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Okay, so this is my first time ever doing this... I'm just in search of advice and answers to my millions of questions, scratch that, BILLIONS of questions that can't be answered by textbook definitions, and also friends.. I'm 20 years old and I realized lately that my childhood was not as common as I thought. A vey big part of growing up was surrounded by "phases", as my parents would call it, but I only realize now that I may just be different. I learnt that sexual orientation and identity is very different, things that in my home town we had no education what so ever on, and that completely changed my perspective of my own life. I've always struggled with depression and major anxiety, basically because I never liked my own body because I kept thinking I wasn't beautiful or too fat.. my body parts grossed me out and scared me as in a way someone with coulrophobia see's a clown and is scared -clean bathroom- (fun fact, I am terrified of clowns!). Anyways back to the real story, recently I've been through alot of challenging times, a break up with my boyfriend (with whom I loved for 3 years) and I was forced to come out as transgender to my mother and she did not take it well, family is a very important key of my life, and someone might have ruined it for me cause he told her I was hiding something... did i mention by force !...I was not ready what so ever to tell her, heck im not even sure 100% if this is the trail I want to adventure in, but im like at a safe 99,8% sure this is what I need to be completely free and happy. I have a few friends that knows about me, but not much because from where I am from, people like me are judged and classified as inhuman... It breaks my heart to even think of jugement that could involve myself.. Anyways, thats a brief paragraphe of my wonderful life at the moment, and i guess am in search of some comfort and support. Maybe even a few friends that know how I am feeling looking upon my situation. So yah, thanks for listening ! XD
Tomorrow is the Christmas party for one of the boards of directors on which I serve. A couple of people on the board know that I have come out and questioning my gender identity. I thought I would take a calculated risk and attend the party presenting more female than male, specifically with a black t-neck with flaired spotted cuff and wool grey pants with a flaired leg. Simple black belt, a brogue patent leather and suede shoe in black, and a simple short sleeve black sweater to keep warm will add to the ensemble. The outfit is somewhat subtle but feminine ... I hope. This is the first real time I will have presented in this way to a group of people. I'm a little nervous but I know these friends and colleagues should be supportive. Those whom I have told already responded positively. I'm crossing my fingers all will go well. Willow
Hai hai everyone! It's been a while and I'm sorry...I wanted to share some news with yall though!! So, work has kept me busy I rarely get a break but just last weekend, I attended a friend's graduation party out of town. While I was in that neighborhood, another friend had let me crash his couch so I wouldn't have to get a hotel for the weekend. We hadn't seen each other in about half a year keeping up only via social media, texts, and games. So he was telling me about things in his life and how he's coping with them; it was at this time I was starting to stir inside. I wanted to tell him about me; the real me, but I was scared of how he would react. I kept quiet, I kept quiet and tried to participate in his conversation. ( he didn't really let me talk; men, amiright?? Lol) Anyways, after a while I womaned up and brought forth all my determination to say the words I needed to say. After getting his attention and making sure he didn't run off with the convo(lol) I told him I was Transgender. I was nervous, terrified even; I wouldn't look him in the eye as I went on to tell him I have always been this and that I'm starting to make steps towards the real me. My heart hammered and I braced for impact. As I prepared for the worst he simply said: " And that's fine. You've been my friend for about 10 years now right?? I consider you one of my best friends and nothing will change; you's still the same person to me" ......I wanted to break down the cry right there I really did. All of my worries and doubts were for nothing appearently; he even commended me for having the bravery to pursue this path in spite of it's struggles. I just wanted to share this victory with all of you because it's you Ladies and Gentlemen that have empowered me to press forward and stay strong when things get tough. I wanna thank you all so much!! You give me hope and the will to go on; I hope that one day I can give back. ~Mayumi ~