Jump to content

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'ftm'.

More search options

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


  • Site Help
    • Questions and Answers
  • Issue-Specific Support Forums
    • Suicide Prevention
    • Alcohol Abuse Support Forum
    • Drug Abuse Support Forum
    • Sexual Abuse and Assault Support Forum
    • Cutting and Self-Harm Support Forum
    • Eating Disorders Support Forum
    • Victims of Hate Crimes and Violence
  • General Transgender Forums
    • General Forum
    • Introductions Forum
    • Military Veterans and Active-Duty Service Members
    • Coming Out
    • Research Studies
    • Member Poetry
  • Transition Support Forums
    • General Transition Issues
    • Therapy and Therapists
    • What Am I? I'm Not Sure.
    • Androgyne Forums
    • Crossdresser Discussions
    • Female to Male (FtM) Discussions
    • Male to Female (MtF) Discussions
    • Intersex Discussions
    • Non-Binary and Gender Non-Conforming Support Forum
    • Passing As Your Target Gender
    • Hormone Replacement Therapy
    • Transition Product Info
    • Real Life Test Discussions
    • Transgender Surgeries
    • Post-Op Discussions
    • Transgender Issues
    • WPATH Standards of Care
    • Health Issues
    • Diet and Exercise
    • Fashion
    • Beauty
  • Career and Workplace Issues
    • Job Search
    • Academia
    • Corporate and Office Environments
    • Health Care and Social Services
    • Law Enforcement and Emergency Response
    • Service and Hospitality Industries
    • Other Fields
  • News, Activism, Politics, and Events
    • News
    • Uplifting News
    • Politics
    • Transgender Activism
    • Events, Conferences, and Gatherings
  • Parents, Family, and Friends of Transgender Individuals
    • Parents of Transgender Children Support Forum
    • Family and Friends of Transgender People
  • Spirituality
    • Buddhism
    • Christianity
    • Mormonism
    • Hinduism
    • Islam
    • Judaism
    • Two-Spirit
    • Wicca
    • Other Faiths
    • Non-Deistic Spirituality
  • Entertainment
    • Movies
    • Television
    • Jokes and Humor
    • Games and Gaming
    • Books
    • Videos
    • Music
    • Artwork
    • Gadgets and Tech

Find results in...

Find results that contain...

Date Created

  • Start


Last Updated

  • Start


Filter by number of...

Found 47 results

  1. TrIIIy

    Hello, everyone

    Hello, all. My name is Trey. I’m a 31 yo trans man from the American Deep South. I am fully out but just starting my transition. I have autism, which makes my situation a bit more complicated; I currently cannot work, so I live with my mother, who does not approve of my transition. I’m about to start testosterone anyway, and I am excited about it! I enjoy taking care of animals and have a degree in biology which I hope to put to good use one day. In the meantime, I teach fencing once a week and watch a lot of TV. I like to sew and lift weights (take that, gender norms!). My favorite fandoms are Sherlock, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Star Wars. I’m glad to have a place where I can talk about transgender topics with other trans people! See you in the forums!
  2. I've been in a relationship with a guy for about 2 months, it'll be 3 the 28th of this month. I'm trans and he's cis. Before we got together I fantasized about kissing, loving, and being in a relationship with a boy publicly. This is the first boy I've been involved with who has respects my pronouns, my boundaries, and when I say no. In my opinion this is my first real relationship with one. I feel self-conscious about how my boyfriend and I present socially, I want it to be obvious that we are boys in a relationship and gay rather than a het couple. I've shared this with him, but I don't feel like he understands or shares my fears. I also feel shame at times when we are being affectionate, both in private and in public. I'm scared that we're not being a normal couple and there is something possibly wrong about what we're doing together. I overthink about the possibility that we're being too affectionate or even gross. I won't talk about our sexual activities, but I feel ashamed of that, too. It's all consensual, I just get dysphoric and worry that I'm being gross. I'm scared that I'm being predatory, almost, in a way. Like I'm being gross and boy obsessed. I like him a lot and just want to be a normal boyfriend to him. I want to be able to say that I'm gay for him in public without being perceived as a lesbian by other people, which I think I am most of the time. Am I being gross? Is there something wrong with me?
  3. 20izzole

    Hi, I'm Lee :) He/Him

    I'm a pre-T trans guy and have been out for 4 years, now. I am looking forward to starting HRT as soon as I'm able. I'm very femme presenting, which is unfortunate because I do experience dysphoria, but I also like traditionally "feminine" things. Because of that I get very insecure about how badly I pass. I'm also struggling with feelings of shame about my sexual identity, as I'm in a new relationship with a cis guy. He's very sweet and supportive and I feel lucky to have him. I think my feelings of shame come from my dysphoria and fears of presenting as a straight couple, as well as my struggles with sexuality because I see no representation of trans men in gay relationships with cis men, I guess. I'm really looking forward to building relationships with people who understand my struggles, as my IRL community is not very diverse gender-identity wise. I used to be very outspoken about my identity/pronouns but due to trauma I find it very hard to speak out. I'm hoping that by joining this forum I will become more confident in that aspect! Thanks!
  4. Okay hi! So those of you that have been regulars in helping me sort out my journey here on trans pulse know that I'm dealing with a lot of shame surrounding my identity and it really bothers me. My sister has been dating this woman for like 6 months and it getting kind of serious so she wants to bring her home for Christmas and I'm very very nervous. Now mind you i AM a socially anxious person but I'm abnormally anxious. And I think it's because my sister told her I was trans and that I go by Trevor. My sisters girlfriend had no issues as far as know but I get this feeling of embarrassment? Or that feeling of having someone you don't know see you naked? I don't know... I can't take the embarrassment anymore. sometimes I think the embarrassment or Shame is reverse dysphoria and then I start to question if I truly am trans. Or sometimes I think the name Trevor doesn't fit me or that Trevor is more of a different side of me or an alter ego if you will than actually me. I don't know. I can't make a decision to save my life so having to make the decision to outwardly change myself socially and physically to the world to be happy has been my greatest burden. Why am I so embarrassed for my sisters girlfriend to know me and address me as Trevor?? sometimes I think it's a fear that deep down most people will think I'm "strange" but the other reason is I get second hand dysphoria sometimes when I see a pre - T pre everything ft like me and I feel like when I go by Trevor in someone else's eyes they truly notice all the ways I DON'T look like a Trevor or im NOT A Trevor . am I making any sense?? Deeply grateful to anyone that takes the time to read this and give me insight/tips. Love to all. - Trevor
  5. Hi, I'm new here, I just joined the community. I am very, very happy that I can finally talk about myself. So, this year in January I accidentally came out to my mother as a transgender man. She panicked if I was kidding or not, then started to ask expected questions like "were you sexually assaulted; why do you think you would be happy as a man; why do you think that people will love you as a man; do you like girls or boys etc." I tried to give clear answers to her, but I ended up crying because I didn't even plan to come out, it just happened suddenly. I got stressed and confused incredibly fast. After that she too started to cry, and just stared at me. Later she said let's talk about it some other time. In the summer I started to initiate conversations about this with her, but she either started to cry or fell asleep while I was talking... I know it must be a lot to her, considering I never talked about either myself or anything, really, so everything came out with a force I couldn't control. Not that bad so far. Since then she started to call me by my birthname way more often than before, and calls me with all kinds of -crappy- girlish petnames possible. I want to look over that because she's my mother, she can call me whatever she wants, however much it hurts me. She acts like nothing happened. But when we converse with my sister and this topic comes up, it shows that she's been researching the surgery part of it, but talks away from me. I'm very sad that I can't talk to her, I don't want to break the good relationship we had thus far. I don't know what to do, how to approach her. Can anyone give me advice about this matter? Thank You for your time reading this!
  6. BrandenLeon

    Well news.

    I have been getting called sir alot more. (Even when i don't wear my binder. Am blond so it helps me.) But some call me mama or miss after they hear my vioce. (Most women do) And most men still call me sir when they hear my vioce. I been thinking if i want to get better at passing should i try out some vioce training videos to deepen my vioce? Has anyone else done these?
  7. Huzzah! As of yesterday, my very expensive bottom surgery is funded! Now I can go ahead and finalize plans, buy tickets, reserve hotels, figure out how to pay the hospital, etc... So, by way of celebration, I'm going to start a thread. What's the weirdest conversation someone struck up with you in relation to your transition? For some reason people find me very approachable, but I can't be the only one. Can I? Mine happened about two months ago. (August 2019) I'm changing in the men's locker room because bathroom laws. If I'm going to make someone uncomfortable, it's not going to be the group that's already oppressed thank you very much. So I'm "changing." Really all I'm doing is ditching my street clothes. I have my gym clothes underneath. And the guy changing next to me says, "You've got some balls bringing those (my breasts) in here." I paused. What do you SAY to that? So what's going through my mind? I assure you, my balls had nothing to do with them. Maybe, I'm sorry, do they offend? Why are you staring at my chest? Sorry, they follow me wherever I go? I tried to leave them home, but they cry? I went with, "I'm sorry if they make you uncomfortable, but by law I can't use the women's locker room for a few months yet." He just grunted back. Gotta love male communication. So please, share any funny/weird encounters. I can't possibly be the only person this happens to. Hugs!
  8. 1macchiatothanks

    FtM, but doubtful of transition

    Hi, I'm J, 20 years old. I know that I'm transgender, but I don't see transition actually alleviating my gender dysphoria. I don't see myself passing. It's very disheartening because I've never felt "female". I've questioned my sexuality and gender since I was 4 years old. I've identified as a (cis) lesbian for about 5 years, out to a handful of people. The disgust I feel to be viewed as this adorable, delicate girl is unparalleled. I've felt like my body has mocked me my entire life. I have no desire to bear children. I loathe my large chest and wide hips. (I've bound my chest for six years) I'm 5'2". Even my hands are tiny. If I was taller, I might consider transitioning, but I don't see myself passing, even with top surgery and hormones. I feel at a loss with myself recently. I'm not comfortable with telling anyone I know that I am considering transition. I live in a very conservative corner of America. I may feel differently about all of this in a couple years, and after I've relocated, but right now I feel miserable.
  9. CallMeKai

    I Feel Ready.....But I Cant

    I've come up on a year of going by he/him pronouns with my friend group at school. It doesn't seem like that long ago and its hard to think I have come this far already. I know a year is not that long but after questioning myself for over 2 1/2 years I feel like things are starting to make sense, I think. I feel ready to tell people, to come out and say I am still questioning but I would prefer to be called he/him. I want to try my name more and see if it is comfortable for me. I think I am getting a new job and they asked for my preferred name and gender. I wanted so badly to put down male, and my name that I'm trying but its so hard when my parents disagree with everything I do moving in that direction. I still live in the house with them and its so hard for me to do things when everything I try seems to make my mom upset. My mom basically breathed a sigh of relief when I said I wasn't going by a different name with my friends, this makes me upset because for some reason her feelings matter more to me then me being comfortable. I don't go by he/him in the house, even though my whole family knows about me question, because there is a fear that something will go wrong. That I am going to make people upset, I don't have many friends to begin with and I don't want to lose any people in my life. There is so much anxiety with coming out and I know that's part of transitioning but it feels like my social anxiety makes it all worse. I never correct people when they misgender me because I freeze up and continue on. I cant correct people to save my life and I don't pass enough to present as male, people will think of me weird and/or hate me before they know me. I know that's probably not true, but when you are so self critical of yourself you think everyone else in the world is the same to you. I wanted to start gender therapy but the last time I asked my parents for that they got me a religious regular therapist who knows nothing about trans kids. I am scared to talk to them again and get a real gender therapist so I don't have to be so dam confused all the time. I don't have money to pay for one myself and my insurance doesn't cover it so I am stuck with my thoughts. I don't know, I guess I just needed to rant about my situation. It doesn't make things better but other people know.
  10. Hello! A little over a year ago I came to this site questioning my gender and from that point forward I just identified as trans. It felt right, familiar, and just needed. But now almost a year and half later nothing has changed. I still haven't come out publicly just to close friends and family. and I'm still questioning who I am. At this point something just feels off. I don't why it's taken me this long? Maybe it's my minds way of telling me that this isn't what I want? Why am I so ashamed why is me being trans such a dirty little secret? I feel like it might be because I'm so afraid I might be wrong that I don't want to regret coming out. And that Just doesn't seem right to me. After almost a year and a half I don't think I should still be so unsure. The reason I'm writing this is because I read an article about a woman who transitioned to male and then detransitioned and there were something she said that really stood out. She said that she always had some aversion and shame surrounded by the word -lesbian- and that it just kind of felt bitter in her mouth and I 100000% agree with that. So now I'm thinking that maybe it's not being trans that I need to accept maybe it's being "a -lesbian-" and not feel shame in that . There are other parts of me where I feel really bad for months and will watch a teenage boy on a show and will think about it for days. Because I feel robbed, robbed that I didnt get to live my life as a boy and had to spend my childhood as a girl. But I don't know... Maybe I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure dysphoria is supposed to be a constant thing and not just come in waves. I don't know.. I feel like after this long I should have made some progress but I haven't. Why am I so afraid to tell people? is it internalized transphobia? Or is it because deep down I know I'm wrong and am not willing to make that mistake? I don't know and I've had so many people tell me it's subjective but I really am just looking for honest opinions at this point. If someone could please provide that for me id really appreciate it. I'm tired of feeling this way. thank you.
  11. Guys I think I'm a borderline alcoholic. I'm not sure I'm only 18 yrs old but my sister is a meth addict and because of my hidden trauma from it all I stole alcohol for the first time since I've gone to therapy, but now every time I drink I get this freeling that makes me want to drink the bottle dry and it scares me. If anyone is comfortable talking about it, what were some early signs that led u to know u were an alcohol? Bc I've done online tests but they're all about signs of alcoholism in th later on stages. I do deeply apologize to anyone who may have felt triggers by this post
  12. Wrightful

    Top Surgery Process

    I can remember wanting top surgery since I first started questioning my gender, which feels like forever ago. Recently, I found that there's a surgeon much closer to me than the one I was originally looking at (admittedly wistfully, as he lives near cross country from my location). I liked the first for his results, but the new, closer surgeon has very similar ones, and as the travel requirements have changed, it suddenly feels much more plausible to seek out this part of my medical transition. Still, though, I find myself a little lost. The biggest obstacle, of course, is price. I need to know what it's going to approximately run me before I can start planning on when and if I will be able to commit. I am not sure whether I should contact the surgeon's office first, or if I should contact my insurance first to figure out an estimate. If anyone who has gone through the process would be willing to give some advice on how to proceed it would be greatly appreciated! The surgeon is Nicholas Kim, based in Minneapolis. If anyone has had experiences working with him I would also love to hear those! The reviews I've seen from his clients on transbucket speak highly of their experiences and seem satisfied. Thank you in advance for those who take the time to read and respond!
  13. Hi there, I’m a 21 year old cis female and my partner is also 21 and has just come out to me as ftm. We are newly engaged and have been together 8 months. I am pansexual so the revelation of them being trans doesn’t bother me, however I am absolutely terrified. All advice and forums I’ve read so far have been mainly negative. I’m so scared I’m going to lose them, mainly over my ‘grieving’ of her. I know things are going to change and the unknown is scaring me and I’m hoping someone has been in a similar position and can just provide me with reassurance in a sense. Thank you!
  14. mochi90

    Three Generations

    This is a movie on Netflix instant stream that stars Elle Fanning as a pre-T transgender male. The movie focuses mostly on the mother struggling to accept her son and features a very transphobic grandmother, who eventually comes around. I have mixed feelings about this movie. Especially because Elle was presented mostly gender neutral rather than with an actual male hairstyle and sense of fashion. And also because of the transphobia.
  15. Trigger warning: dysphoria Hi friends! I'm starting to accept my identity but I'm not sure yet and I really lack resources where I live. So I have some questions if you don't mind me asking. I have mostly chest dysphoria and long hair makes me feel very bad. Also I really want to have a penis and I always fantasize about being a guy and transitioning. I hate people using female pronouns for me and I don't feel like a woman AT ALL. Is that enough to sure of my identity? Are these common feelings among trans people? It's not a phase because I've had these feelings for years now but now that I'm fully aware of it, my dysphoria is crippling. I really want to be sure of my gender identity so any ideas, tips are welcomed. Therapy is not really an option where I live .
  16. Hi guys! I've been kind of confused lately... Almost a year ago now I came out (exclusively) as ftm trans but lately I find myself questioning my sexuality as well. My entire life I was never into boys the way I was girls. I Could have crushes on boys but I could never fall in love and all that stuff. Before I came out as trans I identified as a lesbian for 6 years as well. But lately I find myself wondering. Theres this trans guy youtuber who I started really crushing on. And while yes I I know anyone can fancy an attractive guy with a platform, it literally got to the point where it was like 'admit it, you want him' and in some ways im confused but also surprised. Have any of you guys come out as trans and feel your preference expand? What do u think the reason behind that is? (I'm thinking maybe it's because liking men was, in my past, associated with "femininity" and being a straight female [by society's standards anyway?]) I don't know... after all I do have to explore this more. This youtuber could be the exception. I don't know... In some ways in kind of scared about it. I feel like I'm learning more and more that I am not who I think I am. I feel like I've been losing what I thought was factual. In some ways thought I Would live as a girl my whole life and never come out and face the hardships that come with this. but I know now that I need to come out and I'm accepting that one but I thought I knew my sexuality for a fact and now I'm realizing I don't even have that. I'm feeling very lost and confused in my life. Anyways.... Thank you all again for being something to lean on. I appreciate it. - Trevor
  17. I have been wearing a new prosthetic penis called The Advance. This is a multi functioning stp, hard and flaccid form. It can also c*m when if you squeeze the balls just right. Im pretty happy with my purchase although it did take 6 weeks to deliver when they said 30 days. But they did reply when I emailed them so thats ok. Uhm..ya, still figuring out how to use the stp feature but it works pretty well. All in all I recommend choice designs but be prepared to wait for it. thanks for reading
  18. "Body" Mother Mother https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4o0WYiK52Dg "Transgender Dysphoria Blues" Against Me! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTkmsAJvJwQ "Boys Will Be Boys" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JogfQGwB7dI "Cut My Hair" Mounika (it's based off of the song This Is Home by Cavetown, which is next on my list) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqfDjmAkq7U "This Is Home" Cavetown https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YgmMJJ34k4 "Androgyny" Garbage https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7e2BetO0w-U "Bleed Like Me" Garbage https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONgrSX47qYA "Candy Says" The Velvet Underground https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFY5ko4sAyI "Giant Woman" From Steven Universe https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7IHZv5Q594 "Identity Lost In A Mirror" TheMindless Cannibal https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qyFn-MamXY
  19. Hi guys, I'm 17 yo and have been living confortably with my identity since I came out to my friends and mother (even though she rejects me), but I'm finally planning on living with my older brother (who I'm still not prepared to come out yet, but has showed signals that he already knows and supports me) and start working as a comic artist next year. Which means I'm starting to think about taking part in contests, winning the most I can and saving money for my chest surgery (which is the most urgent, since it has grown quite a bit these past years and have been a real problem for me to pass normally), at least until I can try a japanese government scholarship. I really want to do it before going to college, since I don't know how things will be for me as a trans person in a scholarship of a kinda strict country such as Japan. But, now that I realized how close it is, I'm starting to feel scared. My father used to abuse physically of my mother when I was really tiny, and I watched everything, until he stopped (even though I don't remember a thing). I think that's the reason why I was always hugely scared of getting hurt, violence, fights, arguements, etc. I really hate pain and fights. I'm starting to get over it, letting myself feel pain more frequently without thinking of it as death, but it's still really hard for me. Anyways, I realized that I think the most about how it'll hurt. I wanted to ask to my therapist about it, but he doesn't listen to me properly and will probably say non sense stuff, as always. And I really don't want to argue with him again. I'm also really worried that I might regret it later. My mother is always saying about how I will regret everything. And I'm not a really secure person, I rarely trust my own judgement. So, it's not rare to fear that I'll regret a decision. I'm also trying to imagine how it'll be once I get the chest surgery, if I could feel comfortable even during sex, but it's been difficult even to imagine it. I had lots of awful experiences as a transgender and I think it might influence that. Plus, I already tried imagining myself as a girl, being treated as a "she", but it really freaks me out. I really hate it. I think I might just not be prepared, but I don't know, as I said, I don't trust my own judgement. I'm scared in the end my mother was right and I'm not really trans. Or that I will regret everything. Idk. Thanks for reading.
  20. DevilDog

    Am I??

    Hello, all! I was born female and just turned 48. I grew up in a small town in Indiana, which is very much a red state. I was a tomboy from day 1....pretty much the boy my dad never had. Growing up, I played with the boys....there were no girls on our block. I was athletic like them, liked the same toys as them, I was one of them...except for the long, blonde ponytail that went down to my butt, which I desperately wanted cut (thanks mom). Around the age of 10, I started to feel like I didn’t fit anymore with the boys, but I didn’t fit in with the girls either. I don’t really think I have ever totally left this feeling. I was always the girl left standing by the rail at the roller rink during couples skate. I played 4 sports in high school. I was good at pretty much anything I played. My first love, being a Hoosier, was of course basketball. However, I ended up being a better softball player in my career. The era was one where women’s sports were starting to get competitive and more up tempo. I played like a guy, aggressive, competitive, hating to lose, barking at teammates on the court.....as a result, I was assumed to be a lesbian. I hated the label! It wasn’t until my junior year of college that I was beginning to figure out I was a lesbian. I got pregnant right after graduating from college. I was trying to prove to myself I wasn’t gay. The bio-dad didn’t stick around. I ended up marrying a guy that I dated prior to the bio-dad. I knew I was a lesbian prior to getting married, but I was trying to be superwoman and give my son a dad and traditional family. I probably could have made it work had my dad not passed away from a car accident 1.5 after. After the funeral, my husband wasn’t too supportive. I ended up turning to a friend of mine for solace. We ended up having relationship. It ended both of our marriages. And I stayed with her for eight years. We never lived together. In hindsight, I pretty much stayed with her because she was my memory of the time when my dad passed away. Several years later, I met the woman that I would end up marrying. She loved me, she loved my son, and we had the same outlook on life. We have been together for 13 years. I am still in love with her. But life has changed. I have dealt with depression ever since around 13. I didn’t know it was depression...but that is when I remember having my first passive, suicidal thoughts. I thought it was normal, that everyone had these thoughts, because I had them everyday. Again, I was passively suicidal. I didn’t have a plan....having had two members in my extended family commit suicide, I know what it does to the family. Days turned into years, years turned into decades which led to a middle aged, used to being single parent empty nester that didn’t know who she was. My wife had gone back to school to become a nurse 10 years ago. For some reason, she was very one tracked minded towards school and jobs, we haven’t been intimate in 9 years. I admit, I was a fool for letting it go for so long, but I kept busy being my son’s mom and biggest fan. I am a teacher, but left the classroom 2 years ago...at the same time my son graduated from college...not the smartest decision of my life, but nonetheless it was done. I ended up at my lowest depression point in November 2018. I was a shell of a person. My wife has been extremely supportive!!! However, we still don’t have a sex life, we don’t have any intimacy, we are basically best friends that room together. During my counseling, I thought I had narrowed down roots of my issues to 3 topics: 1) not reaching my dream in college and career wise 2)gay guilt...mentally, I couldn’t reconcile being gay and a Christian. Remember, conservative, red state that elected the dipsh!t that is now the VP. 3) the state of my marriage was perpetuating the self-deprecating thoughts. It wasn’t until mid March that I realized I am transgendered in some way shape or form. During this time of self reflection, it makes perfect sense. However, I have several topics that need further exploring. First and foremost, I absolutely, undeniably love being my son’s mom. I am very maternal, but being the tomboy at heart...I have taught the fundamentals of sports, how to change the oil and brakes on a car, basic carpentry sense, etc. I know I will “always” be mom to him and I am 100% okay with that!! I have a hard time envisioning being called Pappa or papaw when I have grandkids. Secondly, what DOES it feel like to be a man? I catch myself at different points in time throughout the day and ask myself, “do you feel female (like always b/c you don’t know any different) or male (do you feel like you have penis between your legs)? I don’t feel the later. So, what am I supposed to feel? This is a nice segway to the third concern...sexually, I KNOW I am a man. I think about sex all of the time. I can get aroused with the change in direction of the wind. I swear if I looked down at my crotch, I would see an erect penis! When my wife and I used to be sexually intimate, I definitely enjoyed being the giver, if you will. When I put the strap-on on, it felt natural and right. Now that I am on the correct meds and dosages and seeing my therapist, I know something was off for me to think about suicide that much. I feel what I imagine others feel everyday....but my libido is not like the average middle-aged woman!! Now that I am healthy mentally and emotionally, I have been trying to get my marriage back to what it was. I wasn’t sure if suffering from extreme sexual deprivation could be clouding my brain when trying to figure out just how trans I am.....again, another man trait...thinking with my penis rather than the brain. I don’t want to decide to medically transition if it mostly a sexual fantasy and obsession. Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated. Please don’t recommend a gender therapist. I already have a therapist and I see my NP once a week for counseling as well. Thanks!
  21. Hey! I just got myself a packer, but I didn't order any special underwear or thing to have it in (I'm a student with little money). It's not been too long since I got it, but I'm so happy about having it and I've started using it even without any packing underwear, pouch or whatever people use. I have never heard of anyone wearing a packer straight in their underwear, but honestly I kinda like it. Do people have some more knowledge than me about this? Is it superduper unhygenic? I clean it everytime I shower so I'm thinking it shouldn't be that bad? Also does anyone do like a DIY packing pouch/packing underwear? I'm open to all criticism/advice
  22. Wrightful

    Recognizing Doubt

    Recently I have had the privilege to take several strides concerning my transition both physically and socially. I have come out to my martial arts family and system, and I was allowed in the most recent tournament to compete in the men's division with the permission of my grand master and the council (a huge step! I don't know of any other trans people in our association that compete). I also started HRT just under three months ago, and while that hasn't been extremely smooth of a process, things are moving forward at a pleasant rate. The most recent of these steps I've been able to take is moving towards getting proper identification documents (driver's license and passport). I obtained the paperwork I need to bring to my dmv just the other day. However, the practitioner at the clinic was very hesitant to write the note at first. She seemed to convince herself over the course of our discussion. I did not try to persuade her much in the matter, just listened to her concerns and the normal timeline of things. In the end, she decided she would write the letters needed if I desired them. However, her hesitation certainly shook me more than I expected it to. I find myself caught in the old circle of wondering if I really am trans, if what I'm feeling will truly remain consistent, and if I will regret transitioning. This is not a new doubt. I have had it since I felt I may identify as transgender, and it occasionally rears its head without prompting. Nowhere along the physical side of transitioning have I feel regret for my decisions. I have enjoyed all of what HRT has started to change, have enjoyed the social aspect of it, and have enjoyed seeing myself look just a little more masculine in the mirror. So then I have to ask myself, recognizing this doubt, how normal of an experience it is to question one's identity? I imagine it must be fairly normal, especially with how much we are told to reconsider by those around us and society already, but I thought I would drop this here for any of those who wish to share their experiences with self-doubt. Thanks for listening!
  23. Okay, so this is my first time ever doing this... I'm just in search of advice and answers to my millions of questions, scratch that, BILLIONS of questions that can't be answered by textbook definitions, and also friends.. I'm 20 years old and I realized lately that my childhood was not as common as I thought. A vey big part of growing up was surrounded by "phases", as my parents would call it, but I only realize now that I may just be different. I learnt that sexual orientation and identity is very different, things that in my home town we had no education what so ever on, and that completely changed my perspective of my own life. I've always struggled with depression and major anxiety, basically because I never liked my own body because I kept thinking I wasn't beautiful or too fat.. my body parts grossed me out and scared me as in a way someone with coulrophobia see's a clown and is scared -clean bathroom- (fun fact, I am terrified of clowns!). Anyways back to the real story, recently I've been through alot of challenging times, a break up with my boyfriend (with whom I loved for 3 years) and I was forced to come out as transgender to my mother and she did not take it well, family is a very important key of my life, and someone might have ruined it for me cause he told her I was hiding something... did i mention by force !...I was not ready what so ever to tell her, heck im not even sure 100% if this is the trail I want to adventure in, but im like at a safe 99,8% sure this is what I need to be completely free and happy. I have a few friends that knows about me, but not much because from where I am from, people like me are judged and classified as inhuman... It breaks my heart to even think of jugement that could involve myself.. Anyways, thats a brief paragraphe of my wonderful life at the moment, and i guess am in search of some comfort and support. Maybe even a few friends that know how I am feeling looking upon my situation. So yah, thanks for listening ! XD
  24. UghToast

    Embarrassed and Unsure

    Hello, Recently I started coming out as trans to my immediate family and friend circle. I have spent most of my life (25 yrs) wishing I were a boy, and being uncomfortable/sad being referred to as female. I am generally OK with my body, I'm pretty sure HRT is not for me, but I bought a chest binder and have been feeling loads better because of it. Just trying at this point to accept myself as a boy, trying to undo the years of seeing myself as female. If I could press a button to become male, I would -- I just want to FEEL like a boy, if that makes sense. And, sometimes I do, and it's exhilarating! Anyway, when it involves to coming out to other people, I've been less certain. My friends are generally understanding, but I am now the only LGBT person in our circle. I've brought up wanting a gender neutral name and using male pronouns, but when friends and family do use them around me (oftentimes correcting themselves) I feel horribly embarrassed and ashamed. Is this normal? I feel like it's a mix of things, like I'm worried people don't actually SEE me as a boy, because I don't and probably will never pass as a boy. I feel totally vulnerable making this change. What if I have second thoughts? But at the same time, even though it's familiar, I don't want to go back to the female name/pronouns because I don't want to spend my whole life wishing for something that I don't allow myself to attain. I guess I'm just scared. I'm in this middle ground now where nothing feels right (except occasionally when I am out with one good friend who is crazy supportive I feel excited). I want to be a boy so bad, and so far everyone has been very nice, why don't I have the bravery to do this?? I have a gender therapist I've been seeing but I haven't been jiving very well with her, she just sits there and stares at me smiling and then I feel like I have to yammer to avoid the silence. So, I have made another appointment with someone else, but it's a couple week out, which is why I am reaching out here for support. Thank U in advance, --UghToast
  25. After three failed marriages and a variety of counselors I never realized why? I came out to my family about being Bi and all I got was discouragement. 2 years ago when I turned 33 I started working out and lifting because I was disgusted with my body. All my life I had been pushed to be sexy girly girl by my family and then in my marriages. Then after I started working out I was able to start hormone therapy and found a sympathetic counselor and finally I started to like my body again. I stopped wearing womens cloths and started wearing mens attire and finally last year with support of a couple of friends I fianlly got my chest done. ITs been hell for me at my work thru this whole process but I will say to anyone its worth it. Later this year Im going to relocate and start over nearer my friends location. I just wanted to share my story.
  • Create New...