how n when do you disclose youre trans to potential employers

[missyjo]

so i have a job that's ok, n it pays most bills..i work from home 5 days per week..but I see other jobs I'm qualified for..that might require going to an office..which i have not done for a few years

 

first step is a computer submitted resume package..done

 

what do i do if they call for interview?

 

when do i tell them

do i try to hide myself until hired..until off probation..until?

 

but the emotional pain of that..n physical reality are daunting

you know, it's why we stop going to family holidays, as the invitation comes with an inspection caveat that just sounds too painful to be worth it..so we drop out of family holidays..

 

what would you do if they called for an interview with Bob..would you go as bob n tell them? go as missy jo n tell them..surprise..would you climb back into bob j pretend missyjo never happened

 

but you're happy as missyjo, the only sadness is the hate from the rest of society

 

I'm up for ideas friends

thanks

[Carolyn Marie]

@missyjo, this is always a difficult situation to advise on.  The details matter; is it a small company, is it a large national company with clear rules, does it have an HR department?  Also, how close are you to legal transition?  If you are months away, or longer, it probably is not a good idea to come out during an interview or immediately after being hired.  Companies are not going to like the bait and switch thing.

 

If you can wait a few months after being hired, so that you have established yourself as a valuable employee, and you are familiar with the company policies, that would be preferable.  But the question becomes; can you tolerate being "Bob" for that long?  Only you know the answers to those questions.

 

Carolyn Marie

[VickySGV]

@Carolyn Marie has nailed what I was going to say.  I was only out at my job for about 5 months before I retired after 33 years although our health plan had known about it for two years before, but could not snitch on me. I was a hiring manager for my last 10 years on the job, and while the State Agency I worked for was accepting by fiat from our governor and legislature who set employee rights against harassment and discrimination, we did have the ability to take a side eye at those who did not have the experience qualities or the inability to answer our interview questions and then made a point about our health system covering them for what they intended to do.  We actually hired a couple of people who were up front about Transitioning  and knew what Health Insurance BUT who were candid and personal about their technical and educational qualifications, and who gave good reasoning when answering our interview question.

[KathyLauren]

Excellent advice above. 

 

The answers will depend a lot on your personal situation.  The first question to answer is, Do you need to tell them at all?  If your legal paperwork is all in order, in your new name and gender, then there (currently) may be no reason to tell them at all.  It only becomes an issue if your legal ID is in your dead name.  In that case, at a minimum, HR will need to know so that they can use the right name on tax documents.

 

If you have submitted the application as Bob, then go as Bob.  You don't want to spring that surprise on them before they even know you.

[MaeBe]

If you are out and comfortable being out, do so. At least that's what I'm telling myself. I have had zero luck in finding a job, though I keep trying. When it asks for legal name, I give my legal name. Some have options for preferred names, which I use. I submit my resume with my preferred name and I have an image of me so they know what they're to expect. Perhaps this has been an issue? Perhaps not. Regardless, you have to understand what you feel comfortable with. Like it has been stated, bait and switch interviewing is not great form.

 

If you're not fully out, I like what those above have stated: hold on a bit more until you're established AND you feel safe doing so.

 

At this point I would take a pity interview, just to grease the wheels. It's been six months trying, maybe not desperately, but not even a call back yet. But this thread is about you. You've got this. You know where you're at. Regardless how you present, I wish you the greatest success finding new employment!

[missyjo]

thank you ladies

 

large government agency but not out to them other than health insurance claims..I live daily as missy jo n the thought of going backward,...gives me shivers..but I don't wish to be stupid either

 

yet I've forfeited family n friends to be missy jo n not bob..

 

 

oh well..maybe they won't call

 

good ideas though

thank you all