Will & Harper (2024) A Transgender Documentary (IMDB 7.1/10⭐️)

[Susan R]

Last night, my wife asked me if I wanted to see a movie and I had nothing planned so I said, “Sure, What movie?” When she told me it starred Will Farrell, I wasn’t too sure I wanted to see it. I have to be in a mood to watch his style of comedy. She brought up the movie then asked me to read the synopsis. It didn’t sound like a regular Will Farrell type movie at all. I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t.

 

For those few here that haven’t heard, this was done as a polished documentary about one of Will Farrell’s longest and dearest friends. Farrell met his friend years ago back on the Saturday Night Live scene. Before transitioning, Harper Steele was a writer on SNL and worked for years with Will Farrell and dozens of others SNL players, some of whom are featured in this documentary.

 

This documentary is an eye opening perspective into the life and journey of Harper Steele. Will Farrell and Harper Steele venture around the US and stop and visit areas of the country that are both politically anti-LGBTQ+ and affirming. I felt this documentary to be an open and honest story with no holds barred. It’s raw and can be very emotional at times especially being a member of our community. Both my wife and I had tears several times during the documentary. These two friends ended up in situations that displayed almost all of the emotional spectrum. Some of the situations were downright scary. If it wasn’t for the camera crew, which was not shown at any point of this documentary, the outcome in some of these situations may have been much more serious and likely gone violent. I wished the documentary could had been done completely by hidden camera because only then would the viewers see a true representation of the hate in some areas of our country. All in all, it does give us a glimpse of some of the real life struggles we in the community share by being our authentic selves and I highly recommend watching it. This was one of the best Will Farrell movies I’ve seen. I have a deep respect for him after seeing his affirmation and love for his friend.

 

Currently, it’s in theaters but yesterday, Netflix released it. I don’t know how long it will be in their lineup so if this interested you and you’re a Netflix subscriber, it is definitely one for you to watch.

 

Official Trailer

https://m.imdb.com/video/embed/vi1953023513

[April Marie]

I had seen the trailer, but your description makes me want to see it all the more. My wife and I are planning on going to see it. Thank you for the confirmation that it’s well worth seeing.

[MirandaB]

And we posted some interview links about it in this thread:

 

 

[KayC]

I just finished watching.  OMG!!  it was like watching a replay of my life in many ways (except without the famous people).  I laughed and cried along with them both. 

I am SO happy they made this movie.  It's not just good for our Community but also for those who don't accept or understand us, especially Friends and Family.  It won't change everybody .... but I feel it will move the needle in the right direction. 

23 hours ago, Susan R said:

I have a deep respect for him after seeing his affirmation and love for his friend.

This was a special aspect of the movie for me also, Susan, and a great example for others.

[DeeDee]

My partner and I watched it a couple of nights ago and I did not go into it expecting much, but came out of it with a lot of respect for Will Ferrell. His fame and the cameras definitely saved Harper at least twice that was obvious during the documentary, though I suspect more serious drama was edited out. Overall I thought it was incredibly well put together and the best representation that I've seen on mainstream media.

[Ivy]

I just watched it myself.

I did get emotional a few times.  I think it does portray some of the things we (especially in late life) go through internally.  Maybe it can help cis folks understand just a little.

[KathyLauren]

We just watched it Friday and Saturday nights.  (We seldom watch more than 1 hour of anything at a time.)  Excellent movie, and I needed a tissue at times.

 

Someone I was talking to on Zoom said it focused too much on Will and not enough on Harper.  And that is kind of true.  But it covered a lot of very real issues that face trans people.

[MirandaB]

Well, Will is a tad more famous, and a lot more comfortable on camera, and I think we've seen plenty of docs focused on trans people so I don't mind giving a supportive cis person some good PR. 

[Ivy]

I think a lot of the focus of the film was on Will, learning to understand how things were for Harper.

And I think that is a good thing.  It is still true that most people just don't actually know a trans person personally.  We're not actually demons from the pits of hell.

I hope a lot of people watch it.

I have read that Will has since regretted the Texas stake house thing.

[MirandaB]

He regretted it in the documentary. Supposedly it was worse than they showed.

[Ivy]

Just now, MirandaB said:

Supposedly it was worse than they showed.

I believe it.  I live in a conservative area of a red state.  I feel relatively safe, but there are places I don't go.

[April Marie]

My wife and I watched it last evening. Overall, we both thought it was well done. I definitely had a few moments where the tissues came out: when Harper talked about contemplating suicide and about self-hate the memories of my own struggles flooded back in.

 

It's obvious that having cameras and Will Farrel there kept bad things from happening in some cases and the reactions from the Texas Steakhouse were horrible but not unexpected.

 

We talked about the movie this morning at breakfast and both agreed that it didn't really give an accurate portrayal of the depth of the struggle many/most of us go through with self-hate and guilt, as well as how much we struggle with suicidal thoughts. They are there, but pretty much glossed over with just a few comments.

 

Of course, the producers have to gauge how much detail to include and still keep the audience interested. Too much and it gives the naysayers an out to label it as mental illness.

 

All in all, it was well done and reflected many of our issues. It's the start we needed. Now, will someone continue to tell our stories?

 

[Timi]

My wife and I watched it last night as well! I want to watch it again. It made me miss my friend Mark, a friend from childhood who passed away several years ago. I really don't have any close male friends to talk about this stuff. I could easily imagine Mark and I in our chairs in the desert with a cooler of beer talking about this stuff. We spent a lot of time doing things like that. 

 

The house in Trona really rattled me. I'm going to have to unpack that with my therapist. 

[April Marie]

Just now, Timi said:

My wife and I watched it last night as well! I want to watch it again. It made me miss my friend Mark, a friend from childhood who passed away several years ago. I really don't have any close male friends to talk about this stuff. I could easily imagine Mark and I in our chairs in the desert with a cooler of beer talking about this stuff. We spent a lot of time doing things like that. 

 

The house in Trona really rattled me. I'm going to have to unpack that with my therapist. 

oh my, I just spent the better part of my therapy session this afternoon talking about the documentary and how it impacted me. 

 

At lunch, my wife and I talked about Harper's house - a place to hide from the guilt while still basking in the joy of being oneself. For me, it was here in our house in those minutes or hours I had alone when I could slip into feminine attire and even, sometimes, put on a little lipstick.

 

How that guilt fueled the dysphoria!

[KayC]

4 hours ago, Timi said:

The house in Trona really rattled me

 

4 hours ago, April Marie said:

my wife and I talked about Harper's house - a place to hide from the guilt while still basking in the joy of being oneself.

A couple of years ago, when Transition seemed out of reach ... I had a similar vision to buy a house somewhere out in the middle of nowhere where I could just live alone and be myself.  But I came to the realization that Transition is not just an individual endeavor.  It's also about us being connected to others at the same time ...

 

'No (person) is an island, entire of itself.  Every (person) is a piece of the continent ... a part of the main.'  Donne

 

It seems Harper figured this out also.

[Timi]

The thing that rattled me about Harper's Trona house was how much it had deteriorated. How it was trashed and graffiti-sprayed. How the dream of a happy place to be left alone just rotted out. 

 

Throughout my life there have been many times where I imagined being in a lonely desert place. There are parts of myself that crave that promise of safety. But there are parts of myself ... probably including my core self ... that sees such a place as ultimately self destructive. I think that's why the images of them wandering through the deteriorated dream house rattled me so much. 

 

My wife and I are fortunate enough to actually have an old rustic cottage in the mountains that is a short stroll to a village, yet the cottage itself is very private. It is a wonderful place for a retreat, and I do use it for a solo retreat from time to time.

 

But it's waaaay different than Trona. To actually get to Trona, you drive to the middle of nowhere, then keep going. I've been there a few of times on geology field trips and 4 wheel drive adventures. 

 

-Timi

[Vidanjali]

I finally watched this the other night with my husband and my gay cousin who was in town visiting. All 3 of us thought it was great. We have another young cousin who is questioning whether they're trans (they are open to any pronouns atm). They are not yet financially dependent and live with their maga parents. Their father has been verbally abusing them. It's not a good scene. My cousin who was visiting said she was going to tell our other cousin and our aunt (their mom) to watch the movie together. 

 

I was fascinated by Harper's willingness to introduce herself in the way she did - by immediately telling people that she just transitioned. I found my own reaction to this remarkable. The first few times she said that, inside my head I was like, NOOOO! DON'T DAY THAT! NOT SAFE! But then I'd watch how being so courageous and candid actually seemed to disarm people. (Of course that's not always going to be the case and one does need to exercise caution in general.) So as she continued to do that, and as my reaction calmed down, it was like an accelerated vicarious coming out - how at first it seems like the biggest deal in the world, but eventually comes more naturally. 

 

Yes, the steakhouse scene was intense. Will entering in costume was just the tip of the iceberg, and we were like, this isn't a good idea. But the dinner in Vegas was hilarious and sweet. 

 

I read some negative comments elsewhere about the film before having seen it. Generally speaking, people complain about Will's "woke" agenda, bla bla bla. But this film simply speaks for itself. It's not deliberately a movie with a message. There's no thesis nor any agenda other than to document two friends developing greater emotional intimacy by being genuine, honest, and vulnerable with each other, themselves, and the world. 

[KayC]

On 1/6/2025 at 3:00 PM, Vidanjali said:

But this film simply speaks for itself.

My sense of the film was the same as yours.  I found it very profound in many ways but also so connected with my own gender Journey.  Happy you liked it, and I hoping the best for your cousin.  Maybe they can join this Forum?

[MaeBe]

On 1/6/2025 at 3:00 PM, Vidanjali said:

I finally watched this the other night

I started watching it the first night in our new house, on an air mattress, on my laptop propped on a step ladder. I was staying over because we had our pod being delivered first thing the next day. So I was alone, in an empty house, with a liter of Oktoberfest lager and started to watch at like 11PM. I fell asleep before they left DC. :D

I didn't finish it, because my wife said she'd wanted to watch it and the next time I put it on was starting it over with her. We made it maybe 10 minutes before my wife told me to turn it off. It was obviously too much for her at the time.

 

I finished it last night, three months after I'd started it.

 

I too, was concerned about Harper's safety with her forthrightness in almost all regards to any audience. There was likely some safety with cameras following her and even more with Will around. She stated as much multiple times, that it was a "soft landing" but it still had to have been hard. I am pretty open with people, but I don't think I'd walk into a bar in OK and announce my gender identity so broadly. The fact that Harper had been watching social media the whole time and never said anything to Will until she did was what probably every one of us has done; metabolize the hate we see and keep mostly quiet, because we didn't want to make others feel uncomfortable or concerned. But It's the twisted mind that treats the movie purely as a publicity stunt, like some of the Xitter posts did, thinking it a "woke agenda psyop" (my translation). I'm sure there was some amount of money made, but I have to think that neither of them would be so crass as to jeopardize their friendship or safety for Netflix peanuts. I have to think there was a small amount of altruistic intent behind it because of the way it was approached.

The most telling thing was Will's naive openness to Harper after decades of friendship and how tentative he was for most of it. He was uncomfortable. He asked the questions you'd expect any one of your cis friends to ask. He let his ego drive a little too much, sometimes thinking he was taking the heat off, but eventually saw his error and it affected him greatly (OK, maybe not that greatly... :P). Generally though, he was way more invested in the person of Harper than her identity or presentation and that's pretty much what any of us wants from society.

 

Harper wasn't tricking him. She wasn't trying to do anything but live her best life, one Will learned very acutely had been plagued by resistance from the public, the people she turned to for help, and the shadows of fear and doubt. Were there flaws in the film? Surely. Ultimately, it was a very vulnerable window into one trans woman's soul and that's what people need to see to make this a better spinning ball in the sky for us all. Well, those without rocks for brains and/or steel hearts...

 

Personally, I think the credits are what got me the most: the theme that never was. Wiig did Harper, the movie, and herself such amazing credit by hitting all the "required parameters" with witty honesty and a heartfelt message. I'm kind of getting emotional just thinking about it. Perhaps I'm giving her too much credit and it really is just a joke and a paycheck, but I'd like to think she was being earnest.

[Vidanjali]

7 hours ago, KayC said:

hoping the best for your cousin.  Maybe they can join this Forum?

 

Thank you so much. I literally just got back from the post office where I sent to them my used but unmarked copy of "You and Your Gender Identity: A Guide to Discovery", the excellent workbook by Dara Hoffman-Fox. I was concerned it might cause an uproar in their household. But they are excited to get it and asked me to not worry and just send it. And that's a nice idea - I'll let them know about TP too. 

 

@MaeBe I also loved the theme song in the closing credits. The film almost would have been anticlimactic without it. But in that sense, you kinda knew it was coming, else you'd think they'd have edited out all the anticipatory scenes. I do think Wiig was sincere - the song struck a balance between humorous and touching while being respectful...and with a jazzy part lol. A friend is a friend is a friend to the end.

[MaeBe]

Just now, Vidanjali said:

But in that sense, you kinda knew it was coming

Definitely. ☺️

 

Just now, Vidanjali said:

But they are excited to get it and asked me to not worry and just send it.

Awesome❣️

[Vidanjali]

Anyone see the NYT mini crossword today? Check out 6 across.

 

https://www.nytimes.com/crosswords/game/mini

[MirandaB]

Thanks @Vidanjali, I do the regular one every day but rarely visit the mini, but nice to see that. 

[Chatmonchy]

Thanks for the reminder, been meaning to watch this! =)

[Heather Shay]

Hi Susan. I've mentioned here how I related so much to Harper, it was scary and I cried. I also feel I learned  a lot about CIS people who are at least willing to learn about us and are open to us. I felt more like my telling other, being I'm fully out to my community, it reminded me that still there are so few CIS people to get it unless they've already been exposed to it.