Women who are NOT medically transitioning, for ANY reason 🥰🥰🥰

[Ashley0616]

I would love to have the surgeries but the price is too darn high not to mention the electrolysis places here will do face and armpit. I could go laser but I heard a lot of places require. electrolysis. There aren't any places that would do it even in the nearby states. 

[Ivy]

I've pretty much ruled out surgery because of the cost, and my age.

[Desert Fox]

For almost half a century I’ve lived part-time (about 10% of the time or less) as a trans female and the rest of the time as a male. I never felt I was in a financial or social position to do otherwise or be able to afford the surgeries I needed to “pass”. Only in the last five years, did dysphoria become so utterly intolerable that I started low dose estrogen monotherapy, which did produce some physical changes, and in the last year I started getting laser facial hair removal, as I have the means finally to afford it. For the last 6 months, I’ve been living 50-50 male/female. I thought that would be the right balance for me, but it hasn’t worked out to be that great, and it’s really confusing to others and tiring to me to publicly be two different people.

 

Time and time again, I think about transitioning to full-time transfeminine living and for the last two weeks, that’s pretty much what I’ve done.  But since I have severe male pattern hair loss, I am completely reliant on my quite long synthetic hair…and sometimes my scalp needs a break so I have to go into boymode. Hair replacement is expensive and my body would likely react badly because I have an autoimmune condition, and it would likely still never grow to the length I want it. Getting GRS, FFS, breast augmentation, would probably kill me now in the state of health I’m in, plus it’s crazy expensive. 

 

Even the laser hair removal causes an autoimmune response in me…I hadn’t expected that. It seems everything I try to do to affirm my brain’s gender, my body wants to reject. Getting the hormone levels my brain wants isn’t without physical side effects too. My levels of T and E are roughly equal now, but I am not counting on always being able to get an estrogen supply with what’s going on in the US now.
 

I worry about passing. I’m naturally androgynous and don’t like a lot of makeup or girly clothes, and it’s even harder to pass without doing that extra work. I still get gendered male when presenting female even though my voice passes female, and I am scared to use either sex public bathroom. On the flip side, it’s very emotionally and now even physically difficult to boymode well with the physical changes from estrogen and facial hair removal. (I did buy myself a Blahaj and a hoodie for emotional comfort though). 
 

So, it feels kinda like a battle with oneself, one that never ends but has just changed over the years. I’m finally free to fully transition if I want to, but I’m always looking for a way to live as naturally to my true self as possible with as few medical interventions as possible.

[Jamey-Heather]

On 2/18/2025 at 5:55 PM, Desert Fox said:

For almost half a century I’ve lived part-time (about 10% of the time or less) as a trans female and the rest of the time as a male. I never felt I was in a financial or social position to do otherwise or be able to afford the surgeries I needed to “pass”. Only in the last five years, did dysphoria become so utterly intolerable that I started low dose estrogen monotherapy, which did produce some physical changes, and in the last year I started getting laser facial hair removal, as I have the means finally to afford it. For the last 6 months, I’ve been living 50-50 male/female. I thought that would be the right balance for me, but it hasn’t worked out to be that great, and it’s really confusing to others and tiring to me to publicly be two different people.

 

Time and time again, I think about transitioning to full-time transfeminine living and for the last two weeks, that’s pretty much what I’ve done.  But since I have severe male pattern hair loss, I am completely reliant on my quite long synthetic hair…and sometimes my scalp needs a break so I have to go into boymode. Hair replacement is expensive and my body would likely react badly because I have an autoimmune condition, and it would likely still never grow to the length I want it. Getting GRS, FFS, breast augmentation, would probably kill me now in the state of health I’m in, plus it’s crazy expensive. 

 

Even the laser hair removal causes an autoimmune response in me…I hadn’t expected that. It seems everything I try to do to affirm my brain’s gender, my body wants to reject. Getting the hormone levels my brain wants isn’t without physical side effects too. My levels of T and E are roughly equal now, but I am not counting on always being able to get an estrogen supply with what’s going on in the US now.
 

I worry about passing. I’m naturally androgynous and don’t like a lot of makeup or girly clothes, and it’s even harder to pass without doing that extra work. I still get gendered male when presenting female even though my voice passes female, and I am scared to use either sex public bathroom. On the flip side, it’s very emotionally and now even physically difficult to boymode well with the physical changes from estrogen and facial hair removal. (I did buy myself a Blahaj and a hoodie for emotional comfort though). 
 

So, it feels kinda like a battle with oneself, one that never ends but has just changed over the years. I’m finally free to fully transition if I want to, but I’m always looking for a way to live as naturally to my true self as possible with as few medical interventions as possible.

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm not androgynous enough to even dream of passing without medical intervention, and I have reasons (including medical ones) that medical transition is unlikely for me. And of course, as you pointed out, it is quite difficult to count on always having an estrogen supply available here in the states. Big hugs 🥰🥰🥰!!

[Rachel Searching]

Hi, I'm tall, 6'5", so unless I ended up passing perfectly, there is no way I'm passing ever, I've looked at the percentage of women who are this tall and the figure is miniscule. I haven't come out publicly yet, aside to my wife, the reason being my concern for my parents emotional welfare. I've accepted that I'll never pass in a million years, which is kind of liberating, it allows me to forsee a future in which I only have to look good enough for me and not worry about passing for the world. Of course I know that being this tall and not passing will attract ridicule from some and that's fine, I was 6' at 11 years old, so was bullied then too 🤣 Seriously though, for me make up is essential as I am not androgynous at all. I do what I can through exercise, variations on squats and ab exercises to try and build mass around my hips, bottom and legs, slim my waist and do body weight push ups for my pecs. 

 

I also have an IPL which I'm currently using to slow and hopefully halt body hair growth and hope to get electrolysis at some stage. These are small things but help me in my dysphoria. I kind of try to look at things positively , in that my body is far from a blank canvas with which to mould a feminine body, however it's the body I've got and have to work with it, my only saving grace being that I have relatively large hips and round bottom for a male body. 

 

Passing would be great and I would be lying if I said I wouldn't love to, however it's never going to happen, so I take the sentiments of the serenity prayer and apply it to my transition, knowing what I can change and accepting what I can't. 😊

[Sally Stone]

Just now, Rachel Searching said:

Passing would be great and I would be lying if I said I wouldn't love to

Me too, Rachel, but just like you I have accepted the fact that isn't going to happen.  I found my happy place when I let go of the desire to "pass."  Your view on the subject is a healthy one; know what you can change and accept what you can't.  I think we all need that reminder now and again, so thanks.

[Lydia_R]

Well, I saw a tall transwoman in the store who might have been an online friend.  I was shocked to see how tall she was!  After the 30 second shock factor I was like, WOW!

 

Probably because of my music experiences in high school and beyond, I've had a big enough ego to not care much of whether I passed as a male.  I never adopted male behavior on purpose.  I wasn't trying to be feminine, but certainly avoiding masculinity.  What others saw I don't know.  I focus on my career and say if I do well at work, the world will have something from me and my chances for monetary and other success are better than if I chase some non-physically productive thing.  Music and my writing, even software engineering, is writing and easily stolen.  Food clothing and shelter are physical gotta have them mostly, so people that get in those trades (the trades), are somewhat golden with ability to make money and move from place to place.

 

Transition for me was not heavily focused on passing.  It was freeing to realize my transfeminine core being.  It put a spin on my life that I resonated with.  Then finally, after a little coming out tensions, I was able to just get rid of the masculine clothing.  It opened up style to me that I didn't focus on before.  And I'm still growing better style.  Little things.  Pink shirt not looking good when I bought it.  Should I trash/donate it?  Is it so ugly that trash is reasonable?  I bought it for a reason and it feels good.  Like the shape.  Been experimenting and now it's been working for several days.  Found combinations with my other clothing.

 

So, I essentially have the same ego but now feminized.  Work is intense.  I say to myself that my feminine part is what I go home to, my personal life, and then I go to work as myself.  It's not my work.  I got rid of my male clothing years ago.  Work is so intense with a male edge it is very disturbing.  It's my work though and I love it.  Could have a boyfriend if that is romantically possible.  Would love to just be womanly taken care of.  My fantasies are more of that nature than a sexual nature.

 

Ideas that guys, well, likely a lot of guys operate on a much different level than I did.  Masculine behavior mostly was a mystery to me and now I have this fantasy about a Gen Y musician who I find attractive!  And then there are some lovely women of all ages and types around.  I don't know.  I'm a muse romantic, so it's kinda a job on that level!

 

Sports people just get the football and put up a hoop.  We've got these mixing boards, headphones, speakers, haul the axe around.  Learning to sleep with my bass!  Why didn't I do that before?  It never crossed my mind.  It's like hanging on to my man.  Whisper in his ear "Would you take me to knitting group tomorrow?  Then stop for ice cream on the way home?"  "Will you take care of it so I don't have to worry about my bass getting rusty on the strings?  I know you like to cook, I'd love it if you would do that.  I miss it a little, but just want to clean a little and work on my style and play some fun music.  And code software of course!  I'm an an engineer.  You are going out to work, right? I'll just order that thing you want and be hear when it comes.  I'll work with it and see if it is a keeper."

 

[Heather Shay]

Physical transitioning is not necessary to make you who you are. 

[Rachel Searching]

2 hours ago, Heather Shay said:

Physical transitioning is not necessary to make you who you are. 

I totally agree, I would be the same person regardless of my outward appearance, which is why I found my wife's reaction to my truth so utterly beautiful and moving. She loves me, the conciousness which controls the body I have. Changing or adapting ones physical appearance simply assists is assuaging dysphoria, an extension of societal conditioning to an extent I think, this person looks like this, this person like that. I have to be honest with myself though, if I could wake up tomorrow in a female body, I absolutely would, I would still be me, my outward appearance would have changed but not my sense of humour, identity, moral compass and thoughts. It's wonderful to be able to discuss such things with those living the experience, thank you for providing this space. 🙏😊