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  1. Hi. I have recently realised i am non-binary, i dont feel like a man or a woman but something inbetween. I have told my nurse and my fiance. Who have been totally supportive. But i do feel very alone. There is very little support for those who are LGBTQ + and the only other person who is NB is a 16 year old in my Choir. (Im 25). I dont have a clue how i am going to tell my mum and my oldest brother(24, Autistic,makes jokes about identifing as a toaster). I want to cut my long hair to feel more like me but at the same time i don't, its so confusing! I also have been 'blessed' with a large chest and im not shore what i should use to try and minimise them. On the other hand i bought a mens polo shirt, because womens polo shirts are way too expensive. I was so scared buying it. So yeh im rambling abd im new here, if you can help me that would be great! Many thanks in advance!
  2. Well, I've taken another important step in my journey, and that is seeing a gender therapist. It's something both my trans/queer friends and many here on Trans Pulse have recommended. It actually took awhile to arrange, as more than a few of the gender therapists here in my part of Massachusetts are fully booked -- which I consider a good sign <smile>. But I've found a very professional therapist with lots of gender counseling experience, and I felt very comfortable in my initial session with her today. Without going into unnecessary detail, but to let others who are thinking about seeing a gender therapist know about potential topics, I am entering therapy with two initial goals: 1) To work through and establish my gender identity (like many, I've mulled it over for some time now and flip-flopped on which label seems most appropriate), and 2) To improve communication and mutual understanding with my spouse (who will be jointly attending with me next session -- we both plan to attend sessions separately and/or jointly over the coming months). After all, ever since I came out, we're in this together, so involving her is, to me, extremely important. There are significant decisions about my gender journey that will be coming up, and that I think therapy will be helpful in addressing. For example, because I am someone who waited until retirement to come out (and who, for years prior to that, had puzzled my loved ones because of repressed feelings and the anger/depression that can accompany it), I will have important decisions to make. For example, even if I establish that I would want HRT, that is a significantly more difficult situation to put myself in (and harder on my family) than not doing HRT. Can I remain "happy enough" without HRT? That's something I want to figure out jointly with the help and input of my therapist and my spouse, and not something I try to work out on my own. Oh, by the way, I brought along my copy of the book that helped me, this past year, to explore my gender: How to Understand Your Gender (Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker, 2017). My therapist was unfamiliar with it but impressed by her first look at it, and she plans to order it today and add it to her collection of literature. We both agreed that its exercise-driven approach and up-to-date descriptions were helpful. I'll plan to add to this thread from time to time if important developments occur. Best, Astrid
  3. ButYouDontLook~

    Hi, my name is Clover

    Warning - very long post ahead which is basically my life story Hi, my name is Clover and I've recently realized I'm non-binary. For a very long time I struggled with my gender identity. I was assigned female at birth, but as I got older I started to realize that I wasn't just completely a girl. This was before I knew anything about being non-binary or genderqueer, but I knew about being transgender. However, I knew I was not transgender. I knew I didn't want to transition to male. I didn't know what to call how I felt, and I didn't want to say I was trans because that isn't true and I didn't want to be disrespectful by saying I was. So for several years I just continued to live as I did, but just saying I was female. Luckily I'm able to masquerade as female (I'm not out yet to ANYONE that I know personally) while still being able to live a more non-binary life. I've always been a "tomboy" so nobody is surprised when I wear men's clothing or do/enjoy "manly" things. I've lived a very rough life. I won't go into all the details because it may be triggering to some. My parents split when I was only 9. After I turned 10 we had to move two hours away from home and live with my grandma, and I was miserable. My mom was depressed and practically pretended my brother and I didn't exist. I developed depression around the same time, which went untreated for years. I wasn't popular and middle-high school was pretty miserable. I had many crappy boyfriend's along the way. Around my junior year I really just stopped caring about what other people thought of me and just did my own thing. Then I graduated a year early. Everyone hears that and is like "omg you're so smart!" but in reality I went into an alternative school program because I was failing whoops. I mean yes, I guess I am smart. I was one of the kids who did super well in elementary and middle school but then totally blew it in high school. It was mostly because I kinda just gave up and did the bare minimum. But now I'm out of school so yay! Another thing I realized is that my brother and I are autistic. I was always a little off, but everyone was just like "oh she's just being a kid." But the the show The Good Doctor came out and I related so much to Sean, the main character and autistic surgeon resident. So I started doing research (on reputable websites) and the pieces just sort of fell into place and everything made so much more sense. Unfortunately, I apparently "don't look autistic" so nobody really believes me. I also have fibromyalgia, which sucks a whole bunch. I live with a lot of pain, but I'm doing my best to handle it. Some little fun facts about me: - I like the YouTube channel Game Grumps - I like the YouTube channel Game Theory (and their second channel GT Live) - I like art - I like music and love to sing - I'm 5'4" and only realize how short I am when standing next to my boyfriend in a mirror - I like to eat (it's a problem) - I play video games sometimes, and dungeons and dragons TLDR: my name is Clover, I'm non-binary, my life sucked, I'm autistic, I have fibromyalgia, fun facts
  4. Hi I've been asking myself question about my gender (like a lot of folks on this forum I guess) since a couple of week. It really new to me and confusing since I never ever question it before. It started when I cut my hair really short (while I always had them really long). One of my friend ask me if I was sure I wasn't transgender, since I wear "male clothing and don't really like girl stuff. Plus, I did mention that if I could I would like to get ride of my breast (not really because I feel uncomfortable of having them, more because it annoying to take care of). But, I know I am not transgender, I don't feel like it could be that. I actually though I might be more nonbinary (or something similar?). Since I cut my hair I look even more androgynous than I did before, so it happen that people think I'm a boy. Honestly I don't really mind it and don't feel like correcting them since it don't bother me (and it save me the funny/awkward moment where they say sorry so many time). More I don't about it and more I realize I don't really care about gender. I mostly go by my assigned gender since it what people see first or already know, but I don't feel uncomfortable with he/him either. I have a personality which is a lot on the "I don't care about anything" side, so I wasn't sure if it was that, or something else. So I was wondering if it might non-binary? Or even if it was okay to feel comfortable with she/her, they/them and he/him?
  5. -warning, long post Hi, I've only recently realized that I'm non-binary(assigned female at birth) and have also come to realize that I don't want breasts anymore. It's a bit ironic, because my whole life I wanted to be chesty, but now that I am I hate it. When I was still living as female I wanted big breasts because that's what made girls "sexy." I wanted people to see me and think, "Wow that girl is really pretty!" But I now know that it doesn't matter what other people think, what matters is me and if I'm comfortable in my body. I'm not. A year or so ago I was admitted to an adolescent psych ward where they changed up my meds a bit. One of the meds made me very quickly put on 40 pounds, making my chest grow a fair amount as well. I was then taken off the medication and lost the weight as quickly as I gained it. This has made my breasts more saggy and has made me even more uncomfortable with them. I've just started becoming detached from them. I look down and I'm like, "Those aren't mine." I mean clearly they are "mine" physically, but they are not part of who I am. I don't even want them to be touched anymore. I just do my best to pretend they aren't there. So now on to the real topic - top surgery. I do not want breasts. I want them gone. However, I do not want a male chest either. I just want to be flat chested. Honestly I don't even care if I still have nipples or not because I was never very comfortable with those either. I don't want to have to worry about breasts. I just don't want them. I would bind my chest, but not only do I hate wearing bras or similar chest containment devices, I also have fibromyalgia and worry that binding could be more pain than it's worth. I live in Missouri, somewhat near St. Louis county. Does anyone have any recommendations for surgeons? I would greatly prefer a female surgeon; I am a sexual abuse victim and am uncomfortable around most men. I'm not currently financially able to afford surgery, but I will do what I can to save up and raise money. Just any general advice is appreciated. ~ Chris
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