How to come out to wider family?

[Billie]

Hi,

So I am genderfluid and was wondering how other people have come out to their wider family such as grandparents or cousins. I would like to be called my chosen name Billie and they/them pronouns but I'm not sure if I should make it a big thing and explain, or just kinda say please call me Billie, I'm nonbinary so use they/them pronouns as it is easier and less vulnerable I think, but it also seems inconsiderate as they probably care about and I hope they would be interested as to how I feel. Also is there ever a good time/way to do it?

I would love your guys opinion on this.

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Billie.

 

There is no gradual way to come out to someone.  About the only way is just to tell them.  

 

The only family I had to tell were my two brothers.  Since we are spread all across the country, email was the most practical way to do it.  The advantage of email, or any written medium, is that you can take the time to refine your wording and explanation.  

 

Even when telling someone in person, some people find that putting it in a letter avoids getting tongue-tied.  It may seem a bit odd, "Cous, here's letter I'd like you to read.  We'll talk once you've read it", but if it helps get the subject on the table, go for it.  Of course, if you feel okay with just saying it out loud, that is usually the best way.

 

The best time to do it is when there are no other tensions between you.  Generally, sooner is better than later.

 

However you do it, good luck!  I hope it goes well.

[Heather Shay]

Hi Billie - the situation is different for everyone. First, is your parents and siblings aware and supportive? If so ,ask what they might propose. They know these people as well.  It might be good to test the waters with one or two relatives you feel might be the most likely to support you and be understanding. Then expand from there. As to how - maybe talk to our first possible ally or email based on your relationship. It will get easier and more natural as you continue to share who you are.

Best wishes and remember - YOU COME FIRST - even if you experience rejection - that is their issue not yours.

Best Wishes,

Heather

[Billie]

Thanks for the support, I have finished writing a draft of a letter/email that I'll send out. My close family is supportive and I will get my mum to proof read as she is closer to the target audience.

 

Hi,

 

I am writing this to explain some stuff about myself. I've been feeling like this for about 4-5 years. My experience of gender is not static like most people. Some days I am happy being perceived as a guy, other days I hate it and I wish I'd been born a girl or could be one. I fluctuate between those two extremes. It's sometimes hard to tell where exactly I am.

 

For you guys, I would love it if you stopped calling me Will and could call me Billie instead. I would also like to be referred to with they/them pronouns.

 

If you have any questions, feel free to ask via email.

 

Thanks,
Billie Hampshire