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Hello, I am having and I have had waves of anguish over my physical gender over the years since late elementary to middle school with a huge increase in my teens. I am now 44 and I have not had much of this during my latest decade or 2. But a few years ago it came back to me that I feel like I would rather be female. I was going to forums and asked, and tried to develop this, but in the middle of that, first thing on that forum I got trolled by some cyber bully and badly hurt mentally and emotionally, so I felt just bad, a few months later, I got in a disaster that was unrelated to my mental issues, which made me put this aside, being scared of the whole idea that I might be a transgender. I have developed a "male identity" which seemed to help me during the years, but I did have long hair first, but I cut it after the latest disaster. I have had horrible sexual trouble too, not only do I never feel for sex for weeks after, but I also feel I have no control over my sexual desires, this is unbearable when I am feeling gender dysphoria and hardly cannot look at my body. This has been followed me like a shadow since I was in the teen ages. But when I had developed a male identity, I could feel sexual lust over my own male body, rather dressed in body covering underwear or similar, rarely naked (this, by itself seems strange and perhaps sick)? But when I did this, I felt I had more control over my sexuality, but lately my gender dysphoria came back at full power and I lost control again. I feel that if I learn to love my male body like I did, things will not go out of control, but on the other hand, it still feels "wrong" to me on most occasions other than when I feel sexual desire over the body. How do I resolve this? When/if the body starts to transform on HRT, will I miss that strange sexual security? Or will I still be able to see my (new female) body in the same positive way, but now with a female identity? I really hope I have explained this in an understandable way. But please ask if you wonder.
Hey, my name is Sam and I'm 18. I will be going to college in upstate New York. For years I have tried to come out to my mom as transgender (female to male) or even just as nonbinary/genderqueer because to be fair I don't feel 100% male...or at least what society expects "male" to mean. I genuinely want to present more masculine (binding, etc.) in college, something I could never really do at home because of how infuriated my mom would get... and the fact I grew up in a small conservative town... Ever since I was 12 I knew that this was something I wanted to do. I am just terrified to actually do it when left to my own devices, after years of conditioning and self-preservation by doing the opposite... I finally have all this freedom, but now I'm too scared to act on it. Basically, what I'm asking for here is advice from anyone who has been in this situation or known anyone who has or just thinks they have something to offer. That would be ideal. Thanks! I'd also like to make some friends so feel free to message me : ) Have a good day/night/whenever you're reading this!