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I'm so scared


rain-falls

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So basically, I have been non-binary for kind of a long time now and I have yet to tell my parents, they keep calling me "my little /girl/" and stuff like that and it makes me uncomfortable, It's not their fault as they don't know yet, but I'm SO scared to tell them, they have been calling me a girl all my life and I just don't know how to break it to them. LOOKING FOR ADVICE!!!

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As a parent who failed their trans son the first time around, I don't know if I have much of a leg to stand on. I know that may sound funny, coming from a trans woman, but our social programming runs deep.

 

I don't know your situation or your parents. I don't know your history with them or if you've tried before to talk about it. Are either of your parents easier to talk to and more open? Your parents will likely want answers, so have a way of handling that. I know my son has real problems with emotionally charged situations, he pretty much shut down at the start of the conversation. It made it hard to know what was going on or what to do as a parent. By the time he came around to open up to us again, it was after bad things happened and I was in the middle of my transition (unknown to him). I was way more open, because I was way more informed. Perhaps there's a good video you could watch together with them. It helped me with my father, totally different demographic but maybe similar situation, to show him the positives realizing this part of me brought; the joy, the willingness to serve, the emotional empathy I gained.

 

There may be options through, or maybe you're in, therapy. Having an adult advocate can help. Parents like to think their children are too young to know anything about themselves sometimes.

 

In the end, do what you feel safe and comfortable doing and I wish you all the strength the Internet will let me send over it!

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Thanks. My parents are well, kind of strict and practically ignore pride month like it's any other day when I ask them to come with me to the parade so I have no idea if they will except me...   

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Just now, MaeBe said:

But you've gone? With them knowing?

yeah, I'm allowed to go wherever I want until diner time but yeah I always go and they get kind of irritated at me...  

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Do you know any lgbt+ support group in your state area? Finding a counselor that specializes in in lgbt+ support, may be of help to you, and also reach out to your parents whenever you're ready to involve them in a meeting. Another way might help, such as writing a letter to your parents explaining how you've been feeling (as long as they are open to your feelings) but as you explained already how strict they are. 

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There’s no way to tell how anyone will take it. Especially these days where our government and other media have made us out to be such negative people and have put such a stigma on us. All I can offer for advice is maybe you can approach them how I approached my Therapist when I was coming out. I was in a conversation and asked him if I could ask a couple questions. My main question was “ How do you feel about the LGBTQ+ community” I waited for his response and addressed it from there. He has been extremely supportive and more so than anyone else I’ve opened up to. So maybe you could try a subtle approach like that.

 

Silas

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On 1/10/2025 at 2:05 AM, rhonda74 said:

Do you know any lgbt+ support group in your state area? Finding a counselor that specializes in in lgbt+ support, may be of help to you, and also reach out to your parents whenever you're ready to involve them in a meeting. Another way might help, such as writing a letter to your parents explaining how you've been feeling (as long as they are open to your feelings) but as you explained already how strict they are. 

*sigh*

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Just now, rain-falls said:

*sigh*


It seems like you might have some feelings about this, what's on your mind?

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2 hours ago, rain-falls said:

*sigh*

Hey my little Rain-bow 🌈🌈🌈 I’ll be sure to be around today Tuesday January 14 I have old like to hear about what has been going on and how it made you feel. I’m here for you sweetie. We’ll talk soon 

Your Nonbinary Buddy 

Silo

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13 hours ago, rain-falls said:

*sigh*

I take this as a no. What state and city do you live in. We can help you look or maybe someone already knows of a group near you.

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Just now, RithiaAllen said:

I take this as a no. What state and city do you live in. We can help you look or maybe someone already knows of a group near you.

I think they are in the middle of WA. Nice thing about WA is that teenagers have control of their healthcare accounts, sadly parents are bound to be in control of the actual access to care. 

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ive been kind of inactive lately so might not respond to all comments

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On 1/14/2025 at 10:31 PM, rain-falls said:

ive been kind of inactive lately so might not respond to all comments

Take all the time you need to process whatever is causing you distress, no pressure. We’ll all be here for you whenever you’re ready. In the meantime, get some rest and take good care of yourself.

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A therapist is a good source to discuss approach. I started with telling friends who lived a long distance from me so if they rejected me, they wouldn't most likely tell others around me. As I did this and worked my way in - I wanted confidence. Then I told my family dearest and most needed as allies and then outward as needed. Don't know if that helps but it worked for me.

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  • Posts

    • SilasG
      You’re welcome Kat, I totally understand and will leave it at that. You know what’s best for you and I of all people don’t have to pressure or tell you otherwise. Stay happy and stay safe.   Hugs, Peace and Positivity coming your way. Silas
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I'm certainly fine with it.  I've never had respect for the concept of law, in itself.  Law is really just a collective opinion backed by weapons.  Don't ever be fooled by thinking that law is anything beyond "might makes right."  Just because something is legal, doesn't make it right.  And just because something is illegal, doesn't make it wrong.     I subscribe to a standard that is completely outside the standards of the state.  Where that standard and the state's laws agree, I'm happy to cooperate.  Where that standard and the state's laws disagree, then the state becomes irrelevant.  "When injustice becomes law, rebellion becomes duty."  That's why the state should never be granted a monopoly on violence by creating a disarmed population, and its power should be curtailed as much as possible. 
    • Betty K
      Sorry to press this point @CairennTairisiu, but *is* there any evidence for your claims about the San Diego hospital? 
    • kat2
      Awe, thats really sweet of you Silas, re i do not need women in my life thank goodness, I love men always will only last week i was asked if wished to go out to dinner. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      @kat2  Sounds like an awful experience!  I've never had something like that happen to me, but then I also haven't dated much.  My GF was my first relationship ever...I had zero experience for the first 25 years of my life.  I was pretty careful with dating her, and I made her take it slower than she would have liked.  I know I couldn't endure a breakup or relationship loss, so I insisted that if she wanted me, she had to commit to keeping me forever.  I was very fortunate because through her, I found my forever family with GF, husband, and 3 other female partners.    But yeah, sometimes girls can be aggressive.  I'm a bonus step-parent to our family's kids.... it is amazing at times how snide and catty young girls can be.  I doubt it improves with age.  GF especially can have a really bad attitude at times, and say things that I wish she wouldn't.  And sometimes she just assumes she can do something with me, when she ought to ask.  We've argued about clothing.  She'll buy something and just try to put it on me, especially female underwear.  She's actually tried to wrestle it onto me before, but without success because I squirm and nip a bit.
    • Sally Stone
      This past Saturday was a girl's day out for me and in addition to being out and about, it gave me the opportunity to try another new foundation.  This time it was Revlon Colorstay Full Cover Creme.  This would be my second attempt to replace my old go to L'Oreal foundation.   Bottom line up front, I like this new foundation a lot.  There's virtually no smell and it goes on and blends really nicely.  The other positive is that it covers really well.  It took only two very light applications to achieve full cover which in my case meant it had to cover a light to moderate beard shadow.  Since this was a creme foundation, I set it first with translucent powder.  The powder step really prepares my face for powder blush, which doesn't go on very well applied directly to a creme foundation.  After my blush and eye shadow was done, I set everything with setting spray.     I wore the makeup all-day, about 11-hours in all, and it looked as good late in the day as it did just after applying it.  I didn't notice any creasing or breakdowns anywhere on my face.  The product isn't cakey or heavy feeling. Needless to say, I think I've found my replacement foundation.  I'll buy several tubes just in case this foundation goes the way of so many others - discontinued.  I hope not, but always better to plan ahead.      
    • Ivy
      I've kinda been on the edge of it most of my life.  But I've mostly managed to stay out of jail… barely.  I've heard it's hard on trans women.
    • Sally Stone
      Ivy, I'm okay with that.  I have always wanted to be a pirate and I think an "outlaw" and a pirate have lots of similarities.  
    • CairennTairisiu
      As AllieJ notes, this neural network was trained to look at entire brains, not at individual specific structures in the brain which have been linked to sexual orientation and gender identity.   This sort of analysis has been attempted before to discredit the neurological hypothesis about trans people and it shares the same failing.   Yet, as repeated instances of the original Zhou et al., studies have shown, the BSTc is reliably different in most gay and transgender people (and different in different ways so that, for example, gay men are not the same as trans women).   All that this study does is confirm that there's no differences on the macro level between, say, trans women's brains and cisgender men's  brains.   But the devil is in the details.
    • SilasG
      @kat2 I can respect exactly where you are coming from with your feelings towards women, I’m sorry you endured so much trauma and had so many bad experiences with them as well. It just goes to show you that all circumstances and experiences are different for everyone. As well as how an individual handles and manages traumatic situations. I am so sorry again about your experiences and I pray that on day a genuine and nutritious woman may come into your life and change you outlook a little bit. I’m happy that you have done what it takes to keep yourself safe and happy after all the trauma you’ve experienced. Blessings and Hugs, Silas
    • kat2
      I suppose i should put my hand up and say i have had very bad experiences around women, I have had several boyfriends date wise, but women just assume and grab. Ist bad experience, i bought a white lycra dress and silver G string, i was trying my dress on and Debra looked at me and said, your not wearing that! you will be flat on your back in less than five minutes, a gang of us went out for the night in one club i went to the toilet and a girl pulled me to the ground and bit my butt really hard she tried to rip my top too, Joyce came running in and decked her, Debra didnt help when she said I would have to go to hospital for a tetanus jab,I said if you think i am going to A and E with teeth marks in my butt! Another bad experience was when i took an overdose i was taken to hospital by ambulance and my eyes came across a bull dog -lesbian-, she looked at me and said at the top of her voice, did you intend to kill yourself? I said no, she let me know she was in charge blood samples taken I was then hooked up to a machine when the machine finished, my body went into shock and neck swollen up i saw everyone rush towards me, next minute when i came round the bull dog was back again, she said bet you wont do that again, i thought callous bxxxxd I was then put in an observation room with you know who at her desk in front of me I got up and started to go toward the toilet, when I was told get back in your bed, i was then escorted to the toilet and had to use it with the door open. A few years later my best friend Debra had a son and I used to babysit, i loved him to bits, Debra came home at three in the morning with her boyfriend went upstairs and i drifted off to sleep, next minute Debra was stood right in front of me naked, i was shocked she said would you like to join us, i felt physically sick, grabbed my coat and never spoke to her again, all my boyfriends have never just grabbed at me yet i suffered nothing but from women, I wouldnt mind but Debra knew i had had several boyfriends, she even tried to pinch Joe off me women are very bitchy too
    • Ivy
      Dress codes are probably on the way next. I've realized that we are going to be essentially outlaws pretty soon.
    • SilasG
      @kat2 @Ivy & @awkward-yet-sweet I feel what all of you are saying and expressing. Just remember we’re all individuals and have individual interests. With that said there’s no right wrong or even textbook definition for what we’re supposed to feel or even be attracted to. Sometimes your soulmate can come out of nowhere and be someone you’ve never seen yourself with before. When it comes to friendships and relationships I’ve learned the hard way to follow your instincts and don’t let the physicalities cloud your judgement. I will speak on my behalf and haven’t had any form for serious relationship in about 5 years and in my growth period have found myself. I’ve had several friendships and most all were women and in my 43 almost 44 years of existence have only had 4 male friends and those friendships never lasted. I have a strong negative outlook towards men due to my father and my childhood. I find myself always attracted and safe with a woman and let they could be Cis, Trans Nonbinary. Its doesn’t matter what matters to me is the feminine energy. What is as human beings, society and individuals have to learn to understand and respect is each other and everyone’s right to be happy with themselves and who they choose to be, and associate with.    
    • kat2
      James was the same with me, a real romantic and very charismatic, we both have the same sense of humour girls on the other hand i do not trust, never will, more so when theres a guy around. There is just no switch nothing that appeals in any way with regard to girls, thats not to say i do not talk about women's issues down below which i do that and other health concerns, my mum would talk about family traits such as UTi infections and cranberry Juice, with guys i just feel right 
    • Vidanjali
      I mean...   https://alabamareflector.com/2025/02/17/that-anti-transgender-bill-is-even-worse-than-you-think/   "...[K]eep reading the state’s latest example of gonad-based lawmaking, and you’ll come upon Section 4 of the law. 'Neither the state nor any political subdivision of the state shall be prohibited from establishing separate single-sex spaces or environments for males and females when biology, privacy, safety, or fairness are implicated,' it says. Read that paragraph again. Then read the bill in its entirety. And find me the sentence that limits this command to bathrooms. It’s not there. What is there is 'privacy, safety, or fairness.' Terms the bill neither defines nor qualifies. In attacking transgender Alabamians, Ivey and the Alabama Legislature have opened the door to sex segregation...In this vicious desire to harm a small group of people, we’re allowing governments to separate men and women on the slightest pretext. Transgender Americans have warned us about this for years. They told us these attacks were a prelude to a larger offensive against the LGBTQ community and women. And here we are."  
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