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NPR article on term "gender ideology"


Audrey

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Just now, Timi said:

Moderators, please delete the last two paragraphs beginning with "Which is what drives me crazy ..." from my post.

 

 

Done

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Just now, Sally Stone said:

Audrey, I agree.  The way we stand up for ourselves is try to help people understand us.  It's a challenge for us though because our voices tend to get drowned out by the bullies and the loud mouths.  I think we need to be a chorus for our song to be heard.  

Amen to that, Sally!!!

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New policies were enacted at the day-centre making birth certificates "not an accepted form of identification", Texas identification cards are the only accepted forms now. All medical records, addressing of individuals, gender, and all other aspects of their care shall be governed by what is stated on their Texas ID.
That and another rules have been recently added to be stacked up against people like me. It's quite frustrating times at the moment both at home and out and about.

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One of the problems we've been stuck with for forever is the U.S. (and I think also the U.K.) medical system, and the need to code everything to allow for insurance payments.  Of course, those trans folk who don't medically transition don't have to worry over this.  As long as the code for "disorder" exists and is used, we will have that word hanging over our heads, leading cis folk to assume we are "disordered" either medically or psychologically or both.

 

A disorder is defined thus: "Disorder" typically refers to disrupting normal physical or mental functions. It often implies a disturbance in the regular functioning of a part of the body or mind."

 

Whereas "condition" is defined as: "a set of signs, symptoms, and tests used to determine the diagnosis of a person. Diagnostic criteria may be broad to accurately identify as many people with the condition as possible if the signs and symptoms of a disease, or symptom or progression severity, varies from person to person."

 

This would seem to fit our needs much better, and would still allow for medical coding to permit treatment of all kinds.  It would reduce the stigma of the word "disorder," and perhaps lead to better understanding.

 

It is not a panacea, but it would be a step in the right direction.

 

Carolyn Marie

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Just now, Carolyn Marie said:

As long as the code for "disorder" exists and is used, we will have that word hanging over our heads,

About a year ago my doctor sent me to a psychiatrist to have her treat me for gender dysphoria. After reading my medical records and seeing that I was intersex she basically stated," you are just trying to find yourself and where you fit into society." She refused to treat me for gender dysphoria.

 

Her Services were later dropped by the day-centre.

 

I have a new psychiatrist that carefully talks about my childhood and growing up with Grandma sewing wedding dresses, knitting and baking wedding cakes. Then the 45 years of boy mode, only to go into all the sewing and knitting projects I have now. We talked about dress and hairstyles and everything in between. But she is very careful not to mention gender dysphoria and only addresses my other concerns. Against the rules, she does address me as Birdie.

 

Finding friends amongst the foes in Texas is a bit hard. And things are getting harder by the minute.

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Just now, Birdie said:

birth certificates "not an accepted form of identification",

This is insanity.

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Just now, Ivy said:
Just now, Birdie said:

birth certificates "not an accepted form of identification",

This is insanity.

Why don't these people just come clean and admit that they're bigots?  The self-deception is staggering.  They'd probably feel better if they'd just stop the gaslighting BS.

I mean, I can accept that they are.  It's just something we have to live with.

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Just now, Ivy said:

Why don't these people just come clean and admit that they're bigots?  The self-deception is staggering.  They'd probably feel better if they'd just stop the gaslighting BS.

I mean, I can accept that they are.  It's just something we have to live with.

Yes, it's bigotry

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Dear @Birdie, I am dismayed to hear about the latest developments at the day center you are attending. Egregious moments like these will sadly become more common and acceptable if "gender ideology" becomes the basis for policymaking at all levels. I suppose it never occurred to the center's leadership that there are 49 states other than Texas.

 

About "disorder" vs. "condition" distinction that @Carolyn Marie raised earlier. I wish the health care system could divorce itself from the disease model. I believe part of the intent of DSM-5's "gender dysphoria" replacing DSM-IV's "gender identity disorder" - to address stigma. But since 2013, the vitriol leading to terms like "gender ideology" has increased regardless of what the medical and psychological community has said. I agree that health insurance coverage must be maintained with parity for the treatments we seek. "Gender ideology" seeks to reverse that.

 

All hope is not lost though. The other day I was heartened by a glimmer of hope that my own insurer has moved breast augmentation out of the cosmetic category and into the medically necessary category.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

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@Carolyn Marie Interesting how they are particular about words.  Slimy like lawyers. 

 

I favor an approach based in personal freedom.  Crush the medical establishment completely, and remove any perception of "authority" they have currently.  We, and humans in general, won't be free until the folks in white coats resume the role of paid service providers.  A lot of incumbent politicians, professors, and "experts" of various fields will need to be permanently removed from their positions and told find some sort of productive labor where they aren't acting as enemies of the people. 

 

If it is my car, I get to choose the mechanic, choose what I want to fix, choose any customization that I want done, and if I don't like it the mechanic can take a flying leap and I'll pick a different one.  The mechanic doesn't get to have a say in my choices, what other mechanics I get to see, how I drive my car afterwards, or anything about other aspects of my life.  The only thing a mechanic is allowed to do is tell me what physically is or is not safe or possible with my car, and what services they offer.  The government doesn't have to subsidize my choices with taxpayer funds, and prices for mechanical services are reasonably affordable.  I can have anything I want, if I pay for it.  The same should be true for my body. 

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I'm back!  Such great discussion while I slept! 
The right has presented us with a gift in basing their oppression around the term "Gender Ideology" in that it does give us a more concise target to argue. Sadly, while some great points have been raised, we still don't have something powerful to take to a debate. 

The APA management admitted part of their reason to place "Gender Dysphoria" in the DSM-5 was to maintain a stream of funding in the US health system, but if the current trend of erasure continues, that funding may disappear. The WHO cleverly re named Transgender as Gender Incongruent, and removed it from their list of mental disorders to be described as medical under Sexual Health as a condition within the normal range of human experience. Trump doesn't like the WHO. Maybe our adherence to DSM-5 is part of our undoing with regard to "Gender Ideology"?

 

We are a varied community, basing our views on science, art, spirituality, and ideals, but Sally made a great point by saying we need to be a chorus if our song is to be heard. We need to decide which arguments would be most effective in debating "Gender Ideology" to convince, not us, but the viewing public. I roughly divide the public into right/conservatives 30%, left Progressives 30% and those in the middle who vote on the price of eggs 35% this totals 95%, and the remaining 5% are LBGTQIA. If we can win support of the left and middle (and maybe half of the LBGTQIA don't understand us) we have 65% of the public on our side, which should be enough to sway political thinking. Our song needs to win this section of the community, and the danger is that if we don't challenge "Gender Ideology" it will become rooted in our society, so there is a lot at stake!

 

"Gender Ideology" is garbage, we know that, so we should be able to debunk it!

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

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Just now, AllieJ said:

"Gender Ideology" is garbage, we know that, so we should be able to debunk it!

 

I think they want us to try to debunk it. When we try, they twist our words, even the most sane, logical, and reasonable response into whatever they like; a trans hysteria defense, if you will.

 

They will just keep repeating their meaningless phrases until they are beaten into the collective consciousness, instilling it into the irrational part of people's brains. A feeling without a definition. A conditioned "ick factor". Once there, it's inextricable without great disruption to the cognitive state. Which is the issue...

 

How do you disrupt one's cognitive state greatly, without involuntary defensive dismissal? There is no one way to do it and it's highly cultural, bound deeply to other beliefs that are in and of themselves irrational. Essentially, what works for one group of people will not work for other people.

 

On the whole, a personal willingness to question and be open to learning is required of the people that need to be "brought along". That is a rare person, but they could be our best advocates.

 

I think we also need to avoid focusing on negatives. Transition saves people's lives, but that's not relatable to a lot of people. Humans are generally terrible at humanity. Could showing folks that "transition made me whole, made me want to help people, made me want to give of myself, allowed me to feel true joy" and prove it with our actions work? Show our existence as leaving a positive mark on society, showing our humanity? Volunteer for food shelves, work with the aging and dying, beseech faith groups for engagement, show humility and grace in the face of resistance. It's sad that this will be slow, too slow for everyone to survive or exist without violence.

 

I do agree that arguing our existence is not the answer. We exist. Without diagnosis, condition, or disorder we exist. So that can't be where we start. We have to start further down the road.

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Just now, MaeBe said:

We exist. Without diagnosis, condition, or disorder we exist.

 

Exactly..... this.

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1 hour ago, AllieJ said:

Gender Ideology" is garbage, we know that, so we should be able to debunk it!

 

 

I think we need to focus on debunking "Gender Ideology," not defending "Gender Identity."

 

What exactly does "Gender Ideology" mean?

 

Different groups define it in contradictory ways, Some claim it means denying biological sex, others claim it means forcing gender roles.

 

This inconsistency shows that "Gender Ideology" is inconsistent on it's own, and this inconsistency proves that it's a political talking point, not a coherent idea, and a product of their imagination.

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14 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

I can have anything I want, if I pay for it.  The same should be true for my body. 

 

In theory, I agree with you. This is a basic tenet of a capitalism. However, a problem arises by implying that choosing help for being trans is a voluntary choice, because being trans is a voluntary choice. I am sure the health insurance industry would be more than happy to go back to a time when it had no obligation to cover any aspects of transition. For myself and many in the community, transition would not be possible without insurance support. However, being trans is not a voluntary choice - but what I do about it *is* my choice. If choices are restricted by financial means, then only the privileged few can enjoy the benefits of it. That is problematic because of the well-documented benefits of access to support and transition services.

 

5 hours ago, Lilis said:

What exactly does "Gender Ideology" mean?

 

Different groups define it in contradictory ways, Some claim it means denying biological sex, others claim it means forcing gender roles.

 

This inconsistency shows that "Gender Ideology" is inconsistent on it's own, and this inconsistency proves that it's a political talking point, not a coherent idea, and a product of their imagination.

 

Yes it is definitely a political point more than a scientific one. However, it might be argued that there is inconsistency in our own community too. Trans itself has become an umbrella term covering a range of identities, feelings, and experiences. Even supportive people who are allies of the community can be confused - and for unsupportive people, confusion is a quick step to dismissiveness of "that gender ideology nonsense."

 

We absolutely need a unified message focused on the positive that resonates with enough people to sway the conversation away from "gender ideology." More importantly, we need a platform big enough and a voice loud enough to be sure the message is felt and heard. Celebrities may be the best hope - Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga are both outspoken allies.

 

Speaking of, I really hope someone has the courage to speak up about recent injustices (beyond those against the trans community) at the Super Bowl game today, especially while he-who-must-not-be-named is in attendance. The NFL's decision to remove of "end racism" from the end zones is blatant kowtowing and everyone knows it.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

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Just now, Audrey said:

The NFL's decision to remove of "end racism" from the end zones is blatant kowtowing and everyone knows it.

But, they go along with it.

Of course there is historical precedent for that.

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Just now, Audrey said:

However, a problem arises by implying that choosing help for being trans is a voluntary choice, because being trans is a voluntary choice. I am sure the health insurance industry would be more than happy to go back to a time when it had no obligation to cover any aspects of transition. For myself and many in the community, transition would not be possible without insurance support

 

Yeah, this is a huge issue. I remember those days as an outsider I wasn’t transitioning at the time, but I saw many in the community do whatever it took, for better or worse, to access the care they needed.

 

Just now, Audrey said:

We absolutely need a unified message focused on the positive that resonates with enough people to sway the conversation away from "gender ideology." More importantly, we need a platform big enough and a voice loud enough to be sure the message is felt and heard. Celebrities may be the best hope - Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga are both outspoken allies.

 

Thanks 🫂💗

 

I’m starting to see what you and @AllieJ are getting at, and I’m rethinking my stance. But honestly, this feels like a huge and daunting undertaking.

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22 hours ago, Sally Stone said:

very right to exist

I traveled to the grocery to buy a few things, when I walked inside, is when I got so many staired downs.

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I went next door to Braums for a few items. The cashier glanced at me and said, "hello ma'am."

 

Just by moving I can have a new start where no one never knew me in boy-mode. 

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15 hours ago, MaeBe said:

 

I think they want us to try to debunk it. When we try, they twist our words, even the most sane, logical, and reasonable response into whatever they like; a trans hysteria defense, if you will.

 

They will just keep repeating their meaningless phrases until they are beaten into the collective consciousness, instilling it into the irrational part of people's brains. A feeling without a definition. A conditioned "ick factor". Once there, it's inextricable without great disruption to the cognitive state. Which is the issue...

 

How do you disrupt one's cognitive state greatly, without involuntary defensive dismissal? There is no one way to do it and it's highly cultural, bound deeply to other beliefs that are in and of themselves irrational. Essentially, what works for one group of people will not work for other people.

 

On the whole, a personal willingness to question and be open to learning is required of the people that need to be "brought along". That is a rare person, but they could be our best advocates.

 

I think we also need to avoid focusing on negatives. Transition saves people's lives, but that's not relatable to a lot of people. Humans are generally terrible at humanity. Could showing folks that "transition made me whole, made me want to help people, made me want to give of myself, allowed me to feel true joy" and prove it with our actions work? Show our existence as leaving a positive mark on society, showing our humanity? Volunteer for food shelves, work with the aging and dying, beseech faith groups for engagement, show humility and grace in the face of resistance. It's sad that this will be slow, too slow for everyone to survive or exist without violence.

 

I do agree that arguing our existence is not the answer. We exist. Without diagnosis, condition, or disorder we exist. So that can't be where we start. We have to start further down the road.

 

Any argument we produce will be attacked by the right, so we need robust argument(s). How important is this? There has likely already been deaths in our community directly related to the Trump regime. In our zoom a week ago one of our members, who is normally up, was in tears of desperation at what is happening to her and her trans daughter. The fear I see among others who are genuinely worried they may need to seek asylum in another country. Even in my country, Australia, which has been supportive of us, Trumps win has empowered conservatives so we are also under attack, and this weekend there were demonstrations across our nation. Those of us who remember the oppression of the '70's and '80's can see where all this is heading.

 

We know we exist, but the right is pushing a successful campaign that we don't, that we are only a 'Gender Ideology', and it is erasing our official existence. When we no longer exist officially, do you think insurance companies will fund transgender care? We cannot afford not to fight against 'Gender Ideology'. 

 

I agree, we need a champion, or two. But they need robust information to argue for us. Lady Gaga is already saying she supports us, but it isn't making a difference. She needs something to say that will!

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

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I will give a one-minute "elevator speech" a try. I am writing in the third person as though to an audience, and using "transgender people" as an umbrella term. Here goes...

 

"Today, we are witnessing an unprecedented and politically motivated attack on transgender people across our country and the world led by Donald Trump and his administration. These attacks seek to erase an entire group of people from existence, using inconsistent arguments called "gender ideology" with no basis in reality. Transgender people are real, and their life experiences are real. They are a diverse group, united by a lifelong struggle between their bodies and their feelings.  Transgender people are born this way, and did not choose to be transgender. Transgender people have always existed, and will always to continue to exist. They are our family, our friends, our colleagues, and our neighbors. They are equally deserving of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Not a death sentence of depression, anxiety, abuse, trauma, and suicide. Right now, transgender people need you to speak up and act against the attacks against them, to defend their rights to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness."

 

Too many big words?

 

Love,

~Audrey.

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5 hours ago, Audrey said:

In theory, I agree with you. This is a basic tenet of a capitalism. However, a problem arises by implying that choosing help for being trans is a voluntary choice, because being trans is a voluntary choice. I am sure the health insurance industry would be more than happy to go back to a time when it had no obligation to cover any aspects of transition. For myself and many in the community, transition would not be possible without insurance support. However, being trans is not a voluntary choice - but what I do about it *is* my choice. If choices are restricted by financial means, then only the privileged few can enjoy the benefits of it. That is problematic because of the well-documented benefits of access to support and transition services.

 

Healthcare costs are high because of the insurance industry.  Back in the 1950s, people could pay for healthcare out-of-pocket.  My husband's grandfather was a carpenter, and was able to pay for surgeries and prescriptions for his kids without insurance. 

 

Want to make everything affordable again?  Make insurance illegal.  All of it.  Health, home, auto, everything.  Classify the entire industry retroactively as a criminal enterprise due to its effects on costs of essential goods and services.  Label each insurance bigwig as an "enemy of the people" and march them off to jail.  Confiscate everything owned by insurance companies for distribution to the taxpayers.  Find every politician, retired or not, that helped the insurance companies dominate the nation, prosecute them for corruption and undue influence, march them off to jail as well. (Here's looking at you, Obama!)  Exchange their mansions for a "vacation" doing manual labor and rediscovering their connection to common working people.  Purge all the bloodsuckers and start over. 

 

Yeah, that part is kind of anti-capitalist and not great for the ideals of liberty.  But sometimes when a society has gone totally off the rails, it takes a revolution to get it back.  Perhaps I've lived with my GF too long, I've absorbed some of her politics.  :lol: 

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Just now, Audrey said:

I will give a one-minute "elevator speech" a try. I am writing in the third person as though to an audience, and using "transgender people" as an umbrella term. Here goes...

 

"Today, we are witnessing an unprecedented and politically motivated attack on transgender people across our country and the world led by Donald Trump and his administration. These attacks seek to erase an entire group of people from existence, using inconsistent arguments called "gender ideology" with no basis in reality. Transgender people are real, and their life experiences are real. They are a diverse group, united by a lifelong struggle between their bodies and their feelings.  Transgender people are born this way, and did not choose to be transgender. Transgender people have always existed, and will always to continue to exist. They are our family, our friends, our colleagues, and our neighbors. They are equally deserving of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Not a death sentence of depression, anxiety, abuse, trauma, and suicide. Right now, transgender people need you to speak up and act against the attacks against them, to defend their rights to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness."

 

Too many big words?

 

Love,

~Audrey.

 

A very nice opinion piece. We have been shouting that Trans is real for years, but this is obviously not enough to convince the general public. The right simply say people drift in and out of being trans, and because it is self declared, it is an ideology, and this is easier for the public to accept. We need to give them something solid to back up our existence. Prove that trans people are born this way, prove they have always existed, convince them rather than simply ask for their support! 

 

To do this, we all need to know the why's and wherefores, and be able to present them in a way that will convince others. Be able to answer questions like "why do people become transgender in puberty or in later life?" "if it's all in your head, why isn't it a mental disorder?", "you don't look like a man/woman, why do you believe you are?", and many other challenges. If we can't answer these with strong reasoning, the default reaction will fall back to 'ideology'.

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

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We will get nowhere answering questions and we’ll get nowhere if we need to rely on scant biological hypothesis.

 

Even if there is fundamental proof of a gendered brain, which is ultimately some folx’ holy grail, do we dehumanize everyone in requiring their brains be scanned so their identity can be honored? Even if we have found one sympathetic physical expression of being trans, what is to say that one is the only one or is definitive?

 

Any work to do that will take a while, especially as research is being stopped and funding gutted left and right. What do we do in the mean time? Need we be repressed and oppressed until the day there is a complete medical answer for being trans?

 

No and I think the answer to the question really is: They must answer the questions.

 

Why do they care? What are trans people to you? What, ultimately, is the problem with trans people existing?

 

If their answer is of religious intolerance, who are they to judge? Do they not have a log in their eye as the Bible says? Are they without sin so they are free to hurl stones?

 

If theirs is a worry of propagation of the species, is our planet not overwhelmed as it is? And why are they so concerned that people must have children? Especially a minority of the sum of humanity. And what of trans people that are caring and loving parents of wonderful children?

 

If their concern is glaringly patriarchal, ask them how would they feel about being treated as property as they are treating others; seeking to or asserting control over another’s life is exactly that. How is centering male dominance an actual answer to anything, especially the existence of trans people? It’s “always been this way?” What of matriarchal societies across the globe, what of Viking women who fought along and against men?

 

If they believe trans people are mentally disabled or deficient, what of left handed people? Or black people? Time has proven humanity to be quite fallible over and over again with these “settled issues”. 


Our proof is their lack of a sufficient answer. Treat them as if you are a learning child, “Why? Why? Why?” albeit, in a non-confrontational manner. For at some point they will run out of talking points and they will be left with just another human in front of them.

 

Sadly, in some cases their violence may get the better of them. The fear of that violence may preclude a trans person to ever engage in conversation in the first place. So yes, allies and people of great esteem and power must also vigilantly ask “why?”, too.

 

Because, in the end, who is materially damaged by trans people existing?

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      Well, I saw a tall transwoman in the store who might have been an online friend.  I was shocked to see how tall she was!  After the 30 second shock factor I was like, WOW!   Probably because of my music experiences in high school and beyond, I've had a big enough ego to not care much of whether I passed as a male.  I never adopted male behavior on purpose.  I wasn't trying to be feminine, but certainly avoiding masculinity.  What others saw I don't know.  I focus on my career and say if I do well at work, the world will have something from me and my chances for monetary and other success are better than if I chase some non-physically productive thing.  Music and my writing, even software engineering, is writing and easily stolen.  Food clothing and shelter are physical gotta have them mostly, so people that get in those trades (the trades), are somewhat golden with ability to make money and move from place to place.   Transition for me was not heavily focused on passing.  It was freeing to realize my transfeminine core being.  It put a spin on my life that I resonated with.  Then finally, after a little coming out tensions, I was able to just get rid of the masculine clothing.  It opened up style to me that I didn't focus on before.  And I'm still growing better style.  Little things.  Pink shirt not looking good when I bought it.  Should I trash/donate it?  Is it so ugly that trash is reasonable?  I bought it for a reason and it feels good.  Like the shape.  Been experimenting and now it's been working for several days.  Found combinations with my other clothing.   So, I essentially have the same ego but now feminized.  Work is intense.  I say to myself that my feminine part is what I go home to, my personal life, and then I go to work as myself.  It's not my work.  I got rid of my male clothing years ago.  Work is so intense with a male edge it is very disturbing.  It's my work though and I love it.  Could have a boyfriend if that is romantically possible.  Would love to just be womanly taken care of.  My fantasies are more of that nature than a sexual nature.   Ideas that guys, well, likely a lot of guys operate on a much different level than I did.  Masculine behavior mostly was a mystery to me and now I have this fantasy about a Gen Y musician who I find attractive!  And then there are some lovely women of all ages and types around.  I don't know.  I'm a muse romantic, so it's kinda a job on that level!   Sports people just get the football and put up a hoop.  We've got these mixing boards, headphones, speakers, haul the axe around.  Learning to sleep with my bass!  Why didn't I do that before?  It never crossed my mind.  It's like hanging on to my man.  Whisper in his ear "Would you take me to knitting group tomorrow?  Then stop for ice cream on the way home?"  "Will you take care of it so I don't have to worry about my bass getting rusty on the strings?  I know you like to cook, I'd love it if you would do that.  I miss it a little, but just want to clean a little and work on my style and play some fun music.  And code software of course!  I'm an an engineer.  You are going out to work, right? I'll just order that thing you want and be hear when it comes.  I'll work with it and see if it is a keeper."  
    • AinsleyTG
      Mom got me a kitten this weekend. The first night she hid from us, but then she was ready to play by lunch Sunday. She realized humans are good Sunday night when she discovered sleeping in a bed with me. She's so tiny  I had to put a stool beside my bed so she can get up and down. I named her after my favorite cartoon princess, Jasmine. So far I've had to rearrange my room so she can't chew on anything, she seems to like boots specifically, probably because she can fit inside them lol.  It's hilarious watching Michael treat her like a human baby, I thought guys hated cats. But he helped me get the claw covers over her little razor blades.  She got into an argument with her stuffed mouse toy earlier, I've never seen a kitten argue with a stuffed animal. It's hilarious to watch 🤣. My only concern.. is that my toes will become a chew toy at bed time 🤣
    • VickySGV
      That is going to actually be comical if they try that one on a resident of a state who is completely fine with gender affirmation, and in fact finds that failure to provide that care is child neglect.  The Arkansas plaintiff would have to apply for it to be enforced by courts of the defendants / debtor's state, and while Sister State Judgments where the laws of the state are the same in effect are generally implemented without much trouble, in this case the defendants state will tell the Arkansas court to go wash their judicial robes in a toilet sink.  If you cannot enforce a judgment it is not worth your time to file it, or think about it.
    • Sally Stone
      Me too, Rachel, but just like you I have accepted the fact that isn't going to happen.  I found my happy place when I let go of the desire to "pass."  Your view on the subject is a healthy one; know what you can change and accept what you can't.  I think we all need that reminder now and again, so thanks.
    • Sally Stone
      You may be up early, it may be due to morning brain, but "ugly trans woman" absolutely not!  MaeBe, you are as cute as cute can be.  Quit selling yourself short.    But, the notion of "beauty" applies to this conversation, because the typical feminine beauty standard is the standard we are being held to, and it was flawed and unrealistic when it was only being applied to cis women.
    • Rachel Searching
      Hi, I'm tall, 6'5", so unless I ended up passing perfectly, there is no way I'm passing ever, I've looked at the percentage of women who are this tall and the figure is miniscule. I haven't come out publicly yet, aside to my wife, the reason being my concern for my parents emotional welfare. I've accepted that I'll never pass in a million years, which is kind of liberating, it allows me to forsee a future in which I only have to look good enough for me and not worry about passing for the world. Of course I know that being this tall and not passing will attract ridicule from some and that's fine, I was 6' at 11 years old, so was bullied then too 🤣 Seriously though, for me make up is essential as I am not androgynous at all. I do what I can through exercise, variations on squats and ab exercises to try and build mass around my hips, bottom and legs, slim my waist and do body weight push ups for my pecs.    I also have an IPL which I'm currently using to slow and hopefully halt body hair growth and hope to get electrolysis at some stage. These are small things but help me in my dysphoria. I kind of try to look at things positively , in that my body is far from a blank canvas with which to mould a feminine body, however it's the body I've got and have to work with it, my only saving grace being that I have relatively large hips and round bottom for a male body.    Passing would be great and I would be lying if I said I wouldn't love to, however it's never going to happen, so I take the sentiments of the serenity prayer and apply it to my transition, knowing what I can change and accepting what I can't. 😊
    • Sally Stone
      Coleen, don't feel bad.  Doing makeup is really hard.  There's an additional challenge when trying to mask masculine facial characteristics.  Practice, lots of it, is the key. 
    • rhonda74
      I came out my sister, although my parents already questioned about the gender marker on my birth certificate.  
    • Ivy
      This is kinda my situation as well. I've been pretty open about who I am.  And yes, a lot of people don't understand, but mind their own business. As for the others?  I guess I'll find out.
    • Ivy
      This is mostly true for me.  There were a couple of incidences, but they didn't amount to much.
    • Ivy
      https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/arkansas-bill-would-make-contributing?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=994764&post_id=159265712&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=k5hac&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email   " The bill allows parents to sue anyone who affirms a child’s gender identity, defining social transition broadly as “any act by which a minor adopts or espouses a gender identity that differs from the minor’s biological sex… including without limitation changes in clothing, pronouns, hairstyle, and name.”"   They talk about "irreversible changes", how is changing your clothes irreversible?   "But the bill goes even further: it asserts extraterritorial jurisdiction, meaning lawsuits could be brought against people outside of Arkansas if they are deemed to have helped a transgender child transition. The penalties are staggering—minimum damages of $10,000 per defendant, with punitive damages reaching up to $10 million for those involved in medical care."
    • MaeBe
      Agreed. That was me being facetious.
    • Lilis
      I am of the same opinion, blaming the victims instead of focusing on the actual source of oppression for example (anti-trans policies and the people pushing them) is of no use.     I get it, some people and even some in the trans community are implying that certain trans people, specifically those who are visibly non-conforming, non-binary are responsible for the backlash. Which is also untrue and of no use.     Not at all, transphobia has no place in our community.
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