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  1. -warning, long post Hi, I've only recently realized that I'm non-binary(assigned female at birth) and have also come to realize that I don't want breasts anymore. It's a bit ironic, because my whole life I wanted to be chesty, but now that I am I hate it. When I was still living as female I wanted big breasts because that's what made girls "sexy." I wanted people to see me and think, "Wow that girl is really pretty!" But I now know that it doesn't matter what other people think, what matters is me and if I'm comfortable in my body. I'm not. A year or so ago I was admitted to an adolescent psych ward where they changed up my meds a bit. One of the meds made me very quickly put on 40 pounds, making my chest grow a fair amount as well. I was then taken off the medication and lost the weight as quickly as I gained it. This has made my breasts more saggy and has made me even more uncomfortable with them. I've just started becoming detached from them. I look down and I'm like, "Those aren't mine." I mean clearly they are "mine" physically, but they are not part of who I am. I don't even want them to be touched anymore. I just do my best to pretend they aren't there. So now on to the real topic - top surgery. I do not want breasts. I want them gone. However, I do not want a male chest either. I just want to be flat chested. Honestly I don't even care if I still have nipples or not because I was never very comfortable with those either. I don't want to have to worry about breasts. I just don't want them. I would bind my chest, but not only do I hate wearing bras or similar chest containment devices, I also have fibromyalgia and worry that binding could be more pain than it's worth. I live in Missouri, somewhat near St. Louis county. Does anyone have any recommendations for surgeons? I would greatly prefer a female surgeon; I am a sexual abuse victim and am uncomfortable around most men. I'm not currently financially able to afford surgery, but I will do what I can to save up and raise money. Just any general advice is appreciated. ~ Chris
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