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Sally's Trans World


Sally Stone

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Post 1

 

Back in October 2023 I authored a post in the General forum titled “Chronicling My Trans Life.”  I was asking if my life experiences would be interesting enough to be of value to others, especially since the trans world I live in is quite different from many of you.  I was encouraged to do so by so many of you, thanks so much for the encouragement.  Unfortunately, it’s taken until now to figure the best way to tell my story.  I’ll do it little snippets, using these forums.  I’ve noticed that some of you have already taken this approach and it seems to work pretty well.  Why reinvent the wheel, right?

 

So, periodically, I will write something about my trans world, focusing on a storyline that helps to convey to others how I got here.  I’ll do my best to keep these snippets on the shorter side, so there’s not so much to absorb in a single reading.

 

My first thought was to write my storyline chronologically, but I feel it may be better to use some of the great and varied topics that get posted on these forums every day.  My idea is to capture a forum topic and explain how that topic has shaped or impacted my world.

 

Finally, I want my storyline to be interactive, so it’s my hope that you take the opportunity to comment along the way.

 

Hugs,

 

Sally

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That's great Sally,

 

I look forward to following and reading your chronicles.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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I'm so looking forward to this!! My journey is, like yours, going to be different from many others. We are each unique but share so much in common, too. I've gained so much confidence is seeing that being me is just that. Not being what others are. Just being true to myself.

 

Can't wait to read your thoughts!!

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Looking forward to the first one. 

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This is great, @Sally Stone!  Thank you for sharing your unique Journey with us, and I expect (having kept up with you the last 4 years) that we will share some similar experiences. 

I too am looking forward to your posts🙏❤️

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Post 2

What am I? I’m not sure.”

 

Later this year I’ll be 67 years old.  As I type those numbers, I struggle to recognize them as accurate.  It seems like only yesterday I was 10, sneaking into my teenage sister’s room to try on her red high-heels.  She never knew (I don’t think) but I pretty much adopted those shoes as my own. Drawn to them like a moth to a flame, I would wear them whenever I could. 

 

Later, I paired those shoes with a pair of my mother’s pantyhose, and then later I would sneak a skirt and a top to go along with my shoes and hose.  At that age, I wasn’t thinking much about what was driving me to this behavior.  All I knew then, was that I wanted to look and feel like a girl.  At the time, I didn’t feel out of sorts with my body nor did feel that being born a boy was a mistake.  Could it have simply been the thrill of wearing girl’s clothes?

 

It was this notion that dominated my thoughts until one night when I was a teen, I watched a late-night episode of the David Suskind Show in which he featured a transsexual woman.  I was fascinated that this person had changed their sex, but more important, I thought it explained who I was. It was a self-description I clung to for many years, despite there being a deep-seated feeling that it wasn’t quite accurate. 

 

Back in the early seventies, there weren’t any other explanations available to me, so I assumed I was transsexual (the titled used back then).  It took many years of soul searching and life events to occur before I finally settled on an explanation I could call my own.  The soul searching taught me that no matter how plausible an explanation might initially sound to me, I had to dissect it and study it critically to see if it really fit.  What I learned, was that while clearly trans, I was also clearly different. 

 

I wasn’t a man trapped in a woman’s body.  I didn’t yearn or ache to trade my male persona entirely for a female one.  Instead, I began to realize that my personality was too complex to be contained in binary terms.  I was neither all male or all female, but instead, a combination of both.

 

For the past 15-years or so, I've known who I am.  Mine is a complex personality made up of strong male and female characteristics.  I know now that I could never be satisfied living an exclusively male or exclusively female existence.  Therefore, my happy place is an existence that has me living in both worlds.  It’s complicated, I know, and in later posts I’ll speak to many of the challenges I face living the life of a part-time woman.  

 

Hugs,

 

Sally      

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Interesting way of putting it. I don't know how that would feel to want to be both. I have been trying to see your point of view and I'm glad that you're journaling it. There are plenty MTF, don't think there are any FTM journaling but I'm glad you are the first one for bigender. Please do continue. 

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Posted (edited)

Post 3

“Passing”

 

Passing is synonymous with being trans.  Personally, I was absolutely consumed by the desire to pass, and that desire grew stronger as I increased the frequency of expressing myself in public.  When I was younger and during my years in the military, I was closeted, so passing wasn’t much of a thing.  All that mattered was how dressing feminine made me feel.

 

Jump years forward.  I was only two-years away from military retirement (1997) when I joined a trans social group in Atlanta, Georgia that held their monthly meetings in a four-star hotel on the northside of town.  It was a huge conference center and every weekend there was some big event taking place.  My first weekend was absolutely terrifying.  Expressing my feminine persona in such a public place required that I actually interface with other people and consequently, I became painfully aware that my appearance was being scrutinized over and over.

 

I desperately wanted to pass.  I wanted nothing more than to be indistinguishable from a cis woman.  Unfortunately, I was the owner of a mostly typical male body and I always had this terrible feeling that dressing like a woman was akin to putting lipstick on a pig.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t actually look bad.  In fact, I received lots of comments from trans peers that I looked great.  Unfortunately, looking great didn’t necessarily translate into looking like I had been born a woman.  I just knew I was being clocked as a guy in a dress.

 

After I retired from the Army, I was determined to express my feminine side a lot more and I did become much more socially active.  Unfortunately, the desire to pass was always on my mind and worrying about it was hindering my ability to get comfortable or get to a happy place.  In fact, it was a fairly regular occurrence for my anxiety to get the best of me and force me temporarily back into the closet.  I knew that if I wanted to be truly happy in my female skin, I would need to do something about the unhealthy need to pass.

 

It wasn’t an epiphany or a life changing event that changed things for me. Getting beyond the need to pass, actually took a long time to achieve.  The first thing that helped was that I was growing into my feminine persona, which meant my body movements and mannerisms were becoming more and more feminine.  I even taught myself to walk like a woman.  All of these changes translated into being clocked less and less, and that helped immensely to boost my confidence.

 

But the big change for me didn’t come until I finally decided that I didn’t need to compete with feminine beauty to feel really good about myself.  I learned that taking time to really focus on my feminine presentation, to put in the hard work to achieve just the right look, was bolstering my self-confidence just as effectively as being mistaken for a cis woman would have.  And you know what?  People were responding to my efforts in a positive way.  In most cases, I was sure people were recognizing that I wasn’t born a woman, but they couldn’t deny that my presentation was anything other than 100% feminine.  I was being treated like a woman, and for me, it was just what I needed to realize that passing was a fool’s errand and generally an unnecessary concern.

 

So, I am in a happy place.  I no longer let the of needing to pass consume me, and that alone enhances my self-confidence.  For me, shedding the need to pass was like having shackles removed.  No longer worrying, has freed me and allowed my feminine persona to flourish.  I may look a little different but I still feel I’m beautiful, and that’s what really matters.

 

Hugs,

 

Sally

Edited by Mmindy
Numbering for Author
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Rats!  Forgot to label this latest post as Post 3.  Apologies.

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Real good post. As many of us are infatuated with the desire to be passable. Heck even I would love to be that way. It's going to take time to be able to finally do surgeries that would make me feel better about myself. I have no one to even help with bottom surgery so I'm going to grin and bear the pain. I'll still have to take care of two boys. All family members are too busy to even lift a finger. It is interesting to see how many surgeries people will put themselves through but then again if I could I would too. I didn't know that you served so I'm thankful that you did. What rank did you retire with?

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Ashley, I've often thought about facial feminization surgery to at least play down some of my more masculine features, but it has always come down to discretionary income.  Since this would be elective surgery for me, I just couldn't justify the expense.

 

As for my military rank, I retired as a major.

 

Hugs,

 

Sally

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I completely agree with you on the expense part. The only way I see I could afford those if I won the lottery. Nice I couldn't handle college so I went in enlisted and I was still happy with what I chose. The officers in my AFSC (MOS) were nothing but office people and I definitely didn't want that. 

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17 hours ago, Sally Stone said:

I no longer let the of needing to pass consume me, and that alone enhances my self-confidence.

This is a GREAT thread, Sally.  So many familiar themes that you present.  But ^this one^ is one which I have just recently come to grips with also, as I spent the last several months with social transitioning this year. 


It's a significant milestone and I am happy you reached this point and could share it with others.  Looking forward to the next post.

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For me, the epiphany came when I realized that being passable wasn't what I wanted/needed. I finally came to the realization that I needed to be able to "see" myself as a woman. I needed to be able to look into my eyes, irrespective of how I was physically presenting, and recognize April looking back at me.

 

Part of that epiphany was what gave me the courage to go out in public. If I could see myself as a woman, I was confident others could, too. We all know that passing is a relative term and that attitude is a bit part of it.

 

Like you, Sally, I've worked on finding my style in clothing, in my hair and make-up knowing that I'll never be a beauty queen but that the effort will be reflected in how I'm perceived. And, it just makes me feel good about myself. It reflects the me I see when I close my eyes. The me that I've come to love. 

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  • Forum Moderator

Sally, thank you for sharing this thread.

 I was reminded, as i read through the passages, of the time when i went out more and more as myself.  I found myself becoming increasingly torn.  It became almost painful to go back to my male presentation.  At the time i was in active addiction.  That certainly didn't help except at times allowing "dutch courage".    In sobriety honesty became paramount.  I also made an effort to drop anything that might cause me to go back to my addiction.   Years later, at the age of 63, i went full time.  I sometimes feel i pass, sometimes not.  I can say that  during the last 12 years i've experienced a peace i had not known.  I'm just me now.

Being here and sharing with others has certainly helped.  I also took the advice i received here and went to a gender therapist.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Thank you, @Sally Stone. I'm struggling/celebrating my growth in presentation transition. It's been about 6 months since my egg cracked. Last night, I attended our local Transgender Day of Empowerment event at our LGBT Community Center. It looked like more than 200 people present, and I knew only one person there. I felt a like an outsider. But reflecting on my presentation and thinking about how fast I've come so far, I feel comforted. I wore a nice light blue sweater and a Pride of Scotland tartan kilt skirt-style (no kilt accessories, sweater over the kilt waistband) and some light makeup (so light that my wife did not notice) and a rainbow head scarf tied, well, pirate style I guess is the best way to describe it. It was certainly not passing, yet certainly not masculine, and I felt very comfortable - as if I'm starting to find my own style. I felt self confident, not self conscious. It was a nice feeling - one that I'm not accustomed to feeling. 

 

-Timi

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On 4/4/2024 at 3:40 PM, Sally Stone said:

Post 2

What am I? I’m not sure.”

 

At the time, I didn’t feel out of sorts with my body nor did feel that being born a boy was a mistake.  Could it have simply been the thrill of wearing girl’s clothes? ... I wasn’t a man trapped in a woman’s body.  I didn’t yearn or ache to trade my male persona entirely for a female one.  Instead, I began to realize that my personality was too complex to be contained in binary terms.  I was neither all male or all female, but instead, a combination of both.

I resonate with a lot of this ... In my case, I have never felt like a "woman trapped in a man's body" ... but most of my life I have felt an utter fascination and enchantment with the female form and femininity in general -- and over the past year or so, I have been smitten at the prospect of ME having a more female form and presenting more feminine (I never allowed myself to think about this until lately)... 

 

That being said, there are parts of the male persona that I don't necessarily want to abandon altogether (i.e. that I am a dad to two wonderful daughters, a son to my father, etc.) ... like you said, it is very complex and quite wearying to try and juggle everything at the same time with so many competing thoughts... and I get irked with folks who try to minimize all of this .... 

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Post 4

“My Teen Years”

As an early teen my trans experiences were fleeting at best and mostly revolved around wearing articles of women’s clothing I borrowed from my mom and sister.  I still didn’t understand why I felt the way I did but because information about being trans wasn’t readily available like it is today, there wasn’t a convenient way to learn.  However, I did learn about transvestites (TV) by reading my parent’s copy of “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex…”

 

The definition of TV kind of creeped me out because according to the book, it was sort of considered abhorrent behavior, more of a fetish than anything else.  And since wearing articles of women’s clothing was exciting to me, I sadly conceded I was a TV.  It wouldn’t be until much later I would discover that my desire to wear women’s clothing was way more complicated than a simple fetish.   

 

In the meantime, I started high school.  Suddenly, I was surrounded by maturing girls, and like most teenage boys I felt a physical attraction.  At the same time; however, there was something going on with me that I didn’t think was happening with most other boys my age.  While they were lusting, I was envious.  Instead of thinking a girl was “hot” because of that short dress or those heels she was wearing, I was envious that I couldn’t wear those things myself. But it wasn’t just about their wardrobe; it went beyond that.  I also realized I wanted to possess their feminine essence for my very own. At the time, wearing girl’s clothes was the only way I could see to experience what it was like to be a girl.  As a teenage boy in the 70’s; however, I had to keep my wearing of girl’s clothing a closely guarded secret yet with an intense desire to pursue the habit, I took lots of risks.

 

First of all, I acquired a feminine wardrobe in ways I’m not proud of; many of those acquisitions, outright larceny.  It would be quite difficult to explain to my parents why I was caught stealing girl’s clothing, which included lingerie, and a wig.  The next issue was that I lived at home with my folks, brothers, a sister, and grandparents.  Finding alone time to dress up was a real challenge, and it resulted in a number of really close calls.

 

One Saturday night, I had just turned sixteen.  My parents were spending the weekend with some friends out of town, my grandmother was also out of town, and my siblings were spending the night with friends, I had the whole house to myself.  A rare occasion for sure.  I took the opportunity to transform myself into a teenage girl.  I started the transformation with panties, a bra (filled with socks-OMG), and pantyhose.  I borrowed my sister’s powder blue skate skirt and her red high heels.  Then I found a tan pullover blouse in my mom’s closet that I thought accented the skirt exceptionally well.  Honestly, the red pumps were way over the top, but I was in love with them; what could I say?

Next, I added some makeup by doing my eyelashes with mascara, rouging my cheeks with blush, and painting my lips with red lipstick.  The last step was to don my cheap wig.  I couldn’t get over how wonderful it felt to be dressed this way, and I couldn’t stay away from any of the mirrors in the house.  I was positively giddy with excitement.  But then, I made a stupid decision.  I decided I needed go out of the house, and to make matters even riskier, I decided to take my dad’s much-loved project car for a drive, and I was doing this with only a learner’s permit in my possession, as my driver’s test date was still two-weeks away.

 

I imagined myself a beautiful girl out for an evening drive.  Being behind the wheel dressed to the nines was exhilarating, right up the point when I was forced to stop at a traffic light in town, and the engine died.  I went from exhilaration to stark terror in the blink of an eye.  Initial attempts to restart the car were unsuccessful.  Things got worse when someone pulled up behind me.  It was an older gentleman and when he realized I was stalled, he got out of his car, I’m assuming to offer assistance.  I entertained thoughts of jumping out of the car and running away.  But I turned the key another time and the car started.  With the man nearly adjacent to my bumper, I put the car in drive and sped away.

 

I drove straight home vowing to never do anything that stupid ever again.  My vow didn’t last; however, because there would be numerous other close-call adventures, all due the fact that I had this intense desire to express my femininity, but never had a safe situation in which to do it.  Close-call adventures (terrors might be a better word to use) sort of dominated my teen experiences as a trans girl, and looking back on it, I consider myself extremely fortunate I was never caught.  I hoped a time would come when I could be the girl I wanted to be without danger or adverse consequences.  That would turn out to be a long time coming. 

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Post 5

Coming out to My Significant Other

 

My wife and I were high school sweethearts and after 40 plus years of marriage we are still soulmates.  Yes, I consider myself lucky, but we also worked hard to stay sweethearts, and my transgender nature was one of the things that required a lot of hard work to reconcile. 

 

Back when I realized she was the girl I was going to marry, I was still struggling with gender identity, and up to that point I had kept this guarded secret from her.  I wondered how I was going to tell her, and I pondered the timing.  I had already decided she needed to know before I would feel comfortable asking her to marry me.  I was absolutely terrified that when she learned about my gender identity issues, it would scare her off.  Despite my deep concern, I just knew in my heart, I couldn’t keep the truth from her.

 

In my case, I never thought a relationship with a girl, or marriage to a girl would somehow cure my gender dysphoria.  In fact, the blossoming of our relationship didn’t mute or minimize my gender confusion one bit, so my desire to keep dressing like a girl remained strong.  I actually considered not telling her at all, but I already knew this wasn’t a passing phase, so kicking the proverbial can down the road didn’t make sense to me. 

 

Since I was committed to revealing my secret, I pondered how to initiate the conversation?  Obviously, I would tell her that I enjoyed dressing and looking like a girl, so part of the conversation would be about crossdressing.  The fact that I cross-dressed was the easier part of the conversation and it would make clear to her what I was doing, but the harder part would be explaining why; because, at that time in my life, I had no idea why I was feeling like I was a girl.  Still, I felt a partial explanation was better than none at all and if she could accept the crossdressing part initially, maybe she and I could explore the deeper meaning, together. 

 

Telling my fiancé I was a crossdresser seemed the simplest explanation at the time.  All that remained was the timing and this is when a situation arose that I hoped would be the perfect setup for my big reveal.  She and I were going to a friend’s party, and on the weekend it was to take place, my fiancé’s parents were out of town.  I casually mentioned that I thought it would be a “goof” to show up at the party dressed like a girl.  Much to my joy and surprise, she thought it was a super idea.  In fact, her enthusiasm for the idea was more than I could have hoped for.  With her parents out of town, we had her house to use for my transformation. 

 

At the time, I had my own stash of girl’s clothing, but admitting to this would have revealed too much.  Besides, she had already started planning my wardrobe for me and I was certain her efforts would be much better than anything my feeble stash might result in.  I couldn’t have been more correct and after she dressed me and did my makeup, I looked more like a girl than I ever had before.  In fact, my new appearance was so striking, I could barely contain my joy.  Of course, this was supposed to be a “goof” so, I did my level best to hide the excitement I was feeling inside.

 While I was elated being dressed and out in public, I was absolutely terrified at the same time.  Consequently, showing up at the party was a lot more difficult for me than I had imagined.  Ultimately, everyone got a big kick out of me, and that did help to relax me a little.  However, I had vowed to come clean to my fiancé at some point during the evening, so I remained uncomfortably anxious.

 

Later, and after a few drinks, I had mustered up the courage to reveal my secret to my future wife.  I pulled her aside and had her follow me to a quiet room upstairs.  Alone together, I began trying to explain my feelings, which as I recall revolved mostly around my desire to dress like a girl.  I did tell her my feelings were more complex, but I think she latched onto the fact that I was a guy who enjoyed looking like a girl on occasion.  I was extremely emotional as we talked, but she comforted me and told me it didn’t change her feelings for me.

 

I have to say having that conversation with my fiancé that night was the best decision I ever made.  It ensured we would face the future together without secrets or deceit. I know it strengthened our relationship. Of course, my wife really didn’t have any idea what she was signing up for when she agreed to support my transgender nature.  It would be like riding a roller coaster, lots of ups and quite a few downs, but the fact that she knew about me before we got married, made the ride a lot smoother than it could have been.

 

Hugs,

 

Sally

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2 hours ago, Sally Stone said:

Post 5

Coming out to My Significant Other

 

My wife and I were high school sweethearts and after 40 plus years of marriage we are still soulmates.  Yes, I consider myself lucky, but we also worked hard to stay sweethearts, and my transgender nature was one of the things that required a lot of hard work to reconcile. 

 

Back when I realized she was the girl I was going to marry, I was still struggling with gender identity, and up to that point I had kept this guarded secret from her.  I wondered how I was going to tell her, and I pondered the timing.  I had already decided she needed to know before I would feel comfortable asking her to marry me.  I was absolutely terrified that when she learned about my gender identity issues, it would scare her off.  Despite my deep concern, I just knew in my heart, I couldn’t keep the truth from her.

 

In my case, I never thought a relationship with a girl, or marriage to a girl would somehow cure my gender dysphoria.  In fact, the blossoming of our relationship didn’t mute or minimize my gender confusion one bit, so my desire to keep dressing like a girl remained strong.  I actually considered not telling her at all, but I already knew this wasn’t a passing phase, so kicking the proverbial can down the road didn’t make sense to me. 

 

Since I was committed to revealing my secret, I pondered how to initiate the conversation?  Obviously, I would tell her that I enjoyed dressing and looking like a girl, so part of the conversation would be about crossdressing.  The fact that I cross-dressed was the easier part of the conversation and it would make clear to her what I was doing, but the harder part would be explaining why; because, at that time in my life, I had no idea why I was feeling like I was a girl.  Still, I felt a partial explanation was better than none at all and if she could accept the crossdressing part initially, maybe she and I could explore the deeper meaning, together. 

 

Telling my fiancé I was a crossdresser seemed the simplest explanation at the time.  All that remained was the timing and this is when a situation arose that I hoped would be the perfect setup for my big reveal.  She and I were going to a friend’s party, and on the weekend it was to take place, my fiancé’s parents were out of town.  I casually mentioned that I thought it would be a “goof” to show up at the party dressed like a girl.  Much to my joy and surprise, she thought it was a super idea.  In fact, her enthusiasm for the idea was more than I could have hoped for.  With her parents out of town, we had her house to use for my transformation. 

 

At the time, I had my own stash of girl’s clothing, but admitting to this would have revealed too much.  Besides, she had already started planning my wardrobe for me and I was certain her efforts would be much better than anything my feeble stash might result in.  I couldn’t have been more correct and after she dressed me and did my makeup, I looked more like a girl than I ever had before.  In fact, my new appearance was so striking, I could barely contain my joy.  Of course, this was supposed to be a “goof” so, I did my level best to hide the excitement I was feeling inside.

 While I was elated being dressed and out in public, I was absolutely terrified at the same time.  Consequently, showing up at the party was a lot more difficult for me than I had imagined.  Ultimately, everyone got a big kick out of me, and that did help to relax me a little.  However, I had vowed to come clean to my fiancé at some point during the evening, so I remained uncomfortably anxious.

 

Later, and after a few drinks, I had mustered up the courage to reveal my secret to my future wife.  I pulled her aside and had her follow me to a quiet room upstairs.  Alone together, I began trying to explain my feelings, which as I recall revolved mostly around my desire to dress like a girl.  I did tell her my feelings were more complex, but I think she latched onto the fact that I was a guy who enjoyed looking like a girl on occasion.  I was extremely emotional as we talked, but she comforted me and told me it didn’t change her feelings for me.

 

I have to say having that conversation with my fiancé that night was the best decision I ever made.  It ensured we would face the future together without secrets or deceit. I know it strengthened our relationship. Of course, my wife really didn’t have any idea what she was signing up for when she agreed to support my transgender nature.  It would be like riding a roller coaster, lots of ups and quite a few downs, but the fact that she knew about me before we got married, made the ride a lot smoother than it could have been.

 

Hugs,

 

Sally

I'm very glad that everything worked out even better than you thought. It's a tough spot to be in and I know the exact feelings. I'm still waiting to apply for divorce under abandonment so I officially can meet someone who one day I can call someone my prince or my queen. Although the desire for someone is fading because of everything. it's even more amazing that she was your high school sweetheart! Looking forward to the next entry.

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16 hours ago, Ashley0616 said:

Although the desire for someone is fading because of everything.

Think positively, Ashley.  I have no doubt you'll find your king or queen at some point.

 

Hugs,

 

Sally

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What an amazing life you've shared with your wife. I can understand the trepidation you had at telling her at that point in your relationship but it certainly saved all of the guilt, the questioning and the secrecy that would have filled your lives had you not.

 

I'm on the other end of the spectrum having denied and buried my truth for decades and fast approaching 50 years of marriage when the dysphoria and depression finally came to critical mass and I unloaded it all on a New Year's Day morning. As you might imagine, it led to a lot of questions, of questioning everything, of anger and hurt on my wife's part. Guilt, embarrassment, fear...and anything else you can imagine on my part.

 

Thankfully, our love for each other has always been the foundation of our relationship and, ultimately, we both agreed that staying together was what we both wanted. It was a tough year but, now into the 2d since my coming out, we've hit our stride and are exploring this new norm in our life.

 

I do so love your blog.

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April, I'm so glad things went well when you came out to your spouse.  So often, things can go sideways.  It's a hurdle we all have to jump at some point.

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@Sally Stone, I have enjoyed reading this thread immensely. There certainly are some things in it that I can relate to, particularly when you wrote that "I wasn’t a man trapped in a woman’s body." This simple statement confirmed two things for me; I am not an imposter here, and I could end up much further along the path than what I imagine now.

 

I very much look forward to your future posts here.

 

I hope that by posing this question I'm not committing you to spoil future posts, but can I ask, why you have settled on Bigender as a label? I keep changing my label and have no idea what it might be tomorrow or next week or next month!

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  • Forum Moderator
On 4/5/2024 at 9:42 AM, Sally Stone said:

Rats!  Forgot to label this latest post as Post 3. 

Sally, a moderator can edit the post adding "Post 3" if you would like. Let me know and I'll be glad to take care of it. That way your numbering system is in tact.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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  • Posts

    • Vidanjali
      What a great feeling. Happy for you you found a new product you like so much and which brings you joy :D
    • Davie
      A lot of stuff. Exactly so: Accept. Learn. Move on. Create anew.
    • EasyE
      No better words to see written here... blessings to you!
    • MaeBe
      Mostly, I've been in the same boat. Work called me Mike, that's over now. I still have some friends out there that I haven't socialized my chosen name and they do the same. That said, last night I went to a small party at a friend's house fully in myself and when asked if I go by a new name I said yes and gave it to them. No one batted an eye and referred to me as such the whole time. It was such a lovely evening being me.
    • MaeBe
      I have two kiddos, both AFAB. My eldest has since come out as trans. When he had come out to us the first time, it was years ago via a letter he'd written and left out conspicuously. We probably didn't do the best, but I kept an open mind and told him to be who they are and do so without putting himself in a box. He'd not expressed any masculine tendencies, from dress to desires, then or after so we thought it may have been a "friend group thing" until much later.   It was harder to reconcile when I operated as a cis father, I didn't know anything and I didn't have the language or comprehension to understand what being trans or a parent of a trans kid even meant. Our gender journeys weren't exactly timed the same, but over the last year we've both come out officially in one way or another. I'd been coming to terms with me over the past few years quietly and over the past year it's been an explosion of learning, so I no longer struggle with the concept--even though my mouth will engage without the brain sometimes, misgendering/naming him. So, I still slip and I'm in the same boat as him! It's amazing how much we let the subprocesses in our brains get us through life and how often it causes grief.   As for @missyjo, keep going! Every day is a new one and another they come around. If not, it's day you get to be you and learn how to live the life you want and need to.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Hmmm.... maybe send her this one?      At least from what I've seen, it seems like the majority of women are somewhat "flexible" when it comes to relationships and sex, so "I'm not a lesbian" could be a convenient excuse rather than the whole truth. 
    • VickySGV
      The sharing of the offerings as actual food and sustenance for the immediate family and for all of the others impresses me and I feel admiration for the custom involved here.  To me the 2/3's for others concept shows a side of Islamic beliefs that we do not hear about often enough. 
    • Ashley0616
      Well so much to catch up on. I have met the woman I love a lot! We met at trans women that love transwomen n. We have been talking for almost 2 weeks and things have moved fast but I'm not scared. Last night we had a conversation on when she would be able to move in. We will be living together in September of this year. I just need to save up to start the official divorce process. The time has finally come to when I can apply. My girlfriend's name is Camilia. We have at times have talked three times a day. I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her. We have hit off amazing. We have already been planning our life together. She is going to help me with the surgeries that I will get. I think about her all the time. She has accepted me for me and I have told her everything. Maybe she'll join us on the forum Well I'm not telling all the details but I wanted to talk about her.
    • Ashley0616
      Congrats! I know you feel amazing. I have just gotten used to being deadnamed. 
    • Lydia_R
      world sit tea zen   coffee doesn't grow on trees, but bananas do
    • MaeBe
      I hope it was a great time!   :HUGS:     It ended with a small non-holiday get together and started with me reffing and getting wicked tan lines. In between we were working toward our move and met with a realtor. It was a busy as heck Sunday. 
    • EasyE
      I know how much this hurts, missyjo ... and I am walking a similar tight-rope right now with my family (still keeping much a secret - how I dress, the fact I have started HRT) ... I am sitting here typing this on my back deck in a black skort, knowing that once my dad gets up and gets moving for the day, I'll trade out the skort for a pair of shorts (sigh ... This skort feels so comfortable and affirming!)   I am trying to look at things through their eyes, and trying to find as much positive as I can. Sometimes it is hard to find the positive, of course.   But this is a big shock to the system, even for well-grounded folks. Especially marriages. Our wives married who they thought were men. And now we are disclosing that there are deep feminine aspects about us. That is a big deal. Add the religious piece, and they likely feel a lot of shame. And the scorn of others, that maybe they failed in their roles...   And there is a sense, that while we are discovering and uncovering wonderful things about ourselves (many times things we didn't even know were there until, like, today!), folks around us are feeling betrayed. They feel we are purposefully misleading them and double-crossing them, maybe even taking delight in hurting them (though that is the last thing we are trying to do)...   With my wife, I misled her for a long time about a porn addiction I had. So to now tell her about this part of me, which I had never disclosed, feels like another betrayal in her eyes. This one seems to be the last straw for her (we have been separated for a year plus and she barely acknowledged me yesterday on Father's Day, which hurt a lot)...    As for parents, I imagine there is a sense of loss when we announce our transitions. For decades, they have taken pride in having a son or daughter. Now, we are switching things up on them. It likely feels like death to them (I am trying to see through their eyes -- maybe they picked out a special name, poured themselves into making us the best son/daughter we could be, and now we are rejecting that -- and, in their eyes, rejecting them! No wonder some have a hard time even facing us).   I have two daughters. I treasure that they are girls/women. If they were to transition to men, it would be tough, even for me, to be frank. Though for some reason I think it is easier if the transition was FTM than MTF. Society seems to value men more. Of course, I am delighted to be my daughters' dads. I am not their mom or sister or auntie. And no matter how things turn out for me, I am still their dad (who wears a black skort and loves it). So this is really weird on my end, lol...    All to say: Patience is required for all involved. Us with ourselves. Us with others. And by God's grace, others with us...If we can continue to love throughout the process and be lovable people towards others, never wavering in our commitment despite the negative/hurtful responses around us, time will heal many wounds. Probably not all. But hopefully many... 
    • Ivy
      There is a lot of stuff we learn to live with.  It's just our environment.
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,    I had a lot of catching up to do here today. I’ve been away from social media for nearly a week camping at a Bluegrass Festival at Bill Monroe Campgrounds in Beanblossom, IN. Father’s Day gift from my son was that he and my grandson broke camp and readied the camper for departure. My daughter shipped me a tablet or phone holder and a supply of French Lavender Sachets for my drawers and bathroom. She is my biggest supporter and understands my situation in transition.    Hugs for y’all  Monday after vacation sucks.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋    
    • missyjo
      delcina..thank you. i keep naively thinking the road to tolerance n acceptance goes by way of sharing experiences together n realizing the gender issues become smalle4 n smalle4 each time..but that doesn't work if they don't wish to see us. shrugs. oh well..it happens I guess. thank you   .indy..good for you. thank you. I'm trying to learn that.    hugs to all 5hat want them
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