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Found 14 results

  1. All, So I feel the introduction thread did a good job getting me generalized information. I’ve been fighting with my trans identification since I was in my teens I believe. But as I read about others I’m not nearly as “sure” as other seem, if that makes sense? The facts: - 33yo father of 2 - Been dealing with my trans identity since 13-ish or earlier - Not “uncomfortable” as a man but would far rather be female. - I’m a big guy, 6’2” with resting bitchface (pardon the profanity), but I’m extremely uncomfortable in groups where masculinity is on display or has the “wolf pack” mentality of aggressive masculinity (Sports events, gyms, parties) - I enjoy my “manly” hobbies related to my cars, motorcycle, and planes. - Afraid to transition just because of how hard it would be to be passable. - Only dressed in public once, on Halloween at a LGBTQ friendly bar, was still super nervous but like the attention Katie got and not male me. - Tossed everything early in my marriage so besides reading, no exploration in over a decade. - Terrified of SRS and in a perfect world would get every surgery I could afford except SRS. - Horrid fashion sense... Therapist says I need to explore and open up so I’m an open book here. I just want a little guidance because, honestly, I’m not the media’s stereotypical MTF transwoman. Any insights? Yours Truly, Kathrynn
  2. KlaraTi

    Hi from Australia

    Hi, I'm fairly new to this, I accepted that I am trans late last year. I'm about to start Estrogen. I'm not "out" to many people yet. My wife & my siblings know & a couple of close friends. Looking forward to meeting more like minded people from Oz. 🙂
  3. Natasha K


    Greetings My name is Natasha K. I am MTF transgender. I was born and raised in a extremely traditional Roman Catholic family. My family thinks that it is a sin to be Transgender, or even gay, and would probably disown me if they ever found out about my proclivities. For this reason, I have not come out to them and don't plan to until its absolutely necessary. Even when I was very small I knew something was wrong, and couldn't figure out why my sister got to wear and do things that I could not. I was caught several times wearing my sister's clothes as a child and was punished for it. As I grew older I pushed all of that deep inside and tried to never let it out again. As I am sure many of you are aware, the more you try to repress parts of yourself the more they grow; until the desire to break free becomes overwhelming. I am 21 years old now, currently serving in the US armed Forces in order to acquire the GI bill so I can go to college. For this reason, I have not come out to anyone except a very dear friend, and I shall have to remain in the closet, as well as wait to begin medically transitioning until my term is over. I have however, transitioned privately; living as a girl whenever I am home. Fortunately I have been able to find some consolation in this. Anyway, I am glad that I found this forum, its encouraging to see a bunch of other folks going through similar things, standing in solidarity with one another, and sharing their experiences. I hope to learn from you all and maybe make a few friends along the way. Hugs.
  4. Hi! so I have short hair that it growing out (thanks, quarantine...) and I’m wondering if anyone has experience styling shorter hair. theres a TON of stuff on YouTube but I wonder if there is anything that you all have found that is particularly useful for mtf. medium term I think I want longer boy hair I can style femme when I present female. thanks so much! -robyn
  5. lauraincolumbia


    Hi All, I'm finally ready to do a more detailed introduction. I've been somewhat active in the forums for months now, but finally think I'm ready to tell my story. Not sure if this is the right place. I am a questioning girl in her mid-upper-forties in central Maryland (Between Baltimore and DC). Not sure which came first, not feeling right as a boy, or being jealous of my sisters, that my mom would take them shopping, hair salon, get nails done, etc, while leaving me at home. Not sure it matters, but I've been wearing and feeling natural in girl's/women's clothes since I was a pre-teen. The attitude in my family was "Do it if you must, but we don't want to see it, and don't take anyone elses clothes, and don't spend money." which led to a lifelong habit of hiding everything, not just gender issues and eating habits, but sports, music and school, and in adult-hood, work, life, income, and spending habits. I'm married twice, to very different, yet in ways similar women. My first marriage ended in part because of my gender issues, but the final straw for me was that she didn't want to see any kind of counselor to work/talk about her own issues, let alone us as a couple. I've now been married to another woman for three and half years. In general we get along great, with many similarities and interests. We seem to love each other very much. She discovered not long before our wedding that I had gender issues, but she thought it was "just" crossdressing, and that I could/would stop. We start going to couples counseling, but in reality it's focused on me. Two years later, she found out that I was back to doing it, I swore I would stop again. We bring it up with the couple's counselor, and refocus on me. Six months later, she finds out again. We are still seeing the same therapist, but by now a lot of the attention had shifted to starting a family ( she really wanted to, but I was on the fence). My issues with gender were only part of the concern. As she's getting older, she created a deadline, that by the end of this year, realistically before Christmas 2019, we had to make the decision to start fertility treatments to start a family. This became intense a month ago, with a little over a week left. A lot of discussions were "forced", i.e. things that should have taken time to work out, have to be discussed and settled before I'm ready to start a family. A lot of things that mattered to her before, i.e. finances, owning a house, jobs, vacations, no longer matter to her. She just wants to start a family. She claims she accepts me for who I am. Unfortunately, she doesn't behave that way. To me, her acceptance is "you're compelled to do it, but don't do it". Our couples therapist is super experienced with degrees from the best schools, she has told us that she can handle all of the scenarios, but when I really pushed on the questions of "Am I a crossdresser, or am I really transgender", she finally gave in and said she would bring in a gender therapist as a consultant, but after a month, the best she did was print out a few pages from DSM V. So, after today's couples therapy session, I'm back to feeling very alone and ready to back to being separated/divorced, so I can figure out where I belong. Sorry for the long winded reintroduction...
  6. I’ve known I was trans for nearly three years now, yet I am still to fully decide upon a new name for myself. For context I’m 17, MtF, mostly out to my friends and family and my birth name is Samuel. I’ve switched between a ton of different names including Samantha, Chloe, Hazel, Holly, Erin, and more. Each time I recognise them as being ‘good names’, but it never feels as though they ‘click’ if that makes sense. I’ve never tried a name which I thought would 100% suit me. im wondering if any other trans people out there, FtM and MtF, might’ve encountered a similar problem. I feel like having a proper name would help solidify my identity, like having something to call my own. But it feels like I’ve read every name in the dictionary and I’m more lost than ever. What are you’re experiences with this kind of thing? any replies would be really great, thank you.
  7. Dearhart

    I'm here, now!

    Hi-hi! My name's Jonathan, soon to be changed to Ivy, but I go by Dearhart online. I've only recently started seeing a gender therapist and acquired the vocabulary I needed to properly express all the feelings I've grown up with but have apparently been presenting myself as gender-nonconforming for quite some time, now. So, there's that. I haven't "really" started transitioning, yet, but I've done a lot of reading and just today realized I won't do as well as I think I can without reaching out to the community. I feel luckier than some in that my friends and family never reacted with anything more negative than "Yeah, okay. Whatever. Just wait till the commercial break." And I am VERY thankful for that. I have so many questions (and twice as many worries) that more often than not, I feel like going back to my usual course of action when overwhelmed by just ignoring it and going about my day, but that's the old, unhealthy me. I'm quite excited about joining the forums here and all the progress towards transitioning that I expect to make in the coming year. So, I'm here now!
  8. Lilly James

    Buying bras

    So I have a question regarding bras. Being born male and now wanting to present more female along with top dysphoria I've decided to wear bras. However with this I've discovered two issues. Number 1 - being in the closet to nearly everyone means I'm only going to wear one with a small or next to no cup. This is so I can feel more comfortable in public and at work. What are the best ways to go about getting one and what kinds would you recommend. 2. I'm really nervous about buying them in public. I feel like people and cashiers will judge me as so far I don't pass at all. I'd like to try online but I live with parents and they are home all the time. If a parcel arrives they always ask what's in it and even if I lie they still want to see it. Sorry for the long post but any help on the subject will be much appreciated.
  9. Jamie231

    Coming out

    So I've been seeing my shrink weekly now for almost 4 months, I've been diagnosed with identity disorder (I cant remember the right word, starts with a p...lol) (and I start HRT on March 18th), my wife has been thinking I have been seeing her for depression. I have come out to my 2 daughters (15 and 23), and my mom, all of which have been very accepting of it. My 2 younger daughters with my current wife (5 and 7) do not know, but are really to young to understand yet, and my 2 sons (16 and 18) I have yet to come out to, as they both look up to dad 100% and are following in my younger foot prints. So I saw both my shrink and primary care doc (who also knows, and said I have the best team in the area for this), on the same day and they both made me realize that it is time to talk to my wife, as she should know. So I did that eve. She didnt take it well at all, she thinks that I am either crazy or sysco and will not see my shrink with me. The next day, she told me that 'i better think myself straight' or she will leave me and take our 2 daughters with her, as she does not want to be in that kind of relationship and she doesn't want our daughters around that either (I know there are laws to protect me, so that doesn't matter, i cant lose seeing my daughters). And how she didnt marry into that type of life and how she doesn't believe in that. So I am at a loss, I have seen my shrink sense and cried about the whole session. I cant hide who I am and who I want to be anymore, it is just causing more and more problems. So i am thinking that I will 'hide' it until after the holidays and after I get some funding saved to be able to get my own house (also I'm disabled, so funding is tight for me). I know I wont feel good that way, but I think that is the only way to do this. I would rather have her stay, as I do love her with all I am, but I guess we weren't meant to be sole mates after all (it kills me to write that). Everyone's journey is different and here starts mine.
  10. Hello to all, I wanted to introduce myself to all. I have been reading alot of your stories and have gotten a ton of information from a bunch of you. I am Jamie (or one day (hopefully soon) will be). I am in transition MTF, I have been seeing my Shrink now for about 3 months and have been approved for HRT, had my letter turned into my endocrinologist and accepted by her as a new patient. I have been diagnosed with gender / indenity disphoria. I am 48 years young, just about 49. I have always kinda wondered about being female on the inside, but trapped in a man's body. It wasn't until about 6 months ago when it really per say 'hit me' and realized on the inside the my outside isn't me. So I'll be starting with my HRT in the middle of March (unless they have some cancel prior), my endocrinologist is extremely busy. But I wanted to say hi and introduce myself to all. And let you know I have read alot from all of you and I know I will read alot more. And I have some questions to ask for some device on. Merry Christmas to all and talk again soon Jamie
  11. Huzzah! As of yesterday, my very expensive bottom surgery is funded! Now I can go ahead and finalize plans, buy tickets, reserve hotels, figure out how to pay the hospital, etc... So, by way of celebration, I'm going to start a thread. What's the weirdest conversation someone struck up with you in relation to your transition? For some reason people find me very approachable, but I can't be the only one. Can I? Mine happened about two months ago. (August 2019) I'm changing in the men's locker room because bathroom laws. If I'm going to make someone uncomfortable, it's not going to be the group that's already oppressed thank you very much. So I'm "changing." Really all I'm doing is ditching my street clothes. I have my gym clothes underneath. And the guy changing next to me says, "You've got some balls bringing those (my breasts) in here." I paused. What do you SAY to that? So what's going through my mind? I assure you, my balls had nothing to do with them. Maybe, I'm sorry, do they offend? Why are you staring at my chest? Sorry, they follow me wherever I go? I tried to leave them home, but they cry? I went with, "I'm sorry if they make you uncomfortable, but by law I can't use the women's locker room for a few months yet." He just grunted back. Gotta love male communication. So please, share any funny/weird encounters. I can't possibly be the only person this happens to. Hugs!
  12. AnnaD


    hi, i have too much libido (im in the middle of male puberty), is there any way to lessen it or stop it? it makes me feel horrible and sick thanks
  13. Dev

    MtF Transition Topics Meeting

    This support group meeting is held online in the TransPulse live chat rooms. It is scheduled from 9:00 to 10:00 PM Eastern time every Monday. MtF members are invited to join to discuss topics related to transitioning and other challenges facing the MtF community. Location: MtF Room Moderator: Ashley40
  14. Dev

    MtF Post Op Meeting

    This support group meeting is held online in the TransPulse live chat rooms. It is scheduled from 8:00 to 10:00 PM Eastern time every Thursday. Both pre- and post-op MtF members are invited to join to discuss topics related to SRS. Location: MtF Room Moderator: Ashley40
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