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Sally's Trans World


Sally Stone

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Shaving my legs (very early on) was the first BIG STEP in my self-affirmation.  It also felt Real and Natural ... Finally (after all my years with fairly hairy legs).
My wife was shocked but I think she thought it was 'OK' as long as didn't go any farther ... well that wasn't going to happen.  It was actually Step 1 of many to follow.  I did feel the need to hide it from others but eventually didn't care.  And, men shaving their legs is much more common these days.

Home IPL (laser) made the hair removal permanent over the course of a year or so.  Whatever was leftover has been reduced to peach-fuzz by HRT.

I don't deny or reject all my years living in the realm of cis-males ... it was part of my Journey to get to where I am today.  But since committing to HRT and living in an environment and community that supports my transition, I find it difficult to go back into Boy-mode.  The times that I do have to do that ... I can feel the dysphoria rising up again. 

No going back ... at this point. 

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I started shaving my legs years ago - I started getting an occasional mild contact rash on my shins. That became my excuse to shave them for both me and my wife. Over time, the rash didn't expand...but my shaving did. Full legs....groin......chest......and finally my arms. Keeping the rash at bay was my excuse until I came out to my wife. Now I typically do a full shave on Sunday mornings. The hair is lighter but I just feel better with it gone - it helps with the dysphoria and dysmorphia. I will also typically do a chest touch-up mid week since I notice the growth more there.

 

I wish someone would invent a pill that would stop hair growth everywhere except on your head. :please:

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3 hours ago, April Marie said:

I wish someone would invent a pill that would stop hair growth everywhere except on your head. :please:

yes yes yes!

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4 hours ago, April Marie said:

Now I typically do a full shave on Sunday mornings.

Whether it is Sunday or not - may I ask, how long does the whole process take? 

 

My every-morning basic 'beauty routine' - shave face/wash/hair/other grooming already takes over 10 minutes. My wife is basically beating down the door, lol! 

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Post 10

My Feminine Presentation

 

I have no illusions about fooling people.  It’s a pretty safe bet that most of the people I meet or interact with recognize I was not born female.  Going “stealth” just isn’t in the cards for me.  Despite this, I am usually recognized and addressed as a woman.    

 

As an example, I recall a past shopping trip to a department store.  After finding a nice purse, I took it the checkout counter.  The store associate took my credit card, rang up my purchase, and when she handed my purchase and credit card back to me, she said: “thank you Miss Stone,” despite the fact that my credit card had my male name on it.  Clearly, she recognized I was presenting as a woman, but when I thought about it, I realized I had made it easy for her to choose the correct gender response.  The way I was dressed, the way my makeup and nails were done, ensured there was no ambiguity regarding my gender.  

 

In fact, I can’t remember the last time somebody mis-gendered me while presenting in my feminine persona.  But that’s because putting such effort into my feminine appearance, I don’t give people much of a chance to be confused. 

Occasionally, one of my trans friends will accuse me of being overdressed, and in some situations, they might be right, but in my defense, I feel the need to present in a way that supports the feminine woman inside of me.  I’m a “girly-girl” by nature, and it leads me to be overtly feminine when it comes to the fashions I choose, and why I spend so much on the details of my appearance.  I simply want my appearance to match the way I feel.

 

Because my girl time is limited, I always want to make the most of it. This is another key factor driving my upscale feminine presentation.  I honestly believe life is too short to wear pants and comfortable shoes.  Things might be different for me if I was living fulltime as a woman instead of only part-time.  I’m sure, for practicality’s sake, I would dress casually more often, but I know I’d still retain my penchant for a more upscale or girly-girl appearance.

 

Another one of my friends asked me one time if I worried that my appearance caused me to stand out.  She seemed to think it was important for me to blend in and not bring attention to myself.  I may not be typical in this regard, but I don’t actually want to blend in.  I’m proud of the effort I put into my appearance, and I like being noticed for it.  As I stated earlier, I will never be able to achieve true stealth, so for me, it seems wasted effort to try blending in.

 

I am comfortable with my feminine appearance, and occasional criticisms don’t bother me, but this wasn’t always the case.  For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me.  Within the transgender community I kept hearing that it is more important to be comfortable and practical.  Dress casually and blend in seemed the general consensus.  Because my views were quite the opposite, I wondered if perhaps I wasn’t trans at all.  Maybe my perceptions regarding feminine appearance came from a completely different place. 

 

The assumption I made was that instead of a “girly” feminine side driving my appearance motivations, maybe the catalyst was more akin to a fetish.  It was a sobering thought, but maybe I was in actuality, a prototypical transvestite?  For the longest time I couldn’t shake this concern, and it caused me to question everything I thought I knew about myself.  But the questioning phase, while difficult, turned out to actually be beneficial.

 

The first thing I questioned was why we want to blend in when we are trans, and the answer is, we have a legitimate reason for not wanting to stand out.  The second thing I questioned was whether cis women had the same concern about the need to blend in.  I think the answer is no.  In fact, there always seems to be levels of competition among women regarding their appearance, so in many instances they actually seek to stand out from their peers. 

 

The desire to put so much effort into my appearance, while not typical for everyone, seems to be a fairly common female behavior.  Since the female half of my personality exhibits this behavior as well, I cling to the idea that just because I like to stand out doesn’t mean my motivations are fetish driven.  This was a happy epiphany for me, and it turns out the fetish concern and the questioning phase that followed, brought me to a clearer understanding of who I am.  Possessing a better understanding of why I am the way I am makes me comfortable expressing a feminine appearance that leans in a more girly-girl direction.

 

Ultimately, the way we choose to portray our gender identity is a personal choice.  Each of us has to be comfortable with that choice.  I’m a part-time woman, so consequently, things like GRS, HRT, or feminizing surgery aren’t the right choices for me.  Therefore, I rely on clothing, makeup, and other typically feminine fashion details to ensure I’m recognized as a woman.  I acknowledge that my choice may not be typical but it has proven to be extremely effective.

 

Hugs,

 

Sally

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3 hours ago, Sally Stone said:

I have no illusions about fooling people.  It’s a pretty safe bet that most of the people I meet or interact with recognize I was not born female.  Going “stealth” just isn’t in the cards for me.

This is me as well.

3 hours ago, Sally Stone said:

I realized I had made it easy for her to choose the correct gender response.  The way I was dressed…

I wear dresses and skirts exclusively.  That is pretty obvious.  When I get misgendered, it's not by mistake.

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On 5/2/2024 at 3:28 AM, April Marie said:

Keeping the rash at bay was my excuse until I came out to my wife.

Eczema was my excuse. *high fives!*

 

3 hours ago, Sally Stone said:

Clearly, she recognized I was presenting as a woman, but when I thought about it, I realized I had made it easy for her to choose the correct gender response.  The way I was dressed, the way my makeup and nails were done, ensured there was no ambiguity regarding my gender.  

 

In fact, I can’t remember the last time somebody mis-gendered me while presenting in my feminine persona.  But that’s because putting such effort into my feminine appearance, I don’t give people much of a chance to be confused. 

It's lovely when you get a nice interaction like that. Yesterday I got a "you're so sweet" from a man who I held the door for, I don't think he saw all of me until after he'd walked past so he only picked up on my outfit and body appearance. I was so paranoid that I used too male of a voice in return, but c'est la vie. I felt really nice after it though.

 

I tend to try to put in a lot of effort. If I wear make up, it has to be perfect, etc. I put this pressure on myself because I, too, don't have a chance in h-e-double hockey sticks at "passing".  So, I try not to make myself an "easy target".

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10 hours ago, Sally Stone said:

but maybe I was in actuality, a prototypical transvestite?  For the longest time I couldn’t shake this concern, and it caused me to question everything I thought I knew about myself.  But the questioning phase, while difficult, turned out to actually be beneficial

Thank you for sharing! This is very much where I am currently. Questioning my motivation's, wondering where this is going and do I have the fortitude to continue the journey?

 

I too like to dress in what would probably be eye catching in your typically suburb. Not in a revealing way but beyond casual. Not that I’ve presented in public yet. Trying to build the confidence to dress for the next trans pride event locally ;)

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21 hours ago, Sally Stone said:

I have no illusions about fooling people.  It’s a pretty safe bet that most of the people I meet or interact with recognize I was not born female.  Going “stealth” just isn’t in the cards for me.  Despite this, I am usually recognized and addressed as a woman. 

Oddly i often feel i pass but then bump into someone who reads my past attempts at maleness.

   Last week at the market a man spoke me as i went back to my car.  I heard "You are beautiful"!  Odd!!!!!  Then he said something about marriage and i started to get worried.  Turned out he is married to a trans woman.  He was sweet and probably is tuned to trans folks but it was a bit disquieting.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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On 5/7/2024 at 8:16 AM, Sally Stone said:

She seemed to think it was important for me to blend in and not bring attention to myself. 

My experience is very similar to yours, Sally.  When I first started to socially transition I thought 'blending in' was the best approach.  It did not work AT ... ALL.  I was misgendered so often.

So now I try to feminize as much as my wardrobe (and time) allows.  For 'girls' my age I believe I am far more fashionable than other women.  So, lately I have been much more successful at 'passing'.


But also like you, I am not really trying to fool people.  I expect they assume I am Trans and I just hope they respect my femininity and my humanity. 

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On 5/8/2024 at 1:16 AM, Sally Stone said:

Because my girl time is limited, I always want to make the most of it.


I remember this well. I used to spend two hours getting ready every time I went out! But yes, going full-time put paid to that. I still like to look good, and I totally agree about standing out vs blending in — plenty of cis women stand out and seem happy to do so, so why shouldn’t we? — but I also appreciate the comfort I feel in relatively more casual (but still feminine) clothes these days. 

 

As to the fetish thing, ugh, you did well to put aside that concern. Billie Eilish just told Rolling Stone that she masturbates to her own reflection in a mirror; if that isn’t “love of oneself as a woman” I don’t know what is. 

 

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Post 11

“The Move West” 

 

I mentioned in previous posts how many of the places I lived impacted my comfort level, and from my perspective, living in New Jersey was the perfect location for a trans woman.  However, other factors, such as property taxes and living costs, meant my wife and I couldn’t comfortable retire there.  Additionally, my wife wanted to live closer to our kids, and I couldn’t deny her that desire, especially since she dutifully followed me around the globe during my military and flying career.  Because the boys both lived on the “left” coast, we were going to retire somewhere in the western half of the United States. 

 

Searching for places to retire, we wanted a locale that was easy on taxes and benefitted retirees.  However, I was ever vigilant for a place that was going to be trans friendly.  We actually passed on many places because, based on the research I did, they were not considered good locales for alternative lifestyles.  The internet has its issues, but there are numerous LGBTQ resources that helped us make an informed decision.  Despite the research we did, you really can’t know if you are going to be comfortable somewhere until you’ve actually lived there.

 

The plan was to select a location, and move when I retired.  However, the demand for real estate in New Jersey put our house in high-demand, and our real estate agent suggested we sell as soon as possible to take advantage of the market.  We put the house up for sale and it sold in under 15-days.  Suddenly, we had to find a new place to live, so instead of waiting until I stopped working, we relocated immediately. 

 

Nevada had always come up as a great retirement location.  There was no state tax, and the cost of living was much lower than any of the other places we had on our list.  Surprisingly, many of the larger Nevada municipalities scored high as LGBTQ locations.  Las Vegas got the best LGBTQ ratings but we didn’t want to live in such a large city.  However, both Carson City and Reno looked like acceptable alternatives.  We chose the Reno area, although the house we bought is about 50-mile away from the city.

 

In the back of my mind, I kept wondering if the research I had done about Reno being LGBTQ friendly was accurate.  Clearly, I had assumed some risk here, since the research results didn’t specifically address the transgender community.  Adding to my anxiety, I couldn’t find any local trans groups, and the Reno LGBTQ community center’s transgender page hadn’t been refreshed in several years.  The only way for me to know for sure what things would be like for me, was to put myself out there. 

 

Sally’s first day in Reno would be a June Saturday morning.  The plan was to do some shopping and find a place to eat lunch.  I started my day by stopping at Starbucks for coffee.  It was a pleasant surprise to greeted so openly by the staff, and this seemed a first positive sign.  Then it was off to the mall.  I shopped at a few of the department stores, and strolled through the mall proper.  It was a busy Saturday, with lots of people out and about, but I never noticed an odd or disparaging look, nor did I encounter a personal interaction that wasn’t anything but pleasant and cordial. 

After the mall, I stopped at PF Chang’s for lunch.  Since I was alone, I asked the hostess if I could get food at the bar.  The young lady tending the bar that day was so sweet, and we immediately became friends.  The next thing I knew, I was being introduced to other servers, and became the center of their attention.  They raved about my outfit and the boots I was wearing.  Talk about feeling special. 

 

So, my first day as Sally was awesome, and since that first outing, I have never had an uncomfortable moment in Reno.  I have also noticed several trans women in my travels, so obviously there is a population here.  It kind of surprises me there isn’t an active social group, but then maybe the women I’ve encountered have settled into society here, and don’t need it.  I don’t actually need a trans specific social group either.  My wife is my BFF, and she and I get out together often enough that I don’t feel lonely or alone.

 

I bet there are other girls out there; however, who are still in the closet, or perhaps don’t know how much fun Reno is.  For those girls, I have considered starting a social group.  In fact, I have already coordinated a “girl’s” weekend for this coming September.  The plan is to spend the weekend enjoying all Reno has to offer, but centered around a Saturday evening concert.  It should be lots of fun, and I’m looking forward to it.  The challenge is getting the word out.  I probably need to coordinate with the local LGBTQ center to help spread the word.

 

Turns out Reno is a fun place to live even though I am trans.  The people Sally has met have all been very friendly, but I can’t imagine it being any other way, since Sally is also friendly, and based on my interaction with others, very likeable as well.  I think I’m living proof that when you are open, friendly, have a positive attitude, and smile a lot, people respond in kind, even when they might know, or have a hint you weren’t born the gender you are presenting. 

 

One could assume that my positive social experiences have just been dumb luck, but when I consider how long I have been out as Sally, it can’t just be luck.  I know in my heart, that I am doing something right, that my female personality resonates in a way that ensures I am accepted as the woman I am trying to be.

 

Hugs,

 

Sally

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Well, this last post brings my trans life up to date.  What happens from here is anyone's guess.  The next big milestone will be retirement, probably next year some time.  I don't think that will change things much for Sally because as I have stated previously, I am in a mostly happy place where she is concerned. 

 

I do have a few more posts planned, as I would like to write in more detail about a few occurrences that were memorable to me.  Hopefully they will be of interest to others. 

 

Hugs,

 

Sally  

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Sorry I have been absent a lot but I do read your posts though. 

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On behalf of everyone reading your entries here @Sally Stone, THANK YOU for creating such an informative thread. But there is one thing you might have neglected to say at the end, and that is, "And they all lived happily ever after!" ❤️

 

Reno sounds like a pretty good place to call home. I understand the attraction of living in a place that is not too big but not too small.

 

I look forward to reading your subsequent posts about specific aspects of your journey.

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Post 12

 

“First Kiss”

 

It was October 29th, 2003.  My dear friend Willa had purchased tickets for the two of us to attend “Red Hot Halloween,” a public Halloween party held at the Sanctuary in downtown Pittsburgh.  The event was a fund raiser benefitting the Pittsburgh AIDS Task Force.  It was a great cause but it was also the perfect opportunity to let the adventurous side of my feminine persona have a little fun. 

 

My first question to Willa was: “What should I wear?” 

 

“Are you kidding?” She responded.  “This is your opportunity to be the Sally of your dreams.  I suggest you dress to impress.”

 

My first thought was to dress naughty.  It was Halloween, so it could be the perfect venue for something with an erotic edge to it.  I thought about going as a dominatrix or a naughty French maid.  After we talked about it, and weighed the pros and cons, Willa and I decided against naughty, and instead, chose to wear the fanciest evening gowns we could find.  Willa bought an expensive, silver sequined gown, and matching high-heels just for the event.  Me, on the other hand, I couldn’t justify spending big bucks on an evening gown for a single event, so I took a less expensive route.  It is amazing what you can find on the sale racks at big department stores when you look hard enough.  For a mere 30-dollars, I found a black, sleeveless column gown with matching bolero jacket.  The dress had a slit up the right leg, and it went all the way to my upper thigh, very sexy.  Being a column dress, it was form-fitting, and hugged my curves like a glove.  To complement my dress, I wore black patent high-heel pumps, a long blonde wig, and a set of long red fingernails.  As I recall, it took me three-hours just to do my makeup.  The end result, though, was worth the effort, because I felt like a million bucks.  It’s so obvious, why girls love dressing up – it’s an unbelievable high!

 

Inside the club it was a sea of bodies and the costumes were amazing.  At one point, I was standing on a balcony that overlooked the dance floor.  I was nursing a cocktail and watching the crowd.  Suddenly, there was a gentleman standing next to me; I didn’t notice his approach.  He told me I looked fabulous and he offered to buy me another drink.  I declined his drink offer, but we struck up a conversation.  Being a little slow, it took me a while to realize he was hitting on me. I never imagined anyone would ever actually be attracted to Sally, which I think contributed to my cluelessness.  So, I was shocked, and initially, a little creeped out as well.  After all, I wasn't into guys, and this was new to me.  As we continued talking, and he kept throwing accolades my way, I went from being uncomfortable to actually being flattered. 

 

The event, being an AIDS fund raiser, had me assuming this guy was hitting on me because he was gay, and he thought I was, as well.  I wanted to set the record straight, so I casually mentioned that I wasn’t gay.  To my amazement, he responded by saying: “neither am I.”  Okay, now what was I supposed to do?  I didn’t want to be rude, but I didn’t want to send the wrong message either.  While I was trying to decide how to tell him I wasn’t interested, he asked if he could kiss me.  Not sure what I was thinking at that moment, I said “okay.”  He kissed me, and as strange as it was, I gave into it, not pulling away or disengaging.  It wasn’t a super passionate kiss, but it was more than a friendly peck on the lips, and I actually enjoyed it.  When we separated; however, I got the sense his passion had cooled.  I could only assume that my response to his kiss sent some kind of message that I wasn’t interested. 

 

Whatever it was he picked up on, it let me off the hook, and I didn’t have to rebuff any further advances.  For this I was grateful, but at the same time, I was actually a little disappointed.  Clearly, I wasn’t going to lead him on, but it was so gratifying to know I had sparked his interest.  Despite his diminished passion, and his obvious realization I wasn’t going to be his girl, he remained the perfect gentleman.  We chatted for a few minutes more, then he gave me the nicest smile.  Again, he commented on how terrific I looked.  Then he added, “maybe I’ll see you later.” 

 

It was hard for me to reconcile how I could have garnered the attention of a man.  In my mind’s eye, I knew my feminine presentation didn’t completely mask my birth sex, so why would a self-proclaimed straight guy actually be interested in me?  Had it been the only time something like this would happen, I would have chalked it up to random chance.  But it wouldn’t be the last time a man would hit on me.  It doesn’t happen often, but it still occurs more than I would have guessed, and I'm always surprised. 

 

I have never asked, but I have always been curious to know my would-be suitor’s motivations.  Were they hitting on me simply because they happened to be fond of trans women, or was their attraction triggered by connecting with my inner woman?  And, however unlikely, did they mistake me for a cis woman?  I guess it really doesn’t matter much one way or the other, because ultimately, I’m not looking for any kind of a relationship.  However, I’d be fibbing if I said I wasn’t at least a little interested in another opportunity to get kissed.

 

Hugs,

 

Sally

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Just now, Sally Stone said:

As I recall, it took me three-hours just to do my makeup.  The end result, though, was worth the effort, because I felt like a million bucks.

I bet you looked every pennies worth of that million! I'm sure, even beyond the courtier's interactions it was a very fun evening.

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I read this thread with great interest…thank you, Sally for sharing your life in this detail. As I too identify as bigender, I suppose I am also looking for validation of my experience because I don’t know many transgender individuals that stay in a long-term part-time situation. For most, bigender seems to be a temporary step to fill-time transition or it is more of something someone puts on, as in cross dressing or drag. I have always struggled to explain how someone could legitimately have two identities sharing one body, yet that’s basically how it has been for me for my whole life, all the way back to early childhood. 

 

You and I are roughly in the same era, and growing up with gender variance was different than it is nowadays. Some of our experiences were similar, but generally your life went quite differently than mine.

 

Back in the day, a part-time person was called a transvestite and a full-timer was called a transsexual (often committing to bottom surgery as well), but I’ve really come to dislike the cross dresser/transvestite label because it tends to be associated with those who are fine with being cis, but like to dress in drag for fun or fetish. And that doesn’t describe all part-timers. I would say that I’m actually a transsexual who chose never to transition, and presenting female part-time is how I have coped with lifelong gender dysphoria. I don’t like myself being male, and never did, I simply accept that I am and have lived most of my life that way and just don’t care to put in the effort and money to transition.  I’m naturally a pretty girly male but I have to add hair, makeup and clothing to present female and I also try to “tone down” my girliness in male form. True androgyny never worked for me; I always switched between male and female looks, but at least that allowed me to use public bathrooms without issue.  

 

I’m very curious - did you have a set of people, ie friends, family, coworkers, who only knew you as “male” and another set who knew you as Sally, with only a few (like your wife) knowing both sides? Such was more or less the case with me. 

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9 hours ago, MaeBe said:

I bet you looked every pennies worth of that million!

Mae, you are so sweet for making this comment.

 

9 hours ago, Desert Fox said:

And that doesn’t describe all part-timers.

Desert Fox, you are so right.  I always knew that even though I was part-time, my motivation was way more complicated than a simple desire to wear women's clothes.

 

9 hours ago, Desert Fox said:

I’m very curious - did you have a set of people, ie friends, family, coworkers, who only knew you as “male” and another set who knew you as Sally, with only a few (like your wife) knowing both sides? Such was more or less the case with me. 

Your question is a timely one because in my next post, I am going to talk about how compartmentalized my life is, and the short answer is yes.  I have friends who only know Sally, friends who only my male persona, and a rare few that know both.  

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Just now, Sally Stone said:

 

 

Your question is a timely one because in my next post, I am going to talk about how compartmentalized my life is, and the short answer is yes.  I have friends who only know Sally, friends who only my male persona, and a rare few that know both.  

I've been absent so much lately I feel as if I'll never catch up. Too much going on in our lives that's kept me away from the keyboard. and limited my time as "me."

 

I am so looking forward to your post on how you arrange your life. I know that I won't ever be able to fully transition so finding some happy balance is crucial for me.

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That sounded like an awesome opportunity to dress as your actual self. I have to say I'm a little jealous lol. I never got compliments from people and definitely haven't been kissed. I can imagine that part was still really nice and boosted your confidence.

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Post 13

“My Compartmentalized Life”

In the interest of “full disclosure” I thought I should point out that my part-time life is also a very compartmentalized life.  Long time friends and close family don’t know Sally.  Most of the acquaintances I have made as Sally, have never met my male persona, and only a few close friends, know both personas.  It sounds complicated, I know, but it happens to fit my current transgender lifestyle.  But, how did I get here?

 

It started years ago when I didn’t know why I felt like a girl.  The only choice I thought I had, was to keep my feelings, and the crossdressing that went along with it, a closely guarded secret.  My Army career forced me to be even more guarded, so the need for secrecy became a habit.  Later, I wanted to emerge from my closet.  I wanted Sally to experience the world but because I still didn’t understand my true transgender nature, I wasn’t ready to share my feminine side with people I knew. 

 

As Sally’s social life expanded, it was only natural that her circle of friends and acquaintances would also expand.  This resulted in a situation where suddenly, I was simultaneously in and out of the closet.  My transgender life had become compartmentalized.  Again, because I didn’t know where my trans journey was taking me, keeping my feminine side a secret from close friends and family, was still the logical choice.  I knew the situation might change if my destination was going to be full transition, but I decided to cross that bridge if or when I came to it.

 

It would be many more years before I understood completely, my trans nature.  When it became clear to me that I could be happy and fulfilled living my life as a part-time woman, I didn’t have to cross the full transition bridge.  And, because I had become quite adept at keeping my two lives compartmentalized, I saw no benefit to changing things.  I was walking in two completely different worlds.  My male persona had his world with his acquaintances, and Sally had her own world, with her own acquaintances.  For a very long time those two worlds didn’t overlap, but a few years ago, that changed.

 

Through my New Jersey dinner group, Sally became close with a couple, one trans, the other her spouse.  My wife became good friends with them as well.  We went out together often, and because our friends only knew me as Sally, I always presented to them that way.  That was until one time, when my wife and I had a commitment earlier in the day that made it impossible for me to transform before we were scheduled to meet our friends for dinner.  My first reaction to the situation was to cancel.  I had this overpowering aversion to letting them meet my male persona.  My wife convinced me that my concern was silly.  Still, I was so spring-loaded to maintaining my compartmentalized life, I actually called my friends to ask them if they would be okay meeting my “alter-ego.” As if they would have said no.  It was a ridiculous concern, and of course, they were actually perfectly happy to meet my “other half." 

 

It turned out that letting our friends meet and interact with my male persona wasn’t as terrifying as I had imagined, and since that initial reveal, I have come out the same way to more of Sally’s close friends.  It’s easier now, but still not natural for me.  I’d still rather Sally’s friends interact only with Sally.  I guess all the years of compartmentalizing my two personalities, has formed a habit that I struggle to break. 

 

When it comes to family and longtime friends, they only know my male persona, and based on my current trans lifestyle, I have no plans to introduce Sally to them.  There just isn’t anything about the way I live my life right now, that would make it necessary.  I won’t deny that sometimes, because I’m hiding a big part of my personality, I feel like a bit of a fraud. After all, they aren’t seeing all of the real me. I do sometimes struggle with this conflict.  On the one hand, I want everyone to know the real me but on the other hand, why run the risk of alienating family members or long-time friends when it isn’t absolutely necessary?

 

Believe it or not, there have been some in the trans community, that have argued I’m not actually trans since I haven’t gone through the ordeal of coming out to family and friends, that I haven’t experienced the one true transgender right-of-passage.  I know it has been way more difficult for those who have had to face the coming out challenge with friends and loved ones, but the level of difficulty one experiences doesn’t define someone’s level of transness.  In a future post, I’ll reflect on an incident when I was called out publicly for not being trans enough, and how it affected my confidence and self-worth.

 

I do have some family members and longtime friends that I have seriously considered coming out to, and I may follow through at some point. But again, because I am part-time, the timeline for doing so is really up to me and my comfort level, instead of a matter of necessity.        

 

It’s obvious that unlike so many in our community, I haven’t had to “face the music.” I know how gut-wrenching and life changing coming out to close acquaintances can be, so I do consider myself fortunate.  It is important to note that I have not chosen a part-time trans life just to avoid the pain and tribulations of coming out.  Living part-time honestly has to do with not having to choose between one personality over the other, because ultimately, I could never be happy or fulfilled if I had to choose only one.

 

Yes, my life is seriously compartmentalized, with Sally in one compartment and my male persona in another.  Based on where my trans journey has taken me up to this point, and where it looks like it is headed in the future, I don’t anticipate much of a change. Walking in two worlds is a choice that works for me.  I know I am different, but each of us is, so I don’t think I need to make any apologies for living my life this way. 

 

Hugs,

 

Sally       

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Everyone is their own person and has their own way of operating in the world. Being “enough” isn’t for anyone to judge, outside of maybe our closest loved ones, and definitely not those that are trying to measure themselves high by cutting others down. They know I wouldn’t succeed for very long—or at all—keeping my life bifurcated as you, but I am happy you are content with where you’re at with yourself. 

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6 hours ago, MaeBe said:

They know I wouldn’t succeed for very long—or at all—keeping my life bifurcated as you, but I am happy you are content with where you’re at with yourself. 

Yeah for me it was all in

But you gotta do you.

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Again, thank you for these posts @Sally Stone. As a person just embarking on their own exploration, seeing through an eagle’s eye is invaluable. I can understand the desire to compartmentalize. I’m coming out at 47 and have several military affiliated friends. I never served myself but know them via hobbies we share. I’d be nervous about coming out to those whom I didn’t know very well, but some I do know better are openly ‘queer’. Meeting these people definitely challenged my existing stereotypes about the military in a positive way; more regarding those who comprise the services as opposed to stated protocol/mission. 

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