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  1. Hello! A little over a year ago I came to this site questioning my gender and from that point forward I just identified as trans. It felt right, familiar, and just needed. But now almost a year and half later nothing has changed. I still haven't come out publicly just to close friends and family. and I'm still questioning who I am. At this point something just feels off. I don't why it's taken me this long? Maybe it's my minds way of telling me that this isn't what I want? Why am I so ashamed why is me being trans such a dirty little secret? I feel like it might be because I'm so afraid I might be wrong that I don't want to regret coming out. And that Just doesn't seem right to me. After almost a year and a half I don't think I should still be so unsure. The reason I'm writing this is because I read an article about a woman who transitioned to male and then detransitioned and there were something she said that really stood out. She said that she always had some aversion and shame surrounded by the word -lesbian- and that it just kind of felt bitter in her mouth and I 100000% agree with that. So now I'm thinking that maybe it's not being trans that I need to accept maybe it's being "a -lesbian-" and not feel shame in that . There are other parts of me where I feel really bad for months and will watch a teenage boy on a show and will think about it for days. Because I feel robbed, robbed that I didnt get to live my life as a boy and had to spend my childhood as a girl. But I don't know... Maybe I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure dysphoria is supposed to be a constant thing and not just come in waves. I don't know.. I feel like after this long I should have made some progress but I haven't. Why am I so afraid to tell people? is it internalized transphobia? Or is it because deep down I know I'm wrong and am not willing to make that mistake? I don't know and I've had so many people tell me it's subjective but I really am just looking for honest opinions at this point. If someone could please provide that for me id really appreciate it. I'm tired of feeling this way. thank you.
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