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Found 13 results

  1. My younger child, now 17 has been transgender (female to male) for 4 years now. He's on "T". Now my older child who is 18 and in college just told me they are transgender as well (male to female). They said he is going to start Estrogen. Since he's 18 he does not need any help from us. He's going to start next weekend. He's only been "out" for a week to us, but says he's been living as a female at college for the past few months. (Trying to say "they", but he's still a he to me.) We support them both and say all the right things, but it's really have to deal with in my head. I don't understand it. Anyone else in this boat?
  2. ravennevermore

    New, in every way. And scared.

    Hi everyone, I’m not sure where to start... And I am so sorry if I ramble or sound ridiculous, or if this is long winded. It’s really the first time I’ve said anything “out loud”. I guess first of all, I should say that I have finally, FINALLY realized... that I am transgender.. mtf, and have been fighting dysphoria forever without truly knowing what that meant. After the last couple days, the battle inside my head I’ve been fighting since I was in my teens or truly probably much younger, has really come to the peak. And something else happened today, in my 32nd year of life, that finally led me to find a community/forum I could join and talk. And I’ll explain. I’ve always known I’ve had a feminine side, that more often than not has dominated my thoughts, but because of the family I grew up with, the small town I lived in, the “traditional values” that accompany those types of communities, I always had to hide myself. I spent a few years in my 20’s in much larger cities, where it was just easier to be “me”. But I still hid behind the facade of “emo”, and as a musician it just helped me do the things I wanted to do without being bullied as much. Like wearing makeup. Women’s clothing. Etc. I’ve been with women, and men, and I’ve been happy with both. And I’ve usually not been ashamed of that. That’s never been a huge issue for me. The real fight inside me is that every day, for so long, I’ve felt like a stranger in my own body. I look in the mirror and don’t understand what I see. I don’t feel comfortable being me. I’m not happy being the person I see in the mirror. I’ve spent so long trying to “be a man” and “do manly things” and force myself to like the generalized “male” interests. I even married at one point and had a kid. But I have always been so unhappy and so “serious” and never the emotional, smiling type of person that I always end up alone, alienating everyone and losing everyone I’ve loved. Drinking and abusing myself to kill the pain I have been feeling without knowing where the pain was coming from. For years (since being young), and much more so these past 2 years, I’ve realized just how much I’ve always gravitated towards the feminine side. Where my interests lie. How I want to be seen. What I want to do and how I want to look. Today, and I’m so sorry if this sounds stupid... I heard about a Snapchat filter that alters your gender appearance. I was immediately curious, and wanted to try it. The minute I saw myself as a woman... I almost cried, in the middle of my work. I was looking at me. ME. It might have just been some dumb photo editing algorithm, but to me, it was the first time I recognized myself. I suddenly felt whole, even if only for a moment. I felt real. I wanted to yell and scream and cry and laugh and jump up and down. And I wanted to tell everyone. But I couldn’t. It was also the first time I saw myself smile a true, honest smile in a photo. I almost broke down. I ran to the bathroom and just kept taking different shots to save on my phone. I spent the rest of the day doing this, as well as looking up HRT (not for the first time) and looking up doctors (not for the first time) and found myself in a completely new, terrifying but somehow comforting world. The really hard part today has been going from looking at these fake filters/photos, to looking back at myself in the mirror again. Now when I look in the mirror, I immediately want to turn away. I can’t handle seeing myself the way I am right now anymore. I always knew, but I needed that moment to tell myself that it was reality: I am a woman. Deep down. And I want to come out. So bad. But I am so scared that I am in tears even writing this. I feel like no one would understand. I don’t know how to move forward now. I just keep staring at the fake photo of myself as a woman (my profile picture) and silently crying to myself. Thank you for reading... Again, I’m sorry this is so long. But I appreciate anyone who listens. I suppose for now, you can call me Raven. <3
  3. Okay, so this is my first time ever doing this... I'm just in search of advice and answers to my millions of questions, scratch that, BILLIONS of questions that can't be answered by textbook definitions, and also friends.. I'm 20 years old and I realized lately that my childhood was not as common as I thought. A vey big part of growing up was surrounded by "phases", as my parents would call it, but I only realize now that I may just be different. I learnt that sexual orientation and identity is very different, things that in my home town we had no education what so ever on, and that completely changed my perspective of my own life. I've always struggled with depression and major anxiety, basically because I never liked my own body because I kept thinking I wasn't beautiful or too fat.. my body parts grossed me out and scared me as in a way someone with coulrophobia see's a clown and is scared -clean bathroom- (fun fact, I am terrified of clowns!). Anyways back to the real story, recently I've been through alot of challenging times, a break up with my boyfriend (with whom I loved for 3 years) and I was forced to come out as transgender to my mother and she did not take it well, family is a very important key of my life, and someone might have ruined it for me cause he told her I was hiding something... did i mention by force !...I was not ready what so ever to tell her, heck im not even sure 100% if this is the trail I want to adventure in, but im like at a safe 99,8% sure this is what I need to be completely free and happy. I have a few friends that knows about me, but not much because from where I am from, people like me are judged and classified as inhuman... It breaks my heart to even think of jugement that could involve myself.. Anyways, thats a brief paragraphe of my wonderful life at the moment, and i guess am in search of some comfort and support. Maybe even a few friends that know how I am feeling looking upon my situation. So yah, thanks for listening ! XD
  4. Firstly, I'd like to say hello. I'm an anxious, rather shy person. I've fallen from a distant star into this alien body. Feminine all my life now I'm transitioning as fast as I can. I'm a mature transsexual lady, a late bloomer. I am a client of government funded gender clinic in Melbourne, Australia. I also have gender affirming medical treatment at several other clinics and hospitals. I commenced HRT in August 2017 and had bilateral orchiectomy in August 2018. I'm scheduled for tracheal shave in October 2019. Thanks for allowing me to join Trans Pulse. I hope I can contribute in some way. I'm always looking for more discussion and information related to transgender subjects. I'd like to connect with others in the trans community.
  5. Stephi

    Too old to transition?

    Good morning. My name is Stephani and just recently joined TransPulse Forums. I introduced myself in the newcomers section so I won't repeat myself, but I do have a very serious question to put out there. I'm sure it's been answered before: When is it (realistically ) too late to transition? I have struggled with gender dysphoria since the age of 4. Over the years I have endured ridicule, scorn, and rejection. I have been beaten an abused several times earlier in life when I asserted my feminine persona. Eventually I would emotionally suppress my intense desire to transition. Finally, in my early 50's, I resolved to get gender counseling and therapy to address my transsexuality. At long last I was set to begin HRT, but on the very day I was to start, a phone call from my primary care physician indicated that I had cancer. 9 years later I am cancer-free after several bouts. But I am almost 60 (May 4, 1959) and in the recent years my body image has gone from bad to worse. My wife and son were incredible supports during my illness and I don't want to disrupt their lives any more than I have I'm not sure what to do. Do I just resign myself to unfortunate fate, or do I move forward? Thanks for reading, and thanks for responding if you care to do so, ❤️
  6. JohnniGyrl

    Ye Cannae Wear Yer Sister's Claes

    [Note: This is in Scots dialect - Claes = Clothes / Cannae = Cannot / Toon = Town / Tae = To / Metter = Matter / Disnae = Doesn't ] YE CANNAE WEAR YER SISTER'S CLAES Ye cannae wear yer sister's claes, D'ye want the whole toon tae think yer gay? Disnae metter if ye just like silk and lace, Ye just cannae wear yer sister's claes - Yer sister and her pals wear make-up and stuff, Skimpy tops, jewellery and silly wee skirts, Silk stockings, heels and lacy trim cuffs, You'd love to look that pretty, is that asking too much? She looks so sweet, dressed up in a frock, You'd love to wear one tae, but people would mock, They'd slander ye daft wi' their gossip and talk, And if they could, throw ye right in the dock - The judge in his chair with a big wig and gown, Would hear the prosecution with a bluidy deep frown, Of how ye became, the talk o' the town, "That's enough o' that son, you're going down!" You could deal drugs and that would be okay, Get done fir drunk driving and come what may, You'll be forgiven fir 'aw that, one of these days, But ye just cannae wear yer sister's claes! (c) Me
  7. JohnniGyrl

    Newbie Here

    Hi Y'all, newbie here. I'm m2f transgender, in the early stages of transition. I'm taking it slow, one step at a time, it's all good. Hope to make new friends here & discuss a multitude of things while we go. Stay beautiful 😉 xx
  8. JohnniGyrl

    THE WOMAN WITHIN

    THE WOMAN WITHIN The woman within is waking up, She's been asleep too long - The woman within is wide awake, Whether she's right or wrong - The woman within is waking up, Long memories remain - The woman within is wide awake, She's broke the locks and chains - The woman within is all dressed up, And sees her own true self - The woman within looks gorgeous now, In fine spirit and good health - The woman within yearns to be free, She's a sister and mother too - The woman within is not a freak, She's just like me and you - The woman within is breaking out, She grows stronger by the day - The woman within is only love, She'll show you come what may ... (C) me
  9. KimberleeBee

    Hi! I'm new to this site.

    Hello. My name I go by is Kimberlee or Kim but not legally yet. I hope to get it changed in the new year. I've been on hrt for 2.5 years. I love dressing girly but it's not practical in my line of work so I just settle for a pink hard hat and pink safety vest. I dress fem on weekends or if I have to go out on a weekday evening. I thought it was going to be rough being a transgendered woman in a male dominated trade but I am accepted and treated very well. (At least to my face) I wish I was able to transition way earlier in my life but better late than never 😁
  10. Stephi

    Cautionary Tale

    Hello guys and gurls! My preferred name is Stephani and I am a transgender lady who was mistakenly and tragically labeled a boy at birth. Sadly, 59 years later, I am still struggling to escape the bondage of my birth certificate. I am the product of a uber-strict Italian Catholic family which trafficked in guilt and shame with wild abandon. My upbringing was insanely marked by unbending rules and never-ending criticism. By the age of four I knew that something was just not right. I was bored with the trucks and footballs and instead wanted to play with teacups and dollies. Of course, his did not sit well with my parents who would spank me every time I reached for a so-called girl toy or whined that I wanted to be a girl. Bathed in blue, I was also about pink. My parents punished me for anything I did that was remotely feminine. When I was 9, my gender dysphoria was overwhelming and I was fully aware that I was in the wrong body. (So cliche, right?) Back in the 60's there was very little support for transgender issues and so many of us were hauled off to psychiatrists for treatment. I was given a fairly harsh medicine that made me tremble in the hopes that the "psychotic" thinking would be suppressed. Needless to say, the drug didn't work and when I was 11, I tried awkwardly and unsuccessfully to cut off my penis. This led to a psychiatric hospitalization in a facility where I was surrounded by a very scary bunch of schizophrenics, sociopaths, and hopelessly depressed. Eventually I was discharged and I learned to pretend to be "normal." A few months after my stint in the hospital, my parents went out for their wedding anniversary and left me for the first time without a babysitter. I had always been enamored with a fur cape that hung in my mother's closet and so I immediately tried it on. Didn't look so great with the boy clothes I was wearing and so I stripped naked and admired myself in the mirror. The cool, luxurious care of the silky lining and the softness of the fur was exhilarating. As I gazed into the looking glass, the reflection of my feminine self was amazing. At about that time, I was also having a great deal of sexual confusion and I found myself turned on by guys as well as girls. Unfortunately puberty also brought with it a medical condition known as gynecomastia--the development of small, fleshy, but very rounded breasts. Inside, I felt this was a confirmation of what I already knew--I was a girl. But outside, I endured a whole new level of ridicule, bullying and fear. Gym class and the obligatory shower afterwards was a nightmare. I was teased constantly by the boy at my all-male Catholic (of course) high school). The incessant torment, however, turned violent one afternoon when a group of seniors dragged me behind a shed on the grounds of the high school and brutally took turns raping and sodomizing me. Apparently at least one of the boys knew that I had given a couple of blow jobs to a friend and so they tried to shame me for my homosexuality by homosexually abusing me--teenaged logic, I guess. This episode led to an injury that you might imagine, but there was no one safe to talk too. Besides, the guilt and shame was overwhelming and I naively believed that I had done something to warrant being attacked. So after cleaning up and tending to my wounds by myself, I tried t mask the physical and emotional pain by making a resolution that I would o everything in my power to be a straight, manly man. To do this, I began having hetero sex with any girl I could find. Despite my plan, the dysphoria and pain persisted and I made my first attempt to end my life at 15. At 16, while working at an upscale department store, I began a friendship and then a sexual relationship with a woman in her 30's. Beyond the bedroom, though, she broadened my horizon and introduced the concept of bisexuality. she took me to my first gay bar and passed me around to a few of her drag queen friends who were absolutely the best. I was mesmerized by the beautiful clothing and exotic makeup. Ultimately I began dressing and sublimating some of my transgender issues. but there was still the issue of my body image and dysphoria. Throughout college and graduate school, I remained depressed and hopeless. I tried everything to quell my feelings of gender mis-match. I went the route of drugs and alcohol, sexual promiscuity, crossdressing, etc. I even spent time as a transvestite hooker in Baltimore when I was in grad school. Sadly, AIDS took centerstage in the gay community and I desperately wanted to escape my destiny. I suppressed, suppressed, suppressed. I denied my true self. I tried to act straight and "normal" best I could. Fast forward to 1993. The unthinkable happened as my girlfriend at the time got pregnant. My son that would be born is definitely my greatest accomplishment to date. I love him desperately and so my now-wife and I decided to stay together to raise him. But our marriage is a sham and continues for the sake of convenience and finances. I confess that I am not monogamous and I regret to report that my wife has since become a bible-thumping Christian. Judgmental and condescending, she despises everything about me and what she calls my demonic possession. When my son went off to college, it was my time to escape. Having gone through all the requisite counseling and medical screening, I was all set to begin hormone replacement therapy. In September of 2011my primary care physician called me into his office. Unfortunately I was diagnosed with cancer for the first of three times. HRT would be put on hold. To her credit, my wife has stood by me through my illnesses. I will always respect her for that. But here I am. Almost 60. Still very much feeling trapped without much hope for a successful MtF transition. I would love to move forward but I am paralyzed by doubt and fear. I'm here today to support and encourage others to pursue their true identities. Follow your hear, your dreams, and your destiny. Don't make my fatal mistake. I love you all. Sorry for rambling.
  11. So I am a female assigned at birth, 15 years old in a month. For the past month or even past half year, I don't know if even more(?) I've been questioning my gender identity a lot. I do feel like I'm not a female, but then I have so many thoughts about being trans maybe and what if not... Because all the trans people I've heard about always knew from a little age that they're not the gender they were born and all this stuff. But I'm not like this, I don't think so at least? I can say I'm pretty feminine and I've never questioned much anything but my sexuality. But from another pov, my mom always made decisions for me from the moment I was born till around age 10 I guess? So to my point... I do find myself fantasizing about how my life would be if I was a male from birth and such and I a lot if times wish that I was male born and not a female. Another thing I've read is that you have to have disphorya in order to be trans. I'm not sure if I'm much disphoric but as much as I keep questioning my gender I find myself less comfortable with how my body is. And I've did so much research about everything and tried to imagine what it would be like if everyone would refer to me as he/him and for example if I had male parts and it actually feels nice to think of it kinda... I'm so confused and everything and it's making me frustrated and like something is wrong with me. Because if I am trans, what if I'm not "trans enough" and it's all just dumb thoughts... I could really use some advice on that because I feel so lost. Thanks to anyone who will help ❤️
  12. Hey friends, I'm relatively at the beginning of my transition and I'm moving to Michigan in less than 6 months. I was born in California and have lived here my whole life and am apprehensive about trans life in Michigan only because it's obviously more open in California (I mean come on im an hour and a half drive to LA) I just want to make bigger steps in my transition when I move and I just want to know if there is anyone I can private message who has transitioned in Michigan? I really really could use this help. Thank you! -Trevor
  13. cassian

    Transguy in the South

    Greetings everyone, My name is Cassian and I use he/him or they/them pronouns. I'm a nonbinary transguy who was assigned female at birth. Even though I've known for about five years that I am definitely not cisgender, I'm still experimenting with and figuring out labels. When I first came out, I came out a genderfluid person who used exclusively they/them pronouns. While I totally think this gender identity is valid (and same goes to the exclusive use of they/them pronouns), I think that when I first started using this label, I used it as a way to deal with still expressing myself in a traditionally feminine way. I was nowhere near being able to come out, had long hair, didn't own a binder, and went to a Catholic school where I was required to wear a skirt every day. I think part of the reason I chose that label back then was to feel valid even if I was dressing in a feminine way. Now, I think that label may still fit, but I've changed a lot in five years. I've come out to my family and at school. I use my name and pronouns at school and at home, own two binders, own a packer, and dress in a traditionally masculine or neutral way. This has given me the chance to think about my gender and how I feel without worrying so much about not feeling valid. My gender does feel fluid. But it fluctuates differently than how I defined it a few years ago. Due in part to a poor explanation of genderfluidity and to cisnormity, I felt that my gender had to fluctuate between three things: completely masculine, completely neutral, and completely feminine. Now, I realise that fluctuations between completely masculine, completely neutral, mostly neutral with some feminine feelings, and anything in between allows me to use the term genderfluid and still feel valid. So that's my identity, I guess. I do believe that I'm genderfluid, but the terms genderfluid boy or nonbinary boy make me feel the most comfortable. For the most part, my coming out experience has been fine. I've had wonderful, supportive, and loving friends and an amazing and understanding boyfriend. My family now uses the correct name and he/him pronouns, but still makes comments they really shouldn't. Coming out to them was a process, to say the least. My biggest problem now is actually physically transitioning. I've cut my hair, changed my wardrobe, bought binders and packers, and done about all I can do without any medical transitioning. And I do want to transition. I want to start T and eventually get top surgery as well as legally change my name and gender marker. Living in the south makes that hard though. Resources are slim and far away. Plus, my mom won't let me start T, even if I can pay for it myself. I "don't deserve it." Right now, I'm kind of stuck. I want to further my transition, but there isn't much I can do right now.
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