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  1. Hi guys, Fairly new to posting here so sorry if I haven't responded to many threads, I've been stuck in my head a lot this week and just looking for support. I still haven't figured out how I feel about my gender dysphoria yet. I know I can say "if I clicked my fingers I would have been born a girl", but I don't think it's something I've ever paid much attention to. In fact, the opposite is true. I always felt not masculine enough. Feminine features, lack of body hair, wide hips etc. I had bad body dysmorphia leading to gynecomastia surgery (which was not necessary) at 17. I don't identify with masculinity at all. In my head, I feel like a woman. I think over the years I have tried to cultivate a schlubby, masculine persona because it feels easy, as though not caring keeps me safe. I never grew up with bad dysphoria, never really cross-dressed or gravitated towards typically "female" activities. In saying that I also never felt comfortable being masculine or a boy. As I've gotten older (I'm now 27) I have felt more and more female, but assumed because I don't fit a stereotype it was my OCD or something. But when think of myself as a girl now I feel euphoric. It's not like the dysphoric obsessions of OCD I have had in the past. Anyway, I brought this up to my partner, whom I love deeply, and has always been supportive. It's going tough though. In my head, I assumed that considering her own bisexuality, gender non-conforming friends and having a trans grandmother it would be less of a big deal. I think she's really upset though. I understand that it is a shock, when we met I suppose I've always presented quite masculine. She knows that mentally I'm pretty non-binary but I think now it's a real thing it is scaring her. I don't want to lose my relationship. She is my soulmate and we are working together through this, but I feel so much shame exploring this and feel like considering I'm not in agony being a man, I should just forget about it to preserve the relationship. Any advice, or similar stories, or just a chat would be really welcome. I'm going to attach a picture of me as I've looked for most of the relationship for context, and then me now with some makeup and a digital wig. I'm not embarrassed for anyone to see me, this is who I am. TLDR: Came out as transfeminine to my girlfriend, didn't go how I expected, now feel guilty and wish I hadn't said anything.
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