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  1. My name is Julia. I have been using the term trans woman to identify myself but I am no longer sure if that is accurate or not anymore. Who am I? This very simple yet very complex question is what I really want to figure out in due time.
  2. Pallas

    Figuring it out

    Hello everyone! I don't know how long this post will be as I start writing this. I want to make sure I get everything important down to create the best whole story of it all, so please bear with me. I'll be writing this as chronilogically as possible. To also further clarify: I am physically a female. When I was very, very young I remember only having one friend (female) for a few years. Gender or sexuality did not matter to me at this time, it wasn't a concept for me then (obviously?). However, I remember when I was about 3 or 4 years old after some sort of gymnastics (I cannot remember the specifics), I tried to pee like a guy. This clearly did not work. I don't recall being scolded or anything, perhaps they thought it was an accident or something. No idea. A few select years later (I was now about 6 years old) and I had moved several times to another country (and other schools). The real first school I recall I made quite a few friends who were boys. Real typical boys; liked to play outside doing roleplaying of small, silly 'war games' like sword fighting and stuff, playing video games, etc. I also could relate more to them than most girls. In fact, I only had a small select few female friends (and I lost contact with my first female friend due to me having moved several times). Overall the most friends were boys and we met very frequently besides school times. It always seemed harder for me to connect to girls or women. So as I was growing up in this period I wanted to be seen as 'one of the guys', but still not necessarily thinking I should change myself physically or anything like that. At this point, gender/sexuality still hadn't really developed for me. I started to know about it, but I didn't care much for it. I am who I am, regardless of gender or sexuality. Couple of years later, going through puberty, I disliked becoming more physically developed as a female. Luckily I don't have 'huge' breasts, but I suppose medium-sized? Still, It's annoying to have them. I have to have a bra, otherwise walking around with them or running (like I loved to do) or even doing martial arts (which I used to do) could actually physically hurt me. I disliked it so much I almost hated it, but not quite. I also got periods, and this was always (and is sometimes) combined with severe bleeding and intense pain. It is severe for about 2 to 3 days, and in taotal can last about a week. It completely knocks me out, which means I cannot properly function for nearly a quarter of every month. This is crazy to me. I got on the pill to regulate it, so it was actually a prescription, which helped a lot for me in my situation (financially). Sidenote: Nowadays I do not take it anymore because it has now become slightly regulated naturally (so I do not need it anymore in that regard) and I would have to pay for it now too due to changes in the law. In this time period I really wanted to be male. I don't think I ever had (intense) gender dysphoria, but I knew I wanted to become a guy and preferredto not be a woman. Still being a teenager/going through puberty and early adulthood, I did not really actively think about it anynore. I recall having spoken about it to my mum at the time, and there was even a reasonably famous 'local' trans man (I hope this is the correct term for a FtM?) who transitioned at around this time, which he did very late in his life. He had written a book about it, which my mum even bought for me (so she is supportive at least in that topic, I have that going for me, which is nice!). I started reading this guy's book and it did strike a chord. Yet I did not continue reading it (and have lost the book since then too :( ), probably due to being way too busy with my school/study to even get to it. Which I now think was a mistake. I should have finished that book straight away. After all that I have just mentioned, I thus entered adulthood having developed my sexuality; I am a pansexual, preference for males, although I have never been in a relationship with females. t did come close twice, though. One even told me she would have loved to date me, as she liked me too, but couldn't at the time. So by the end of the day, I simply really don't know if I'm a pansexual either, and while I have preferences, I so far have focused on if someone's personality wowuld match rather than how they physically look like. Having been in a relationship with a possible MtF (they were still figuring it out themselves, as it turned out), this is why I also think I am pansexual, because I would have stayed with them and loved them even if they would go through with transitioning. Yet my gender has always kind of changed. I suppose I would classify as genderfluid, but leaning to male? So for a long time I felt that my female body is fine, even though I prefer it to be male. If anything, I could always change it. There have been other things that held me back from really thinking of transitioning. Now some of it may be silly, but please bear with me here also: 1) If I do go with full transition, which I would prefer to do then, I don't know what effects the surgery have on me, as when I was a kid I actually had local anesthesia and it took a toll on me for many years (being rather tired and exhausted for a long time). 2) And, pertaining to 1, what kind of bottom-half surgeries are there? I've understood there are different ones. I suppose also each one has pros and cons? I just don't know what they are, and a helpful list would surely help me. I am not sure how to go online for this stuff either, and I don't know what my country or area does, if they don't do one or the other. Will this cause me pain for the rest of my life if I do it? I don't know. 3) Now I don't plan on having (biological) kids, especially not as a female. Yet as a male, for some reason, my mind thinks I do want kids then, biologically speaking. Yet if I would fully transition, I know I would not be a fertile male, which is a bit of a depressing thought to me. This is also something that confuses me; I don't like being a female, let alone a fertile female, but I like the idea of being a fertile male x_x 4) If I transition fully, will my male genitalia be fully functional? Like an actual biological male's one, just not fertile? I guess I am willing to compromise, though. If it is possible to do a full transition, without me having pain after the surgery/surgeries, and the genitalia is 'functional', then I think I would actually heavily consider it. As I'm writing this, I am actually getting happier and happier with the idea of the potential of becoming a physical male. At the same time: I don't know if I like having lower-half male genitalia. I think I would, but then I also want to keep it flat-ish, like it is now basically. Everything flat; male chest, and female bottom part. And thus the confusion sets in once again. Even more recently: I have gone to a convention, where actually quite a large number of people have various sexualities and genders, this is a rather open topic at such a convention as I went to. Some going through transition, others not, and then I also met an androgynous person aand their friends, and we all have been staying in contact since. We all had quite a fun time together. Before I continue, speaking of androgynous; I don't think I really look androgynous, yet having spoken with a friend of mine I have known a few years now (we met online and since then met up at such a convention a few times) said I look androgynous, and I look like a very attractive one at that. So while this is nice to hear, I also don't know what to do with it. I suppose I could be an androgynous male if I do transition? Would that work for someone like me, though? Aaaand then I think back to about 10 years ago, when I was in my final year of middle (or high?) school. I was sitting in a tram going home, and this guy sat next to me. We started talking and (again, I can't remember the specifics) somehow we got to that he thought I was a guy. It made me estatic. I even told him that it made me happy to hear that, and he was very open-minded about it. He said I could pass for a guy or a girl, he just assumed I was a guy, to which I said that was fine and I preferred that. Also, being on other forums and gaming online, people always assumed I was a guy and would be surprised to find out I was female. I would ask why they would think I was a guy, and they would say because of how I would write. Apparently. To continue: So before this convention I have been to recently, I had put aside my thoughts on my gender. Thinking I was just fine as I was (even though if I would be in a relationship and my partner would kind of 'force' me to be female, I would heaviy dislike that, and I also experienced this as a veyr young kid with my biological father who wanted me to wear make-up., which I did not like). I often told others, should the topic or question come up: "I am genderfluid, I don't care what pronouns you use; he, she or even it, whatever you prefer. I don't care." I would prefer to dress as a male. I notice boys/guys often wear a long sleeved t-shirt underneath a short-sleeved t-shirt, so this is what I would often do as casual clothing. Yet whenever I can, I will try to dress up in suit, with it without the jacket. I just really like wearing a blouse+vest and long trousers. I love vests! Especially grey on top of black, or brown on top of sand-like colours. Example: And at this convention I decided to actually bring along a suit and various other more male-ish attire. It kind of suited the theme, so I was happy I could wear my favourite clothes again for a reason this time. I wore it and it felt so nice. And then I met a gay guy. There was this odd click. i never felt it before in my life. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible and talk with him as much as I could. We also hugged when we said goodbye at the end of the convention and it was the best hug I ever have had in my life. There I was again. Back home. Alone with my thoughts. (Still living with my mother, however, but she works now.) I have stayed in contact with various people I met at this conventions, such as this gay guy. I was thinking: What if so many years ago I had decided to figure out if I am transgender? What if I had transitioned by now already into a male? Would he have liked me? He said he likes me already as a person. He also likes female 'proportions' such as hips (which is what I have but hide it usually with the clothing I wear), so if he liked someone with those proportions and they would be a guy, then all the better. I asked what about trans men,, as they would be or become male? He said he never explored that option. So that's not a no. This made me think even more 'what if I had already transitioned?'. I'm not saying anything would have happened, but if I would come across a gay guy (who's fine with a trans man), then I would have a better chance getting with someone like that than as I am physically now. I mentioned this to a different friend, and he asked me: "Would this person like/love you for who you are, or for what you are?" And I feel this is a bit messed up for me. I mean, I don't know. For someone who is gay, I get they want to be with a boyfriend and aren't interested in having a girlfriend. And this gay guy does like me, but I can understand if my female physical body would stop him from being with me, relationshipwise. So I don't blame him for that. To sum the last bit up: I would not change physically because of someone. It is just that he (without him knowing) made me question heavily my gender once again. I just want to finally figure out what I am and if I need to start transitioning. I have also quite a few MtF friends who I spoke to, who are all very supportive and understanding, but I have only one FtM friend, the latter which I feel might be more helpful for someone in my situation as they are going exactly through something I am considering? They are almost done with their full transition and our thoughts have been so far extremely similar. I have also been looking into binders and while I got some good suggestions, I have no idea where or HOW to start. Plus, all this while I am in the long process of moving out (my place needs loads of fixing up to do ^^; ). This comes now with its own issues: 1) It is taking ages to fix my place up due to me and my mum trying to do as much as possible ourselves. She's not the youngest anymore (her own words!) and I have my chronic pain and chronic exhaustion often kicking in. However, I hope to move out this year some time fully, so that can give me more space! 2) The area I moved to is slightly smaller than where I am living right now. I currently live in a big city. No one here would really care. Yet where I am moving to... It's smaller and I already know 'people talk'. While so far they have all been nice and helpful, and not judgemental at all... I am a bit worried now if I do transition, what the town's response would be... I suppose I should go to my GP and get a referral to a psychologist (or psychiatrist?), but I don't know if this is going to cost me or if it falls under insurance. Especially, considering, I do not do self-harm or have any other mental disorders which would need to heavily be addressed. So this might be considered more of a 'luxury' issue than a 'health' issue, if you know what I mean? If anyone has any suggestions or advice, I'd like to hear them. Thank you for your time and reading this long post :) With kind regards.
  3. Rojebo13

    Hi, y'all! I'm new here.

    Hi, y'all. My name's Robert. I'm 26 and I live in central Ohio. I like board games, music, cooking, and crafting. I teach and sing for a living. I realized in late November 2015 that I'm bi and wound up making a lot of LGBT friends. I realized in late October 2019 that I'm nonbinary. How're y'all doing?
  4. I came out three years ago as enby/gender fluid. It never changed, however in recent months i've felt very very feminine. To the point where I feel like two completely different people. Questioning who I was was a horrific long road, and I don't want to do that again. But my other trans friend said they feel the exact same way. I feel like two different people entirely. In terms of what I like, music etc. When I feel feminine, I like colourful cute clothes and upbeat music, I put it down to my name being 'Dove.' I'm basically the opposite of me when I feel like this But when I feel like me, who I have been for three and a half years now, Ashe, I just feel like me. I am me, but the Dove side just exists and I think about it all the time. It actually gets to the point where I beat my own dysphoria fluctuation with my feminine side. It's horrible, and so scary and confusing. I didn't know where to turn, but I found myself here 💝
  5. Devin


    Hello everyone! My name is Devin. I am 19 years old and identify as non-binary. Sometimes I will also call myself transmasculine. As far as my romantic and sexual orientation goes, I mostly just call myself queer because I am unsure of how to identify. Also, most orientations assume you are a binary gender, which I am not. I have a younger sibling who is also trans/nb. I have been out as trans for about three years. I have a top surgery consult in March, and hopefully will have surgery in May or June. My parents are making me wait to start testosterone until after I have top surgery. My parents are my legal guardians, so even though I am over 18, I can not make medical decisions without their consent. I am fortunate to have had my name legally changed when I was under 18. I recently just got my gender marker on my driver's license to say "X".
  6. I am in need of sincere consul. My son (until otherwise identifying, he has not yet explored his pronouns yet and I will fully embrace them when he has) has been recently requesting to wear dresses. I have absolutely no problem buying him the clothes that he will feel more comfortable in and will help him love himself for who he is.. But I do have a problem with wearing them out into public - however, not for reasons you might expect. We live in a considerably conservative city. My son has been in full bloom and expresses his love for all things pink/purple, covered in glitter and exploding with rainbows. He loves unicorns - he will tell you so in as many words as you allow. He loves all things cute. If it's small, in dog-form and can wear an outfit, he probably owns the stuffy. My son is eight years old. My son has also been violently bullied at school. We spent most of last year struggling with four boys bullying him every day. I met with his teacher countless time, demanded an audience with his principal, called regularly to speak to the on-site counselor - and it became easier as my son surrounded himself with the children that accepted him. The bullies persisted, and there were days he didn't want to go to school, but we survived. He wore his unicorns, he painted his nails, he grew out his hair - as long as it was within the school's dress code, I allowed it. Over this last summer, he asked the question I was waiting for. "Mom, can we buy a dress?" I'm no stranger to bullies. I know as he gets older, it's going to get harder. I know that those boys shoving him may come to blows and nose-bleeds. I know it may involve flipped up skirts, confrontation in the bathroom and ugly slurs... I know the boys he was in class last year are still here this year and with many others added to the pack. They already aren't kind, I don't want to add fuel to the already unsupervised fire. We have since bought several dresses that I allow him to wear at home or out in town if he's with me but he wants to wear them to school. I understand why he wants to wear them to school but I also know why I don't want him to. I told him that I would let him wear a dress to school as soon as he could defend himself in one - and he has been in Taekwondo for months since. But I still don't feel it's fair to him. I don't want to closet his identity because I'm trying to protect him.. I also don't want to set him up for failure. He's struggled with depression and I'm at a moral standstill. Do I protect my son and continue to allow him to wear them only at home, where he is surrounded by the love and protection of his family? Or do I allow him to be who he longs to be without restriction and come ready to face the consequences? What would you do in my shoes?
  7. Hey there, community! I'm Dain and I'm new here, both in the forums and the trans community in general. I'm nonbinary, pronouns they/them. I never thought I belonged in the community. I only realized I am indeed trans recently, specially after reading Devon Price's " All Other Trans People Are Real, But *I* Am A Terrible Fraud ". That's when it clicked for me, given that my experience was so close to theirs. Before I had just taken for granted that I was wrong in some way. Now a whole new world of questions opens up for me and I'm not sure how to go about it. I did however already come out to my immediate family and close friends. Which is where I start to raise more questions, when I talk about it to others. I'm not very social, so in my day to day I'm just me and life is simple. But when it comes to interacting socially, suddenly there seems to be many things to consider... This is where I feel getting in touch with the community might help. Also, I guess I should try to find a local community to connect with. Thing is I'm an expat (moved to Sweden last January) and I'm still figuring things out at a basic level. I suppose I'll be posting in the nonbinary section of the forum soon. Anyway, nice to meet you!
  8. (Disclaimer: I am not out to my family because they are against anything LGBTQ related) So it was a normal family dinner with me and my family sitting down to some dang good soup I'd slaved over today. The topic of conversation? My wedding. Personally, I'd like to get married someday, so I was joking with my brother that because he wasn't being nice to me that he was no longer invited. Then, suddenly, out of the blue, my father chimes in with: "You can't invite any nonbinary people". I'm silent out of shock (Because how does he even know that word!?!?!?) The rest of my family are silent, but soon start asking questions. Turns out, he'd seen on the news today that Jonathan Van Ness from Queer Eye came out as nonbinary. I probably should have found it hurtful, or have been scared, but to be honest, I just laughed. Even if it was an inappropriate moment to do so. Because he said that to me, who identifies as a nonbinary gender. Who would be the one of the two people that the wedding is all about. God, if he knew. 😅 Guess I'm not allowed to be invited to my own wedding anymore!
  9. Hi all, I'm Charlie and I'm non-binary, as far as I can tell. I'm still in the beginning of figuring out my gender identity, but the one thing I know is that I'm certainly not the cis woman I always lived as until recently. I am not uncomfortable with the idea of presenting as a woman, in fact some days I love it. But there are other days when putting a dress on and going out makes me want to tear my skin off. On those days I looked like my brother, I wish my chest was flat and my shoulders were broader. At the moment, my chest is uncomfortably large. I am a DD or even E depending on the store. I find it incredibly difficult to flatten my chest even a little, and lately I've just given up and worn sports bras almost exclusively. They don't flatten me like a binder does, but there is so much to compress that a binder feels like being suffocated. Not to mention I live in a city where it can get up to 115 degrees Fahrenheit in the summer. I've been thinking about getting top surgery for a few months, and just scheduled a consultation with a surgeon in my city. I am beyond excited, but also a little nervous. I suppose the thing that makes me so nervous is that I'm still uncertain about a lot of things. I don't know quite what I am, but one thing I do know is how much I hate having breasts, large or not. The very concept of having any size breast on my body makes me uncomfortable to say the least. I'm realizing post isn't really a question so much as a big compilation of anxieties. I guess I'm wondering if anyone has ever gone through something similar? And also, what can you do in the meantime? The soonest consultation I could get is in October, so I don't expect to have surgery until well into next year. What can I do to make the waiting less miserable? It feels like now that I know what it is I hate so much, living with it is even more difficult.
  10. i’ve known for years that i’m not a girl. i went from identifying as gender fluid to just calling myself nonbinary. i keep saying i’m fine with usually being misgendered because i tend to present a bit more feminine & i know people don’t see anything else when they look at me unless they know the truth. but i’m really tired of it... it makes me uncomfortable to have boobs (even uncomfortable to talk about the fact that i have them lol) and it makes me uncomfortable to be called a girl, to be referred to as ‘she.’ in the last six or seven months, i’ve been wrestling with the idea of maybe i’m a boy. i feel closer to that than to being a girl, and sometimes i think ‘i wish i had just been born a boy’ because then i wouldn’t have to worry about it. i could just be a boy. and i feel like that’s very telling, but i also feel like i don’t really fit on the binary in that way. and i keep saying i can be whatever kind of boy i want, i don’t have to conform to the standard masculinity and i don’t even have to change my pronouns. i guess what i want to ask is if there’s anyone else afab who has at least partially transitioned (top surgery, hormones, whatever) but doesn’t identify as a man? if anyone retains some sort of nonbinary identity while also taking the steps to transition physically? i feel like this might be where i’m at and maybe what i want but hearing someone else’s story if it’s the same/similar would help validate my own feelings and maybe it will help me be closer to knowing who i want to be i guess
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