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Found 6 results

  1. (Disclaimer: I am not out to my family because they are against anything LGBTQ related) So it was a normal family dinner with me and my family sitting down to some dang good soup I'd slaved over today. The topic of conversation? My wedding. Personally, I'd like to get married someday, so I was joking with my brother that because he wasn't being nice to me that he was no longer invited. Then, suddenly, out of the blue, my father chimes in with: "You can't invite any nonbinary people". I'm silent out of shock (Because how does he even know that word!?!?!?) The rest of my family are silent, but soon start asking questions. Turns out, he'd seen on the news today that Jonathan Van Ness from Queer Eye came out as nonbinary. I probably should have found it hurtful, or have been scared, but to be honest, I just laughed. Even if it was an inappropriate moment to do so. Because he said that to me, who identifies as a nonbinary gender. Who would be the one of the two people that the wedding is all about. God, if he knew. 😅 Guess I'm not allowed to be invited to my own wedding anymore!
  2. Hi all, I'm Charlie and I'm non-binary, as far as I can tell. I'm still in the beginning of figuring out my gender identity, but the one thing I know is that I'm certainly not the cis woman I always lived as until recently. I am not uncomfortable with the idea of presenting as a woman, in fact some days I love it. But there are other days when putting a dress on and going out makes me want to tear my skin off. On those days I looked like my brother, I wish my chest was flat and my shoulders were broader. At the moment, my chest is uncomfortably large. I am a DD or even E depending on the store. I find it incredibly difficult to flatten my chest even a little, and lately I've just given up and worn sports bras almost exclusively. They don't flatten me like a binder does, but there is so much to compress that a binder feels like being suffocated. Not to mention I live in a city where it can get up to 115 degrees Fahrenheit in the summer. I've been thinking about getting top surgery for a few months, and just scheduled a consultation with a surgeon in my city. I am beyond excited, but also a little nervous. I suppose the thing that makes me so nervous is that I'm still uncertain about a lot of things. I don't know quite what I am, but one thing I do know is how much I hate having breasts, large or not. The very concept of having any size breast on my body makes me uncomfortable to say the least. I'm realizing post isn't really a question so much as a big compilation of anxieties. I guess I'm wondering if anyone has ever gone through something similar? And also, what can you do in the meantime? The soonest consultation I could get is in October, so I don't expect to have surgery until well into next year. What can I do to make the waiting less miserable? It feels like now that I know what it is I hate so much, living with it is even more difficult.
  3. i’ve known for years that i’m not a girl. i went from identifying as gender fluid to just calling myself nonbinary. i keep saying i’m fine with usually being misgendered because i tend to present a bit more feminine & i know people don’t see anything else when they look at me unless they know the truth. but i’m really tired of it... it makes me uncomfortable to have boobs (even uncomfortable to talk about the fact that i have them lol) and it makes me uncomfortable to be called a girl, to be referred to as ‘she.’ in the last six or seven months, i’ve been wrestling with the idea of maybe i’m a boy. i feel closer to that than to being a girl, and sometimes i think ‘i wish i had just been born a boy’ because then i wouldn’t have to worry about it. i could just be a boy. and i feel like that’s very telling, but i also feel like i don’t really fit on the binary in that way. and i keep saying i can be whatever kind of boy i want, i don’t have to conform to the standard masculinity and i don’t even have to change my pronouns. i guess what i want to ask is if there’s anyone else afab who has at least partially transitioned (top surgery, hormones, whatever) but doesn’t identify as a man? if anyone retains some sort of nonbinary identity while also taking the steps to transition physically? i feel like this might be where i’m at and maybe what i want but hearing someone else’s story if it’s the same/similar would help validate my own feelings and maybe it will help me be closer to knowing who i want to be i guess
  4. Hi all, I'm Em (tentatively Emerson) and I've been living as genderqueer for 4 years now. I've always felt not very "girly" and been uncomfortable with female societal norms, and finally came out as nonbinary/genderqueer when I started college. I didn't really think much about possibly being trans; I didn't really feel like a man and I didn't think it was at all attainable to look anything more than somewhat androgynous/butch. However, I'd always wanted to look more masculine and briefly considered the possibility of going on a low level of T, but decided quickly that I didn't want most of the side effects and that it wasn't possible being on my parents' insurance/being too poor to pay anything out of pocket. Now, though, I'm reconsidering. Over the last year or so I've been feeling more dysphoric, but not very much; sometimes I just don't mind my breasts (but wouldn't care if they were gone) but other times I wonder about if I'd even care if I had to my breasts removed due to cancer and think it'd be a silver lining (my grandma just beat breast cancer, which is why it was on my mind). Thinking now about taking a low dose of T, I think I wouldn't mind a lot of the side effects now; I definitely wish my voice was deeper, I'd love a little body fat redistribution to look more masculine, a little more body hair wouldn't really be that bad (I used to hate the concept of facial hair though I don't think I'd ever grow much based on the cis men in my family)... It's starting to look more and more appealing. I've always been more drawn to having male friends too, and I find myself wishing that I had been born male especially when I'm in those circles; I want them to see me as one of them. But I still don't identify 100% as male, and I can't really see my future self as a man. The closest I see myself is as a boy, if that makes sense. My biggest obstacle is that I really hate male culture, specifically toxic masculinity, and I worry about becoming complicit in it or my mindset changing to be more toxic. I don't want people (especially women) to see me and make assumptions about what kind of man I am (like toxically masculine or not) or be afraid of me due to reading me as male. I don't know if I can transition to be male without picking up the baggage of being a "man," if that makes sense. There are cis men in my life who are really great and not at all toxically masculine, but they do still fall into some trappings and behaviors of male culture (which some of them have been working to unlearn). I also worry that maybe I only am thinking of being male because I'm dating a trans man and have been basically the entire time I've identified as nonbinary. He's definitely opened up my eyes to what a transition can look like, so that's been really informative. But I also know that while he's pansexual, he prefers men, and I am worried that maybe I've internalized that and am subconsciously wanting to look more masculine to appease him. Anyway, all this is to say... where do I go from here? How can I make myself more certain one way or the other? When can I consider myself sure enough to start transitioning? What steps can I take to help myself be more sure? (I think my first step is that I'm going to move to more masculine presentation and see if I feel any gender euphoria; I dress really on the border now of androgynous, basically men's shirts with women's shorts/pants, and I want to move more to men's shorts, masculine scents, a more masculine hairstyle instead of an androgynous one...)
  5. Hey, my name is Sam and I'm 18. I will be going to college in upstate New York. For years I have tried to come out to my mom as transgender (female to male) or even just as nonbinary/genderqueer because to be fair I don't feel 100% male...or at least what society expects "male" to mean. I genuinely want to present more masculine (binding, etc.) in college, something I could never really do at home because of how infuriated my mom would get... and the fact I grew up in a small conservative town... Ever since I was 12 I knew that this was something I wanted to do. I am just terrified to actually do it when left to my own devices, after years of conditioning and self-preservation by doing the opposite... I finally have all this freedom, but now I'm too scared to act on it. Basically, what I'm asking for here is advice from anyone who has been in this situation or known anyone who has or just thinks they have something to offer. That would be ideal. Thanks! I'd also like to make some friends so feel free to message me : ) Have a good day/night/whenever you're reading this!
  6. I’ve very recently come to face with the fact that I may be transgender?? For the past 4 years, I’ve been identifying as nonbinary, because that’s what I felt fit me best, but now I’m uncertain. The uncertainty started when one of my friends jokingly called me Samson (I usually go by just Sam). Something inside me sparked, a piece of me slid into place; it just felt right. Well, more recently, my boyfriend seemingly out-of-the-blue called me baby boy. It felt natural. I’ve never been comfortable being referred to as a girl or woman or any other variant, using gender neutral terms were so much better, but that...took the cake. Upon asking him why, since I’d never expressed concern about being transgender, he responded: about my mannerisms during intercourse, how my most prominent style is almost that of a stereotypical gay man’s, and how he just kind of observed that I might be more comfortable identifying as a man. I have a few concerns, though. I’ve never experienced dysphoria in a sense that I’ve been uncomfortable in my naturally female body. I mean, my chest is pretty small and looks basically flat with only a sports bra. I don’t necessarily long for a penis or facial hair, but occasionally feel myself considering the possibility. I doubt I ever will go through hormone treatment or transition due to the inconsistent desire to have a male body. I know that being transgender doesn’t have to be accompanied by body dysphoria, but...I just don’t know. Also, regardless of everything, I’m still rather feminine. I enjoy some stereotypically “girly” things: floral prints are my weakness, my favorite color is purple, I do not plan to retire my collection of dresses and skirts, I genuinely enjoy applying makeup some days, etc. I’ve considered that I may be genderfluid, but I really don’t think so. There’s never a change; I just always feel like me. Am I a femme transgender man or just a confused nonbinary individual?
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