If you have ever comtemplated suicide, what helped you overcome the pain and go on living?

[Heather Shay]

Self-care is how you take your power back.” The only journey is the journey within.” If you're going through hell, keep going.” If there is no struggle, there is no progress."

[Betty K]

I often think the main reason I am still alive is my artistic practice. I was lucky enough to have an endless artistic curiosity, and every time I considered suicide I stopped myself because I simply had to find out what would happen next for me artistically. It always seemed that I would be leaving something important unfinished.

[Betty K]

That is, until the last time I considered suicide, in late 2020, just before I joined TransPulse. On that occasion, art wasn’t enough anymore. What saved me that time was the thought, “But if I die now I’ll never have a chance to live as a woman.”

[Mmindy]

Just now, Betty K said:

What saved me that time was the thought, “But if I die now I’ll never have a chance to live as a woman.”

This is a powerful message and I wish we could reach more people with this kind of love for existing as the person we know we are. 
 

Hugs for all who have survived the thought of suicide. 
 

❤️🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋💖

[MirandaB]

Lately I have been thinking that even if I'm not considering suicide I could see how you could come around to that kind of feeling. Does that count as contemplating suicide?

[Ivy]

Just now, MirandaB said:

Does that count as contemplating suicide?

Might be the first step.

 

I did attempt it many many years ago.  I can't say if being trans had anything to do with it.  At the time, I didn't really understand what being trans was.  But I suspect it could have been somewhere in the mix.

 

More recently (when my marriage broke up) I came close again.  This time I thought about my grown children, and realized it would probably be devastating for them.

 

Lately…  All the hate directed at us is hard to take sometimes.  But I do have a few friends.  I guess I wouldn't want to give the haters the satisfaction. Sometimes being hardheaded can work in your favor.

[Lydia_R]

1 hour ago, Ivy said:

Sometimes being hardheaded can work in your favor.

Stubbornness can be a good quality.  Tenacity.  Ten-a-city. Sitty.

[Lydia_R]

Contemplating suicide?  I'd say I'm like a curious cat who contemplates everything.  Again and again and again and Again and again and again and Again and again and again and Again and again and again and Again and again and again and Again and again and again and Again and again and again and Again and again and again and Again and again and again and Again and again and again and Again and again and again and

[April Marie]

I've been on the edge several times in the past 2 years as I struggled through the acceptance of who I truly am and dealt with the guilt and fear. In the end, it was the fact that I've seen the aftermath of several military colleagues who committed suicide. The pain their families suffered was horrendous and the thought of what I'd do to my family pulled me back. From there, it was re-engaging with people here and my therapist that has helped me build the mental strength to embrace my true self and come to love who I am becoming.

[Betty K]

@April Marie it surprises me that you have gone through such suffering so recently, since you always seem so kind and equanimous in these forums. May your path become easier and your step lighter in the next two years. You are clearly doing a great job at a very difficult task. 

[Betty K]

4 hours ago, Mmindy said:

This is a powerful message and I wish we could reach more people with this kind of love for existing as the person we know we are. 
 

Hugs for all who have survived the thought of suicide. 
 

❤️🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋💖

Thank you Mindy. 

[KymmieL]

Oh, Yes. I have had the thought for so long I lost count. Never went as far as a thought. I think the only reason I don't is, I don't want to put people I love through that.

[April Marie]

1 hour ago, Betty K said:

@April Marie it surprises me that you have gone through such suffering so recently, since you always seem so kind and equanimous in these forums. May your path become easier and your step lighter in the next two years. You are clearly doing a great job at a very difficult task. 

Thank you, Betty. I have been so blessed by people here who have accepted, helped, encouraged and lifted me...maybe without even knowing it. Being here has given me strength, courage and hope and I just try to share that with others.

 

Your thought about "never having a chance to live as a woman" is so inspiring and full of hope. Thank you for giving me one more reason to continue along this path of discovery.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

I felt that way many years ago.  I felt trapped, living with my parents and feeling lonely and unwanted. My sister had moved out, and I was stuck.  It sucked. 

 

Probably what kept me from doing it was fear of pain and fear of the afterlife.  Growing up Christian, you're told its a sin.  I had a couple of methods, but neither was appealing.  So those things delayed me long enough that my sister moved back in and things got better. I do tend to feel depressed at times, but my biggest way of avoiding it is to avoid being alone.  I simply can't function by myself.  I stay with friends and family almost constantly, and the only solitude I have is solitude that I choose for a reason, not something forced on me. 

 

Everybody is different, but for me a big word of advice is "Seek out people." 

[Birdie]

Suicide? Of course it has crossed my mind, and I can think of at least two attempts. 

 

God places people or circumstances in our paths at just the right time to steer us away if we just listen. I was always talked out of it. 

 

"Fitting in" is a social construct that we allow to govern our lives, but we really shouldn't. In my opinion it's left over instinct behavior from running in packs or clans. We are, and should be, far removed from that mentality by now. 

[Betty K]

Just now, April Marie said:

Your thought about "never having a chance to live as a woman" is so inspiring and full of hope.

Believe me when I say the actuality has been better than I ever hoped.