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Guest ssybenifer

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Guest ssybenifer

I am about to go on an epic adventure. I have never told anyone about cross dressing then everyone on this site. I love to crossdress but I have like no clothes lol. This weekend I told my sister I had this big bet that I had to dress up in panties with nice girly shoes and wear a cute outfit and make up. She believed me so now I am going to the mall to try on clothes and get a nice outfit. I really love buttons and collars. I cant wait to find one. Any advice to how I should wear it? Please comment and if anyone has any free old dresses that are very cute please talk to me about them !!!

CANT WAIT LOL MY very first time = )

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    • Heather Nicole
      Wow, so much great music and videos just in the last couple pages alone!     That's awesome, I love that!   A metal band named Accept...that sounds very familiar to me. Can't quite place it, but I'm certain I've listed to some of their stuff before. I love it when artists cross genre lines as big as that. Pat Boone of all people once did a whole album of heavy metal covers, "In a Metal Mood", but in his own style. Several of them in particular were really good!         @Abi I've always loved that Bruce Hornsby song, but it's been so long I'd managed to forget about it. Very glad you posted it, the sound of it takes me straight back to my childhood (a good time).   @Shay I'm familiar with that Brubeck song, too. A genuine classic, without a doubt. Those Sting/Shaggy videos are priceless, too, I didn't know about them, thanks for sharing.   And thanks also for the info about Paul Carrack! It's the first I've heard that name, and while a couple of those those songs are new to me ("I Think It's Gonna Last" and "Over My Shoulder") I've always been a fan of those other songs. I had no idea there was any connection! "The Living Years" and "Don't Shed a Tear" in particular are also songs that take me right back to being a kid (And, of course the Def Leppard one @gina-nicole-t posted does too  I always loved the sheer, raw power in any good metal song or power ballad.)     @Susan RThat orchestrated Smooth Criminal cover blew me away!  
    • Susan R
      I can’t speak for what “might” happen to you specifically as I’m taking E and not T. In addition to that, everyone’s experiences are so different that it’s futile to speculate on something that has so many variables that can affect the outcome.    I can share with you what happened to my sexual orientation over the 2+ years of taking Estrogen. Growing up I always had interest in men but my desire for them was not nearly as strong as it was for women. I had experiences with both and enjoyed both types of experiences equally. Reducing my T to almost zero and increasing my E to female levels has NOT affected my desire for women in a way or my desire for my cis wife. So what has changed?  My desire for men and women are fairly equal these days. IMHO, it just opened up a few new neural pathways in my brain but thankfully did not close off any previously opened ones.   That being said...your outcome will not likely be anything like mine. Any changes in sexual orientation will also take time to occur. I don’t think you’ll wake up one day and your sexual orientation will be changed. It’s a relatively slow process. But even if sexual orientation was reversible, the other major affects of T aren’t without a huge financial and mental cost.   Susan R🌷
    • ElizabethStar
      So much of this...just brings back memories. I had a step mother that I swear just hated my sister and I. We weren't her kids so we just garbage. My sister left and moved in with a friend when she was 16, so she got away. I was left as the middle kid between two step-siblings. No matter what I did I was wrong and severely punished at the drop of a hat. They called it "tough love",felt more like abuse to me. I wasn't allowed to have friends, wasn't allowed to have a job even though I had one before we moved in with her. I was perpetually grounded and never allowed go anywhere but I was free to do chores whenever I wanted. Oh wait, that was required. This was also in the late 80's so there was not internet or cell phones. I was isolated from the world. School and home, that was it. Eventually for my own sanity I ran away.    I'm not by any means trying to discourage you from moving out. I only ask that you have things figured before you do. I spent 8 years living on the streets and suffered horribly for it. I did things no one should ever have to do to survive and don't want any to ever have to go through what I did. It's taken a lot a therapy to undo the damage and it set my whole life by a decade.   I could write for hours and hours on this but I'll just leave with this. I promise you're not alone.
    • ElizabethStar
      I love the gel polishes. I also have an LED light and having my nails instantly dried is just amazing. I can get a whole lot more creative. Currently pink with black and white speckles. I ended up doing acrylic over the nail I broke Sunday and another that was short cause I broke it last week. I didn't do any fill. Can't really tell with the color scheme. I know they'll probably fall off in a week or two but I'm OK with that. I had one of other girls tell me she was jealous of my nails. Her's look quite nice but her thing was that they're overall a lot smaller so you can't really see any designs.   I've been feeling a lot calmer an happier the last couple of days. I think the new E and P are finally starting to do their thing. My girls are a little ouchy so I'm praying it's a precursor to a growth spurt.
    • lachallenger
      I am 47 years of age, as of this month. I was raised by a single mother, who tried her best to raise a conscientious child, including a very Biblical name and all of the hopes that a parent could put into a child; I still value kindness and compassion, because I was raised with them, quite simply. I did not meet the man who was introduced as my father until I was 14, and despite him periodically visiting my family's house, it wasn't until much later that I knew what kind of a person that he was. I spent a lot of my teen years with a tremendous amount of undirected anger at my environment and myself, disliking mirrors (which I did for a very long time), and generally feeling angry and depressed, without apparent cause.   I first really began asking myself questions about my gender when I was in my mid-20s, sadly during the last years of my mother's life, and she succumbed to cancer, during a time when I was working 15 hour days for 5 days of the week for two years before - to be perfectly blunt the combination of events that preceded and followed this left my mind feeling like so much guacamole, and I remember very little of the years immediately following. During which I and my remaining relative sold the large house I had grown up in and I wound up moving in with very strict Christian Fundamentalist cousins.   After spending a few years with them, I moved and got new work in a different, somewhat larger town - but since my new employer never paid me and I could find no further work, I wound up losing my residence and everything I owned that would not fit into a car. I wound up moving in with a friend that owned a house, though their family showed me the door after 2 weeks - and spent the next decade and change with an emotionally disturbed roommate in a 300 square foot studio apartment.   My present circumstances are much better, with a significant other that accepts who I am, and a house with the two of us and a roommate that are accepting of such differences. The total isolation or near-total isolation since March has allowed me much time for introspection and the shedding of armor I had been wearing around my identity since... my twenties? At minimum since living with the relatives that would as likely as not left me standing in the street if they'd known. This is where I am, discovering who I am, not feeling connected with pronouns, but most definitely understanding that I was not born my correct gender by a long shot.
    • Shay
      My gosh I love these to. Thank you @Abi
    • Shay
    • RadicalEmma
      Thanks for the welcomes! I'm happy to be here. ☺️
    • Aidan5
      I shall look into the link, and many more haha.   Yeah, that is the absolute worst. Like I understand us kids need to learn some things the hard way and scrape our knee so we can learn from it, but the parents are supposed to be there to help us learn and recover from the scraped knee, not cut the knee off entirely and then tell us to walk 20 miles on it. There is a huge difference there.    I have been the only kid who was brave enough to stand up for myself, the others were luckily able to get away. But I know each and everyone of them would make great parents, because not only did we take care of a child for them- but what we learned what NOT to do from our parents, so I guess the parents did something useful, good on them haha.    Oh yeah I moved it to the window and pulled up the blinds :)) (She left them in the box with no sunlight, glad I caught it) The algae has gotta grow, but otherwise it looks really good and there was at least 4 little brightly colored shrimp and it makes me so happy to see :)) 
    • Jackie C.
      Something from this list perhaps? https://bookriot.com/books-for-readers-with-toxic-parents/ A lot of them seem to be e-books or on audible though. Not great for leaving on the coffee table.   Some people think: "Well, I went through all this trauma, and I'm OK so I'll inflict it on my kids." They're dead wrong, but for some reason it's a very popular parenting technique.   The better choice is breaking the cycle. It's up to the kids to say, "No, this is awful," and not do it to anyone else. You're looking to break the cycle. It sounds like your siblings are on the same path. Good on all of you.   I hope Shrimp Heaven is in (indirect if I'm remembering the directions right) sunlight. You need to add energy to the system or it'll collapse. Shrimp heaven should be vibrantly alive on Christmas morning.   Hugs!
    • Aidan5
      Maybe I should get a book on how to deal with toxic parents... I'll leave it out so she can see it :))    I don't understand the point in kicking others when they are down, making them feel better is so much better :(( I know that if I ever start a family, I will NOT repeat the things my parents have done to me, which brings up another point, my stepmom complains that her life sucked, so why do the same things to me that her parents did to her? That makes no sense.    Oh! Shrimp heaven is here it is just in another room (Because I wasn't supposed to see it haha) Sometimes my dad is cool :)) I have to wait til Christmas to put it in my room and take it with me to my aunts, so I have validation to stay strong :DD
    • Jackie C.
      You're absolutely right. Your mother is just toxic. She seems like the kind of person who goes through life just looking for a puppy to kick. Seriously, you're living your own Cinderfella story here.   For some people the cruelty is the point. They need someone to hurt so they can feel good about themselves. I personally don't get it, but I've seen it enough times to recognize it's a thing. Seriously, sometimes I feel like a different species from some slices of humanity. They're that alien.   Stay strong sweetie. Shrimp heaven is almost here. Also, you get to eject and go live with your aunt. I wish you all the best.   Hugs!
    • Aidan5
      Sorry to ramble on again lol   So my stepmom went to the store, and sometimes she swings by goodwill to see if there are any good books, (I know this because I have to wipe down everything when she gets home) and today there were a few books, none that really caught my attention except for one labeled "Your Defiant Child, First Edition: Eight Steps to Better Behavior" pffft, I uh, not exactly sure on how to react. I am nearly 18... and I have been trying to move out because of all the damage they have caused to my mental health, I was already struggling with my gender and they made it impossible to thrive at all. They won't let me get a job, even though I could walk to the job, all I am good for is to do THEIR chores and take care of THEIR child. They make hurtful comments all day long and couldn't care less about me, but they sure as hell are making sure they keep me as long as they can to torture me, their love is fake and I don't want it. Call me defiant, -crap-, try finding a conversion therapist again. Honestly the book just makes me laugh, because the only "defiance" I have taken part in is being who I am, I am Aidan and at this point I don't even want parents anymore, as soon as I move they are getting cut off. I don't care if they are blood are not (Well my dad and his family), if they can't respect my decision, they don't have to be part of it ://    I don't understand why they just won't let me go, it doesn't make any logical sense. my stepmom hates me and my dad has disowned me so many times, they tell me that I am a burden and a terrible child. If I am such a burden, why don't you let me go? Or why don't you try to fix anything, I know I sure as hell have tried. My stepmom is just such a negative person and she has poisoned this family and I am not the only one of the kids who has seen this. That's why my brother joined the military just so he could get away, that's why my younger brothers moved away to go live with their dad, that's why my older sister never visited when she lived a few houses down. No one is happy here, this home is full of nothing but negativity and it all started when my stepmom moved in. I'm glad both of them cannot have anymore children, because life is hell in this house. The amount of chores I have to do everyday and the amount of time I have to do school is insane. Honestly I am going to pat myself of the back for surviving this long. okay I kinda rambled but I am just mad that she thinks of me as defiant. I think 'Defiant' and 'Survival Mode' are two separate things 🙃    The memo my therapist used to describe me was "A plant in a sealed jar" meaning, It's still living, though it won't grow.
    • Aidan5
      To solve this I just wear a really baggy hoodie, which I know only makes me look smaller, but hides my chest to some degree, I also wear coats which help :)) 
    • Gabriel
      Welcome Rae,   I'm not long into my transition so I can offer only a limited experience, but here it is   I don't bind, I use a sports bra, because the idea of squeezing my chest cavity and pushing my organs down is awful to me. Plus how uncomfortable it is. So I make do with playing with clothes that don't outline the chest.   That said, what helps me feel better with myself is not so much if my breasts show or not. It depends on how much connection I have with my masculine side. I feel way more confident and at ease when I focus on my connection with myself, my name, my real identity, than when I focus on how I look.      
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