U S Military, Basic Questions And Best Practices On Transitioning”

[Guest Gina9223]

To give other transgendered military members a rundown of what to do and what to expect.

Once you say “I’m transgendered”

Go to medical and obtain a appointment with a mental heatlh professional .

When you see them, talk openly. If you just can’t say the words “I’m transgendered” then write them down. But you must communicate with the therapist. I’ve heard of some who have been allowed to beg off seeing a military therapist and going out and seeing a civilan. That is a possiblity but don’t count on it. The sooner you talk about it openly, the better you will feel.

Do not discuss this issue with anyone else in your chain of command, not even your buddy (unless they already know and are protecting you). If you do talk about it, yeah I’ve heard stories. It can get rough for a person… most of the worst were people coming out while in the theaters of operation in Iraq and Afganistan. So it is better to come out while in the US.

If you have a bad relationship with your family and they don’t know, don’t tell them. If your dad is prior military and is um.. well, treats you badly before just totally avoid him until your out.

If you have a good relationship …well, you may want to wait until your out.

Can you get a diagnosis of GID and stay in? Yes and maybe even start HRT. I know of one person that’s doing that right now. Her plan is to get out at the end of her end of obligated service. Does her chain of command know? Nope. ( She was refered out due to her medical department not having enough resources. She was given permission to see a civilan therapist and she picked on that deals with gender issues. Her civilian therapist got her on HRT. So, she’s on medically mandated perscription HRT so even if she did pop on a urine test its moot. She has a doctors perscription for it. She started a year out from discharge and was put on HRT after 2 months and was 10 months from discharge. Her job requires medical monitoring on several levels and her HRT may actually hazard her life.

Can you re-enlist? No. Can you deploy? No. Can you suck it up until the end of your end of obligated service? Yep.

If you elect to tap out they should discharge you as soon as they can but too many…. Well, to many think that they should know why your being discharged and that’s not in the regs. They only need the paperwork from the shrinks stating that your unfit for continued service. That only makes a very blank statement, it doesn’t say why.

What can they do in a negative manner? Everything, its depressing yes but you should know.

They can ‘lose’ the paperwork [1].

They can insist on sitting on it until you say why (don’t tell them) your being discharged[1].

They can remove all privleges without any NJP or assign additional duties (happens almost every time)[1].

Being removed from assignments is almost a total given.

Being deployed even if the paperwork says not to [1].

Having senior personnel setting you up (if you’re a jr) for actionalbe failure [1].

[1] When this stuff happens, document it and submit it to your therapist and legal. It is against regulations across the board and inhibits the mission of medicals mental heatlh services and short changes everyone.

But everyone I know that started in the military did get out and transition. So yes, it can get bad but there is an end to the harassment and you do get to leave and transition. Just takes a while.

So, don’t worry so much. Tomorrow does come and it is a better day.

Hugs

[Guest jessica lynn]

well thank you for all this advice! I'm currently enlisted and I'm infantry! Ya idk what I was thinking but since I tried to kill myself all my feelings I had before just want to come out. I want to discuss this with a therapist but I'm too afraid ill get njp'd or ill get a dishonorable! Is there a way I can just switch my MOS?

[Guest Donna Jean]

Gina.......

Thanks a bunch for this, Hon!

Things have changed a lot since I was in (late 60's-early 70's).

This is some good info for me to know and I really appreciate you putting it up!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Donna Jean]

Gina....

Hon, I thought this topic that you posted is too important to slide down the forum to get burried.

I've asked the other Mods and we all agree that it should pinned to stay up top for all to see that could use any of your wonderful letter.

Thank you again.

Donna Jean

[Guest Karin]

I'm just going to ride out my three years I have left and use the time to build up my finances and develop a realistic time line. Great topic though Gina, lots of good information!

[Guest Gina9223]

More information....

Army Infantry? Yah, hard job to do. But I have a friend that just got out of that a few months ago. She was a total Grunt with 3 tours in the sandbox. She’s doing great now.

Best practice, if you can wait till discharge then wait. Save your money, take as many college classes as you can. Make a good solid plan to follow and follow it.

To help you prepare for exiting, ask yourself these questions:

Q: What do I want to do after I get out?

>Will it be in an industry that’s known to be accepting?

Q: What kind of school or training do I need to do that job?

Q: Where do I want to live after I get out?

>Will it be in an area that is GLBT friendly?

>Is there resources in that area for me? (Trans-specific)

Q: Can I wait until I exit?

>That’s totally up to you.

[1] Am I under too much stress? If the answer is yes, go to medical and talk to a therapist about the other stresses in your life but not about GID unless you really have to.

What do I mean by ‘Once you say “I’m transgendered”’

-The best time to ‘come out’ and tell a therapist ‘I’m Trans’ is either after returning from deployment or during your last year of enlistment. This is the best time that I’ve seen. Do not wait until you have orders in hand to deploy to the ops theater. They’ll think you’re a gold brick and may delay any action or may not take any action at all.

What do you get by seeing a therapist while in the military and being diagnosed as having GID? Well, I know of one person that managed to be put on HRT and another to be offered HRT during their last year in the military. Their therapists seemed to be knowledgeable about the process and used HRT as an acid test. You also get an HRT letter and a letter stating that you have GID. Those come in handy later on if you seek GRS/SRS.

Right now, those people getting out are leave with 2 years of Tricare gratis. (check with career counselor on that or during Transition Assistance Program {don’t ya wish it meant what we wanted it too?}. But be aware that some areas have health insurance programs (hint: San Francisco has a local program for young adults that does cover counseling for GID and HRT and its cheaper than Tricare.)

“I really, really, really need to talk to someone right now!”

1. You can call up Military One Source’s hot line. It’s a 24 hour hot line for active duty service members and their families to use. You can get a out of service referral for immediate care outside of the military care system. They also have a 24 hour suicide hot line. Its FREE for active duty members, so use it.

2. Your still paranoid? You don’t want to talk to a military therapist? It’s a grey zone, but in my book if you need to talk to someone and find a professional do so. If you get ‘caught’ do the standard ‘beg for forgiveness’ thing.

“I want to start HRT, NOW NOW NOW!”

*NOTE* Taking any prescription medication without a doctor’s supervision (ie; DIY) is an actionable offence under the UCMJ.

1. Best Practice: Go through the standard medical channels to start cross gender HRT. Its best to start HRT the your last year of service. M2F will have decreased physical abilities. F2M will have a marked increase in their physical abilities and will show greater muscle definition.

Even if you start HRT by going outside the military medical system, so long as you are under a doctor’s care you are far better off than DIY. Doing the DIY thing leads to a less than Honorable Discharge and quite possibly a Boxed Chicken Dinner. BIG NOTE: If you are in a special medical class (aviator, diver, ordnance handler) you may have a greater exposure to DVT’s and also urinalysis testing. Typical urinalysis does not include tests for estrogens. I’ve only been around once when that test was given. (I wasn’t there for it, thank god. My carcass can produce a ton of estrogens naturally. They did snag someone taking estrogen.) I have seen urinalysis tests given frequently looking for testosterones… and F2M’s did get snagged.

DIY: Do so at your own risk.

If you are on cross gender HRT:

F2M, facial hair, body hair, receding hair line; “I’ve got lupus, cut me some slack” is the perfect excuse.

M2F, boobs, some guys have them naturally (me), learn how to hide them. If you get harassed about them learn how to return the harassment. If anyone grabs you (read, grabbing your boobs) break their loving hand! Or toss them like a rag doll. Then write them up and stack the charges! Make sure everyone knows you are a pregnant dog! ….that worked for me. If you do it loud, large and manage to toss the jerks past the CO who’s just witnessed the incident. Well, you only have to do it once for everyone to steer clear of your boobs.

Body Odor; from personal experience, if you’re in an all male area (for me, a ship at sea) after about 3 weeks guys will ‘respond’ to anyone that smells female. It’s embarrassing to everyone when it happens. The guys will stare at you with ‘3’ eyes wondering if they’ve suddenly turned gay. They don’t like that.

Also a woman who smells like a guy… well, it’ll be noticed.

And that lesson is hard to explain, you can even be wearing deodorant, cologne or perfume. It doesn’t matter, the human nose can smell out the opposite sex very easily if you’re the only one around for a month.

[Guest Wendy D.]

Not everyone here is American so you might want to put in the title of this thread that you are reffering to the US military. Other militaries handle GLBT issues differently. For instance I am a serving member of the Canadian Forces, I am in armoured reconnaissance (think armored cavalry in the US army) and I am out as being ts. I'm being retained by the army and not only that they are also paying for my transition including srs.

[Guest Gina9223]

Its really amazing how drawkcab the US is some times... sorry WendyD, I am quite aware of our Canadian freinds and their love of Freedom.

Yes, our NATO Allies do have a different experiance. First of all, many of them allow thier GLBT citizens to serve openly. A few, like the Canadian Armed Forces, not only allow its Transgender citizens to serve but also allow them to transition while enlisted. It is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT that if you are a member of the CAF to reach out to those closted Transgender fellow CAF members and guide them to the resources that they need. Seiously, WendyD? Please start a thread for CAF members here. I've already helped two that found thier way here.

Yeah, the title does need a change because this thread is really only for members of the United States of American Armed Forces. That's Army, Air Force, Navy, Marines and Coast Guard. Those are the only ones that I'm aware of that have to deal with DADT and the current rules, regulations and laws that stiffle Freedom. I'll ask for a title change.

[Guest EveDaDingo]

I was a F-22 Crew Chief in the USAF. I was honorably discharged earlier this month. Real fast, real painless. With the exception of the horrible family issues, of course. Military therapist out there that diagnosed me with GID is writing my letter to start HRT.

[Guest Gina9223]

UPDATE 02MAY2011

>As of right now, you must have 36 months (3 years) in active duty service to be fully vested in all benefits.

>>>The following 3 items are YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary) and I caution you greatly on advancing on any of these 3 items expecting any outcome that is 'good'. I still think it’s just flukes, but I could be wrong as well. IF you elect to follow coming out to military medical mental health care providers with any expectation other than being immediately booted... hey, it why I'm cautioning people. I only provide this information as raw intel.

>Due to the large numbers of active duty military personnel with PTSD, many people who go in to military medical to talk to mental health care providers are being authorized and directed to use TriCare and find a civilian therapist for 10 visits. This is a 'your mileage may vary' issue and I caution anyone greatly that you should only go this route IF you are under extreme stress/duress and absolutely need to talk to someone. Be advised that it can take 4 weeks to see the military care provider and a few weeks more to find and arrange to see a civilian therapist.

>I have heard 4 reports so far of personnel being given HRT and Carry letters by military care givers. Only one stated that they were given HRT by military medical. Once again, YMMV.

>It appears that there is some change. Currently it appears that they are allowing service members to work out to the end of their contract. Once again, YMMV.

>Post military service, many state VA org’s are serving Transgender veterans, but its YMMV. You may hear that a certain VA hospital is accepting and then get there only to be confronted by a hater. Go see the patient advocate and talk to them. IF they give you any issues, go to another VA hospital.

>>MILITARY OTHER THAN USA<<

Current Commonwealth countries that allow active duty military service members to remain and transition in place;

United Kingdom [fully integrated]

Canada [fully integrated]

Australia [working towards integration]

New Zealand [starting process to integrate]

{US, still trying to figure out if its racially integrated. Seriously, I feel like I’m in a giant short bus :/ }

I currently have about 26 contacts within those militaries. If you are within those militaries, it seems that the best thing may be to find a Trans person who’s in your military and ask them to explain their process and even walk you through the process.

~end notes~

[AT1/AW (ret.)]

[Guest aximili007]

HELLO,

I WANTED TO ADD MY ONGOING PERSONAL EXPERIENCE TO THIS DISCUSSION. I AM A 1LT IN THE ARMY (WOULD HAVE BEEN A CAPTAIN BUT THE OBVIOUS PREVENTS ME FOR BEING PROMOTED). I WAS OUTED OVER A YEAR AGO AND AM STILL AWAITING ADMINISTRATIVE DISCHARGE FROM THE MILITARY. SERVICE MEMBERS LEGAL DEFENSE NETWORK AS WELL AS THE GI RIGHTS HOTLINE HAS SAID THIS CASE IS THE LONGEST AN ADMINISTRATIVE DISCHARGE HAS TAKEN ACCORDING TO THEIR FILES AND MY PAPERWORK IS STILL SEVERAL LEVELS AWAY FROM BEING SIGNED OFF BY THE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE. HERE IS MY STORY...

FOR THOSE THAT WISH TO GET TO THE BOTTOM LINE UP FRONT HERE IT IS: THERE ARE A FEW MORALS TO MY STORY. THE FIRST IS DON’T PUT YOURSELF IN THIS SITUATION. THE MILITARY DOES NOT CONDONE TRANSITION WHILE IN THE SERVICE. THEY WILL NOT PAY FOR YOUR HORMONES OR COUNSELING. ANY THERAPIST BEING PAID BY THE MILITARY IS REQUIRED TO TELL THE MILITARY ABOUT YOU BEING TRANS. RECENT CHANGES IN MILITARY ONE SOURCE NOW REQUIRE THERAPISTS TO RELEASE ALL RECORDS OF CONVERSATIONS TO THE MILITARY. YOU WILL BE HARASSED. YOU WILL BE MISTREATED. YOU CANNOT WIN. HOWEVER IF YOU DO DECIDE THAT YOU CANNOT WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE RELEASED FROM MILITARY SERVICE TO BEGIN YOUR TRANSITION THERE IS ONLY 1 WAY TO DO IT. YOU MUST ALWAYS USE A CIVILIAN PROVIDER WITH NO AFFILIATION TO THE MILITARY AND YOU MUST PAY OUT OF YOUR OWN POCKET. YOU CAN PURCHASE YOUR OWN MEDICAL INSURANCE AND SEE YOUR OWN DOCTORS ALTHOUGH TECHNICALLY THIS IS ALSO VIOLATING MILITARY REGULATIONS IT IS SOMETHING THEY STAND LITTLE CHANCE OF FINDING OUT ABOUT. YOUR CIVILIAN DOCTOR CAN PRESCRIBE HORMONES. YOU CAN START HAIR REMOVAL. YOU MUST ALWAYS HIDE YOUR BODY WHICH IS NOT EASY. YOU CANNOT TRUST ANYBODY. DO NOT ROCK THE BOAT WITH REGARDS TO HAIR. YOU CANNOT HIDE YOUR CHANGING BODY FOREVER AND YOU SHOULD NEVER DO THIS UNLESS YOU ARE VERY VERY VERY CLOSE TO GETTING OUT. YOU CAN GET A LESS THAN HONORABLE DISCHARGE FROM THE SERVICE.

I KNEW I WAS TRANSGENDER BEFORE I JOINED THE MILITARY. I KNEW IT IN HIGH SCHOOL. I JOINED JROTC ANYWAY. I KNEW IT IN COLLEGE YET STILL SIGNED A ROTC SCHOLARSHIP. ONCE I THOUGHT I COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE I CAME OUT TO FRIENDS AND DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL TO FINISH AT A DIFFERENT CAMPUS (I NOW HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE). I CAME OUT TO FAMILY AND STARTED TO ACTIVELY PURSUE A TRANSITION FROM MALE TO FEMALE. I STARTED TO DATE A BISEXUAL WOMAN (NOW MY SPOUSE) AND COMPLETED MY DEGREE PROGRAM. I STILL WANTED TO SERVE SO I STOPPED TRANSITIONING AND ENLISTED IN THE MILITARY WITH THE OCS DIRECT OPTION. I WENT THROUGH BASIC TRAINING AND OCS IN 2006-2007. I CONTINUED TO DRESS IN SECRET WITH THE SUPPORT OF MY SPOUSE EVENTUALLY GROWING BOLDER AND BOLDER.

SEPTEMBER 2009 MY DAUGHTER WAS BORN. SHE DIED THREE DAYS LATER IN THE HOSPITAL. NEEDLESS TO SAY THIS MESSED ME UP INSIDE. I BEGAN PURSUING OVERSEAS HORMONES TO RESTART MY TRANSITION IN SECRET AND SELF STERILIZE (IN HINDSIGHT A BAD IDEA). AFTER SITTING THERE AND HOLDING HER HAND AS SHE DIED OVER THE COURSE OF SEVERAL HOURS STILL AFFECTS ME TODAY. SEVERAL MONTHS LATER I WAS TRANSFERRED FROM THE RESERVES TO ACTIVE DUTY AND SENT TO ARKANSAS. ONCE I GOT ESTABLISHED HERE I WENT LOOKING FOR MEDICAL HELP FOR WORSENING DEPRESSION. AFTER READING THE ORIGINAL POSTING ON THIS SITE I THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO COME OUT TO A THERAPIST AND THAT IT WAS POSSIBLE TO DO SOME TRANSITION WHILE IN THE SERVICE. I COULD NOT HAVE BEEN MORE WRONG. THE THERAPIST ALMOST IMMEDIATELY CALLED MY COMMAND AND TOLD THEM WHICH LED THEM TO ORDER ME TO A COMMAND DIRECTED PSYCH EVALUATION. THIS WAS IN MAY OF 2010.

IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS WAS COMPLETED THERE WAS A COMPLETE AND TOTAL CHANGE IN HOW I WAS TREATED AT MY UNIT. MY SUPERVISOR CAST ME OUT AND I WENT FROM BEING TOP DOG, THE GO TO PERSON, AND THE IT GURU TO THE WORST DIRT BAG IN THE ARMY IN THE SPAN OF A DAY. THE COMMANDER STRIPED ME OF ALL ACCESS TO ANY SYSTEMS AND ALL RESPONSIBILITIES AT THE UNIT. BASICALLY I WAS FORCED TO COME IN AND SIT AT A DESK AND STARE AT THE REST OF MY UNIT WORKING FOR 9 HOURS A DAY OR MORE. THIS LASTED FOR ABOUT THREE MONTHS. I TRIED TO INITIATE INVESTIGATIONS INTO THEIR TREATMENT OF ME BUT THE IG TOLD ME HE WILL NOT SUPPORT A TRANSSEXUAL, AND THE EO OFFICE SAYS YOU CAN’T DISCRIMINATE AGAINST A TRANSGENDER PERSON BECAUSE THEY DON’T EXIST IN THE ARMY. THESE FALSE NEGATIVE REPORTS WERE SUBMITTED TO THE COMMAND IN AN ATTEMPT TO PLACE ME OUT WITH A DISHONORABLE DISCHARGE. HOWEVER THE REST OF MY SERVICE RECORD IS EXEMPLARY AND I PERSONALLY HAD RECEIVED AWARDS FROM THE COMMANDING GENERAL OF THE MACOM. EVENTUALLY WHEN THE FIRST ROUND OF PAPERS CAME BACK I WAS GRANTED THE OPPORTUNITY TO RESIGN WITH AN HONORABLE DISCHARGE. THANKFULLY THERE WAS A CHANGE OF COMMAND. WHEN THIS HAPPENED USING INFORMATION FROM THE ORIGINAL POSTING HERE I ASKED MY MILITARY PROVIDER BASED ON PRECEDENT IF THEY WOULD PLACE ME ON HRT. THE QUESTION WENT ALL THE WAY UP TO THE REGIONAL MEDICAL COMMAND WHICH PROMPTLY DENIED THE REQUEST.

THE NEW COMMANDER DID NOT TREAT ME THE BEST BUT HE PUT ME TO WORK AND HE LISTENED WHEN I MADE REQUESTS OF HIM. I WAS AWARDED COINS AND COMMENDATIONS FOR THE WORK I WAS PUT ON UNDER HIS COMMAND. ABOUT THIS TIME I HAD BEEN ON HORMONES FOR ABOUT A YEAR FROM OVERSEAS PROVIDERS AND IT WAS SHOWING AND HURTING TO RUN WITHOUT SUPPORT. WHEN I CONFRONTED HIM WITH THIS HE GRANTED ME PERMISSION TO WORK OUT SEPARATELY FROM THE UNIT AND THAT I COULD WEAR SPORTS BRAS AND THE LIKE TO LESSEN THE DISCOMFORT AND BULGES IN MY SHIRT. SHORTLY AFTER I PURCHASED CIVILIAN MEDICAL INSURANCE AND BEGAN SEEING A LOCAL DOCTOR TO BEGIN MONITORED HRT. DESPITE THE NEW COMMANDER HOWEVER THE VAST MAJORITY OF THE HARASSMENT CONTINUED. EVENTUALLY I WAS ABLE TO REACH AN AGREEMENT WITH MY COMMANDER THAT I WOULD WORK FROM HOME DOING AREA STUDY RESEARCH THAT WOULD BENEFIT THE UNIT.

THAT ARRANGEMENT STARTED IN OCTOBER 2010. SINCE THAT TIME I CONTINUED DEVELOPING ON HORMONES AND STARTED TO GROW MY HAIR OUT. I CONTINUED TO GO OUT AND ABOUT MORE AND MORE EVENTUALLY WITH THE NEW YEAR LIVING FULL TIME AS A FEMALE. I HAVE AN ANDROGYNOUS NAME ALREADY SO THAT NEVER NEEDED TO BE CHANGED. I EVEN GOT A SECOND JOB TEACHING AND AS FAR AS I KNOW I WAS STEALTH THE WHOLE WAY. NOBODY EVER CONFRONTED ME ABOUT BEING TRANSGENDERED. THE MAJORITY OF THEM DID FIGURE OUT I WAS MARRIED TO ANOTHER WOMAN BUT THEY JUST FIGURED WE WERE TWO LESBIANS.

AROUND MARCH OF 2011 I STARTED TO GET EMAILS AND PHONE CALLS FROM THE COMMANDER ORDERING ME TO RETURN TO WORK FOR PROJECTS AT THE UNIT. THIS WOULD MEAN OF COURSE RETURNING TO LIFE AS A MALE AND ADHERING TO ALL THE RULES AND REGULATIONS THAT GOVERN MALES IN THE MILITARY. AFTER PLEADING WITH HIM NOT TO RECALL ME AND EXPLAINING THAT I HAD BEEN LIVING AND WORKING AS A FEMALE FOR SEVERAL MONTHS HE RELUCTANTLY GRANTED ME A PASS. HE IS AS FLUSTERED WITH THE EXTREMELY LONG DISCHARGE PROCESS AS I AM WITH THE PROCESS. I WAS ALSO GRANTED A REPRIEVE FOR APRIL AND MAY, HOWEVER THIS WON’T LAST FOREVER.

I AM NOW AT A CROSSROADS OF TWO BAD CHOICES. SHORTLY I WILL BE FORCED TO EITHER BREAK A WHOLE MESS LOAD OF MILITARY REGULATIONS BY RETURNING TO MY UNIT AS A FEMALE, OR RETURN TO LIVING LIFE AS A MAN. "NORMAL" PEOPLE DON’T EVEN SEE THE PROBLEM. I GET REACTIONS LIKE JUST CUT YOUR HAIR IT WILL GROW BACK. THESE TYPES OF STATEMENTS, AS WE TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE KNOW, MISS THE POINT ENTIRELY. THERE IS ALWAYS THE HOPE ON BOTH SIDE OF THIS (MY COMMANDER, AND MYSELF) THAT IT WILL NOT COME DOWN TO THIS CHOICE AND THAT MY RELEASE PAPERS WILL COME QUICKLY. THOSE PAPERS HAVE BEEN "LOST" FOUND AND "LOST" AGAIN AND SO ON AND SO FORTH. EVERY LEVEL OF MY COMMAND (BN, BRIGADE, DIV, AND MACOM) NOW ARE "SUPPOSEDLY" TRYING TO EXPEDITE THE PROCESS (OF COURSE THEY DON’T WANT TO RECOGNIZE THEY SAT ON IT FOR THE FIRST YEAR I WAS BEING PUT THROUGH THIS PROCESS).

THERE ARE A FEW MORALS TO MY STORY. THE FIRST IS DON’T PUT YOURSELF IN THIS SITUATION. THE MILITARY DOES NOT CONDONE TRANSITION WHILE IN THE SERVICE. THEY WILL NOT PAY FOR YOUR HORMONES OR COUNSELING. ANY THERAPIST BEING PAID BY THE MILITARY IS REQUIRED TO TELL THE MILITARY ABOUT YOU BEING TRANS. RECENT CHANGES IN MILITARY ONE SOURCE NOW REQUIRE THERAPISTS TO RELEASE ALL RECORDS OF CONVERSATIONS TO THE MILITARY. YOU WILL BE HARASSED. YOU WILL BE MISTREATED. YOU CANNOT WIN. HOWEVER IF YOU DO DECIDE THAT YOU CANNOT WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE RELEASED FROM MILITARY SERVICE TO BEGIN YOUR TRANSITION THERE IS ONLY 1 WAY TO DO IT. YOU MUST ALWAYS USE A CIVILIAN PROVIDER WITH NO AFFILIATION TO THE MILITARY AND YOU MUST PAY OUT OF YOUR OWN POCKET. YOU CAN PURCHASE YOUR OWN MEDICAL INSURANCE AND SEE YOUR OWN DOCTORS ALTHOUGH TECHNICALLY THIS IS ALSO VIOLATING MILITARY REGULATIONS IT IS SOMETHING THEY STAND LITTLE CHANCE OF FINDING OUT ABOUT. YOUR CIVILIAN DOCTOR CAN PRESCRIBE HORMONES. YOU CAN START HAIR REMOVAL. YOU MUST ALWAYS HIDE YOUR BODY WHICH IS NOT EASY. YOU CANNOT TRUST ANYBODY. DO NOT ROCK THE BOAT WITH REGARDS TO HAIR. YOU CANNOT HIDE YOUR CHANGING BODY FOREVER AND YOU SHOULD NEVER DO THIS UNLESS YOU ARE VERY VERY VERY CLOSE TO GETTING OUT. YOU CAN GET A LESS THAN HONORABLE DISCHARGE FROM THE SERVICE.

I HOPE THAT MY STORY WILL HELP ANOTHER SOLDIER TO MAKE THE BEST DECISION THEY CAN MAKE REGARDING THEIR TRANSGENDER STATUS AND TRANSITION.

[MaryEllen]

Hello aximili007,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thank you for posting this information. It will be quite useful to several here.

MaryEllen

[Guest Caroline Anne]

TSAMAZON87,

I know what you mean about not being able to hide it forever. I am about 2 and a half years from retirement and don't know how I'm going to make it. I am in the National Guard, so I think that if they find out, I might be able to skate any time left. Then again, they could give me the boot at any time... I'm not sure how the Louisiana Guard would react. I'm in a pretty tight, very technical and rare for the Louisiana Guard, shortage MOS. They might look the other way as long as I can present as male. Interesting. I think that if worse comes to worse in my marriage, I would go full time as Caroline, and cross dress to go to drill. Wrap your head around that.

So this past weekend, we had a PHA requirement for Drill. This is a Periodic Health Assessment. My unit just came back from Iraq, so I think that this PHA might be a one-off. I doubt that we'll get deployed again before I retire. That's a lot of maybes and ifs.

For those of you who are not familiar, for the PHA, we get poked and prodded, shots and blood work. The over 40 soldiers also get EKGs. Oh, and we can't forget the old military stand by, the turn your head and cough. Height, weight, vitals along with a hearing test BP are taken in addition to a complete medical history. All of this is done by a civilian medical provider.

Quite a difference from years past when you only had to have a pulse and not a steady one at that.

Anyway, I knew that being exposed so to speak was a possibility, but I gambled just the same. I had assumed that the Over 40 physical would come a little later, maybe next year or something. My plan at that point if I absolutely can not pass as a guy to the naked eye <grin>, I'd beg or bribe my way through a physical. (Until the DADT was/is repealed, it was almost a lock. I could always count on the gays and lesbians in the Medical Command to look the other way. Now, they have no incentive. And really, I don't mean any disrespect with that statement, it's just that the MEDCOM would always have more than the average % of gays and lesbians, in my experience.)Brave words, I know.

The physical was a relative piece of cake. The periods of having to take off my ACU top in front of the male soldiers was minimal. I made sure to stoop or otherwise hide my chest. These foliage colored t-shirts aren't very opaque or thick. It seems that they don't hide much of anything, something that previous to this, never had to worry about. Now, I feel naked.

The EKG I thought, would give me the most problem. It didn't. The female nurse/clinician was very professional and the whole EKG procedure took maybe 5 minutes, 7 if you count my undressing and dressing. I was shaking like a leaf the whole time. It was the first time anybody had seen me topless.

This will work out well for me if I can continue to fly under the radar. There are things that Caroline needs to accomplish before I'm ready to go full time. Cross your fingers.

[Guest Michellewhois]

Hi all!

I am amazed that they are a few that have been able to start the process while still on active duty. I just wish that during my time (I served from 1970 to 94) that I was able to accomplish what you all have been able to do. I still hear the same problems and prejudices that were in effect while I was in. I do have to agree with Gina about YMMV when it comes to military therapists. I was in the Air Force and when the clinic at my base couldn't handle the case (i.e. required a specialist, too heavy a case load..etc) we were farmed out to either the Army medicos or down to the Naval Hospital. I made the mistake of trying to talk to an Army psychiatrist. I took their 200 questions (who am I) test and the first Psychiatrist talked to me like I was a human being. He talked extensively with me and was leaning toward helping me. Then the usual happened like we have all experienced when dealing with the military, they transfered my doctor and I was assigned to what I thought was a very nice female psychiatrist.

The first appointment was just a quick get to know type of thing, 15 minutes in and out the door. The next appointment was almost pure hell when I discovered that she had issues with GBLT people in HER ARMY. If it wasn't for an understanding (and I suspect gay) Staff Sergeant clerk, I might have ended up dishonorably discharged. We all hear those horror stories about records being lost well mind were misplaced (OH DARN). I could have kissed him...LOL!!!

My point being is that as it's been stated several times, be cautious in today's military. In my day, it was so easy for them to just slap a bad discharge coded to homosexuality on you and get rid of you. From the horror stories I've been hearing lately, they find other ways to get rid of you and make sure that you regret being brought out in the open.

[Guest Isabella_Anne]

HELLO,

I WANTED TO ADD MY ONGOING PERSONAL EXPERIENCE TO THIS DISCUSSION. I AM A 1LT IN THE ARMY (WOULD HAVE BEEN A CAPTAIN BUT THE OBVIOUS PREVENTS ME FOR BEING PROMOTED). I WAS OUTED OVER A YEAR AGO AND AM STILL AWAITING ADMINISTRATIVE DISCHARGE FROM THE MILITARY. SERVICE MEMBERS LEGAL DEFENSE NETWORK AS WELL AS THE GI RIGHTS HOTLINE HAS SAID THIS CASE IS THE LONGEST AN ADMINISTRATIVE DISCHARGE HAS TAKEN ACCORDING TO THEIR FILES AND MY PAPERWORK IS STILL SEVERAL LEVELS AWAY FROM BEING SIGNED OFF BY THE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE. HERE IS MY STORY........................

I HOPE THAT MY STORY WILL HELP ANOTHER SOLDIER TO MAKE THE BEST DECISION THEY CAN MAKE REGARDING THEIR TRANSGENDER STATUS AND TRANSITION.

Wow what a story. Well our military is strong but what a bunch of cheese heads. I can a test to the pee tests having flown for 10 years in the Navy. I got pee tested many times a month. I had no intentions of transitioning while in but that was many years ago. Its good to see there still up to there old tricks. I never knew they tested for hormones. I have to say LT the amount of harassment you received was really bad. Sounds like the second CO was a heck of a lot better. I think the moral to the story is to either don't go into the military or wait until you have 1 year or less. And for gods sakes use a civy medical system if you can afford it. I watched one female lesbian pilot get booted while I was in. They tortured the poor girl. I still take to her. I'm not sure if she knows about me. I have never told her. I may one day. Good topic!!

Isabella

[Guest Gina9223]

Since DADT was repealed, a few of my active duty friends have come out to their medical care providers and um... DADT repeal? It seems that there is some confusion that is actually benefiting 'us'. They are not being out processed as they used to be. They are being given therapy and in some instances actually um...not saying 'no' when the subject of HRT was broached.

So, caution is still the word. Wait as long as you can, have two good plans in place. One for if the crap hits the fan and one for if they actually support you.

[Guest Maggie_O]

Just an FYI, there are people in power now who are saying, with regard to trans folks, "It will never happen."

[Guest Zeek_Kahala]

Gina,

I've got til 15 Jan before my terminal leave starts and if I wasn't to be busy with out processing I might consider seeing a pysch from ABH about HRT. I know a soldier who got out without mentioning who she was to anyone and then started with seeing a VA psych in VT. She's been going to therepy and started HRT in a few months. Her hormones only cost $8 a month. VA told her they won't pay for GRS but her VA pysch will give her a letter. I'm happy for, and jealous of, her. The above stories have inspired me though.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Just an FYI, there are people in power now who are saying, with regard to trans folks, "It will never happen."

I am a Trans war veteran.......

I wish that things were better for us as far as the DADT situation, but being gay in the military now is far more easy than being Trans....

A Gay person doesn't look any different nor need special accommodations or medical care....

I fear that it's going to be a long way for us.....*sigh*

Huggs

Dee Jay

[Guest Zeek_Kahala]

I am a Trans war veteran.......

I wish that things were better for us as far as the DADT situation, but being gay in the military now is far more easy than being Trans....

A Gay person doesn't look any different nor need special accommodations or medical care....

I fear that it's going to be a long way for us.....*sigh*

Yeah, if they only knew I am pan and polarmourous they'd give me extra grief for sure. Glad I don't need to live with that part of me out in the open. While I agree we shouldn't be harassed by an outward appearence or who we decide to date I do understand the part about overt expression in the work place. That being said I also don't want to hear about some straight guy, or girl's, last night.

[Guest jenna.jones]

Thanks for the info!

i'm currently 11 years enlisted in the AF and just got off a recruiting tour (so if anyone has any questions on that please let me know)..only to be diagnosed with TBI from an injury in 2005. During the nuro-pysc test i came across two questions releated to GID and decided that after 29 years of sneaking around my family and job..enough was enough. I answered "yes" to both and, when I was in a room alone with just me and a computerized test, was happy about it. After I completed the 567 question test and hit "submit" i realized what I had just done and there was no turning back. I'm 29 y/o MTF with a wife and 3 kids all under 10. I took the advantage that day to fill my wife in on all the details of my past struggles and she's been more accepting of it than I would have expected. The very next day we went shopping for "Jenna". At this point she's deffently NOT okay with a full transformation however i'm not sure i am either.

Reguardless, she was told by the Mental Health / TBI Phyc Doc WHILE I was taking the test that I was already looking at a medical discharge/retirement and MEB for my TBI issues and after talking with my contacts in the medical career field I was told that i'm possibly looking at 90% + VA disability.

A few days after the test was submitted I had my regularly scheduled appt with the TBI psyc doc who asked me stright up about my answers and I was honest. Been feeling this way for as long as I can remember ... tired of lieing ... tired of hiding.

I'm hoping that they keep going forward with the TBI treatment and press forward with the medical discharge/retirement and keep this 'off the radar' since i'm still not sure what I want to do with it outside of the almost contant .. yet new ... urge to be CD..which I can't : /

However, IF the military does decided to give me the diagnoses along with the TBI and it goes to the MEB as a completed package then off the the NGB/SG for final approval etc. while going through the VA process for disability etc... what are the chances that they'll try to screw me over just b/c this is on my record at the MEB? currently they have me with depression / anxiety / memory loss etc. which are not only symptoms of TBI but can also be attributed to GID, mine are not.

Well, I can keep going but I think you get the drift of what i'm looking for here, anyone been in my shoes before? anyone been close to these shoes? shoot me an e-mail and let me know if you have any exp in this process.

Thanks,

-Jenna

Edited November 20, 2011 by Caitlintg
Signature included email address.

[Guest GinaInside]

Hi Jenna,

I was in the US Army, Armor Crewman, but that was years ago. I tried to play the stright male, and the guys I served with saw right through me; won't go into details, but it did not end well for me. My GD was the cause of my discharge, though I did get an Honorable, it will never feel honorable to me.

I wish you all the best, my heart goes out to you.

Hugz,

Gina Renee

[Guest jenna.jones]

I appreciate it Gina.

I'm really hoping for the best here. This is a tough spot to be in, comming out to the wife and military while being treated for TBI... not how I had it in mind. I honestly thought I could spend the rest of my life keeping this a "once and again" secret but i'm just tired of sneaking around with my wifes clothes hidden in my bath robe..

Let's hope for the best.

- Jenna

[Guest Merc]

I also can't believe how some can get away with transition while in the military. If I tried that, I'd get torn apart!

It's interesting being on the other side of the discharge fence. Most of the content related to GID and military discharges is about how to stay in the military while you transition. So much has been written about how you get booted when you "slip up" one day. It's not so easy though, I'd say. Short of marching into the CO's office and confessing my GID, I haven't gotten very far. I've talked to Army psychiatrists in hopes they would help me initiate something. They only referred me. I continue to tell everybody that I'm unfit, and tell some why that is. I almost feel as if I have to initiate the whole thing.

I've tried to "slip up" in hopes that someone will catch wind of it and boot me out, but it's uphill both ways. This is certainly a delicate balance, trying not to be a trouble maker, getting chaptered out while leaving your integrity in-tact huh?

~Emily

[Guest GinaInside]

I also can't believe how some can get away with transition while in the military. If I tried that, I'd get torn apart!

It's interesting being on the other side of the discharge fence. Most of the content related to GID and military discharges is about how to stay in the military while you transition. So much has been written about how you get booted when you "slip up" one day. It's not so easy though, I'd say. Short of marching into the CO's office and confessing my GID, I haven't gotten very far. I've talked to Army psychiatrists in hopes they would help me initiate something. They only referred me. I continue to tell everybody that I'm unfit, and tell some why that is. I almost feel as if I have to initiate the whole thing.

I've tried to "slip up" in hopes that someone will catch wind of it and boot me out, but it's uphill both ways. This is certainly a delicate balance, trying not to be a trouble maker, getting chaptered out while leaving your integrity in-tact huh?

~Emily

Hi Emily,

That is most interesting! When I was in, they would be pretty quick about discharging people for this sort of thing. There not even any idea that one day people would talk of Transitioning while still in the Military. They must really be reluctant to let people out thses days. I hope all goes well for you.

Hugz,

Gina Renee