Personality Transition

[Shannonline]

I feel like the suppression is so incredibly deep that it will take decades to dig up. Which makes me wonder how much is it the hormones doing the work and how much is it me making some form of effort. Does it come naturally with time? Does everything just click into place? I get the feeling from some posts that around the year mark is when you notice a big shift in feelings and everything feels right. *shrugs*

I remember my IPL technician asking me "so with HRT you'll know what it feels like to be a man and what it feels like to be a female!!". I think at the time I answered with "I guess so". But then I thought about it.. Did I really know what it felt like to be a male? I see the way guys act and the things they do and I don't feel connected to that, I never did. Even though I had testosterone in me I feel like it's effects just frustrated and confused me. Now when I see guys I think that maybe I should feel like I have an inside view or understanding on how they work.... but I just don't. They seem so different :S

Did someone say disphoria? *completely lost in space*.

[Guest Penelope]

Now this is an interesting thread. I've strayed here because the crossdressers forum is a bit quiet at the moment.

As far as I am concerned the jury is still out. I still feel predominantly male. Also, I definitely don't have that fundamental female skill of being able to concentrate on more than one thing at a time. (Or, possibly, my brain is too busy fighting itself?)

Whether I feel this way because of years of conditioning and self repression or because it is the predominant part of my being I cannot be sure. Since I admitted to myself six months ago that I am a life long cross-dresser I've tried to let everything run it's own course. Penelope has been / is being allowed to grow and express herself. She must take her own time and has the right to be unpredictable. If feelings have been packed away they are likely to spill out at times.

I do not feel consciously different when en femme but I do feel happy. Perhaps to find my true nature Penelope will have to go out in the world and interact directly with people.

Where else in the world could you talk about such things? I really love this site!

Hugs to you all,

Ms. P.

[Guest julia_d]

Thanks Penelope for holding up the mirror. It is most interesting to hear a crossdresser speak out in the trans forums.

There is the definite split.. you refer to your other self as "she" .. a separate entity, not as "me" like the trans people do.