This is so interesting...I had never heard about this. I also thought that the research finding “that hormones in the womb matter more than rearing when it comes to your sexual orientation.” was intriguing too.
This weakens even further the idea that you can change sexual orientation with conversion therapy.
Thanks for sharing this article, Belle,
Toni, I truly feel for you. There are going to be days like this. I’m glad it’s not going to side step your goal of becoming who you are inside. Don’t lose hope. No one knows what tomorrow holds.
I had one of those days today too. I had lofty goals but ended up on the phone all day putting out fires and seemingly got very little done by end of the day. I just took a 2 hour nap which I haven’t done in ages. I feel a little better now. My point is that transitioning is hard work and sometimes it seems like not much is changing or getting done. You’re in a rough patch whether it be hormonal or situational, I know it feels real. You’re NEVER going to end up a “pathetic excuse” for anything. You have worth and value not only here but to those lives you touch. There are better days ahead for you. With a little luck and plenty of patience, by this time next year you’ll no doubt be a lot further along and in a much better place. Keep your head up girl!
I have known about it for some time, and it is genetic and hormonal issue. There are other equally as fascinating problems involving hormonal and related issues. The list is pretty long although it is too late tonight for me to find my resources in my mess on my computer desk tonight. It fits into Intersex territory which is wider than most of us imagine and more varied than most peoples imaginations will tolerate.
Wow, this is about as fast a collar as I've seen in a long while. Congrats to the NYPD and the members of the public who provided tips. This guy is a stone cold...you-know-what. Needs to be off the street.
Has anyone heard of the Guevedoces? I just learned about them the other day. The earliest article I have seen is from 2015: https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-34290981
1% of the boys in this village in the Dominican Republic live as a girl with a vagina until puberty, at which point they grow penises and become fully fertile men. Apparently these boys normally feel like boys growing up including preferred playmates, toys, etc. This speaks volumes in favor of gender and sex being separate.
Dreary I feel your pain. Not to make things worse. But tell me if you ever get this. I am in a skirt, 3 inch heels, lipstick deep red, hair down middle of my back, carrying my black purse, and I have boobs ( been on hormones for 10 years) some guy comes up to me and asks can I help you Sir. I just hate that.. but at the same time I love it when every one around him just comes down on him saying -what the heck- is wrong with you. This person is a lady. I just love that.
I've had quite a bit of dreams where I either cannot walk or can only walk very slowly. Usually this is when I am dreaming about crossing the street or someone chasing me. I don't remember the last time I had a dream like this. It might have been a few years ago or a few months ago. I've been on hormones for 2 years and wanted to transition for at least a decade before I finally did. I have no idea if my dreams of being unable to walk have anything to do with my gender dysphoria and have never thought about it.
Toni, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this 😥. This broken life is much harder for people like us. No matter how long we spend in a salon we're not quite as manicured as the rest of society.
I'm glad you were able to cry. I still often find that difficult to do. It's healthy.
I'm proud of you for resisting the bottle. It was crossing my mind just a few minutes before I read your post. But I know it will only drive me to suicide more quickly and make the road between here and there more difficult. You are a strong woman to still be sober. I'm glad you know it's not the answer.
I hope you have a warm day soon.
I'm sorry in advance, this is sadposting (I copied this from my post on fb and editted slightly, just so anyone here who might be concerned for me can be updated, and for my own journaling)...
I just had a really hard cry. I suppose mourning my youth that I took for granted and for simpler times that are now past. I miss my old family and my friends, and seeing my ma everyday. I miss saturday morning cartoons and the video games I grew up with. I miss my old hometowns. I miss the only responsibility I had was school (well kinda), and not having to make bills at risk of being homeless (again). I miss not having back and joint pain (or less of it anyway). I'm tired of getting older. My co-workers are mostly 20somethings and are a constant reminder of this. I just wish I could go back and slow the clock down for a little while. Time is cruel...
I also kinda regret the burdens I'm taking on of transitioning. Which is not to say I'm gonna stop, I was pretty miserable as a guy. I just feel like I'm gonna end up as a pathetic excuse for a transfem-androgynous woman. I feel like I'll never pass as a woman, maybe I need to settle on androgyny, at least to find some effect of contentment.
I've been feeling really moody lately. I think in part bc of my hormones. Lately I just always feel on the verge of crying. I was more apathetic or angry living as a man. I feel calmer now. But I kinda miss that angry energy, though it was never really applied productively...
Also, I'm really depressed bc it's winter. I definitely get SAD. I hate the cold and the ice. All I want to do is stay in and wait for it to be over. If only I didn't have to commute in the cold to work. I kinda just shutin and shut down in the winter.
All these feelings triggered a craving, first I've had in quite a while. I just wanted a drink so I didn't have to feel these feelings for a while. I know, that's not a solution and brings many of it's own problems. Anyway, I didn't and I won't. As dark as things may seem now, they could be a lot worse if I undid all the good things I've done in my sobriety.
I just want winter to be over. Maybe this year will be better than the last... Maybe...
We used to have a couple a few years ago, but they have not been active for a while, but they did leave behind some very informative posts. It may be that one person re-activating this forum could get some to come and be active.
Be careful with the butch lesbian look - you might be playing with fire. Although honestly, it suits you very well. You look pretty handsome, and I hope Eaven will love it! I wish I could pass that well... maybe I should just wear ski gear everywhere I go.
I use to be very into Second Life. I have always loved the name Cindy. But wanted to be little different. So in talking with friends the name of Sindee came up. So in second life I became Sindee. When I changed my name from my male name to my female name it became Sindee. I love it.
Just horrible. I'm glad the NYPD/Transit Police are investigating it as a hate crime.