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Found 5 results

  1. ravennevermore

    New, in every way. And scared.

    Hi everyone, I’m not sure where to start... And I am so sorry if I ramble or sound ridiculous, or if this is long winded. It’s really the first time I’ve said anything “out loud”. I guess first of all, I should say that I have finally, FINALLY realized... that I am transgender.. mtf, and have been fighting dysphoria forever without truly knowing what that meant. After the last couple days, the battle inside my head I’ve been fighting since I was in my teens or truly probably much younger, has really come to the peak. And something else happened today, in my 32nd year of life, that finally led me to find a community/forum I could join and talk. And I’ll explain. I’ve always known I’ve had a feminine side, that more often than not has dominated my thoughts, but because of the family I grew up with, the small town I lived in, the “traditional values” that accompany those types of communities, I always had to hide myself. I spent a few years in my 20’s in much larger cities, where it was just easier to be “me”. But I still hid behind the facade of “emo”, and as a musician it just helped me do the things I wanted to do without being bullied as much. Like wearing makeup. Women’s clothing. Etc. I’ve been with women, and men, and I’ve been happy with both. And I’ve usually not been ashamed of that. That’s never been a huge issue for me. The real fight inside me is that every day, for so long, I’ve felt like a stranger in my own body. I look in the mirror and don’t understand what I see. I don’t feel comfortable being me. I’m not happy being the person I see in the mirror. I’ve spent so long trying to “be a man” and “do manly things” and force myself to like the generalized “male” interests. I even married at one point and had a kid. But I have always been so unhappy and so “serious” and never the emotional, smiling type of person that I always end up alone, alienating everyone and losing everyone I’ve loved. Drinking and abusing myself to kill the pain I have been feeling without knowing where the pain was coming from. For years (since being young), and much more so these past 2 years, I’ve realized just how much I’ve always gravitated towards the feminine side. Where my interests lie. How I want to be seen. What I want to do and how I want to look. Today, and I’m so sorry if this sounds stupid... I heard about a Snapchat filter that alters your gender appearance. I was immediately curious, and wanted to try it. The minute I saw myself as a woman... I almost cried, in the middle of my work. I was looking at me. ME. It might have just been some dumb photo editing algorithm, but to me, it was the first time I recognized myself. I suddenly felt whole, even if only for a moment. I felt real. I wanted to yell and scream and cry and laugh and jump up and down. And I wanted to tell everyone. But I couldn’t. It was also the first time I saw myself smile a true, honest smile in a photo. I almost broke down. I ran to the bathroom and just kept taking different shots to save on my phone. I spent the rest of the day doing this, as well as looking up HRT (not for the first time) and looking up doctors (not for the first time) and found myself in a completely new, terrifying but somehow comforting world. The really hard part today has been going from looking at these fake filters/photos, to looking back at myself in the mirror again. Now when I look in the mirror, I immediately want to turn away. I can’t handle seeing myself the way I am right now anymore. I always knew, but I needed that moment to tell myself that it was reality: I am a woman. Deep down. And I want to come out. So bad. But I am so scared that I am in tears even writing this. I feel like no one would understand. I don’t know how to move forward now. I just keep staring at the fake photo of myself as a woman (my profile picture) and silently crying to myself. Thank you for reading... Again, I’m sorry this is so long. But I appreciate anyone who listens. I suppose for now, you can call me Raven. <3
  2. Okay this is probably going to sound weird (bare with me) but anyways... I really want a STP packer but I've noticed they don't come with (or not the ones I'm looking at least) the actual funnel to pee out of.. Do most come with it? What do you do if it doesn't come with it? Would a funnel intended for cis people like for camping trips and stuff work if I stuck it in the opening? Idk I'm just confused... thank you for the feedback and taking the time to read this -Trevor
  3. Hi there everyone. I only recently found this site so thought I would join and participate where I can. I have been on HRT (MTF) for around 5-6 months give or take, and yet have only really developed soreness and a little breast growth, nothing more. I am 42, so if there are any older Trans girls there who'd like to chat and share ideas etc, I'd be grateful.
  4. PurpleBlue

    Hi new here

    I am new to this forum. I am from the USA. I'm 25 years old. I was assigned female at birth. I have been questioning my gender for 2 years now. I am constantly searching articles online about gender and searching Tumblr and watching videos. I am so confused and want to figure myself out. I joined this forum to talk to people like me. I live in a small town and the people are very against LGBTQ. There aren't many resources where I am. I have no friends in real life and I feel so lonely and isolated. I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety and auditory hallucinations (hearing voices). It's so difficult. I have struggled with my sexuality in the past. It was difficult. Currently I identify as bisexual. I am from a Christian family. I am so scared of them not believing me or accepting me or hating me and not talking to me again. Sorry this post was just me venting. Hopefully we can be friends.
  5. RobB

    Help please

    Hi everybody, thanks to acceptance, I am the single father of a young man who I cared since 3 years old, and told me yesterday that was now a woman, and showed me his new ID card, with a female name. I am a very open mind person, I thought we were real mates, without any secrets, I even avoided to rebuild a family not to harm him with strangers, I feel confused, frustrated in real pain, my life simply lost any sense, has someone experienced a similar situation?
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