College

[Flint]

I have an interview for a course at college coming up very soon, i was at college last year doing another course but didn't wana carry it on cause it wasn't for me. I was in college as *Birthname* i still havn't changed my name legally, but the idea of going to college, which will be a fresh start new people on my course that i've never met before i dont want them to even know my *birthname* I'm a young man not a young woman and it hurts. should i tell the people there in the interview and sort it out so i can be called my name Matt? I dunno maybe this post is pointless, but just wanted to know what others think. should i risk it and say? or should i just leave it? and how would pusuade my mum that this is the right thing to do, as she is really not okay with me telling other people especially college.

[Guest Mani]

What I have done the last few semesters is on the first day, because I didn't know who my teacher's were before I got in the class, is give the teacher a letter explaining that I'm transgender, to use male pronouns, and to use my chosen name and not my birth name. So far I've not had any problems with my teachers. I have, however, had problems with not passing and having the other students use female pronouns. What I do there is tell them that I'm male. I don't tell the other students that I'm transgender because I don't think they need to know that.

My advice is to tell the people at the interview. Also, it's not up to your mom who knows and who doesn't, it's up to you. You're the one who is going to be in that class, not her. I know for me that I have been completely uncomfortable sitting in a class where people call me by my birthname and call me female. I wanted to get those classes over with as quickly as I could.

Goodluck

~Mani

[MaryEllen]

Hi Matty,

You've got to live your life for you. Not for what somebody else thinks you should be. If you feel comfortable presenting yourself as the male you are, then go for it. Good luck.

MaryEllen

[Flint]

I'll try tell them maybe write a note? i dont know i find it hard to describe when talking i can describe it better in writting i think........I'll post what i'm thinkingo f showing them to see if otehrs think it makes any sense cause i often dont make sense Thanks for replys.

and also...yay it let me reply....

[pennyjane]

hi matt, how nice to meet you. you will do well heeding the advice you have recieved. may i add, self-confidence. i know, that's far easier said then had, but even if you don't, try to pretend you do. the more sure of yourself you seem, the more assured will be others. by self-assurance, i don't mean a kind of "in your face" type of thing, that really just signals a lack of self-assurance, but a patient and understanding type. insist on using your preferred name. but do that quietly and firmly. getting mad at people for messing up won't help, probably just egg on doing it on purpose. but firmly and empatheticly let folks know it hurts you to be called something else. there will always be those who hurt because they need to hurt, but more people aren't like that. by getting the good people behind you, the not so good ones will soon find themselves isolated and give it another thought. pronouns are a biggie. especially for those who knew you before transition. they will mess up. most of the time they don't mean anything derogatory, they just don't spend the time worrying about pronouns that we do. i correct with a smile, but i correct consistently and with persistance. occasionally this annoys people. i always apologize and explain how i feel when i'm addressed by "he' or "him". i point out how hard transition is and how discouraging it is when that happens. it has been my experience that this way works. people then empathize with me and become more aware. don't allow yourself to get too discouraged by ignorance or a seeming lack of sensitivity. these are natural human occurances that can be easily modified most of the time with patience and understanding. you are matt, a good and strong man with a bright future. much love and hope, pj

[Flint]

Confidence is a masive problem for me. ebut i'll try

[Flint]

I'm depressed evern more so now casue i dont think i'm gonna manage it. I have to many worried, it's making me not wanna go college now. i dont wanna go and have to be called my birthname but i' mscared cause i' mscared i dont pass even though most of the time i do i'm scared i wont, and my voice is a huge give a way for me. But i know i can often use my being in a wheelchair to an advantage to this, people think my voice not being broken yet is because of my illness i suppose they could think that. and i'm worried about my mums reaction when i say, she really dont wanna have people knowing i dont think i can tell in the tone of er voice when i talk about coming out to rest of family and when i have mentioned before about seeing if they can call me matt at college she freaked. The interview is tomorrow, but i dont think this is gonna happen for me.

Edited July 24, 2007 by Matty_On_Wheels

[pennyjane]

matty! you get out there and do that interview! don't you dare let fear and apprehension hold you back from your education. you will pass as just exactly what you are, a young man in transition. if you let people convince you that there is something wrong with this then you are letting falacy trump truth, shame on you! you have fallen into the trap many of us do. you are so worried about looking like a man you forget that you ARE a man. you can't change that anymore then you can rearrange the stars in the sky. you are not the man some other man is, you are the man that you are. when i talk to strangers on the phone i always get "sir". so be it. i correct it and always get an apology. accepted, move on. what you look like and what you sound like are only superficial representations of what you are. i would never do voice lessons or try to train my voice to sound more fem. to me that would be nuts. i'd be spending to much time worrying about how i sounded to have much concern for what i was saying. what's more important, how i sound or what i say? no contest, i won't risk the more important to satisfy the superficial.

you pull off this interview with what's in you. your intelligence and and your determination to succeed in this class. your gender is of no concern here. a curious side issue, but not on point at all. you keep the interview on point and you will do well. lotsa love and much hope, pj

[Flint]

I'm going thrugh weak moments. i guess i'll have to try or just stick it out and live a lie i know which seems esiasist. but i'll try. the harder option which is teling them hell what am i on about they re both hard options living a lie is hard. I feel like i'm banging my head againts abrick wall, with myself.

[Guest Court]

Hey Matt. I'm starting college this fall because I have been putting it off for 3 years now. My mom is sort of forcing me to go because she thinks I'm "lazy". Truth is, I don't want to be seen like this by others, which I'm sure many of us feel this way. What I plan to do is be myself and correct people when they start throwing the terms "she" and "her" around. And I too suffer with confidence issues. So I totally understand what you're going through. I would try writing a letter and see if that works.

Court

[Nick J]

Hey. speaking as someone who has just enrolled in college as male, i thought id let you know howi got on. They said to me they cant enroll me as male without a drs letter - which i promptly got and im enrolled as male - however they have my *birthname* down for monetary and quals purposes - my course tutor has went round the other lecturers and informed them, asking them to reinforce the 'he' 'him' thing which i think i really need. As far as am concered thats the lecturer thing sorted.

As far as anyone else is concerned, this is where im scared. I dont pass fantastically and well my voice leaves a lot to be desired. I know in my heart im male, but im unsure if everyone else will be so convinced. I reassure my half the time that im me and i dont give a nuts about 'passing' but i guess i do - especially since im hanging around with my best mate sometimes at lunch (hes doing a diff course tho) who is an FTM who passes so so well.

im not naive, i know its hard - going female wouldve been harder... so ill stick it out too

best of luck dude

- nick