Don't Out Yourself

[Guest DanD]

sometimes you can spot them but sometimes you can be wrong too...

i saw this one very tall woman working at a grocery store in the back, broad shoulders, big hands, veins, hair was wrapped up into the hat thing so hard to tell from that, but brow and chin and some facial hair, (dark stuble) like the chin area, and mustache area along the jaw and neck and sidbeburn area..with foundation on, and an odd voice but only spoke for an instant..

I wondered when I saw her. but didnt say anything. Ive bumped into some before at times..(MTF and FTM)

i mentioned it to my girlfreind later, and she said, no she isnt, she knew her - since they were kids all thru school years together. She just looks like that is all.

so definitley the subtle approach is better than an outright statement to someone, i would say.

[Guest Nikkichick33]

I would Have to agree with kyla666. just being happy and proud with who you are is the most Important. But, I also Understand that we all want to be seen as the true person we know we are,

[Guest Stephanie511]

What a great post, I will look for this in myself.

[Guest Kontessa]

You are right on the money - as they say "ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING". If you project a happy, confident woman, then that is what people will see and that is how you should be treated. Be your self because life is too short to force yourself into situations that do not fit. You can be femininely passable in your own way - a pleasant and friendly voice that may not be perfect, but who's is - a ready laugh and smile - and an understanding attitude toward others. We all come in different shapes, sizes and ages. It is our attitude about ourselves - and others - makes the difference upon how we are treated and accepted by others.

GOOD LUCK and many hugs and best wishes to all!!!

Kontessa

[Guest DianeATL]

^{I am still relatively new at being out in public but I agree with all that has been posted here. I am always very conscious of how I stand and walk. I try to stand (especially in heels) with my feet together, one foot at a 45-90 degree offset to the other. Last night I had an encounter that tested my confidence. I was at a hotel getting ready for an nearby event I was attending. I had been warned that there was a large group staying at the hotel who tended to be noisy. Well that group turned out to be a motorcycle club complete with the leather vests and patches.}

^{When I got ready to leave no one was in the hall but when I stepped outside there was a group of them standing in the parking lot between me and may car. I just took a deep breath and focused on my mannerisms and walking. I thought about how models walked and tried to put one foot truly in front of the other rather than to the side which provide a little hip sway, not overdone but not walking like a linebacker. The fact that I had 5 inch heels made me even more conscious of not stumbling and walking confidently. Thankfully they only noticed me as a woman the best I could tell. There were no gasps or pointing or anything else, just subtle checking me out as I passed.}

^{I took a deep breath when I got to the car because this group could have decided to have fun at my expense fueled by group dynamics and alcohol. When I got to the club it made me feel so good to have gentlemen open doors for me.. Who knows if I passed to them but at least they gave me a woman's respect which means a lot to me where I am right now.}

[Guest EvaO]

I have often come across women in supermarkets whom I've immediately read as "sisters." There really isn't anything about them physically that "gives them away"; often, they're really beautiful east Asian or black trans women with breathtaking facial features and feminine bodies. However, their behavior gives off a sense that they are not cis. I don't think it's necessarily masculine-mannerisms (because what counts as masculine behavior and what counts as feminine behavior in this post-structuralist feminist culture of ours?) but more of a sense of vulnerability, of being scared of somehow getting outed or read and humiliated in public; they give off a sense of being an outsider infiltrating the in.

When this happens, I just want to run over to them and wrap my arms around their shoulders and tell them they look great and are great and that I'm a sister and that I understand. However, I realize that a lot of trans women are making their way into the world as stealth as they want to/can be and I'm not really helping their confidence by outing them in public. So, I'll usually just make it a point to smile and give them a nice compliment and try to give them as much space as they deserve.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing when I do this, but I do know I myself wouldn't want someone to read me as transgender in public.

[Guest Stacie Cheyenne]

So Much To learn & Get Right, But the Right Walk, The Right Talk, Beautiful Feminine Feature's, The Right Outfit, I for One take a lot of PRIDE, In the way I Look, The Outfit's I Shop for & Wear In Public, When I on those Rare Occassion's. Venture out Into the Real World, I do everything I can, So the experience, Has a Positive Outcome. We All Want Ourselve's to Represent, Who We are & We are PROUD, Of who We are: Thank's: Stacy Cheyenne:

[Kivana]

After reading the OP I can see most of that girl in me, except I have never left the house. Learning is easy and remembering is hard, especially to a 34 year old like me.

Kivana

[SelenaDoll]

oh !! I loved this so much. Very good advice and something I must always keep in mind. 

[Guest]

Learned something new today. Sisters. Makes sense, just never hear of it

I’ve been able to stand, legs closed, crossed legs etc for quite a while now, without GCS. Back in the late 2000s I got really ill and turned out I had low T and some other things. I started T therapy and such, and after a while I noticed my penis & testicles were shrinking significantly.  I never really gave any of that much thought, figure it’s part of the treatment. Until I saw an Endo for Estrogen treatment.

My doctor saw that I had been slowly growing breasts and everything was severely shrinking. They took my blood, found I had really high T and that high T is converted to estrogen by the human body. Six months ago I switch from T to E and quite frankly haven’t looked back with regards to hormones.

 

That being said, everything down there has atrophied so bad that it almost doesn’t matter, standing, sitting, etc. Not a problem I can’t possibly be the only person in this scenario……..

 

I actually see trans people from time to time, and have since I was a kid. Maybe I was always more tuned in for some reason, but I see them frequently. Since I'm not transitioned I'm quite apprehensive to speak to them, and I find it causes me a severe case of dysphoria when it happens, probably cause I don't feel like I can speak to them. :/ 

[Sander]

I can't pass for male IRL right now, so I'm focusing on passing in print.  One difference I've noticed between male and female internet communication is that women tend to use a lot more emoticons--especially reassuring smileys at roughly the places a woman would smile in real life.  They also seem to like exclamation marks more than men do.  I'm trying to pare these extras out of my posting style, but for those of you interested in nudging your online personas in the other direction, adding a judicious number of emoticons wouldn't hurt.

!!!!!!!!!!11111  

[Guest]

13 hours ago, Sander said:

I can't pass for male IRL right now, so I'm focusing on passing in print.  One difference I've noticed between male and female internet communication is that women tend to use a lot more emoticons--especially reassuring smileys at roughly the places a woman would smile in real life.  They also seem to like exclamation marks more than men do.  I'm trying to pare these extras out of my posting style, but for those of you interested in nudging your online personas in the other direction, adding a judicious number of emoticons wouldn't hurt.

!!!!!!!!!!11111  

Emoiticons are my friends. LOL   

[MarcieMarie12]

I have to watch myself at work, I get twitchy and suffer withdrawal if I don't use enough emoticons!!!

 

[Guest]

12 minutes ago, MarcieMarie12 said:

I have to watch myself at work, I get twitchy and suffer withdrawal if I don't use enough emoticons!!!

 

Bwahahahahahaha

[Sander]

I sort of miss them, because I feel like they're an insurance policy against offending anyone.  It's so easy to upset people online.  The other day I offended someone by asking how she was doing.  (She was doing terribly, and wanted to know if I was mocking her.)  Part of the problem there might have been the fact that the person I was talking to didn't expect a male persona to be very empathetic.  I don't think she's had great experiences with men.  

Anyway, somehow I need to learn to navigate these waters without overdoing those little yellow blobs of social reassurance.  Except for this one.--->   

[StrainAsylum]

On 8/9/2011 at 11:56 PM, Guest GettingThere said:

How I've been perceived: I have been dressed in such a way that my chest was totally concealed and had very short hair but because I'm not a confident person and I'm not good at "taking up space," I've been read as female. On the other hand, when I've been totally relaxed and in pajamas when I've opened the door or something, I've been read as male and there was no way my chest was concealed. It's very much about attitude.

 

Very true.  I've often been called "sir" (which always gave me a huge glow, even way back when I didn't even know there was a possibility that I could transition), even when I was in my 20s and wearing female-type uniform:  shorts, tennis top and (sadly) had a chest, small though it was.  I loved it, though I would pretend to grumble to my friends and colleagues.

[Ellora]

Hi! Great post! I have not ventured out yet, but plan to this summer. I live near a community, (Hillcrest, San Diego,) that is a well know gay community (gaybohood as it is usually referred to.) for that I am very fortunate. I see plenty of sisters and brothers around San Diego, but since I’m not in my preferred clothing and I’m not “out,” I keep to myself.  Unless I’m at Pride or some other event,  i usually just observe. Thank you again for creating this post! 

 

Ellora ?

[VickySGV]

Just now, Ellora said:

(Hillcrest, San Diego,)

 

There is a very active Trans support community there is San Diego where you can go as you feel most comfortable, and still be a very accepted member of the group.  Going with a group is always safest and you can let your guard down and not worry about how you look.

[Ellora]

5 hours ago, VickySGV said:

 

There is a very active Trans support community there is San Diego where you can go as you feel most comfortable, and still be a very accepted member of the group.  Going with a group is always safest and you can let your guard down and not worry about how you look.

Thank youI yes, I have been to several different groups in the area and everyone is always very nice and helpful.

 

Ellora

[Puppy and cat]

Thanks for advice 

[Puppy and cat]

Just now, Puppy and cat said:

Thanks for advice 

I think 

[Puppy and cat]

Just now, Puppy and cat said:

I think 

Great story’s 

[Beverly]

Mannerisms, walk, speech patterns and voice are extremely important. These will out you quicker than a five o'clock shadow!

[Jani]

Yes Beverly is spot on!  Many {ahem} "older" women have some hair on their faces.  Don't sweat it. 

[Laura76]

On 3/29/2019 at 9:21 AM, VickySGV said:

 

There is a very active Trans support community there is San Diego where you can go as you feel most comfortable, and still be a very accepted member of the group.  Going with a group is always safest and you can let your guard down and not worry about how you look.

As Ellora said there are many Trans support groups in San Diego. I was formerly a member of Neutral Corner in San Diego back in the 80's. NC, Neutral Corner is still an active non profit support group.