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Lilis

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Hi everyone, I'm Lilith or Lilis, and I'm thrilled to join this community! I'm a transwomen, but for as long as I can remember, there hasn't been one neat label that's felt quite right for our gender identity.  I say "our" because I share my body with a man, and we have walked a really exciting journey together  for many years. In this one body we both flow and change intermittently depending  on who is present, the changes and the flow could be daily and (or) sometimes weekly, and just recently, the term 'gender fluid' has really resonated with us.

It's has been a very challenging journey ever since puberty our body went through some changes, and developed some curvy feminine features those similar to cis-gender girls, and nothing like the other cis-gender boys. I think this was when I was discovered but I was ignore for many years after that. This new body brought a lot of confusion and embarrassment, the boys locker rooms was a nightmare to change clothes without being teased or stare at by other boys, also shirtless activities such as the beach and at the pool were also humiliating when people would stare and say hurtful things. We learned from the medical professionals a little bit of what was happening and they called it gynecomastia, and something about a hormone imbalance. Our father wasn't to happy about the news and wanted to get this fixed asap with surgery or with what ever means were available at the time. But mother convinced him to wait and see if it would go away after puberty. Luckily for me it never went away so we have been together ever since right into adulthood. During this time I would be suppressed, or ignored most of the time and not allowed to exist, but I was a constant reminder every time shirts came off in public and private body inspections.

Finally at around the age of 30 years old something changed. When our cis-gender girlfriend at the time was at work and we were both home alone we experimented with her clothes, wigs, makeup, and everything in her wardrobe. I think this was the turning point in the acceptance of me. Finally I was acknowledged and today we're both happy with each other, we live alone and like I said at the beginning of my post we share the same body intermittently depending who is present. Sometimes it's all me the other times it's all him, back and forth we go.

We joined this community because exploring the feminine side of us has been both exciting and confusing at times. This forum feels like a welcoming space where we can connect with others who understand the complexities of our gender identity.

 

Also we just started hrt on this past Monday June 10th, 2024 as discussed with our therapist and medical professionals. We're on low dose estradiol, and low dose  spironolactone in an effort to create a balanced feminine and masculine look for both of us with our body. 

Oh, don't worry about him. It's not likely he will join the forum he is into other things. Therefore, when I am present on this forums,  it would  be only me Lilis and I go by the pronouns she/her. 
 

Again, I am happy to be here and thanks for having me.

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi, Lilis. 

 

Welcome to Transgender Pulse.  Nice to meet you!

 

Please feel free to wander around the various forums, join in the discussions and start new threads.  You will find that this is a very supportive community.

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Just now, KathyLauren said:

Hi, Lilis. 

 

Welcome to Transgender Pulse.  Nice to meet you!

 

Please feel free to wander around the various forums, join in the discussions and start new threads.  You will find that this is a very supportive community.

 

Thank you so much for the warm welcome, KathyLauren. 

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  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Lillis.  It's nice to meet you.  I think you'll enjoy being here.  This is a very exciting time for you, and I'm sure you will have a lot of questions.  We'll be here to answer them for you.  Best of luck and enjoy the E-Ticket ride you just got on.   :D

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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Just now, Carolyn Marie said:

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Lillis.  It's nice to meet you.  I think you'll enjoy being here.  This is a very exciting time for you, and I'm sure you will have a lot of questions.  We'll be here to answer them for you.  Best of luck and enjoy the E-Ticket ride you just got on.   :D

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

 

Yes, very exciting, experimental, and exploration days ahead.

 

Thank you so much for your support, Carolyn Marie. 

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome it is so nice to meet you. 

Hugs

Heather

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Welcome Lillis! Glad you're here & finding your way on your journey! I hope you find the wonderful advice, support & acceptance here as I have.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

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Hello, @Lilis! Welcome aboard!

 

Everyone here is the same in that we are non-cis, yet different at the same time! Your intro resonated with me in that I know what it's like to go back and forth, even if it was in secret, but nowadays I'm happy to be living as a constant combination of my inner woman and my male mask by presenting a bit androgynously. I also have minor gyne, and pass the pencil test with minimal effort. 😉

 

Labels were a huge issue for me too, and still are sometimes. At the end of the day, they are unimportant because you are what you are regardless, but they do give a sense of identity and I totally understand the importance of that. Have you considered looking into whether you are bi gender? I've never seen a therapist so my assumption that I am is pure speculation, but it seems to fit. There are different variations of it though - I am the simultaneous type, vs. the either/or.

 

But again, welcome! 😊 You have found the right place! ❤️

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2 hours ago, Heather Shay said:

Welcome it is so nice to meet you. 

Hugs

Heather

 

Thank you so much, and it's nice to meet you too, Heather. 

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2 hours ago, Delcina B said:

Welcome Lillis! Glad you're here & finding your way on your journey! I hope you find the wonderful advice, support & acceptance here as I have.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

 

Thank you so much, Delcina.

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48 minutes ago, Mirrabooka said:

Your intro resonated with me in that I know what it's like to go back and forth, even if it was in secret, but nowadays I'm happy to be living as a constant combination of my inner woman and my male mask by presenting a bit androgynously.

 

Living authentically as both masculine and feminine sounds amazing! It's inspiring to see your confidence. I'm still figuring out my own presentation, it definitive is going to be an androgynous look, hopefully hrt is the charm for me. I am so happy that you achieved your target of the androgynous look. 

 

55 minutes ago, Mirrabooka said:

I also have minor gyne, and pass the pencil test with minimal effort. 😉

 

Hahaha, keeping my fingers crossed, but first I need to shed a few pounds and get into the routine of consistently working out everyday and just my I  can share your experience. I have a long way to go. 

1 hour ago, Mirrabooka said:

Labels were a huge issue for me too, and still are sometimes. At the end of the day, they are unimportant because you are what you are regardless, but they do give a sense of identity and I totally understand the importance of that. Have you considered looking into whether you are bi gender?

 

Totally agree about the sense of identity. About bi gender I first learned about it when I found this forums. I saw some members identify with this identity. I took a high level dive, just skimming through it to be honest, but definitely will delve deeper into it when I have the time. 

 

1 hour ago, Mirrabooka said:

I've never seen a therapist so my assumption that I am is pure speculation, but it seems to fit. There are different variations of it though - I am the simultaneous type, vs. the either/or.

 

Awesome, it seems you know your true self very well. 

 

1 hour ago, Mirrabooka said:

But again, welcome! 😊 You have found the right place! ❤️

 

Thank you so much, Mirrabooka.

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Welcome to the forums, Lillis!! We are so glad you found us. You'll find lots of resources and ideas in the various sections as well as a wonderful group of people. Jump in where you feel comfortable, ask questions and have fun. We are all unique yet connected by many similarities. 

 

I look forward to getting to know you!

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Just now, April Marie said:

Welcome to the forums, Lillis

 

Thank you so much for the warm welcome, April. 

 

Just now, April Marie said:

We are so glad you found us.

 

I am glad that I found this place as well, and I am excited to be here.

 

Just now, April Marie said:

You'll find lots of resources and ideas in the various sections as well as a wonderful group of people.

 

Yes, I've been looking for a supportive community like this, and all the resources from are wonderful that I've read so far are amazing!

 

Just now, April Marie said:

I look forward to getting to know you!

 

Thank you, I look forward to getting to know you too! ❤

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