Jennifer's Heart

[Guest Jennifer T]

Honey......

You stay right here with us....

You vent all that you need/want to...it does help!

Being Transsexual is by no means easy.....it takes it's toll on us, but, we CAN acheive our dreams if we just stick our guns!

Keep moving forward, Hon....never stop!

LOVE

& HUGGS!

Donna Jean

Donna, I love your heart. I wish I was moving forward, or even backward. I am simply just not moving and I feel, well , honestly it just stinks. Stasis...

[Guest Jennifer T]

And it stinks because I feel like a coward - to fearful of loss to risk movement in any direction. Gosh darned.

[Guest Jennifer T]

Gosh darned? I didn't say that! But, it made me laugh. And that felt good.

Gosh darned...

[Guest Jennifer T]

Just an update. I am a grand parent! My daughter gave birth two seeks ago today to a beautiful baby girl.

[Guest Opal]

Congratulations Jennifer !! What is your new precious granddaughter's name, if you don't mind my asking??

Huggs,

Opal

[Guest Jennifer T]

Thank you, Opal.

Peace

[Guest Cowboy]

I realize im somewhat late to welcome u here on the site, but what the hay right? lol

Welcome to Laura's

Being transsexual is by no means easy, but everyone here at Laura's is here to listen, answer questions, and just simply be a friend.

(unbiased opinion lol but laura's is just awesome.}

Welcome again.

Cowboy

[Guest Jennifer T]

Thanks Cowboy.

Peace

[Sally]

Hey Jennifer,

I have been running around doing a lot of things and have not been on site a lot recently (not like I used to be) so I just now found the post about your granddaughter - congratulations.

Now don't be a typical grandmother and spoil her (too much)

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Jennifer T]

Hey Jennifer,

I have been running around doing a lot of things and have not been on site a lot recently (not like I used to be) so I just now found the post about your granddaughter - congratulations.

Now don't be a typical grandmother and spoil her (too much)

Love ya,

Sally

Hi Sally. I hope all those busy things are good busy things. Life certainly can get complicated. I want to sit on the porch in a rocker, sip lemonade and listen to the frogs and katydids sing their evening chorus. How bout you?

Thanks. She is a doll! Yeah, she'll be spoiled!

Peace

[Guest Donna Jean]

Thanks. She is a doll! Yeah, she'll be spoiled!

Peace

Yeah, Jennifer...I'll bet!

Be sure to pinch her cheeks and muss her hair...she'll always remember that!

Love

Donna Jean

[Guest Jennifer T]

Well, I came out to one of my best friends yesterday. She said that nothing I told her was a surprise and that I would always be her friend no matter what physical sex I was or what name I went by. I cried.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Well, I came out to one of my best friends yesterday. She said that nothing I told her was a surprise and that I would always be her friend no matter what physical sex I was or what name I went by. I cried.

That's beautiful, Honey...

Yeah, a lot of us have that reaction when we get acceptance and love...

She truly is a a "Best" friend!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Paula ult]

Welcome Jennifer,

You life story is very similar to mine except i am older and never married or had children.

Some of us are further along than others, we all go through transition at our own pace, this is not a race, everyone starts basically in the same place then.... bam.... before you know it you are where we are and stay around to help others through this mine field called transition.

Paula

[Guest Jennifer T]

January 3, 2011 - Life continues on.

Who am I? There was a time when I thought I knew the answer to that question. But then, we all ask it. Maybe its the search to find out that matters. I don't know. But the journey takes us whether we believe in it's relevance or not.

The year has been interesting. I write here this morning only because I have lost all other avenues of expression at this point. I do not mean that as insult, only that I feel so much an outsider no matter where I go. I suppose that is of my own doing. My life is one of simply being outside. -soft smile-

I will see my gender therapist tomorrow. First time this year. But this morning, the world is silent. The stillness of these hours always invites introspection. And here, Jennifer is allowed to write.

I tried this year to meet up with a local TG support group. Met the leader and she seemed a wonderful person; someone who would be great to be friends with. One of the members spoke with me in depth on the phone at a really difficult juncture for me. I am thankful for that. But they are all living, at least part time, in their chosen gender. And I do not fit in there. I could not bring myself (and I did try) to go to a meeting. I would stick out so badly and feel like such a misfit.

For a couple years I have been part of an internet forum that shares a heart interest of mine. Over the last little while, I revealed my heart to them. There were those who were interested in hearing about this GID thing and a handful of people who trid to look past the male exterior to see the female inside, but mostly, again, I just felt like a misfit. So there I bade my 'adieu' and left.

My wife and I never talk of this anymore. I move through my days as a man. But find myself revealing things (in my speech, in my dress, in my method of dealing with life), some barely perceptible and some overt, to those around me that if they were truly listening would give my true gender aways. I have at times blurted out to family members things like, "I am not like anyone you've ever known" and one when someone called me a 'girl' attempting to mock me, I responded with, "Calling me a 'girl' is an honor. I would priviledged." And those around sat and stared at me in shock for a moment.

I haven't been to church since march of last year. I do not fit in there and cannot make myself be part of the church men's groups. I attended there for 14 years. I love Christ and the message of the cross. I love theology and the study of Origins (Genesis). But even there, I feel as though my very presence is a pretense and a mockery. I cannot bear that.

I have told two of my skin on friends. Both have accepted it. But distance separates us and both are female. My wife would not deal well with me spending time with female friends anyway. And I understand that.

So, here I am.

Peace

[Guest Jennifer T]

Wow, time has gone by. Thought I'd drop in and see how things are here. My life hasn't changed much. More people know now. But I still sit.

I pray all is well with you all here.

Peace.

[Guest Robin Winter]

Every step forward is progress, even if it's just sharing with someone.

[Guest Jennifer T]

Every step forward is progress, even if it's just sharing with someone.

-smile-

Been accused of alot of things. "Progress" isn't one of them. Lol

Peace

[Guest Jennifer T]

Hi Megan. Thanks.

[Guest Jennifer T]

"Acolyte”

 

Consider the bottle

Deceptive, ephemeral;

Enticing

 

Inviting redemption.

 

Who inhabits the chapel of the lost?

Who visits the tabernacle of the tormented?

And hears the dirge of the depraved?

 

In aqueous requiem I sang the psalm of the inebriated

And offered approbation at the gilded altar of Neon.

 

Now in corpulent solitude I contemplate

And proffer penance for the iniquity of the inane

 

And lifting the chalice of the profane

I seal my discipleship...

- Jennifer T, 2003

[Guest Jennifer T]

 

What are those?

[Charlize]

Hi dear, I spent so many years living in the state of frustration and pain. I found release in work and vodka. The latter finally ruled my life so badly that gender didn't matter. By the grace of god i found a twelve step group and got sobe. Years into sobriety i came out to a mixed group that i had come to love. I was accepted! That helped me more than anything to become me. You never have to feel bad here at Laura's nor should you at a support group. Remember 'support' not critism. I hope you find peace within yourself and hope we can help. We try to help each other here as we travel on different but parallel paths.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Jennifer T]

Hi Charlie.

I just spent an hour trying to get a dr appt changed. I live a couple hundred miles from where I am working currently. I stay here during the week and go home on the weekends. So spots at home work best if I can get them on early Mondays or late Fridays. Specialist was less than helpful. I gave up. Tired of fighting. I have the flu. Work is extremely difficult, to the point of being ludicrous. If I went into it, you'd honestly be astounded. Not sure how much longer I can do it.

And this. Every day, every waking moment I am confronted with the reality of what I am, what I desire to be, and the hugely insurmountable probability that I'll never attain wholeness in this lifetime. I feel like anything and everything I do or dont do lets someone down. I'm ready to cash my chips in, you know? I want out of the game. I'll always be torn in two.

I'm sorry. Been depressed for a long time. I'm alone with my thoughts and my heart is breaking.

But, I'll 'man' up, like I'm supposed to.

/pregnant dog session complete/. Sorry.

[Guest Jennifer T]

Well, today ends a year if my life in the place I mentioned in the last post here. I resigned. Accepted a new position with a different company that has brought me back home.

Here's to another beginning.

[Guest angels wings]

Thanks for the update Jennifer .i wish you all the best with your new job .

Angel