE...LOVE....LOVE to snatch you up and use you as a poster person to deny us our treatment and make your path the one that we must follow.

I don't know what you mean by stretching to justify the reasons to transition.......but I did it to save my life. I have given up drinking copious amounts of alcohol and just very recently gave up smoking....(for my upcoming top surgery) to be more comfortable in my body and be able to live and feel FREE without being stuck in a unasked nor deserved prison of the wrong body for the rest of my life. Now you come along.......and well, I'll be honest.... you scare me not just because of detransitioning......I can actually respect that but I'd respect it more if you didn't still struggle with disphoric feelings..........Why? So you or I, or anyone else be fully accepted in their faith community?....?

I am very bitter and angry over the treatment I and all of us receive from conservative, traditionally minded "Christian folks"l, and that includes those from your own church. I'm sorry if I seem hostile toward you. I don't mean to be, but when you say that you felt you had to do what you did even though you list your spirituality as number 4 on your list, it makes me angry all over again. If I had to do that in order to feel accepted by God, I'd just blow my brains out. I cannot nor will I accept a God like that because that would make him a despot. Can you understand my feelings? Thanks for letting me vent and sorry for the rantings, but my "spiritual" wounds are still quite fresh. This is my only angst or grief in my transition. - Shawn

I understand your concerns. I really do. Let me speak to the 4th point I made before - the spiritual one. I could easily remain an active member of my faith had I remained a female. However, just because the church accepts you doesn't mean I'd be accepted by the culture of the church. Culture is an important part of any church. Cultural misinformation against trans people abounds generally, but mix that with traditionally conservative types and you have a recipe for disaster. What this meant for me is that I would most likely have had difficulty finding a Mormon husband and my children might have difficulties with their Mormon peers. Blame the church for that if you will, but I blame the culture of some members of the church. I had to consider the implications of remaining female and it seemed it would bring on more headaches (justified or not) with being an active member than if I was male. That being said, do not mistake that as being my primary motivation for de-transitioning. Consider it like another straw added to the back of the camel of de-transition.

I don't want this thread to become a Mormon bashing thread in any way. I am trying my best to steer my religious beliefs out of the context of my decision to de-transition, but I include it because it is an important part of my life, and an important part of my introduction.

I recognize how I could be someone to fear. The implication is, "wow if this one guy figured out a way to live life without transition, then it means that ALL transsexuals could do so!" I don't hold this belief and will fight it until SCIENTIFIC evidence of such can be shown. As it stands I feel that even among transsexuals there is a ton of variety and as such do not believe there to be a single brush to paint us OR our "cure" with. That being said, it doesn't mean I don't have something to offer. Perhaps people will read what I've written, identify with it or at least learn from it, and be in a better position to make better decisions concerning their own transition.

Link to comment
Guest (Lightsider)
Interalia,

I wish to extend my sympathy to you concerning the loss of your mother.

That having been said, I must admit, you scare the heck out of me. I believe you have encountered hostility from others like us in the past is because you scare them too. We are fighting so hard for our "right" to transition and to de-pathologize transexualism and I still cannot help that inspite of your best intentions.......and I do believe you.......Organizations such as NARTH....(National association on research and therapy of homosexuality....yep! we get lumped in with homosexuality.....), would LOVE...LOVE....LOVE to snatch you up and use you as a poster person to deny us our treatment and make your path the one that we must follow.

I don't know what you mean by stretching to justify the reasons to transition.......but I did it to save my life. I have given up drinking copious amounts of alcohol and just very recently gave up smoking....(for my upcoming top surgery) to be more comfortable in my body and be able to live and feel FREE without being stuck in a unasked nor deserved prison of the wrong body for the rest of my life. Now you come along.......and well, I'll be honest.... you scare me not just because of detransitioning......I can actually respect that but I'd respect it more if you didn't still struggle with disphoric feelings..........Why? So you or I, or anyone else be fully accepted in their faith community?....?

I am very bitter and angry over the treatment I and all of us receive from conservative, traditionally minded "Christian folks"l, and that includes those from your own church. I'm sorry if I seem hostile toward you. I don't mean to be, but when you say that you felt you had to do what you did even though you list your spirituality as number 4 on your list, it makes me angry all over again. If I had to do that in order to feel accepted by God, I'd just blow my brains out. I cannot nor will I accept a God like that because that would make him a despot. Can you understand my feelings? Thanks for letting me vent and sorry for the rantings, but my "spiritual" wounds are still quite fresh. This is my only angst or grief in my transition. - Shawn

Ok before this gets out of control...and believe me I can see it headed that way. Gentlemen...this is not only aimed at you but to every one in this thread. First I want to point out this mormon section is a safe haven. Please do not open fire on my religion. I know it has flaws and I am working my derrierre off to help correct those flaws. The purpose of this is so I can help others like who are Moromn. I am not here to preach my faith.

Interalia I know you are new....I recognize all the signs I once had. The Zealous I know it is true. Ok you may know it is true. But don't shout it out. You anger the natives when you do that. Personal religious belief is just that...Personal. Not nessesarily one to be shared every where you go. Especially if you trans. Being trans...many of us have been hurt by religions. By parents who used religion to scare us and abuse us. Please...tone down the I know it is true dogma because it being taken wrong.

Interalia....I used to use religion as a mask to hide who I was. it is not healthy. If the church accepts you then they accept you. If not...it is not the end of the world and that is where I found my peace. God knows your heart. Just hold to what you know is right and do the best you can.

Please...every one...take a deep breath.

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~
GID operates very similarly to a phobia. Just as phobias have triggers and are negatively reinforced by responding to them, so too is gender dysphoria. For an example take arachnophobia. This is an irrational and overwhelming fear of spiders. For the arachnophobe, interaction with a spider or spider like creature serves as the trigger which provokes the distress. The phobic individual then seeks to relieve the stress by fleeing from (or sometimes squashing) the spider. This behavior only further reinforces (strengthens) the desire to flee from the spider rather than be comfortable in its presence (the desired goal for the phobic individual). Only by being forced repeatedly and consistently to confront the spider and remain in its presence long enough to obtain some relief does one unlearn the connection that relief from the spider only comes by retreating from it.

This example works also with GID. Gender dysphoric feelings often have a trigger. For many dysphoric males, a trigger could be seeing a group of young girls at a restaurant laughing and enjoying “girl” time together. This scene provokes unhappy feelings of envy and sadness in the dysphoric male in that he is reminded of the life he feels he should have had and has been denied.

I would say that the only warning sign I had that I would not finish transition is that I still believed that it was possible to beat it without transitioning. I have always seen it as a condition of my identity, not my only identity as many do. I was transitioning because it seemed like the most viable option at the time to "cure" my GID symptoms. Once I saw the potential that I could "cure" them by another method, I chose to undertake that path. I might find out that I am wrong, but to date, learning how my dysphoria affects me and how to combat it has helped me alleviate the need to transition. However, like so many others before me, my techniques might not be enough, and in the end the dysphoria may overwhelm me and lead me to transition again. I pray it does not, but I must think positively about the future.

I will have to write more about the "cycle of validation" I saw in the community that I became trapped in. It might lead to more understanding of what might lead one to question one's need to transition or to find dissatisfaction with one's own transition.

Interalia,

I took the first two paragraphs in the quote from an earlier post of yours. You speak as if you are an authority on GID... you are not. GID is not a phobia nor should it be associated with phobias. You must never speak as an authority unless you have the credentials and the research backgrouind to do so. You do not have the credentials, the background, nor the research proven to make such claims. Research requires control subjects/environments, vast amonts of data, independent confirmation from qualified research scientists of your results. None of these exist here in your posts. I work in a very high tech, advanced research facility. I know research. Your conclusions are nothing more than anecdotal testimony, not fact, not evidence. Your constant attempt to tie transgenderism to a disease is destructive and not helpful. My conclusion to the series of posts you have made is that you are simply on some sort of mission that is clearly misguided and misleading. You have two choices at this poiint 1. help genuiniely with your real experience, or 2. Leave this site.

My patience has drawn thin,

Brenda

Link to comment
Guest interalia
Interalia,

I took the first two paragraphs in the quote from an earlier post of yours. You speak as if you are an authority on GID... you are not. GID is not a phobia nor should it be associated with phobias. You must never speak as an authority unless you have the credentials and the research backgrouind to do so. You do not have the credentials, the background, nor the research proven to make such claims. Research requires control subjects/environments, vast amonts of data, independent confirmation from qualified research scientists of your results. None of these exist here in your posts. I work in a very high tech, advanced research facility. I know research. Your conclusions are nothing more than anecdotal testimony, not fact, not evidence. Your constant attempt to tie transgenderism to a disease is destructive and not helpful. My conclusion to the series of posts you have made is that you are simply on some sort of mission that is clearly misguided and misleading. You have two choices at this poiint 1. help genuiniely with your real experience, or 2. Leave this site.

My patience has drawn thin,

Brenda

I suppose I should have included the paragraph before my statements. As I said that was an excerpt of something I had written explaining some things I have learned about my own GID and from observing others. Here is the former paragraph:

"It is important to make note that all information detailed further applies only to my own understanding of GID. Some of the things I have written will fit for some dysphorics while others may feel my experiences to be completely foreign. Understand one thing though. With an identity issue, self-justification is of paramount importance. Challenging a person’s identity regardless of whether it is real or perceived is walking into dangerous territory for any individual. This goes doubly so for dealing with a person with an actual identity disorder like GID. Blanketly applying that which I have written to another person with GID is fraught with the possibility of alienating the person you are trying to understand. As such, take this for what it is worth, the experience of one person and what he has learned about his own gender dysphoria."

I never claimed to be an authority, though I can understand how leaving off this paragraph I just included could make it seem like I was attempting to be. My evidence is totally anecdotal. I apologize profusely for not making that clear. I was hoping to include something that Laura could read to better explain what GID feels like for a person who de-transitioned.

I hope you will understand that I am not your enemy and only ever intend to share my real experience - it is all I have to go on.

Link to comment
Guest Joe Cool
Ok before this gets out of control...and believe me I can see it headed that way. Gentlemen...this is not only aimed at you but to every one in this thread. First I want to point out this mormon section is a safe haven. Please do not open fire on my religion. I know it has flaws and I am working my derrierre off to help correct those flaws. The purpose of this is so I can help others like who are Moromn. I am not here to preach my faith.

Please...every one...take a deep breath.

Lightsider,

I agree that people should be respectful at all times. I would also like to point out that this is the Introduction Forum and not the Mormon safe haven forum. Regardless, people should always be respectful when they express their opinions. I wanted to point out the difference in the two forums so you did not feel like you were being attacked in your safe haven. :)

Joe

Link to comment
Guest (Lightsider)
Lightsider,

I agree that people should be respectful at all times. I would also like to point out that this is the Introduction Forum and not the Mormon safe haven forum. Regardless, people should always be respectful when they express their opinions. I wanted to point out the difference in the two forums so you did not feel like you were being attacked in your safe haven. :)

Joe

My bad Joe. I am keeping track of threads in two places. I can still see the heat building and I really don't want to see that over my religion.

Link to comment
Guest Leigh

wow. interesting, thanks for sharing your unique perspective.

i often wish that the church could approach gender and sexual non-conformity in a similar way...ie, that it's an individual decision.

i look forward to browsing your blog.

peace&love

leigh

Link to comment
Guest Zenda

Kia Ora Interalia,

Thanks for that…You did say you are open to questions so here goes…

:rolleyes: I’m still none the wiser when it comes to your ‘concept’ of peace…It would seem that the peace you describe is similar to many other ‘transitioned’ trans-people’s stories that I’ve read, who still suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts-due to societal pressures -but they now live with the contentment of being true to themselves? …How does your ‘peace’ differ from theirs- You have mentioned that you’re still suicidal at times and for the past eight years have suffered bouts of depression brought on by your continued gender dysphoric feelings

When you were ‘successfully’ living the role of a ‘female’ did you still suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts?

What triggers the depression you still experience and are you seeing a qualified mental health specialist or taking any anti-depressant medication-are these bouts of depression unrelated to your gender dysphoria issues???

I’m not trying to be rude nor confrontational just very curious about the hows and whys of your story-In fact it quite fascinates me with how you are coping, but also I'm saddens to know that you are still battling inner demons- struggling with your decision to become for want of a better term a ‘born again male’ in order to stay true to your church - It seems you have jumped out of the frying pan[a successful ‘role’ as a female-and from what I gather ‘free’ from depression] and into the fire [back into a male life plagued by depression ]…

Out of interest, was the castration surgery that you had, done prior to living 24/7 as a female or sometime during your fulltime female role??? In other words how long after the surgery did you have a change of heart about living the life of a female?

Some people can start to feel very uncomfortable after having genital surgery or for that matter just having their testicles removed-the sexual feelings that they once had when dressing and living in the female role can begin to dissolved-leaving a feeling of dissatisfaction and regret, which does sound an awful lot like your personal story…

You mentioned when living as a female about you wanting to marry a 'male' - Prior to your transition did you see yourself as 'heterosexual' =a female attracted to males or a 'homosexual'= a female attracted to females? You are now married to a female so where does your sexual orientation lie?

I too 'sucessfully' blend into society as my true gender 'female' and have found inner peace which brings 'true' contentment-that why your personal story confuses me...

As you can see I’m somewhat intrigued by it all - especially by some of your contradicting statments Ie, finding what you call 'peace' re-transitioning, yet still struggling with bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts and in need of 'support' from a group of people for whom many have found contentment when being true to themselves=by affirming or begining to affirm their gender identity…

Metta Jendar :)

Link to comment
Guest interalia

Wow! Lots to respond to here. Let me take a stab at it.

Kia Ora Interalia,

Thanks for that…You did say you are open to questions so here goes…

:rolleyes: I’m still none the wiser when it comes to your ‘concept’ of peace…It would seem that the peace you describe is similar to many other ‘transitioned’ trans-people’s stories that I’ve read, who still suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts-due to societal pressures -but they now live with the contentment of being true to themselves? …How does your ‘peace’ differ from theirs- You have mentioned that you’re still suicidal at times and for the past eight years have suffered bouts of depression brought on by your continued gender dysphoric feelings

Well the peace I am describing that I feel now is relative freedom from gender dysphoria. I say relative because I still have occasional dysphoric episodes that might put me in a really bad funk. My last one was when my mother died and it lasted about a month. Fortunately, I have a very understanding wife who I can talk to about anything. When we were married I told her about my past and warned her that marrying me would have consequences and that if she wasn't willing to sign on to that then we didn't need to be married. She agreed and understood that I will probably deal with some element of my GID the rest of my life. Sometimes it hits and I'm ready for it and immediately enact some of the cognitive techniques to quell it. Sometimes it hits though and I am unprepared. At those times I need the support of others like my wife and friends (who I am out to). I have not had a suicidal thought since before transition.

When you were ‘successfully’ living the role of a ‘female’ did you still suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts?

I did not suffer from depression or suicidal thoughts. All of that ended with transition. However, there were new challenges and opportunities as mentioned above that ultimately led to my early departure from womanhood. I must clarify that other than depression brought on by my gender dysphoria, I have never been depressed (except for temporary situations like my cat dying, etc).

What triggers the depression you still experience and are you seeing a qualified mental health specialist or taking any anti-depressant medication-are these bouts of depression unrelated to your gender dysphoria issues???

No I'm not seeing anyone currently as the depressive fits are few and far between now and not nearly the all-consuming hell they were before transition. I have never taken an anti-depressant to date.

As to the triggers, it is hard to say what affects me now. It used to be danged near everything. Now, normally it only relates to when I'm judged as being male. For instance, I could be at work near some women who are talking about something. I could chime in only to be told, "You wouldn't get any of this, you're a man!" Inside my head screams, "No I'm not! I'm just... just... living as one now." I recognize though that this is the GID talking. That is one of my worst triggers personally, but normally I can abate the depressive feelings that might come with it and the longing to go back to when I was a girl.

I’m not trying to be rude nor confrontational just very curious about the hows and whys of your story-In fact it quite fascinates me with how you are coping, but also I'm saddens to know that you are still battling inner demons- struggling with your decision to become for want of a better term a ‘born again male’ in order to stay true to your church - It seems you have jumped out of the frying pan[a successful ‘role’ as a female-and from what I gather ‘free’ from depression] and into the fire [back into a male life plagued by depression ]…

My church was not the primary motivation, but it was important to me nonetheless. Had my return to being male been plagued by depression, I would have re-transitioned. It was only on the premise that I could live a life generally devoid of that depression that I made the agreement with myself to even attempt de-transition. Had it not worked, I would have headed right back to my old life. This is why I waited many years before officially changing my name back to my male name after de-transition. Just in case things didn't work out.

Out of interest, was the castration surgery that you had, done prior to living 24/7 as a female or sometime during your fulltime female role??? In other words how long after the surgery did you have a change of heart about living the life of a female?

Some people can start to feel very uncomfortable after having genital surgery or for that matter just having their testicles removed-the sexual feelings that they once had when dressing and living in the female role can begin to dissolved-leaving a feeling of dissatisfaction and regret, which does sound an awful lot like your personal story…

I had the castration surgery before going full time. I was desperate to stop the effects of testosterone on my body so did it as early as I could pull together the money. I was still a virgin at that point. I've always been relatively... disinterested in sex even before my orchi.

Living as a female did not promote regret or dissatisfaction. Granted, not every moment of every day was perfect, but that is hardly to be expected from anyone normally. If anything, my life as a female was very fluid. I just eased right into it and it felt very normal. I rarely wore makeup, mostly wore t-shirts and jeans, or pajama bottoms (when not at work). I still relate back to that time very fondly.

You mentioned when living as a female about you wanting to marry a 'male' - Prior to your transition did you see yourself as 'heterosexual' =a female attracted to males or a 'homosexual'= a female attracted to females? You are now married to a female so where does your sexual orientation lie?

Thinking about it now I am probably closer to being a bisexual than anything. I was attracted to men before transition and intended to marry one once I did. I never dated a male before transition though.

I too 'sucessfully' blend into society as my true gender 'female' and have found inner peace which brings 'true' contentment-that why your personal story confuses me...

As you can see I’m somewhat intrigued by it all - especially by some of your contradicting statments Ie, finding what you call 'peace' re-transitioning, yet still struggling with bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts and in need of 'support' from a group of people for whom many have found contentment when being true to themselves=by affirming or begining to affirm their gender identity…

Metta Jendar :)

I knew when I de-transitioned it wouldn't necessarily be a pleasant ride. I knew there was a level of peace had when living as a female that I probably would never attain again living as a male, however, I felt if I could find a way to make life at least manageable, then it would be worth it in the end. To date, it has been worth it.

I find comfort being with those with whom I can relate. Regardless of how you choose to deal with your GID, it doesn't invalidate the fact that we both can support one another.

I am also on a board with people who de-transitioned, but they often find me confusing too. Most of them de-transitioned because they realized transition wasn't for them - so they find me odd that I didn't remain a female since I found it fulfilling in ways they did not.

Thanks for the posts, Jendar. I'm glad to answer your questions.

Link to comment
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Who's Online   11 Members, 0 Anonymous, 131 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
    • MaryEllen
    • Ashley0616
    • MaybeRob
    • Ivy
    • MaeBe
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • Timi
    • Betty K
    • SamC
    • KathyLauren
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,023
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Delaney
    Newest Member
    Delaney
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bebhar
      Bebhar
      (41 years old)
    2. caelensmom
      caelensmom
      (40 years old)
    3. Jani
      Jani
      (70 years old)
    4. Jessicapitts
      Jessicapitts
      (37 years old)
    5. klb046
      klb046
      (30 years old)
  • Posts

    • KathyLauren
      <Moderator hat on>  I think that, at this point we need to get the thread back onto the topic, which is the judge's ruling on the ballot proposition.  If there is more to be said on the general principles of gendered spaces etc., please discuss them, carefully and respectfully, in separate threads. <Moderator hat off>
    • Abigail Genevieve
      People who have no understanding of transgender conditions should not be making policy for people dealing with it. Since it is such a small percentage of the population, and each individual is unique, and their circumstances are also unique, each situation needs to be worked with individually to see that the best possible solution is implemented for those involved. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      No.  You are getting stuck on one statement and pulling it out of context.   Trans kids have rights, but so do non-trans kids.  That conflict is best worked out in the individual situation. 
    • MaeBe
      I get the concept, I believe. You're trying to state that trans kids need to or should be excluded from binary gender spaces and that you acknowledge that answers to accommodate those kids may not be found through policy. I disagree with the capability of "penetration" as being the operative delimiter in the statement, however. I contest this statement is poorly chosen at best and smacks of prejudice at worst. That it perpetuates certain stereotypes, whether that was the intent or not.   Frankly, all kids should have the right to privacy in locker rooms, regardless of gender, sexuality, or anatomy. They should also have access to exercise and activities that other kids do and allow them to socialize in those activities. The more kids are othered, extracted, or barred from the typical school day the more isolated and stigmatized they become. That's not healthy for anyone, the excluded for obvious reasons and the included for others--namely they get to be the "haves" and all that entails.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Context.  Read the context.  Good grief.
    • MaeBe
      Please don't expect people to read manifold pages of fiction to understand a post.   There was a pointed statement made, and I responded to it. The statement used the term penetration, not "dissimilar anatomy causing social discomfiture", or some other reason. It was extended as a "rule" across very different social situations as well, locker and girl's bedrooms. How that term is used in most situations is to infer sexual contact, so most readers would read that and think the statement is that we "need to keep trans girl's penises out of cis girls", which reads very closely to the idea that trans people are often portrayed as sexual predators.   I understand we can't always get all of our thoughts onto the page, but this doesn't read like an under-cooked idea or a lingual short cut.
    • Ashley0616
      I shopped online in the beginning of transition. I had great success with SHEIN and Torrid!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Have you read the rest of what I wrote?   Please read between the lines of what I said about high school.  Go over and read my Taylor story.  Put two and two together.   That is all I will say about that.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      "I feel like I lost my husband," Lois told the therapist,"I want the man I married." Dr. Smith looked at Odie, sitting there in his men's clothing, looking awkward and embarrassed. "You have him.  This is just a part of him you did not know about. Or did not face." She turned to Odie,"Did you tear my wedding dress on our wedding night?" He admitted it.  She had a whole catalog of did-you and how-could you.  Dr. Smith encouraged her to let it all out. Thirty years of marriage.  Strange makeup in the bathroom.  The kids finding women's laundry in the laundry room. There was reconciliation. "What do we do now?" Dr. Smith said they had to work that out.  Odie began wearing women's clothing when not at work.  They visited a cross-dressers' social club but it did not appeal to them.  The bed was off limits to cross dressing.  She had limits and he could respect her limits.  Visits to relatives would be with him in men's clothing.    "You have nail polish residue," a co-worker pointed out.  Sure enough, the bottom of his left pinky nail was bright pink  His boss asked him to go home and fix it.  He did.   People were talking, he was sure, because he doubted he was anywhere as thorough as he wanted to be.  It was like something in him wanted to tell everyone what he was doing, and he was sloppy.   His boss dropped off some needed paperwork on a Saturday unexpectedly and found Odie dressed in a house dress and wig.  "What?" the boss said, shook his head, and left.  None of his business.   "People are talking," Lois said. "They are asking about this," she pointed to his denim skirt. "This seems to go past or deeper than cross dressing."   "Yes.  I guess we need some counseling."  And they went.
    • April Marie
      You look wonderful!!! A rose among the roses.
    • Ashley0616
      Mine would be SHEIN as much as I have bought from them lol.
    • MaeBe
      This is the persistence in thinking of trans girls as predators and, as if, they are the only kind of predation that happens in locker rooms. This is strikingly close to the dangerous myth that anatomy corresponds with sexuality and equates to gender.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      At the same time there might be mtf boys who transitioned post-puberty who really belong on the girls' teams because they have more similarities there than with the boys, would perform at the same level, and might get injured playing with the bigger, stronger boys.   I well remember being an androgynous shrimp in gym class that I shared with seniors who played on the football team.  When PE was no longer mandatory, I was no longer in PE. They started some mixed PE classes the second semester, where we played volleyball and learned bowling and no longer mixed with those seniors, boys and girls together.
    • Timi
      Leggings and gym shorts, sweatshirt, Handker wild rag. Listening to new Taylor Swift album while strolling through the rose garden in the park. 
    • Ivy
      Grey short sleeved dress under a beige pinafore-type dress.  Black thigh highs (probably look like tights).  It was cool this morning so a light black colored sweater.  
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...