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Found 9 results

  1. I’ve known I was trans for nearly three years now, yet I am still to fully decide upon a new name for myself. For context I’m 17, MtF, mostly out to my friends and family and my birth name is Samuel. I’ve switched between a ton of different names including Samantha, Chloe, Hazel, Holly, Erin, and more. Each time I recognise them as being ‘good names’, but it never feels as though they ‘click’ if that makes sense. I’ve never tried a name which I thought would 100% suit me. im wondering if any other trans people out there, FtM and MtF, might’ve encountered a similar problem. I feel like having a proper name would help solidify my identity, like having something to call my own. But it feels like I’ve read every name in the dictionary and I’m more lost than ever. What are you’re experiences with this kind of thing? any replies would be really great, thank you.
  2. TrIIIy

    Mom does not approve

    I came out to my mom about 5 years ago, and from the get go she was appalled. She said that she would never stop loving me, but she did not approve of my being transgender. I realized then that my actual transition would be an uphill battle, especially since I live with her. This past week I was finally approved to start testosterone. I was SO excited! I called the pharmacy and found out that it was covered by my insurance - even better! But when I told my mother, she immediately fell into a depression/suppressed rage. She has been snapping at me about every little thing that I do and sleeping a lot. In short, I feel like a have come out to her a second time because of her reaction. It’s a major downer to my happiness of starting T. I don’t want her to be sad or angry at me, and I know that I’m not doing anything wrong, but it hurts to know that after all this time she is still so disapproving of my transition. Just needed to vent. Thanks for reading. -Trey
  3. Hi All, my name is Sarina (for now). I’m beginning my MTF transition, not yet on hormones and not yet out to family and friends. I’m 41, live in Southern California. I have a wonderful wife and three kids aged 21, 9, and 4. I just wanted to say ‘hi’ and intro myself to the forum. So far all of this has been super informative and positive (I even found solid tips for helping to grow out my hair) =) I look forward to learning more about this journey I am beginning, and meeting some great new peeps along the way! -S
  4. Hi guys, I'm 17 yo and have been living confortably with my identity since I came out to my friends and mother (even though she rejects me), but I'm finally planning on living with my older brother (who I'm still not prepared to come out yet, but has showed signals that he already knows and supports me) and start working as a comic artist next year. Which means I'm starting to think about taking part in contests, winning the most I can and saving money for my chest surgery (which is the most urgent, since it has grown quite a bit these past years and have been a real problem for me to pass normally), at least until I can try a japanese government scholarship. I really want to do it before going to college, since I don't know how things will be for me as a trans person in a scholarship of a kinda strict country such as Japan. But, now that I realized how close it is, I'm starting to feel scared. My father used to abuse physically of my mother when I was really tiny, and I watched everything, until he stopped (even though I don't remember a thing). I think that's the reason why I was always hugely scared of getting hurt, violence, fights, arguements, etc. I really hate pain and fights. I'm starting to get over it, letting myself feel pain more frequently without thinking of it as death, but it's still really hard for me. Anyways, I realized that I think the most about how it'll hurt. I wanted to ask to my therapist about it, but he doesn't listen to me properly and will probably say non sense stuff, as always. And I really don't want to argue with him again. I'm also really worried that I might regret it later. My mother is always saying about how I will regret everything. And I'm not a really secure person, I rarely trust my own judgement. So, it's not rare to fear that I'll regret a decision. I'm also trying to imagine how it'll be once I get the chest surgery, if I could feel comfortable even during sex, but it's been difficult even to imagine it. I had lots of awful experiences as a transgender and I think it might influence that. Plus, I already tried imagining myself as a girl, being treated as a "she", but it really freaks me out. I really hate it. I think I might just not be prepared, but I don't know, as I said, I don't trust my own judgement. I'm scared in the end my mother was right and I'm not really trans. Or that I will regret everything. Idk. Thanks for reading.
  5. My name was Matthew, I used to drink a lot and almost always a blackout drunk.You see, I was trying to kill myself and had been since I was quite young. But death from alcohol isn't the quick fix I thought it would be. I knew something was not quite right about me from a young age. I had this compulsion to cross dress, not makeup just lingerie. And I seemed to be attracted to men,,sexually. But I was also attracted to women,,sexually. I just found it easier to talk to men. Women scared the bejeezus out of me. Oh my they turned me on immensely but I was very self conscious and felt inadequate. I was the youngest of 3 boys, a redhead, skinny and I stuttered. My father had a full time job but was also a part time bartender so our basement was chock full of boxes of booze. The Mother lode!. I started drinking when I was about 13. I wasn't cross dressing at this age. I didn't start until I was about 17. I was like a secret agent in my cross dressing. It was like a game even though it was such a strong compulsion I was always devising ways I could safely do this without anyone,,ANYONE finding out. I was a virgin until around age 25. My first sexual encounter was with a man at a hotel in Toronto Canada. Of course I was drunk for this, how else could I gather enough courage to actually go through with it. It wasn't very good. But I just knew it was right for me and I also worse lingerie under my boy clothes. I couldn't seem to get aroused unless i was wearing women's lingerie. The idea of man on man sex repulsed and still does to this day. But if I was wearing lingerie it was the most normal thing in my life. So, I spent the next 20 years drinking like a madman losing friends and jobs. Damn near losing my mind and my life a few times. I got beaten up a lot too. I was still secretly cross dressing but held a carpentry job. I was very masculine and acted macho to fit in. When I was 45 I hit my bottom. I realised I wasn't going to kill myself by drinking any time soon. I had lost my job and was practically destitute. I went to AA for a year or so and then I had an epiphany. I realised that in order to remain sober i had to let Mattie out of her prison. I spent the next 3 years getting myself to a place where I could safely transition. I had to relocate. By the time I was 48 I began my epic journey as I like to call it. I found a psychologist specializing in transgenderism and within 30 days began hormone replacement therapy and began living female. I was still drinking on and off but I wasn't trying to drink myself to death anymore. It was tough going the next 2 years, but I found a transgender support group in my area and I went every week for 2 years. In 2012 , 2 years after my initial transition, I underwent gender reassignment surgery at the Brassard Clinic in Montreal Canada and all to a smashing success. In 2013 I had my upper surgeries both breast implants and a nose job. Now here's the thing. Since letting Mattie out of her prison, I've had absolutely NO compulsion to drink, nada,zilch. I have had a few beers here and there but I haven't been seriously pissed to the gills since. I don't want to die anymore in fact I want to live forever as the beautiful woman I've blossomed into. I hope that maybe some of you can relate to my story and if it helps even just one person then this post has been worthwhile. Love, Light & Liberation brothers and sisters!
  6. i’ve known for years that i’m not a girl. i went from identifying as gender fluid to just calling myself nonbinary. i keep saying i’m fine with usually being misgendered because i tend to present a bit more feminine & i know people don’t see anything else when they look at me unless they know the truth. but i’m really tired of it... it makes me uncomfortable to have boobs (even uncomfortable to talk about the fact that i have them lol) and it makes me uncomfortable to be called a girl, to be referred to as ‘she.’ in the last six or seven months, i’ve been wrestling with the idea of maybe i’m a boy. i feel closer to that than to being a girl, and sometimes i think ‘i wish i had just been born a boy’ because then i wouldn’t have to worry about it. i could just be a boy. and i feel like that’s very telling, but i also feel like i don’t really fit on the binary in that way. and i keep saying i can be whatever kind of boy i want, i don’t have to conform to the standard masculinity and i don’t even have to change my pronouns. i guess what i want to ask is if there’s anyone else afab who has at least partially transitioned (top surgery, hormones, whatever) but doesn’t identify as a man? if anyone retains some sort of nonbinary identity while also taking the steps to transition physically? i feel like this might be where i’m at and maybe what i want but hearing someone else’s story if it’s the same/similar would help validate my own feelings and maybe it will help me be closer to knowing who i want to be i guess
  7. Hello! Im 29 and ive been on T injections for a little over a year now, pre-surgery top and bottom. But the only effects i notice are: lower, but not completely male (more like a teen) voice, a lil bit more hair (but since ive always had hairy arms and legs the difference is really small) and gaining some weight. should i be concerned? anyone with the same problem? my doc has told me im the only one among her other pre-surgery ftms who has such a problem, which makes me a bit downhearted. what might be the cause?.. its not that im trying to rush things but, you know. at least i wanna know if itll stay like this forever or will eventually get better, hah.
  8. Hey all! I'll be joining the Navy for 4 years this summer to pay for my college, though I'm... less than ecstatic about the thought of being completely closeted until I'm 24. I would really like to get on HRT when I can but my future as a whole is important enough to make that sacrifice obviously. However, I would love some insight on if medically transitioning while enlisted in active duty is possible. I'll probably be at sea often, but I've heard of people beginning HRT with around a year of their enlistment remaining? Any advice would be much appreciated! Thank you ❤️
  9. RithiaAllen

    Transition Timeline

    @Kirsten I know that you are feeling down about where you are so I figured I would share my timeline so you can see how the changes snow ball over time. If it makes you feel better I'll share with you a visual time line. As you can see there are months and months of awkwardness and eventually it just rapid fire happens. 4 months 5 months 6 Months 7 Months 8 Months 9 Months 10 Months 10 Months 2 weeks 11 Months 12 Months 13 months
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