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What Is Crossdressing, Really?


Guest Leigh T

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Guest Donna Jean

Hey, Beard!

That was great!

I've never heard it quite put in those terms before!

But, it all makes perfect sense to me (A MTF!)

I'm so happy that you are comfortable here at Laura's, too!

Thanks again....

Donna Jean

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Guest ChloëC

Beard, (and any others near that point on the spectrum)

I think I understand completely. Back in my earlier days (teens and 20's) when I was searching for my place in the world, what you describe appeared at that time to be a fairly classic description of a cross-dresser.

Not to disparage anyone, while reading your post, I was reminded (as I often am) of a Playboy article (yes, I read the articles) about transgendered people, probably back in the late 1980's. The article tried to cover the entire definition but considering the time pretty much just covered cross-dressers and transsexuals with drag thrown in without too much variation.

But the drawing (pure charicature) accompanying the article has stayed with me for some reason. It was of a living room (looking back towards the kitchen) of a modest looking house with a family of 4 - mother slaving over the dishes post dinner, boy and girl squabbling behind the lazy-boy type chair that dad was spread out on and watching some sports event on tv, a can of beer in one hand, a cigar in the other, and he was dressed in something out of Liza Minelli's Caberet. He had a heavy 5 o'clock shadow, was fairly overweight, balding, moderate amount of dark body hair. Could have been a truck driver, a pipe fitter, something like that.

I looked at that and said to myself, um, I don't think that's what I am.

But for a long time, I only believed that cross-dressers were (very) toned downed versions of what was drawn. Which is why I still have this transsexual feeling in the back of my mind, because it seemed the sub-definitions were so limited. If I wasn't a cd, (and I knew I wasn't a tv, drag or the other possibility which shall not be mentioned), then it left ts as the only alternative.

And that's why I really appreciate it here at Laura's Playground, because the definition is large enough to include me, and I cannot tell you how it makes me feel. It gives me a grounding to explore myself from a better perspective and see if there is anything more.

Which is why I also understand there is a wide variation, and I'm trying quite hard to be understanding to all the different personal responses to these desires.

Chloë

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Guest CharlieRose

That is a good way of putting it, BeardedMan.

I think that crossdressing can concern (at least) two different levels of gender, mainly identity and expression, and consequently there can be (at least) two different types of crossdressers.

There'd be the type for whom it's more solely a matter of gender expression, like BeardedMan and myself, and then the type for whom it's a matter of gender identity, like Mia. Mia, you self-identify as androgynous, or bigendered, or, in other words, both man and woman, yes? So for you it'd be a way of expressing a gender identity, whereas for us it's more like playing around with expression while still retaining our male gender identity.

And of course other people may have their own particular reasons, these are just broad, generalized categories.

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Guest Penelope

I might seem slow in reponding to this thread but I had to ponder about it for a while. Even now I don't feel entirely happy with what I've written.

Like many of you I am very happy to access this web-site. I learn from the diverse experiences of others, who may not have identical or even similar motivations to me, but I feel can understand my CD tendencies without hostility or criticism.

Actually I’m not even sure of all my motivations. I don’t think they are erotic; some at least pre-date my puberty and, currently, are not associated with sexual arousal. Much of the time I am content with being a male, with bloke interests and doing bloke things. Admittedly they not very sporty ones; but some require a man’s strength and others a logical / analytical (male) mind.

I really like wearing women’s clothes and shoes. They are far more interesting than men’s, they feel nice, and they feel right for me.

And yet it is more than that.

There is within me, like a shadow identity, a part that is definitely female. Long ago, she envied my sister as her breasts developed and fantasised about situations where I would have to dress up and pass as a girl. I feel her as a force within, who has always pushed and continues to push the boundaries of my CD activities. Having resisted her for decades, and largely ignored her for years at a time, I really don’t know how far she wants to go. Lately, I have acknowledged her and am trying to help her find her way.

Penelope

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Guest Donna Jean

Penelope, Honey......

It just may be time to get a good gender therapist and explore these feelings. You may have way more at hand then you think.....

Either way, it can't hurt to do some soul searching over this because it sounds as if you may have more at hand then you think or reconize right now...

It's be good for you to explore this with a GT!

Love....

Donna Jean

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Guest Penelope
It just may be time to get a good gender therapist and explore these feelings. You may have way more at hand then you think.....

Either way, it can't hurt to do some soul searching over this because it sounds as if you may have more at hand then you think or reconize right now...

It's be good for you to explore this with a GT!

Love....

Donna Jean

Dear Donna Jean,

Thank you for taking time to consider my words. I guess I've lived with these feelings for so long they seems like normality. Also there are a couple of non TG issues currently affecting me and my SO that are causing unusual stress. This may have also come through in my writing. I will certainly talk to a gender therapist if I feel that my CD existence is moving towards something more radical.

Bless you,

Penelope

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Guest ChloëC

Hi Penelope,

On page two of this forum is a thread titled, 'Why does she come and go?'. And a number of responses touch on what you're relating. I've wondered that too, in my too many years. Sometimes it's really strong, sometimes it almost disappears. And for a number of years, I had no choice but to make it minimal. But when I'm able to, the desire is right back.

And when the desire is back and strong, it also varies in some ways of how I feel I should respond, in dress, sometimes in actions. Are Chloë and my male side the same? In many ways, but there are some differences I've found.

Though about being male and analytical, some of the best friendships I've had with women have been as co-workers in computer programming and discussing math problems. And some of my best managers in those situations have been women. (one of my co-workers when in my current marriage our first child/daughter was born, she gave us a infant pink sweater she had knitted for her. I was like 'wow'! Analytical and caring combined, what a womderful combination)

Hugs,

Chloë

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Guest Penelope

Hi Penelope,

On page two of this forum is a thread titled, 'Why does she come and go?'. And a number of responses touch on what you're relating. I've wondered that too, in my too many years. Sometimes it's really strong, sometimes it almost disappears. And for a number of years, I had no choice but to make it minimal. But when I'm able to, the desire is right back.

And when the desire is back and strong, it also varies in some ways of how I feel I should respond, in dress, sometimes in actions. Are Chloë and my male side the same? In many ways, but there are some differences I've found.

Though about being male and analytical, some of the best friendships I've had with women have been as co-workers in computer programming and discussing math problems. And some of my best managers in those situations have been women. (one of my co-workers when in my current marriage our first child/daughter was born, she gave us a infant pink sweater she had knitted for her. I was like 'wow'! Analytical and caring combined, what a womderful combination)

Hugs,

Chloë

Hi Chloë,

I've just read through the thread you refer to again. We seem to be discussing the practicalities of coping with the mystery(ies) at the heart of our being.

Doing a full time job greatly reduces the time to reflect on my feelings and to experiment; probably I'm too tired as well. Now without one, there is stress, pushing me, I believe, to shift into a normally suppressed aspect. I have now recognised that being a cross dresser is an integral part of my life, not an aberration, and I mean to explore it properly. Penelope must take me where she will and I will have to manage the consequences.

For me there is a definite waxing and waning of the urge to seek the feminine and how it can be assuaged. Currently, just to keep my balance, I am in panties and a chemise every day. I also wear flatties about the house. My SO is fully aware and they have become just part of the background of normal life. Depending on the practicalities and comfort, I wear tights or hold ups under trousers a lot. I wear bras, skirts, dresses and high heeled shoes when I'm alone. My SO sometimes comes accross me doing this; she is not keen, but tolerates it.

I make sure she never sees me wearing lipstick; mine, I hasten to add. I have not (yet?)graduated into more elaborate make up, wigs or breast forms.

On vacation, just a few weeks ago, I was perfectly content to be away from all of the above for a couple of weeks.

To write this I have put on a full range of my finery to get the right feeling.

I must go now, my dear.

Big hugs,

Penelope

P. S. One of my closest ex work mates (female) is a chemistry graduate.

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O.K. so what I get through this thread is the common bond of coming and going,,when it is gone it is no big deal, when it returns the need to be female is prevalent, if not dominant.

Our spouses have issues with our dressing and accepting that we are really the same person they married.

We definitely have a bond with women and an understanding of who they are better than males without our gift.

We are content to dress and enjoy the 'fineries' but feel no need for HRT or SRS, but when we are in female mode we feel

that there is nothing better in the world, than that enveloping massage of womanhood , and we surrender to that world with

totally immersed in our womanhood.

Yes!

Mia

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Guest ChloëC

Hi Mia,

Well, it actually sounds fairly good for me so far!

the common bond of coming and going,,when it is gone it is no big deal, when it returns the need to be female is prevalent, if not dominant.

Our spouses have issues with our dressing and accepting that we are really the same person they married.

We definitely have a bond with women and an understanding of who they are better than males without our gift.

We are content to dress and enjoy the 'fineries' but feel no need for HRT or SRS, but when we are in female mode we feel that there is nothing better in the world, than that enveloping massage of womanhood , and we surrender to that world with totally immersed in our womanhood.

I wonder though if it's a variable thing, desire, yearning, craving, whatever. For some does it get to a point that they decide that exploring HRT/SRS may be right for them? Like several here are edging towards? I wanted to say - maybe the right course, or direction, or option, but those aren't really right, are they? It's not like we're directionless or courseless or optionless, or we have to decide or choose, because we've already decided...or more accurately, there is no decision to make, because I am me.

And if me at this minute fits the above, fine, and if me fits the above but with one change - no 'immediate' need for HRT or SRS, then fine too. Or maybe desire instead of need, but that can change.

You know, I've been imagining this, oh, let's call it a line and to the right and left are the cis-gendered people (m on one side and f on the other) and in between are everyone else, but the reality might be cis-gendered to one side and everyone else strung out on the other. Or maybe some kind of multi-dimensional space where gender is but one axis out of many.

Or maybe, our definitions are totally out of whack, and we really need to discard every one and begin anew. Like I suspect physicists are beginning to realize about matter, energy, life, awareness and existence.

Uh, oh, this is getting way too metaphysical.

Chloë

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My next birthday is my 53rd. And I am 8 years into official transition. I fought it for 45 years. I was always aware I was 'different'. I cross dressed from my earliest recollection. I collected and purged all through my teens and early 20s. Married in my mid 20s and had a few kids and when I questioned my gender with my wife the result was catastrophic and suddenly single. She was aware I was a CD and reluctantly accepted that ( As it doubled the wardrobe) but couldn't accept that there was a Female inside of me. I should have learnt from that but Less than a year later I was back in the saddle with a new partner and doing it all again as a form of denial. I believed I could beat it . I was wrong. Another 21 years later I am single and living alone. I had an orchiectomy 4 years ago out of a concern for the negative consequences of long term high dose exposure to HRT and Spirolactone.

ANYHOW... the reason I am posting on this thread is this , Gender & Gender Dysphoria are not a B&W thing... there is degrees of grey in the middle.... There are reasons why CDs don't progress past that point of transition. Working in a male role... Father and Husband and family expectations. In my opinion based on my own experience the biggest part of transition is self acceptance, if those near and dear to you can also accept you in the role of a woman then life is good. Sometimes you have to burn bridges and even shoot yourself in the foot to achieve long term goals or ambitions. Am I happy with my life? Not really. But I am no longer living a lie. I honestly believe I was born into the wrong body. Surgery isn't a cure for it. Maybe I am too long in the tooth now to make it all the way to surgery.... Although all through my working life I was quite well off financially I am now living on little or no money after paying living expenses and saving up for the Op is a major obstacle.

I find it annoying that post-op TS women seem to think that CDs lack commitment to complete the journey and are somehow not the real deal. Personal circumstances often stand in the way. Self harm seems like an option when it all falls apart on you.

What I have noticed from talking to a lot of CDs is they are not truly happy concealing their feminine side of their personality. It is not about sexual gratification. It is about mind gender. I Can tell you that I still enjoy dressing female and would feel cross dressed if I was wearing a suit now... BUT it is just getting dressed . It is a lot more than the clothes and the make-up and jewelery. If the truth be known every Transsexual was at one stage a CD , Some progress through it others find it comfortable and stay there , but it doesn't make them any more or less Gender Dysphoric.

Judging from over 15 years of research online and many thousands of conversations with T-Girls in that time Post -Ops seem to forget the path they took along the way.

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TassieTiff

I don't know who you are but you are spot on..thanks for this POV it really help our sisters and is an affirmation of who and what we are. Thanks for contributing and welcome to "SHOW TIME" here at Laura's.

Keep Posting and stay on board..

Mia

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Guest Penelope

To me cross dressing is a convenient label for a collection of behaviours; indicating some level of gender dislocation that is bound to vary between individuals.

I don’t burn with a conviction that I am generally dysphoric. I just know on the basis of nearly 50 years experience to date that I have a long term desire ( which I think can be defined as a need) to dress. It has become a lot stronger recently. I don’t know at what point on TassieTiff's ‘grey scale’ I should be because I have attenuated that need for many decades. I believe that a balance will eventually emerge by giving Penelope the freedom to develop. I note that Rachael (Australia) writes somewhere in these threads of ‘an awakening’. I have no idea whether something similar will happen to me.

If it did, I would still have to cope with the external constraints of family / SO and the practicalities of earning a living.

I alternately regard the situation as a curse and a gift. I now tend towards the latter. Whatever it is, it isn’t boring. Let’s say it is ‘interesting’ in the Chinese sense.

Hugs to you all

Penelope

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I have recently spoken to some peeps online in their late 50s and early 60s who have been lifetime cross dressers... They knew if it surfaced during their marriage that the relationship would probably perish..Due to the death or loss of a partner or separation they were suddenly free to pursue something that was burning away for decades...Out of a love and respect for their long term partners they suppressed and concealed the urge. Society likes to classify all of us in two neat piles Xx and Xy and those who don't conform or fit the stereotypes are ostricised and often ridiculed and humiliated. Gays and Lesbians have gained a level of social acceptance in the last 20 years or so due to the courageous few high profile public figures who deliberately and intentionally OUTED themselves ...

We ( the rest who are in the gray area in the middle) are the most misunderstood social minority in existence. From reading this forum one thing that emerges over and over again is the fact that regardless of the label we choose to wear to describe ourselves, the majority of trans gender folks admit to a self awareness of being different long before puberty or any realisation of sexual maturity. I Admire and respect those with the courage to tackle it early. It is not easy to dismiss your primary socialisation. I have heard all sorts of argument about nature V/S nurture and how your upbringing and time in childhood can slew your gender and or sexuality....In reality we are all individuals and I feel certain that the reason we are born with mismatched physical and psychological characteristics will emerge in the not too distant future, perhaps too late for me , but eventually being trans will be tagged as genetic and not some sort of mental illness as many in the medical community still think.

In the meanwhile there will be people who can't stand up for all to see and shout it out loud that Nature Screwed Up and the Son/Daughter, Brother/Sister , Husband/Wife or Father /Mother they know and love is not necessarily in the correct packaging. How we deal with gender dysphoria will differ from person to person. Not everyone has the tenacity and belligerence or capability financially to move on past a certain level of transition.

Regardless of why people cross dress it hurts no-one, more often than not doesn't involve infedelity and if it makes you feel better about who you are it can't be a bad thing for your psychological health.

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  • 2 months later...
Guest Maryteresa

For me there are several quite unconnected activities that give me great pleasure. I too like the thrill of sailing, both inshore dinghy and big boat offshore. The hands-on feel of a wooden tiller stock in the hand and correctly adjusted sails can be really wonderful. Against this, big boats with large steering wheels are akin to driving a truck, but the principles are the same, and the thriils of bigger seas, higher speeds and ariving at strange destinations are some of the best that life has to offer.

Skiing for me nowadays is cross country. It takes the fright out of it and gets you away from lift queues & the dreaded snow-boarders. The gear is much lighter, too, and the motion is that of skating...really great exercise. To get a look at the top of the iced trifle, just one trip up to a pinnacle restaurant on the lift will do.

But competative rowing really sorts the senses out. The sense of rythm, balance, speed and teamwork/synchronisation involved in rowing a racing eight at regatta pace has to be experienced....only possible after years of dedicated training, I'm afraid. But it does mean that I can't shave my legs !

Quite removed from all these is the pleasure of even thinking about crossdressing....perhaps it's a built-in gene or something, but I have it in spades. At my age it is lovely to be able to dress up in wig, make-up and girly stuff, so I look 25 years younger than my years. I also LOVE the feel of tight and swirly femme apparel, and every aspect of planning, ordering, buying, dressing. posing for pics., editing and admiring my and other peoples' results I still find extremely erotic. Nowadays I NEED that !

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  • 3 months later...
Guest Yinyang Mist

Or is it so complex? Some simply find comfort in tuning in to the more fem side of the natural balance. I find it comforting, simple comfort. I am not sure if I care why but I do know why.

FYI, CD or MTF is not new to the modern world an infact it is believed that early idea of kathoey had first been explored and possibly based on the principles of yin and yang by buddhist's, known for a high tolerance of acceptance. A balance of "many things" that is believed to exist in everything, even in man is known as yin and yang. Additionaly the principles for many martail arts had been based on these same ideals. The perception by non Buddhist's that witnessed may have been that somehow a manefestation of past lives have come to show through these early kathoey creating ideological fear of some type. When something exists for this long, like martail arts, how can it be called wrong or not normal, more so in this day and age. It is, just not here : ) In Thailand and other parts of the world their are beauty pageants for FTM's.

Hope you find the answers you are looking for : ) Best wishes

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Guest Janica Lynn
"Leigh I don't think there are any cross dressers in(on?) this forum who don't feel their feminine side."

Mia, does that mean most or all men have a feminine side that most refuse to acknowledge? This question seems to dovetail into ChloeC's post.

First of all, I am really in a struggle with my sexual identity. I may be more trans than cross dresser. I do very much feel that I am in the wrong body.

Perhaps my views are too skewed to relate to the subject at hand, but I want to share, in case there may be someone as thoroughly conflicted as I am.

As a man, I have been told that I look like a total bad a**. Emotionally, I am feminine (I think). I tear up when I see road kill, it breaks my heart. I tend to do the same in tense situations and I am always mentally trying to defend my enemies (maybe they have hard things to deal with in their lives, or, maybe I just misunderstood?)

So, in my male dominated world, I put up a rough front. I feel one thing and say another. If I am not out in the world, I am dressed female. I am always disappointed with my body.

Do all men have this side to them that they hide? None that I know would ever admit to it. Brain washed by society? Absolutely. A real man does not cry. A real man takes care of business and does not allow emotion to cloud his judgement and actions. Someone once said "Just because you have desires and tendencies does not mean you must act on them." If all emotions, dreams and desires were not bent to follow the "acceptable norm", I wonder if anyone would appear as they do in todays world. If all could be "who they really are".

Janica

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  • 2 months later...

I'm probably an oddity here a bit. I am a female to male crossdresser. For me, well, it's as much about society as it is for me. I grew up in a very conservative environment. One where I was constantly being told, you can't do this, girls don't do that, it's not proper for you to act like this. It didn't really make sense to me, any more than being told I couldn't do something because I had brown hair would.

For me it's as much about exploring a different role in society. Not having to deal with the expectations of being a good girl.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest mia 1

Tried to post my thoughts but not sure if there was a glitch, the crux of the situation is, no body knows how or why or wheefore, we just enjoy it and luxuriate in that fact. The problem begins when you chose a life long mate and you sublimate that part of you that requires the dressing and then as time goes by,your urges return and your spouse is left wondering what is going on, so the best thing to do is never ever marry in haste, find a woman you love and when she knows everyting about you then ask her to marry you.

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest mia 1

The problem with cross dressing is that you never know when you will “NEED” to X dress and you never know how much you have to dress to fulfill your needs...just panties’ or add a bra or thigh highs or heels or make up and a wig or just blow it off and go to the gym and lift or climb a mountain or kiss your wife and/or make love and be a man....

but it always always returns like a beard or chest hairs,,,,and really xdressers are not candidates for HRT or any permanent changes......it is our life and sometimes we just luxuriate in the “life” and other times nothing but our born gender mode.......

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Guest mia 1

And some times you just want to sit down and grab a box of tissues and feel sorry for yourself and wonder,”Why me?" A lifetime of why me, and why do I understand women so well and feel their pain from non understanding spouses and why do I hurt and feel guilty even though my wife knows about me and accepts that aspect of me, grudgingly I admit, but still I consider myself different and I’ve talked about this a million times with a friend and she says I consider you 99% all man..so she doesn’t get it’...so who gets it..besides ourselves?

Are we destined to be a community and live together and we try to explain to all and they don’t get US?

And I’m already getting medicare and I’ll go to my grave a dresser and I guess the world (my World) will say. “So what".....they will never understand.

.

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Guest Evan_J

I am so much in someone else's territory here, please excuse me, Mia I think what you posted was like a priceless rare gem. There are ,I have an idea, a good many people -esp younger people - who are lost, trying to understand why they maybe are not "fitting" a bunch of other identities and really might finally find their "aha" in what you disclosed. Hug to you.

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  • 1 month later...

This is my first post so I am really excited to add my two cents.

Isn't it possible that all crossdressers, even the fetishists who say or think

they do it for sexual release, really have some gender dysphoria?

That is a tough question for me to answer because I have always felt

felt a "need" to dressand I can't relate to people who do it only as a

fetish. I dress so I can see myself as a woman and that fulfills a need

me. There are days (more lately than not) when I really don't feel like

a guy and on those days I want to dress as a woman all the more.

Since I am seen as a man, even though many feminine actions,etc

do pop out of me and perhaps make people wonder if I am gay (I'm not),

on the days I really wish I were a woman, I need to do something to

at least make me feel more like one. Clothing is an expression of gender

and it bothers me that men can't realty express feminine feelings by

their clothes. Societal pressure really bothers me sometimes!

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  • Admin

I think you're probably right, Deena. I believe there is some level or degree of dysphoria for CDers, stronger in some than in others. Whether one is an occasional dresser, a partial dresser, or a fetishist, there is definitely a "need" involved.

BTW, I do want to welcome you to Laura's, and I hope you will post a more complete introduction in the aptly named Introductions Forum. :) There might even be some cookies and cocoa in it for you.

Carolyn Marie

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This is my first post so I am really excited to add my two cents.

Isn't it possible that all crossdressers, even the fetishists who say or think

they do it for sexual release, really have some gender dysphoria?

That is a tough question for me to answer because I have always felt

felt a "need" to dressand I can't relate to people who do it only as a

fetish. I dress so I can see myself as a woman and that fulfills a need

me. There are days (more lately than not) when I really don't feel like

a guy and on those days I want to dress as a woman all the more.

Since I am seen as a man, even though many feminine actions,etc

do pop out of me and perhaps make people wonder if I am gay (I'm not),

on the days I really wish I were a woman, I need to do something to

at least make me feel more like one. Clothing is an expression of gender

and it bothers me that men can't realty express feminine feelings by

their clothes. Societal pressure really bothers me sometimes!

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    • Sally Stone
      Post 6 “The Military Career Years” In 1977 I joined the Army and went to flight school to become a helicopter pilot.  To fly for the military had been a childhood dream and when the opportunity arose, I took advantage of it, despite knowing I would have to carefully control my crossdressing activity.  At the time, military aviation was male dominated and a haven for Type A personalities and excessive testosterone.  I had always been competitive but my personality was not typically Type A.  And while I could never be considered effeminate, I wasn’t overtly masculine either.  Consequently, I had little trouble hiding the part of my personality that leaned towards the feminine side.    However, serving in the Army limited my opportunities for feminine self-expression.  During this period, I learned that being unable to express my feminine nature regularly, led to frustration and unhappiness.  I managed these feelings by crossdressing and underdressing whenever I could.  Underdressing has never been very fulfilling for me, but while I was in the Army it was a coping mechanism.  I only cross-dressed in private and occasionally my wife would take me out for a late-night drive.  Those drives were still quite private, but being out of the house was clearly therapeutic.    I told myself I was coping, but when it became apparent the Army was going to be a career, the occasional and closeted feminine expression was clearly inadequate.  I needed more girl time and I wanted to share my feminine side with the rest of the world, so the frustration and unhappiness grew.  Despite my feelings regarding feminine self-expression, I loved flying, so I wasn’t willing to give up my military career.  Consequently, I resigned myself to the fact that the female half of my personality needed to take a back seat, and what helped me through, was dreaming of military retirement, and finally having the ability to let Sally blossom.   About Sally. Ironically, she was born while I was still serving.  It was Halloween and my wife and I were hosting a unit party.  I looked upon the occasion as the perfect excuse to dress like a girl.  After a little trepidation, my wife agreed I should take advantage of the opportunity.  Back then, my transformations were not very good, but with my wife’s help, my Halloween costume looked quite authentic.  Originally, my wife suggested that my presentation should be caricature to prevent anyone from seeing through my costume.  But that didn’t appeal to me at all.  I wanted to look as feminine and ladylike as I could.   To my wife’s and my amazement, my costume was the hit of the party.  In fact, later in the evening, my unit buddies decided they wanted to take me out drinking and before either me or my wife could protest, I was whisked away and taken to one of our favorite watering holes.  Terrified at first, I had an amazing time, we all did.  But on Monday morning, when I came to work, I learned that I had a new nickname; it was Sally, and for the duration of that tour, that’s what I was called.  Well, when it came time for me to choose a feminine name, there weren’t any other choices.  Sally it was, and to this day I adore the name, and thank my pilot buddies for choosing it.   And this brings me to my last assignment before retiring.  I was teaching military science in an Army ROTC program at Mercer University in Macon, Georgia.  I had been a member of TRIESS (a nationwide crossdressing support group).  I wasn’t really an active participant but when we moved to Georgia, I learned there was a local chapter in Atlanta.  I reached out to the membership chair person, and joined.   Because the chapter meetings took place in Atlanta, a trans friendly city, and because Atlanta was so far from Macon and any of my military connections, I felt it would be safe to let my feminine hair down.  The monthly meetings took place in the Westin Hotel and Conference Center in Buckhead, an upscale northern Atlanta suburb, and the hotel itself was 4-star.  The meetings were weekend affairs with lots of great activities that allowed me to express myself in a public setting for the first time.  It was during this time, that Sally began to blossom.   I have the fondest memories of Sigma Epsilon (the name of our chapter in Atlanta).  Because the hotel was also a conference center, there was always some big event, and in many cases, there were several.  One weekend there was a nail technician conference that culminated in a contest on Saturday evening.  When the organizers learned there was a huge group of crossdressers staying at the hotel, they reached out to us looking for manicure volunteers.  I volunteered and got a beautiful set of long red fingernails that I wore for the duration of the weekend.   During another of our meeting weekends, there was a huge military wedding taking place, and imagine what we were all thinking when we learned it was a Marine wedding.  Our entire group was on edge worrying we might have to keep a low profile.  It turned out to be one of the most memorable weekends I would experience there.  First off, the Marines were all perfect gentlemen.  On Friday night and throughout the day on Saturday before the wedding, we rubbed elbows with most of them and their wives in and around the hotel, and at the hotel bar.  In fact, we got along so well the bride invited us to the reception.  Somewhere, there is a picture of me with a handsomely dressed Marine draped on each of my arms, standing in the lobby of the hotel.  Sadly, I never got a copy of it because the woman who took the picture used a film camera (yes, they actually took picture that way in ancient times).    My two-years with Sigma Epsilon was the perfect transition.  I went from being fully closeted to being mostly out.  I enhanced my feminine presentation and significantly reduced my social anxiety.  It also signified the end of one life and the beginning of another.  I had a great career and never regretted serving, but I was ready to shed the restrictions 20-years of Army service had imposed on my feminine self-expression.  My new life, Sally’s life, was about to begin, and with it I would begin to fully spread a new set of wings, this time feminine wings.    Hugs, Sally
    • Sally Stone
      Ashley, for a very long time she clung to the term crossdresser, because for her it was less threatening.  Over the years, though, she has come to recognize and acknowledge that I have a strong feminine side.  And like me, she now has a much better understanding of where my transgender journey is going, so me being bigender, isn't the threat she might have perceived it as, years ago. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://apnews.com/article/title-ix-sexual-assault-transgender-sports-d0fc0ab7515de02b8e4403d0481dc1e7   The revised regulations don't touch on trans athletes; which I totally understand, as that's become a third rail issue and this is an election year.  But the other changes seem pretty sensible, and will obviously result in immediate right wing lawsuits.   Carolyn Marie
    • missyjo
      darling you have wonderful taste..I especially love the red dress n sneaker outfit   enjoy   missy
    • Carolyn Marie
      Very well said, @Abigail Genevieve, and very true.  Thank you.   Carolyn Marie
    • Susan R
      Trans Group Zoom Meeting Tomorrow!!   Trans Group Zoom Meeting Times: April 20, 2024 6:00 PM Pacific Time April 20, 2024 8:00 PM Central Time April 21, 2024 11:00 AM Australia/Melbourne   Message me for the meeting link if you’d like to attend.   *Hugs* Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      They may win a few battles but not the war! as @Davie pointed out there is little truth if it full of lies, inconsistencies, and ignores evidence to the contrary. I saw this article earlier and have to agree here. Truth will win. This isn’t the first time this tactic has been tried. Always stick with the truth!
    • Susan R
      Welcome @violet r! Glad you joined our forum and got through the hardest part…that first post. As many have mentioned, we are more than accepting here as we affirm your gender identity and hold no judgement, whatsoever. There’s so much here on this forum, I think you’ll find very helpful. If you have trouble finding an answer just reach out, try the search but starting a new thread is usually best to get some quick answers. Many are here for various transgender related issues but many, if not all, are here to help one another if we can. It’s great to have you onboard.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Willow
      good evening   good day at work today.  I did do some things a little out of normal but everything was completed successfully.  As I said earlier, the Asst Mgr was my second today.  I don’t think she was too happy about that.  Several customers asked her where Richard was her answer was the manager cut his hours.  Well that is only part of the story,  his hours were cut just like mine were and several others but in his case he made demands about his hours that couldn’t be met.  But instead of making some non complaining remark about it she made sure to lay it all on the manager, thus throwing the manager under the bus.  Similarly when asked why she hadn’t been at work early mornings, she said she was being punished by the manager.  Well that’s partly true, she wouldn’t do what the manager told her to do so she took her off opening.  But secondarily she didn’t have a car to drive temporarily.  You can’t open the store without a car because who ever opens has tasks that require them to leave the store, so it was  at least partly her own fault.  But she chose to throw the manager under the bus for that.  I think she is asking to be fired for insubordination.  And if the manager gets these conversations off the security tape tomorrow she just might get her wish.   im pretty close to being ready to take the asst position but there isn’t anyone ready to take over my job, at least not at our store.  I suppose the other shift lead could if she is able to work earlier shifts and if the other closers were just a bit more reliable.   Ive been wanting some homefried chicken.  We found a BBQ place not far away that had such a chicken but I is made fresh when ordered so it has a 30 minute wait.  It was worth the wait and the other things we tried were also good.  Another restaurant on the list.  At least half of what we ordered came home for another meal.   i get to sleep in tomorrow, I go to work at 1:30!   Willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It was nine thirty.  Saturday morning had rolled around more quickly than Taylor could believe.  She groaned, whined, thought of a million excuses why she should just stay in bed and knock the alarm across the room.  But it would still be going on, and so would the promise to Bob: when the gi came in, she would be in. There it was in its nice package, out where she could not miss it.  Why didn't she hide it?  She shook her head.   Up she got.  Sometimes you just do.  Her hair was a wreck. She patted it down and went to the bathroom.  Nine forty five. Shower later. No make up. She hated kara-tay especially at an ungodly early hour on a Saturday morning. Bagel. Instant coffee.  She was five minutes away when she realized she had forgotten the gi.  Back she went.   Into the dojo.  She had about five minutes to get the gi on.  She attempted to slip in unnoticed and go to the little restroom. Someone barked something out in Japanese or something, and there was a dead silence.  She turned to see what was going on. Both classes were getting into their lines, but everyone, including Bob, was bowing slightly. To her. Bob nodded, and she returned the bow.  Life started again. She was touched.   Bowing three times. Oath. Kata.  She was facing off with Judy as her partner.  Judy looked worried.   "Sometimes you just gotta pick yourself up and try again," Taylor told her. She nodded. "Let's do this."   Lunge punch and lower block.  They traded off like nothing had happened the last weekend.  Lunge punch and middle block. Lunge punch and upper block.  It was kind of like dancing. Taylor enjoyed it.  She wanted to learn more.  Brown-belt Maggie adjusted position of limbs and hips for both Taylor and Judy, telling them when she was about to do something: elbow up a bit".    "How'd you do?" Bob asked her later.  They had both gone home and showered. Now they were in a booth at a fast food place.   "I was kind of disappointed class ended. I was ready for more."   "That's my trooper."   "I'm not allowing you in my apartment until we are married," she said suddenly.   "You think I am a problem?"   "No.  I think you are safe. You passed the test  I am the problem here."   "Okay."   "What did the doctor tell you?"   "It's complicated.  More tests coming.  Like getting into college.  I got a letter back.  It seems there is this big fat M on my transcript and my current picture is not an M type picture.  I have to write a letter and send them notarized proofs and stuff. Just delays. This is a pain. Nothing cut and dried."   "I will say.  I'm glad I'm not transgender."   "Hah. You are pulled into my world.  You are involved in this stuff as much as I am, and, as you put it, of your own free will."   "You are worth it."   "I hope so."   "I know so."      
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • MaeBe
      So…I didn’t know your Facebook avatar was public. So, on my birthday, a couple people used a group avatar message to wish me a happy birthday…and now my Facebook friends can see a short video of my female avatar dancing with an old friend’s and another with my uncle’s avatars. So am I “Facebook out” now? 😬
    • Davie
      No, they are not. Truth wins in the end and this report is full of lies that poison the whole thing: see this: "Dr. Cass Backpedals From Review: HRT, Blockers Should Be Made Available it's said. Dr. Cass's latest statements are likely to cast more doubt on the validity of the study, which has come under fire for disregarding substantial evidence on trans care." https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/dr-cass-backpedals-from-review-hrt?publication_id=994764&post_id=143743897&isFreemail=true&r=rebf4&triedRedirect=true I hope Dr. Cass wins The Mengele Award for it.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I went to a support group for spouses dating or married to a transgender person on Tuesday night for the first time.It was amazing meeting other couples like us.One was a genetic woman whom has been dating a transgender male for the first time and she is supporting his transition.Us,they were amazed by us agreeing on something we said,love and acceptance have brought us together
    • Abigail Genevieve
      By which I mean there is a cultural stereotype of what a man is, and one of what a woman is.  Even worse, of what a transgender person is.   You be you.   I read of a boy who thought he was a girl because he did not adhere to some (rather toxic) conceptions of what it means to be a man, so he decided he was a girl.  He was told he didn't have to conform to stereotype and got happy. "You mean I don't have to transition?" He didn't want to, and was relieved.   Once upon a time if you were transgender they told you either you transition or die.   Incorporate the best of what it means to be a man and the best of what it means to be a woman as much as you possibly can, and let the rest go.  Be fully human. Be alive. Don't conform to some cultural crud.
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