Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest Keiichi-kun

Tried Showing My Mom This Place

Recommended Posts

Guest Rika-chama

Well awhile back I worked up my courage and told my mom that I belonged to a transgender community online and that parents of transsexuals are welcome to join. She said sure show me the site sometime. The thing is whenever I remembered to wanted to show her she "didn't feel like it" or "was busy" finally after weeks I finally got to show her and she honestly didn't look interested at all. I showed her how forums work and how accounts are made so she just made me save it to her favorites to never be looked at again.

Now we skip to today where I remember I showed her this place and ask if it was even worth showing it to her. I asked why doesn't she make an account and ask some questions here. She replied with "you know I don't waste all my time on the computer like you do" I explained to her that making an account takes only minutes and that posting also only takes minutes and after posting just check back in a few days and read everyone's responses. She said that she doesn't care about other people just me. Well I told her that these people are more knowledgable and may be able to help her understand more about what it means to be transsexual. She just left saying she doesn't want to bother with it tonight.

See the reason I wanted her to join was because right now she's not doing anything to help me. She sends me to counseling and then complains how she doesn't like my counselor. Now she wants to get me a psychiatrist and even though I've been asking for weeks she has yet to call. She keeps telling me that she doesn't want me to transition but to be content with my body. Whenever I voice any hatred about my body she always says "well I don't see the big deal about having periods, or breasts aren't that bad" and keeps saying that I could get a breast reduction surgery every time I mention a masectomy. When she notices I'm unshaven she says it's disgusting and when I said I want a short haircut she just said that that'll make me look like a a small levee. I don't think my mother means any harm but I can't stand her not doing anything. Instead of finding the root of my depression I just keep switching anti-depressants and getting the dosage raised. Everytime she sees a cut mark or my nail biting she acts all embarrased and mad. She says she's always there for me but I don't feel it.

I want her to understand how I feel and how others feel. I wanted her to meet other TG people who could help her understand but she always avoids the subject. I need help badly but she's not helping. I understand she doesn't want me to be a boy considering I'm the little girl they always wanted but I can't help this. She ignores how depressed I get around PMS and just gets mad at me for my crazy mood swings. I thought she would be there for me but she's avoiding the subject. I don't know what to do anymore. She doesn't understand why I'm on the computer a lot. Here people understand me and call me a boy. Here I can be who I am with no questions asked

Ni-paa~

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Sarah P

Rika,

Sounds like your mom is having troubles dealing. It also sounds like from other posts I read in your profile that you're having troubles with the family in general? If so, it's been my experience that it's just going to take some time for people this close to you to adjust to the news. And yeah, I know you're hurting, but you also have to keep them in mind as well. What this must be like for them. What this means for them. All that kind of stuff. Not to say that you don't do this already. All I'm trying to say is that some people have a tough time dealing with the news, but given time they can deal with it (just like we all have to on a certain level) and everything can be great. So please try not to get frustrated with your mom now. That might only exacerbate the situation.

That being said, hang in there until you're off to college. I think that you should do your best to go to a college where you'll have to live there, a place with a trans community of some kind, and one where you'll feel free to be yourself. Things may be rocky with your family, but at least you'll have a place to find yourself outside of the bubble of family life. I hope that college is nothing but a great experience, and hopefully everything will work out really well for you.

Oh, and this is just my opinion on it. Please take whatever you can from it. Other people may disagree with me completely, and their opinion is just as valid as mine. Just weigh your options and do what you feel would be best for everyone, while still being true to yourself.

Take care!

=)

Share this post


Link to post
Guest o0tg0o

oof that sucks. hmm. maybe you can print it out and show it to her.

i'm guessing she doesn't think you're totally serious? How about shaving your head bald? That could work...just need to get rebellious :P (without harming yourself of course) You can't always be the nice guy. ;)

Well, once you hit 18, you can be responsible for visits with therapists and such on your own now. Look up one and call them. They're usually open to just a quick chat to meet each other before actually having a session with them. You should also be able to figure out how much it'll cost and hopefully you can afford it for now...

Do you have a doctor you usually go to? Well, you might just want to tell the general practitioner about it and they might be able to let you know who to go to.

Good luck, it sounds annoying that you can't get it through to her. If things don't work, consider scolding her big time. Just because they're parents doesn't mean they don't deserve a good scolding :P

Either way, keep your chin up boy! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Michelle M

Yep that sounds like my mom. I tried showing her a story of a mom's notice of her MTF daughter that changed at 21, and her life sounded exactly like mine growing up, I wanted my mom to read it so she can see how similar it was, and I'm not doing this on a whim or as a fetish.

My mom, however, told me "I don't want to read anything written by anyone else, I want to read something written by you, write me a letter." So I wrote a 17 page autobiography about all my thoughts about being a girl from age 3 to now. And it in I snuck in pertinent info that I've learned from other resources, but in my own words, that I couldn't get her to read in another form. She wanted a letter, well, she opened the floodgates!

Rika do you think you could do the same thing for your mom? I wish she wasn't so stubborn. You're showing your serious you are with your actions, and she still won't budge.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Rika-chama

Today before my mom got off work I opened this page and left a sticky note saying to read it. I knew that that was the only way to talk to her. I'm not good with words so I thought she could read this. She did and we talked and I think things are sort of better. She reassured me that money will never be an issue and she is always willing to help pay for things. She explained things to me and I think I have a better understanding of her actions. she is just worried about surgeries and all. She has been through a lot. First my brother dies and now I, her only daughter, has depression and is TG and going through so much that she is just overwelmed with everything. I almost hate myself for doing this to her, for making her so sad. She's been through a lot what with her horrible childhood, my brothers getting in trouble through HS, my brother dying, and now me.

Now I know I am 18 and can do things like call doctors on my own but I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so dependant it scares me. I can't do anything on my own and when i do I get scared and mess things up. It takes all the courage I have just to call somebody I don't know. I'm so scared of everything I don't know what to do. I just seem so pathetic.

Anyways I think things are gonna be better now between my mom and I. Thanks for all the support guys. I love you all

Ni-paa~

Share this post


Link to post
Petra Jane

Glad to hear that things are improving between you and your mother. At the very least, you now have family support.

Best of luck

Share this post


Link to post
Guest o0tg0o

hehe, don't worry. it took me until this year to notice/build up the courage. Besides, I'm sure you don't want to do anything your mom doesn't approve...I totally understand that. My mother has a terrible life too. (poor upbringing, abusive marriages, chronic depression, single mom, alcohol, and now cancer....and etc) It pains me to see my mother getting into worse situations.

I'm 22 now. It's normal to have some kind of anxiety X-D. I've been battling it all my life and I still do. :P and no, you're not pathetic :)

Meh, if she's understanding, then I'm sure it's workable to get things better. Just stay positive, do well in college, get a good job, u know, all that stuff. I'm sure if she's worried about you constantly, that'd be a great relief. ^^ (meh, it's based on what my mother always says..."all mothers will feel the best when their kids are doing well...SO don't make me worry so much!!!") (haha, yeah, that's something she always says when she's scolding me. :P)

I'm not sure how true that statement is, I'm going to try and believe that while I am planning out my coming out to my mother. :P (I tried today, but I totally didn't know how to describe "gender dysphoria" in Japanese coming to think of it now. lol. I'm researching now and will try again ;) )

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Vince Gothfairy

wow mate thats really tough. my mum doesn't even know I'm bigendered yet or feel like crossdressing. shes such an open minded person but i think her lack of knowledge would make her insensitive also I feel she wouldn't ever believe that i ;have this problem. she'd say its just my experiemental personality and i have loads to be thankful for. I feel it will be much easier when I'm older.

my mum hates me spending time on the computer. shes thinks talking topeople online is unhealthy and i doubt she'd ever join a forum.

So I can sort of sympathise with your pain Rika. maybe you should encourage her to meet other transexuals you know and talk to them rather than online stuff if computers just don't suit her. Its a generational thing. computers scare alot of people. I'm hopeless with them i just use computers for foruming and work.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest harvester52

I have asked my mom to join this site as well, and she hasn't yet. Although, she says she wants to wait until they get their new house so she doesn't have to be in the middle of a coffee shoppe when she reads this stuff. I can see why.

My dad on the other hand-- I'd never give my dad this kind of address. He's the one that still uses my legal name and makes no effort whatsoever to NOT use it. He's not supportive, and I don't really need him to be. I guess that's the good thing about having divorced parents. I'm going to move back in with my mom as soon as I graduate.

Share this post


Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   16 Members, 0 Anonymous, 156 Guests (See full list)

    • RobynNYC
    • Ethan da potato
    • Jackie C.
    • SaraAW
    • Carolyn Marie
    • RunValRun
    • Emily michelle
    • Dana Michelle
    • Wichita
    • A. Dillon
    • Mx.Drago
    • Kaltia_Atlas
    • Jocelyn
    • Laura3454
    • TammyAnne
    • ShawnaLeigh
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      70,920
    • Total Posts
      643,679
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      6,881
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Stella_Dragon
    Newest Member
    Stella_Dragon
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. SoSarah
      SoSarah
      (61 years old)
    2. Xlandral
      Xlandral
      (19 years old)
  • Posts

    • RobynNYC
      This this this this!!!  For me I have always had more of a female brain, and that’s been really confusing.  I didn’t really get that is was gender dysphoria until later in life but viewing this through the prism of having a female brain (as opposed to being trapped in a man’s body) has made it so much easier for me to process.  
    • Jackie C.
      Be wary of cliffs. 😋   Congratulations for the both of you! This is a big step and I wish you nothing but luck and happiness!   Hugs!
    • Carolyn Marie
      Duplicate post.   Carolyn
    • Patti Anne
      OOPs... misposted
    • Patti Anne
      Well, Shawna and I had some crazy things happen today. The Good news is she's not coming to Oregon to visit. The other good news is it sounds like she was offered a job today about 15 minutes away from our house. It's a government contract and they want her to start yesterday. So, needless to say, things are moving along really really rapidly. It's looking more like I'm going to fly to Vermont and we'll both drive back with a truck loaded with her things. She was talking about driving alone, but there's NO WAY I'm letting her drive X/C by herself. We'll drive together, Thelma and Louise style.   So, as things firm up, we'll repost with progress notes.   Update: She just texted me and she's definitely been hired! They want her here on 6/29!    PA and SL
    • sleepinflame
      I didn't get all the way through.  It was useful to me, but coming to this site was more useful.  It's really useful to read the sections about feeling alienated from the boys and wanting to be with the girls, but that appears in so many stories.  The piece that I was trying to figure out for myself is why don't I care so much about presenting as a girl IRL.  Here, I present as a girl because it's my inner self and I feel very girly inside most of the time.  But I just don't need to present that way for casual interactions in the grocery store.  I think.  I guess I won't know until I try it.  Still figuring it out, but I don't feel the aching need which so many here express.  I feel the aching need to communicate as we do here, that's where I feel most girly.  I want to interact IRL that way with my friends and that's the biggest mystery for me, how to get those interactions with close friends.  I think I understand it now, I was always holding back because I didn't want to be seen as being flirting.  Now I can just say what I want honestly and I think it will turn out better.  After quarantine, right?   All of that leads me to the most important thing, which it is all very individual.   I read and I read and I read.  I find authors who have a voice who seem similar to my inner voice, but no one is the same.  I'd say my closest match is Adrienne Nash.  I like her because she resonates so much with me.  We're all different sparkly snowflakes, that makes it hard for us to figure out what we are.  But it is all valid.   Hugs --Grace                  
    • Dana Michelle
      Yes, a minor can change their name. A minor has to fill out this form https://www.courts.ca.gov/documents/nc500.pdf. It requires either getting the parents' signatures or issuing a notice to allow the parents to object.
    • Emily michelle
      Thanks for all the replies. I’ve just kept playing on the humor. It just gets frustrating at times. the funny thing was there was another mechanic that had long hair too and they never said much about it. I can only imagine what will happen when I get my ears pierced haha. I don’t want to involve hr yet because I’m not ready to come out at work yet. Susan I wish my hair was like that unfortunately that is a wig. My hair is at the bottom of my ears now so it’s progressing. 
    • Patti Anne
      Thanks Jackie!
    • Patti Anne
      Thanks Em! It's definitely more updated.   Things are moving at the speed of light with Shawna and I! We've had some HUGE things happen this morning. We'll update as they firm up! 
    • Dana Michelle
      I am also from California and I discussed some of the issues I had with name change on this thread: My advice is: bring three copies of each form; bring change, cash, check book and credit card; bring envelopes.
    • Dana Michelle
      I've grown my hair long and still present as male because I am not passable yet. I've had a lot of job interviews where they wrap things up in a couple minutes. Since there are attitudes that long hair on men (or those who appear as men) is not a "business look", I wonder if once they see my long hair they decide they don't want to hire me. Nobody has said a word about it so I can't take legal action for discrimination.     I would recommend against that. It seems disrespectful to people with Down's Syndrome.    
    • VickySGV
      As another Californian,  my suggestion is to go to Transgender Law Center's website.    https://transgenderlawcenter.org/   They have comments on the process written by their staff of lawyers, and have fillable legal forms you can download for starts.  If you are brave enough, you can fill out the forms on your own and take them to the court yourself, but if you have an LGBT Community Center near you, they have law student and lawyers who will help you do it for free.  I do have legal training and did it myself successfully but believe me I was an emotional wreck for part of the time.
    • King Arthur
      I know I could just look this up on google, but I would rather get first-hand accounts from others on how to go about this. So, how do you get your name changed in California? Will you need to get a lawyer? What are all the obstacles in doing so? Can you do it as a minor? If so, how?
    • michelle_kitten
      Another approach might be confrontational.  It might be appropriate to say, "What if i were gay?  What difference does it make?  It really isn't any of your business."  Or, "I am not gay, but if i were it would be none of your business."  I might add "Even if i was, you'd have nothing to worry about."  Taking on the issue entirely on the level of the length of hair might be a way to deal with it as well.  "Does the length of my hair in anyway have anything to do with my job performance?  Am I breaking any kind of written company grooming policy?  If not, then my appearance choices are mine to make and if they have nothing to do with my ability to function as an employee then commenting on them borders on harassment."  Likewise, "I really don't like you commenting on my hair or the choices of clothes i wear, or anything else not related to my job performance.  Can you please, just give it a rest?"  You could be snarky and confrontational. "Huh.  I didn't know looking a certain way was a job qualification here."   If you can get away with being obnoxious, you can out do him with the implied insult.  Pick something about his appearance and imply a negative connotation about it.  "You  know, i've always wondered when i look at you if you have a mild case of Down's Syndrome."  There are a lot of possibilities.   You have to choose the method that works best for you, and is most effective.  If laughing it off doesn't work, then maybe confrontational methods might.   Of course, there is always HR and the threat of lawsuits for harassment, but that tends to create a hostile workspace, and i would only go there as a last resort.  Usually slamming someone, especially if it is clearly a joke and you can get others to laugh, is a sure way to get most people off your back.
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...