Do any other teens face the same problem as me?

[Asayoru-343]

I came out to my parents when I was 15 and they talked to me about how one of my uncles was trans and that he has a lot of health problems due to that now. They then told me that they wouldn't accept me until I was 18, which is soon for me, but literally everybody else I have come out too accepted me on the spot. has this happened with anyone else?

[Penrose-Pauling]

1 hour ago, Asayoru-343 said:

I came out to my parents when I was 15 and they talked to me about how one of my uncles was trans and that he has a lot of health problems due to that now. They then told me that they wouldn't accept me until I was 18, which is soon for me, but literally everybody else I have come out too accepted me on the spot. has this happened with anyone else?

I'm 17 also, I can relate to what you are going through, my family even now while I am on HRT has treated me more as an oddity than an actual person and questions and critiques my transition. I came out to them when I was 14 but they didn't take it seriously until this year when I was suicidal over it. I've been on testosterone sense October now. 

 

That was a lot of talking about myself but listen, I get what's happening with you. It's hard, I don't know what happened with your uncle but its rare that any health problems arise purely from taking HRT, or even surgeries, though with surgery its more probable.  Parents are odd because they want to protect us but don't understand how much restricting us from care is hurting us. 

[Vidanjali]

Not a teen, but just wanted to add to what Penrose-Pauling noted about your uncle. The health problems could have also been related to the stress of being a trans person of an older generation living in a time when access to information about gender diversity was extremely limited. To wit, that your parents are asserting that being trans caused the health problems indicates a probable lack of understanding. Knowledge is not only power, it's health. 

[MaeBe]

As a parent of a trans teen, I can attest to (even going through a journey of my own) the mishmash of feelings when they came out (first time was a letter at 11). I didn't feel the need to protect them or insist they were cis, I saw a kid with a friend group that was doing almost anything to be different and wanted to make sure my kid was being true to themself. I suggested they do what they want and try not to put themself into any boxes, because boxes can feel good to be in but they can distance yourself from others and be quite difficult to get out of (this ended up becoming a reality a few years later, sadly). They had my understanding and blessing to do the things they wanted, but they buried it (maybe because my wife was feeling that mamma bear protectiveness and projected that) and continued a cis identity for quite some time.

 

Since officially coming out in high school, I've continued my support of whatever they want or need to be themselves. That is a long story and one not for here, but I will say kids need to communicate with their parents more. They haven't started on any treatments and are working with a new gender specialist counselor now, so that conversation may be coming soon. Until then, we use their chosen pronouns, buy them affirming clothes, and the freedom to express themselves (hair style, interests, etc.). They have been pretty happy it seems, but they seemed happy before too. Therein lies a problem.

 

Don't hide your frustration or your needs; parents can assume things are OK when they're not. You're not a bother, your feelings and thoughts are valuable, and parents cannot read minds. It sounds like there is possible acceptance from your parents, but I understand relationships can be hard and biases can run deep. Honesty works best, even if it's hard.

 

PS. I wanted to share a little about relationship with my child while respecting their story, so gender identity and birth sex will be kept private until they are fully out and give me permission.

[Asayoru-343]

Something that I just realized would have been important information for this discussion, my parents are devout christians which force me to go with them to church every sunday. they aren't homo or transphobic, they just don't support the community

[Penrose-Pauling]

19 minutes ago, Asayoru-343 said:

Something that I just realized would have been important information for this discussion, my parents are devout Christians which force me to go with them to church every Sunday. they aren't homo or transphobic, they just don't support the community.

You probably don't get this yet this but your parents are transphobic, you don't have to be all up in arms and go to pride parades to be even a little bit supportive, nor do you have to wish death upon trans people to be transphobic. 

 

Like would you say it isn't racist if a religion did not support interracial marriage? Because that is in fact very racist. You can't change being trans, its a part of you and it won't go away. So if your parents don't at least respect or want to help you that imo is a little transphobic. 

 

Im not trying to say they are bad people or anything, my family is somewhat unsupportive, but I still love them very much. 

[Ashley0616]

4 hours ago, Asayoru-343 said:

Something that I just realized would have been important information for this discussion, my parents are devout christians which force me to go with them to church every sunday. they aren't homo or transphobic, they just don't support the community

They might be transitioning too especially if this has happened recently. They have seen you they wanted but you are now showing them the real you. Things take time. Maybe they will come around. My mom is very devout too and has already told me that she won't ever support me, but she does love me. Hardly any of my family members call me by Ashley. Do I wish they would? Heck yeah but you can't win all the battles. It's one of those where it could always be worse. It's better to be in that position than to be kicked out like many others are. Take things day by day. 

[rain-falls]

On 1/24/2024 at 6:44 AM, Asayoru-343 said:

I came out to my parents when I was 15 and they talked to me about how one of my uncles was trans and that he has a lot of health problems due to that now. They then told me that they wouldn't accept me until I was 18, which is soon for me, but literally everybody else I have come out too accepted me on the spot. has this happened with anyone else?

that really wasn't right of your parents, besides you can't have health problems by being trans I have no idea what their talking about, besides it wasn't right of them as the roll of parents, not to except you until your 18 it's just not right 😠