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TaniaLC

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I know, replying to my own post... but I read more of the intro posts and I saw that people share more of their story than I did so here we go. 

 

52, divorced, have had gender dysphoria my whole life. I was the kid who wanted the easy bake oven and Barbie dolls when "he" was 5 and got told no. My mom got me some of the girl toys I wanted, but yeah. I grew up in the 70's and 80's so you can do the math on that. Not a great time to be born with the wrong gender parts.

 

As I grew up, I just swallowed all of that. I just kept doing that "man" thing and pushing it down but it never ever went away. No matter how long I tried to ignore it, no matter how much I tried to deny it, every single day, in the back of my mind, the woman that I am, she was always there. Yet somehow I made it 52 years just being like 'naaahhh, I'm just queer, I just like to mess around with role play, I don't really want to go out in a dress or do makeup, it's so easy being a guy, blah, blah, blah'

 

Then one early morning not long ago, maybe a little drunk, I did something I had never done before. I put up a post somewhere where I basically said the quiet part out loud. I wrote:

 

Quote

See, I’m not straight, I never was, I consider myself queer, now, but if I were a decade or two younger, you would not be reading the writings of a queer cis male. Instead you might be reading the writings of someone with an i at the end of her name rather than a y at the end of his.

 

I'd never written it, or even spoken it, ever. My repressive skills are mad strong! But writing it, and posting it, publicly... well -crap-. There it was, in black and white, in my own words, the one thing I've been avoiding for over five decades, staring me in the face. I read it again... and again... and again... trying to rationalize or worm my way out of what it was I was actually saying but there is no way. I basically said if I could have transitioned earlier, I would have. So... why not now?  

 

Like I said in my original post, I'm just starting on this long hard road. This forum came up in one of my google searches and it seems active so I'm hoping to find some cool people here. 

 

Peace and Love

Troi 

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome, Troi!!! We are so glad you found us!! You'll find many of us here with similar stories of being born in an age when we just were expected to suck it up, bury the real person inside of us and just be the person others expected us to be. We are each unique, but also have many similarities. 

 

Feel free to wander around. You'll find lots of ideas to help you on your journey as well as many wonderful people. Ask questions and jump in wherever you feel comfortable.

 

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  • Forum Moderator

It is so nice to meet you Troi, I certainly can relate to your story. Add nearly 20 years to yours and you have me. It took until 68 and multiple therapists, depression, anxiety, anorexia, etc. etc. etc. until I finally stopped lying to myself. I was hard and it is a tough journey, but now I'm finally happy and enjoying life. 

Any question you have, aswer. Many of us can relate to your own personal journey and affirm you and will answer any and all questions you have honestly, lovingly and give advice based on our own journeys.

You are not alone and never need be alone ever again.

Hugs,

Heather

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Hello & welcome @Troi. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Many of us can relate to living through a time where, for one thing, information about genderqueer identities was simply not accessible. It's never too late to go after the truth - whatever that happens to look like for each of us - and it's far better than continuing to live in the dark. Peace & love to you.

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  • Admin

Welcome to Transgender Pulse, Troi.  I hope that you find a lot of useful information in these forums.  I know you'll find a lot of great people here.  Please let us know how we can help.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums @Troi

 

I'm glad you found us. Your story is much like mine, except I'm nearly two decades older. It was mid 1960s when I knew I was different.

 

@Natsdon't sell yourself short... You are one of the cool kids.

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋🙋🏼‍♀️

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Hi Tori, SO glad you found us here! You made a HUGE leap coming out on social media!! I wish I had the strength to do the same, perhaps in time I will. Coming from a "queer" person I say Welcome to TGP!!!!!

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8 hours ago, HeatherK said:

Hi Tori, SO glad you found us here! You made a HUGE leap coming out on social media!! I wish I had the strength to do the same, perhaps in time I will. Coming from a "queer" person I say Welcome to TGP!!!!!

Thanks @HeatherK! Yeah I've kinda been going fast with this. Select friends and family, here, other social media, if you're clever enough you could find me posting in some public forums. Go at your own pace though, my way isn't everyone's way. I'm the rare type who doesn't test the water before jumping in.

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Just now, Troi said:

I'm the rare type who doesn't test the water before jumping in.

I just went ahead and did it.   I pretty much expected it to be bad, but really, there wasn't much negative feedback.

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As I read yet another story similar to mine in many ways - but wonderfully unique in its own way - I am always curious: Is this a "new" phenomenon over the past few generations or so? Or have societies always had a segment of folks who struggle with their birth gender, and now in our age it is finally safe enough to start talking out loud about what is really going on inside of us?

 

Not trying to hijack an intro thread. Welcome Troi!!!!! You're among great people!!! 

 

I am just curious. When I first started posting here, it was uncanny how many folks chimed in with "that sound so much like me!" 

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15 hours ago, EasyE said:

Is this a "new" phenomenon over the past few generations or so? Or have societies always had a segment of folks who struggle with their birth gender, and now in our age it is finally safe enough to start talking out loud about what is really going on inside of us?

Thanks for the welcome! I can only speak for myself on this but I think I've gotten to a point in my life where I'm just out of effs to give what people or society thinks. Haters gonna hate, and that's their problem, not mine.

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