I'll debate the obvious forever until other ppl are like "Girl....."

[CaptainObv]

God, this is so awkward even knowing it's a burner account that's anon. Idk, maybe actually confronting thoughts I run from and push so far I forget exist for a increasingly brief periods. 

 

Like where do I start? I played pretty princess with my cousins at a young age, dressing up with the girls and felt not just good, but right? 

 

This might be far for some (I'm still learning, I'm sorry if I hurt you), but I guess I've become a gender abolitionist of sorts. Logically, gender as a concept seems stupid and pointless like we're all just people you know..... Except if I had to choose girl or boy for some reason "Her" just had a magic ring to it.

 

I'm not like unhappy living as a man, gender role wise or physically. However, I'd also be lying if I said I wouldn't be comfortable, even better maybe? To wake up a woman, get dressed in a something cute af and go out. 

 

I like men more than women and always thought I was gay/bi, but talking to gay guys I never like connect if that makes sense? Like, we both like dudes, but in their own masculine way whereas I can swap tea with the girlies all day. 

 

I'm a nervous person who will debate and wrestle on an issue forever when the answer is uncomfortable, even if it's laughably obvious. Long story short, I kinda know the answer here, but it helps when you have crowd of people going "Duh, we can all see it silly".

[KathyLauren]

Welcome, Captain!

 

We can't always see what is going on for someone else, even those of us who have been there.  It is for you to say who you are, not us.  But most of us have been in a similar position, and many of us have worked our way through it or are still working through it, so you are among friends here.

 

If you are inclined to explore your gender identity, I would recommend talking to a good gender therapist.  They won't tell you the answers, but they will help you to explore the question so that you can find the answers yourself.

 

And happy New Year!

 

Kathy

[April Marie]

Welcome to TGP, Captain!!! We're glad you found us. You are in a position that many, if not most, of us have been in. Wouldn't life be so much easier if we could just flip a switch and go from masculine to feminine and back, if we wanted. That would allow us to test to see where we are most happy. For some, it would be one or the other, for some it would be flipping back and forth.

 

Unfortunately, it's not that easy. As Kathy recommended, it would probably be helpful for you to find a gender therapist to help you explore and test. It doesn't have to be face-to-face, either. Many of us work totally on-line or by phone. Personally, I've been exclusively on a Zoom-like platform with my therapist the entire time. 

 

You are safe and among friends here. The forums are loaded with ideas, links and discussions not to mention many wonderful people. Explore, ask questions and feel free to jump into conversations wherever you feel comfortable.

 

 

[Mmindy]

Good morning and Happy New Year 2025.
 

Captain, you are going to be surprised how many people have written about feeling comfortable portraying the man on the job. While knowing from a young age would take the “Pink Pill” if such a thing existed. As mentioned finding a gender therapist is a good place to start and don’t worry about being who you know yourself to be here on the forums. 
 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Vidanjali]

Greetings and welcome @CaptainObv. Glad you found us. Reading your post took me back to when I first joined this community. It was a big deal to join, to put anything into writing, and along the way I've had so many revelations and breakthroughs. Fast forward a few years and things and issues which used to be so grave and nerve wracking have become normal and integrated. I'm not saying life is perfectly easy now - it's continually a work in progress. Take your time. Be kind to yourself. Keep sharing and discovering! Peace to you.

[Birdie]

Just now, CaptainObv said:

I like men more than women and always thought I was gay/bi, but talking to gay guys I never like connect if that makes sense? Like, we both like dudes, but in their own masculine way whereas I can swap tea with the girlies all day. 

Ditto!!!

The guy has to be masculine and strong for me to be attracted to him. 

We all have personal preferences. 

[Betty K]

3 hours ago, CaptainObv said:

I like men more than women and always thought I was gay/bi, but talking to gay guys I never like connect if that makes sense?

This was the biggest source of confusion to me for the longest time. With all the homophobia directed at me as a young person, I became defensive on top of the confusion and ended up suppressing my desires for decades. It’s not that I *like* men more than women — women are glorious, I love them to bits — but, since accepting I am trans, my sexuality is entirely directed at men. I still barely interact with gay men though, it’s all straight or bi guys. 

 

 

[Betty K]

1 hour ago, Birdie said:

The guy has to be masculine and strong for me to be attracted to him. 

Just saying, gay guys can be strong and masculine.

[Lilis]

5 hours ago, CaptainObv said:

I played pretty princess with my cousins at a young age, dressing up with the girls and felt not just good, but right?

When I was around 5 years old, I spent a year with four of my female cousins and two younger sisters, all of us about the same age. During that time, we were left in the care of my paternal grandmother while our parents were away on business. Looking back now, even after all these years, yeah, I agree it still feels amazing.

 

 

5 hours ago, CaptainObv said:

I like men more than women and always thought I was gay/bi,

My sexuality is as fluid as my gender, so I can relate to you here. I’m bisexual and feel equally attracted to both genders, but from my perspective, women seem to have an added advantage in terms of beauty.

@CaptainObv Nonetheless, welcome to the forums.

[Betty K]

Just now, Lilis said:

but from my perspective, women seem to have an added advantage in terms of beauty

I can certainly see that perspective, but there’s more to sexual desire than physical beauty. Also, omg, some men are *fine*. 

[Lilis]

Just now, Betty K said:

I can certainly see that perspective, but there’s more to sexual desire than physical beauty. Also, omg, some men are *fine*. 

 

Your are not wrong, and yes, and yes... 

[kat2]

Hi Captain,

               explore your feelings and consider a good gender therapist, we each have very different life journeys and one size does not fit everyone. For me it was not about clothes but about body, but then i was in a live in ballet school most of my younger life, once my body started to go through changes (hormones, surgery ) i learnt how to make the most of my assets and blossomed. Sexual attention from boys followed that, i naturally learnt how to tease and was no saint when it came to manipulation. 

good luck with your journey kat

[Heather Shay]

Welcome and let me say I am happy you are here. What you've described a lot, how I felt and before I decided to investigate further to find out TRULY who I was. I recommend HIGHLY the workbook "Gender Identity" by Dasra Hoffman-Fox (experienced gender therapist and advocate). It costs about $15 from Amazon. The book helps organize different aspects of the full range of gender identities and asks you to use your own live to answer questions they offer. It really helped me to organize my mind to help my journey and I am thankful to Dara. 

I see you've touched many of the wonderful people here and I look forward to you asking more questions, answering other's posts, giving your perspectives and getting to know some great loving people who affirm and answer questions honestly and truthfully based on their own journeys.

Hugs