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Showing results for tags 'dysphoria'.
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Hi everybody, I've been lurking around Forums for a while and tried to read up on other people's experiences with figuring out their gender identity. I turned 27 last year and started questioning shortly before my birthday and since then everything just seems so much clearer to me, but still I have a lot of doubts and am very confused. I already made an appointment with a therapist and I hope that will help me, but that's only in 2 months and every night I just keep lying awake and my mind is racing. I guess I am just gonna write out my story and maybe some people will recognize themselves or have similar experiences? Here it goes! So the reason I started questioning was that I saw an ad on my computer for a binder, no idea why it was shown to me, but it just popped up. I've been struggling with my chest ever since I can remember, constantly buying new minimizing bras, always on the look out for the one bra that will make my chest really small or unnoticeable, but since I have D cups that never really worked and so I just stumble through life uncomfortable, especially in the summers. My mum once told me she thinks I have a trauma because when puberty started I couldn't handle my body changing so fast and girls making fun of me (probably were jealous, now that I think about it) about my breasts. My red threat was that I always planned on getting breast reduction surgery, once I earn enough money, but so far that hasn't happened. I guess I just kind of accepted that I am just uncomfortable with my bodyshape and that I need to learn to love myself and I really tried!! I am really fit and I know I have an objectively great body, but even though I know that, there are moments where I just feel so disconnected to my body and feel uncomfortable as soon as people say something about my female attributes. The one thing that stands out to me and which is my biggest concern, is dating and being intimate. When I was about 11/12 I had a couple of friends that I role played with and with that one girl we were basically high school students who fell in love with each other. We got pretty intimate and I remember I didn't mind it and actually kinda liked it, but what I recently realized is that I always played a boy! I guess that looking back I could call it my first sexual encounter. AND MY LAST! After puberty, every time I dated someone and felt like I wanted to get close to them, I just get this super uncomfortable feeling like they are not really looking at my body and they couldn't possibly like me. I feel disconnected to myself in these situations and don't want to imagine myself (in my body) having sex. I thought I am asexual for the longest time, so I wouldn't have to deal with it and just accepted that I'd always feel like. But I started dating this girl, who is also asexual, 6 months ago and even though we don't have sex or get intimate too much and I do really like her, I still get this feeling about my body and feel wrong when people talk about us being girlfriends. So I just decided that this is the year I finally figure out whats going on, because I owe it to myself to have a chance to live my best life, and up till now I just feel like I've been living half a life and wasted a lot of time. I also noticed that I escape a lot from ordinary life, I am sometimes unable to get out of bed and just don't want to live my life, so I just read A LOT! I also daydream a lot about several universes I created in my head (does anyone do this or am I just weird??) and I realized that I am always dreaming in the POV of men. So I guess, I am just super confused!!! There are a lot of signs that make me feel like I am not cis, but since I've lived like this for 27 years I feel like I am just imagining things and just need to get over my body issues, which is what people have been telling me forever!!! Sorry for the super long rant! I just needed to get this off my chest. Sam :)
So possibly a strange question here. As a amab individual it's impossible to get pregnant however I sometimes get really dysphoric about it. While I often wish to have a female body I also want to experience being pregnant and giving birth as well. My mother once told me that the feeling of being pregnant and have new life growing inside of you was one of the most beautiful in her life and she was sad I would never experience it. She didn't know about my true gender identity and therefore I was afraid to tell her how sad that actually made me feel. Does anyone else feel this or am I just being weird and overdramatic?
Trigger warning: dysphoria Hi friends! I'm starting to accept my identity but I'm not sure yet and I really lack resources where I live. So I have some questions if you don't mind me asking. I have mostly chest dysphoria and long hair makes me feel very bad. Also I really want to have a penis and I always fantasize about being a guy and transitioning. I hate people using female pronouns for me and I don't feel like a woman AT ALL. Is that enough to sure of my identity? Are these common feelings among trans people? It's not a phase because I've had these feelings for years now but now that I'm fully aware of it, my dysphoria is crippling. I really want to be sure of my gender identity so any ideas, tips are welcomed. Therapy is not really an option where I live .
Hi guys, I'm 17 yo and have been living confortably with my identity since I came out to my friends and mother (even though she rejects me), but I'm finally planning on living with my older brother (who I'm still not prepared to come out yet, but has showed signals that he already knows and supports me) and start working as a comic artist next year. Which means I'm starting to think about taking part in contests, winning the most I can and saving money for my chest surgery (which is the most urgent, since it has grown quite a bit these past years and have been a real problem for me to pass normally), at least until I can try a japanese government scholarship. I really want to do it before going to college, since I don't know how things will be for me as a trans person in a scholarship of a kinda strict country such as Japan. But, now that I realized how close it is, I'm starting to feel scared. My father used to abuse physically of my mother when I was really tiny, and I watched everything, until he stopped (even though I don't remember a thing). I think that's the reason why I was always hugely scared of getting hurt, violence, fights, arguements, etc. I really hate pain and fights. I'm starting to get over it, letting myself feel pain more frequently without thinking of it as death, but it's still really hard for me. Anyways, I realized that I think the most about how it'll hurt. I wanted to ask to my therapist about it, but he doesn't listen to me properly and will probably say non sense stuff, as always. And I really don't want to argue with him again. I'm also really worried that I might regret it later. My mother is always saying about how I will regret everything. And I'm not a really secure person, I rarely trust my own judgement. So, it's not rare to fear that I'll regret a decision. I'm also trying to imagine how it'll be once I get the chest surgery, if I could feel comfortable even during sex, but it's been difficult even to imagine it. I had lots of awful experiences as a transgender and I think it might influence that. Plus, I already tried imagining myself as a girl, being treated as a "she", but it really freaks me out. I really hate it. I think I might just not be prepared, but I don't know, as I said, I don't trust my own judgement. I'm scared in the end my mother was right and I'm not really trans. Or that I will regret everything. Idk. Thanks for reading.