I'm Not Very Manly

[Guest Michelle M]

Sometimes I think the same thing. Am I really a girl, maybe I can't be because I'm so nerdy and goofy sometimes. Have faith, all! It's just the fear/doubt attacking your heart. Of course I'm a girl. I'm just a nerdy and goofy one. The human spectrum is really diverse.

I don't really like macho guys, or thugs, or overly masculine guys. Hmm, a great body does help, but the kind of guy I'd like is elegant, polite, and chivalrous!

[Guest Rika-chama]

Yes, if I liked guys the type I would like would be the slightly feminine softy kinda guys I still find myself sometimes reffering to myself as a girl. Of course it's an accident but I wonder how I can let these slips of the tongue get past. Doubt keeps filling my mind and scaring me but I know that all I've been going through can't all be made up. I won't ever let doubt conquer me

Ni-paa~

[Guest Drew]

in my experience girls like a guy who can be sensitive and show his feelings, if you're sensitive i don't think it makes you less of a man i just think it makes you a more interesting man.

just my opinion

[Guest JAB]

Hey there Rika.. You are who you are and how you are.. Do not feel that you have to shape your appearance and behavior around what appears to be the "normal" masculine figures..

I'll tell you a little about my experience and maybe it will help you understand why theres no need to attempt to conform yourself to the masculine stereotype.

I was living as a male for 1.5-2 years prior to starting T. It seemed like every other thought surrounded masculinity.

Am I walking manly enough? talking manly enough? My hair manly enough? it was constant.. After begginging T and getting to a place where female pronoun use directed at me no longer existed I still found myself with the same nagging conscious worries.. My conversations with friends revolved around my transition.. I spent a lot of time pointing out changes to them.. Ultimately I came to believe it wasnt them I was really trying to convince it was myself.. I had some major issues with lack of confidense and insecurity was my middle name. Back when all this was happening I would have denied it with every breath I had in me.. lol I honestly couldnt see it...at all.. It was really really exciting but at the same time it was kinda scarey also because I was watching a boy become a man at a fastfoward rate of speed.

What a lot of people fail to realize is this is not only a physical journey but an emotional and developmental journey as well..

We pretty much start back at square one as a young giddy teenager.. sometimes a little wild and wreckless sometimes a little scared and timid.. and sometimes confident and full of fear at the same time.. We have seen the world through male eyes for a good long while but once we start transition we go from seeing the world through the eyes of a male to actually facing it head on and expereincing as one.. A whole lot of emotional and physical changes happening in a pretty quick amount of time.. I can't imagine there are many of us who don't go through at least some degree of these things..

Anyways my point is we are men... and we are men no different then biological men and we come in all the same varieties as they do.. You are who you are.. No need to conform.. Chances are those who nip at your heals for the lack of stereotypical masculinity are at a point in their life they are struggling with some issues... and that has absolutely nothing to do with you or any suggested deficiences..

Best of luck bud You are just perfect the way you are. Dont allow anyone else to make you feel any different.

[Guest Gabriel]

Very well put JAB. I actually feel very melancholy sometimes when I see a guy who just finished shaking off one shell just to put on another. What this journey has been about for me is finding myself and being true to that person in his entirety, not to just pretend to be yet another person. I have had so many friends who after years and years of fighting to be recognized as the unique individuals they are and saying "don't stereotype me" just end up striving to fit in with another stereotype. Caesar then Pompey type thing in my opinion. It's always had the type of feeling to me that in a way, some people take off one set of chains in favor of binding themselves to yet another. Been there, done that. I struggled for so long fitting in one place then tried to fit in somewhere else but in the end...I just want to be me. I don't like sports, cars, guns and numerous other things but I'm not going to go out of my way to force myself to be interested in those things just so I can seemingly fit in. What I'm sure many of us have learned from this experience is that our true friends, family and people we want to be around will accept and love us for who we are, including our likes, dislikes and tendencies. If someone has a problem calling me a man because I like to sew and crochet, that isn't a person I care to be around. I spent too much of my life proving myself to the world, but now I know the only person I need to prove anything to is me, and if I pretend yet again to be someone I'm not then that is not what I am doing. I can look at myself in the mirror every morning and know I'm being true to who I really am in all aspects. I hope all of us will be able to do that someday and be okay with every part of who we are.

[Guest Rika-chama]

Thanks JAB. That actually made me feel a little better about everything Except my dad keeps asking me when I'll finally start liking (american) football.

Ni-paa~

[Nick J]

this is what always hacks me off.. there's a trans hierarchy that exists whereby if youre not THE MANLIEST then youre obviously not serious.. i dont agree - what people need to remember is why we're going thru all this ? to be ourselves... and if we cant be and struggle to conform to another stereotype whats the point

be who you are dude...

[Guest Ryles_D]

Honestly, don't worry about it and be yourself. And really don't go by online. Most people use 'he' with me, but I'll get a 'she' thrown in there every now and then. And I always mess up genders online. You can put "I'M A BOY IDIOT" in you're signature and I'll use 'she', or "I'M A GIRL, IDIOT" and use 'he'. It happens. Some people just odn't notice.

[Guest Seth]

I'm not very manly either. Sometimes I am, but I think it's 60/40 I act girly, but not like 'let's go get our nails done' kinda stuff.

I'm manlier than my best friend, Orlando, though.

[Guest Seth]

Ok, I take that back.

65 manly, 35 girly.

[Guest Jack Solomon]

As others have said, you are who you are. I'm not very typically manly myself. For example, I have an elegant but practical sense of style and I dress in well-fitted guys clothes. Some genetic guys are incredibly sloppy about their clothing, I've noticed, and some are meticulate, much more meticulate than I tend to be on any given day. I admire a good sense of clothing style on guys. I am attracted to males, and to a lesser extent, females. To be perfectly honest, I am attracted to men who are what you would call feminine. In fact, if a guy is facially leaning towards androgynous I often consider him very handsome. So I like all ranges of physically softer guys, and intelligence and politeness goes a long way to impress me, particularly for men I would want as friends. I get along with all sorts of guys, whether they be naturally more like what is (in a general sense) considered to be masculine or not, but I usually don't get along with someone who is trying too hard to be their idea of super-masculine.

On the other hand, I wish I was taller, and I'm not fine with being my height. My size has always been a severe mental hang-up for me. And I'm pre-hormones. I wish I was already more androgynous, for another example, because at the moment I am sadly pretty unpassable, except in mannerism and physical gestures. In mannerisms and physical gestures I tend to be more guy-like, according to the textbooks on body language. But I don't put much weight in that even though I have an interest in the subject. And if you're going by 'typically male' character traits, I am a 'hot-headed' person who is ruled by logic and reason. The very word "Analytical" describes many of my tendencies to a T, and yet as I said I would also call myself a bit hot-headed. What a conflict, cool-minded, hot-headed.

For me, my physical body tends to be the issue I beat myself over the head for, but I'm pretty much satisfied with my actual self. Although I do have these same doubts, I assure you, because like with many overly analytical people I sometimes go overboard looking for flaws in myself.

Anyway, I could go on and on, but my point is that everybody is a mix of stuff regarding the sum of their character! Male, female, it is indeed all about the variety.

Solomon