Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Some Questions About Stealth


Guest elenag

Recommended Posts

Guest elenag

How stealth are you? What I mean by that is who's in your inner circle? spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, co-workers, neighbors, landlord, etc

How important is stealth to you? Do you absolutely need to be stealth?

Would you be mortified if you were outed?

Would you never find work again in your industry if you were outed?

Do you wish you were more or less stealth than you are now?

What's your opinion on how dangerous it is to be public or semi-public?

I have a reason for asking my questions. I've been thinking a lot about stealth and I haven't felt a desire to be stealth and I wanted to know if that's a dangerous line of thinking. Of course I have to assume I will end up passing and it may be some time before I do, but I'm pretty sure I will pass. I can sometimes pass as it is now.

The attitude I have is for the first time in 25 years I like who I am (I'm 35 now) and I feel no shame for being born a male. It hasn't sunk in yet why I need to hide it. I will never be able to hide my history, and I can't see a future where I'm making up stories about why I have no childhood photos, or why my brother slipped up and called me using a boy's name, or why I was on the high school football team for 3 weeks (I was horrible).

Why couldn't I just tell people the truth? I don't want to transition from one life full of lies to another life full of lies.

Now. Part of the reason I'm thinking this is I'm pretty lucky with my job because my co-workers don't have a problem with me wearing makeup, women's clothing, or using the women's bathroom, although the company is very small, so maybe I'm making assumptions I can find another job like this?

There's one other thing too. I've been out to co-workers for a while and recently we hired an ex-coworker from my previous job and they outed me with her and didn't run it by me, but it really didn't bother me. She came to the office and I felt no desire to run and hide. I wanted to see her. If everyone I know, including family, were to find out tomorrow, I'd be a little nervous but definitely not embarrassed. Although I'm not looking forward to coming out to my wife's family. I'm quaking in my boots thinking about telling them, but they do live overseas, so they could be the last to know.

Although, this might explain a little of it. I don't have any real friends (just acquaintances) and I'm not close to my family and I'm completely independent living several states away from them. So, you can see I've been pretty sheltered so far when it comes to being out and being judged by crude people and add to it that I haven't been subjected to the family treatment yet.

Oh yes. Don't forget about the stealth questions. I was hoping to get your opinion on the subject.

----update----

pennyjane: You're right, I didn't mention I'm mtf.

Edited by elenag
Link to comment

hi elena. i gave my answer to why i am not in stealth. you didn't identify what you plan to come out as? i heard what you said about more hiding. that's exactly why i would not be stealth anymore then i'd go back to drab. if you aren't ashamed, then why hide at all? why not just freely talk about it, it's a very unusual thing. you talk about it up front and you answer the questions that arise yourself, you don't leave answers to speculation or mis-information. the truth is right there on the surface for all to see. i hear people say things like...it's no big deal, i had it, it's over and i just want to go on with my life. i understand that, and see it as and ideal, a goal, but this world is not there yet. you are it among those who think it's no big deal. reality is that it's a darn big deal to nearly everyone who is close to you. it's a big deal to your employer, to your chruch, to your co-workers and to your family and friends. people who tell you it's no big deal are being nice to you. you look inside yourself and you know personally that it is one big deal indeed. it's something that has dominated your life for most of it, if you are hbs. it's a very, very important part of who you are. to deny that is just kidding yourself, in my opinion.

and then there is the altruistic side. by being a good person and having people know you are hbs, you do your part to teach. to show the world that we really aren't just a bunch of clothes whores and perverts, but real, multi-faceted people. from stealth you can't show them anything. you'll leave the world as you found it, and the next generation will suffer as you did. i guess i feel pretty strongly about this, but it's just my opinion and i know others feel differently. presonally, though i'm not proud of having hbs, i had nothing to do with it, i was just born this way. but i am somewhat proud of how i have handled it of late. how that i have overcome the stigma and become a whole, loving, caring and compassionate.....healthy person in spite of it. well, that's just my opinion, but what do i know? i'm just a girl. lotsa love and hope, pj

Link to comment

I live partly stealth. My parents, my gf, my friends, and my teachers are the main people what know i'm tg. People becides them that I interact with regualarly don't know anything. I would prefer to live stealth because I just want to live my own life and not bother with people asking me questions all the time. However, I have no problem outing myself if I think the person needs to know. Though I still have the problem of not passing most of the time.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...
Guest SharleahLynn

It is my belief that stealth is for those wanting not to be completely out to the world . I myself do not do stealth mode. I want the world to see this ol gal . Let the world know that I do exist and won't take no junk from those that cannot accept me for being me.

SharleahLynn

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
How stealth are you? What I mean by that is who's in your inner circle? spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, co-workers, neighbors, landlord, etc

How important is stealth to you? Do you absolutely need to be stealth?

Would you be mortified if you were outed?

Would you never find work again in your industry if you were outed?

Do you wish you were more or less stealth than you are now?

What's your opinion on how dangerous it is to be public or semi-public?

I have a reason for asking my questions. I've been thinking a lot about stealth and I haven't felt a desire to be stealth and I wanted to know if that's a dangerous line of thinking. Of course I have to assume I will end up passing and it may be some time before I do, but I'm pretty sure I will pass. I can sometimes pass as it is now.

The attitude I have is for the first time in 25 years I like who I am (I'm 35 now) and I feel no shame for being born a male. It hasn't sunk in yet why I need to hide it. I will never be able to hide my history, and I can't see a future where I'm making up stories about why I have no childhood photos, or why my brother slipped up and called me using a boy's name, or why I was on the high school football team for 3 weeks (I was horrible).

Why couldn't I just tell people the truth? I don't want to transition from one life full of lies to another life full of lies.

Now. Part of the reason I'm thinking this is I'm pretty lucky with my job because my co-workers don't have a problem with me wearing makeup, women's clothing, or using the women's bathroom, although the company is very small, so maybe I'm making assumptions I can find another job like this?

There's one other thing too. I've been out to co-workers for a while and recently we hired an ex-coworker from my previous job and they outed me with her and didn't run it by me, but it really didn't bother me. She came to the office and I felt no desire to run and hide. I wanted to see her. If everyone I know, including family, were to find out tomorrow, I'd be a little nervous but definitely not embarrassed. Although I'm not looking forward to coming out to my wife's family. I'm quaking in my boots thinking about telling them, but they do live overseas, so they could be the last to know.

Although, this might explain a little of it. I don't have any real friends (just acquaintances) and I'm not close to my family and I'm completely independent living several states away from them. So, you can see I've been pretty sheltered so far when it comes to being out and being judged by crude people and add to it that I haven't been subjected to the family treatment yet.

Oh yes. Don't forget about the stealth questions. I was hoping to get your opinion on the subject.

----update----

pennyjane: You're right, I didn't mention I'm mtf.

Link to comment
How stealth are you? What I mean by that is who's in your inner circle? spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, co-workers, neighbors, landlord, etc

How important is stealth to you? Do you absolutely need to be stealth?

Would you be mortified if you were outed?

Would you never find work again in your industry if you were outed?

Do you wish you were more or less stealth than you are now?

What's your opinion on how dangerous it is to be public or semi-public?

I have a reason for asking my questions. I've been thinking a lot about stealth and I haven't felt a desire to be stealth and I wanted to know if that's a dangerous line of thinking. Of course I have to assume I will end up passing and it may be some time before I do, but I'm pretty sure I will pass. I can sometimes pass as it is now.

The attitude I have is for the first time in 25 years I like who I am (I'm 35 now) and I feel no shame for being born a male. It hasn't sunk in yet why I need to hide it. I will never be able to hide my history, and I can't see a future where I'm making up stories about why I have no childhood photos, or why my brother slipped up and called me using a boy's name, or why I was on the high school football team for 3 weeks (I was horrible).

Why couldn't I just tell people the truth? I don't want to transition from one life full of lies to another life full of lies.

Now. Part of the reason I'm thinking this is I'm pretty lucky with my job because my co-workers don't have a problem with me wearing makeup, women's clothing, or using the women's bathroom, although the company is very small, so maybe I'm making assumptions I can find another job like this?

There's one other thing too. I've been out to co-workers for a while and recently we hired an ex-coworker from my previous job and they outed me with her and didn't run it by me, but it really didn't bother me. She came to the office and I felt no desire to run and hide. I wanted to see her. If everyone I know, including family, were to find out tomorrow, I'd be a little nervous but definitely not embarrassed. Although I'm not looking forward to coming out to my wife's family. I'm quaking in my boots thinking about telling them, but they do live overseas, so they could be the last to know.

Although, this might explain a little of it. I don't have any real friends (just acquaintances) and I'm not close to my family and I'm completely independent living several states away from them. So, you can see I've been pretty sheltered so far when it comes to being out and being judged by crude people and add to it that I haven't been subjected to the family treatment yet.

Oh yes. Don't forget about the stealth questions. I was hoping to get your opinion on the subject.

----update----

pennyjane: You're right, I didn't mention I'm mtf.

Hi Elenag,

It would depend on what you mean by 'stealth' All of us who pass as our affirmed gender identity are automatically stealth, whether we want to or not ie, when we go out in public we are percieved and treated as female/male because of our apperance by people who don't know. I'm sure not many passable transpeople are going to tell everyone they meet that they are transsexual [even the ones who choose not to go stealth....why place a target on your back]. I live what I call a semi stealth live ie, my apperance does not threaten or challenge society's concept of gender- I'm seem as a genetic female, but I'm also free of fear of being outed because I'm totally comfortable with who I am and open about my past if the situation should arise. Living 'deep' stealth is dangerous especially as far a intimate relationships are concerned, somewhere along life's chain of events there are links to our past. It's better to be upfront with a potential life partner just incase your 'closet' door is forced open. Metta Jendar

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 4 years later...
Guest CamCass

How stealth are you? Not at all

who's in your inner circle? Everyone

How important is stealth to you? Not very important.

Do you absolutely need to be stealth? No.

Would you be mortified if you were outed? Not much. Maybe a slight twinge of annoyance instead.

Would you never find work again in your industry if you were outed? I'm in high school, but I want to be an actor... That might help my work, hmmm....

Do you wish you were more or less stealth than you are now? No.

What's your opinion on how dangerous it is to be public or semi-public? Considering how transgender abuse is swept under the rug by the government, pretty dangerous, but I've got friends and family willing to fight for me so I'm well off.

I'm coming out to my high school teachers and classmates at the start of next year (already came out via facebook) I'm not particularly scared of bullying and I'm fairly accepted by my peers. My girlfriend (and her family) know I'm ftm so... yeah. Anyway I agree with your way of thinking. It's not bad to be completely open about it. Well, I'm a teenager so what weight do my words hold anyway?

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 109 Guests (See full list)

    • EasyE
    • April Marie
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • Betty K
    • Mirrabooka
    • MaeBe
    • Ivy
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.8k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,011
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Zoe Denise
    Newest Member
    Zoe Denise
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. 777fleetleader777
      777fleetleader777
      (21 years old)
    2. ArinHallm3
      ArinHallm3
      (18 years old)
    3. ITakMyTime
      ITakMyTime
      (70 years old)
    4. Jess31
      Jess31
      (40 years old)
    5. Natalie71645
      Natalie71645
      (39 years old)
  • Posts

    • Mirrabooka
      So do I! You look terrific, @MaeBe!
    • MaeBe
      Aww, shucks! Thank you, @Ashley0616 and @Timi! I find taking a picture of myself so difficult. 
    • Timi
    • Ashley0616
      You're pretty! It's nice to see a face.
    • Ashley0616
      I'm very glad that everything worked out even better than you thought. It's a tough spot to be in and I know the exact feelings. I'm still waiting to apply for divorce under abandonment so I officially can meet someone who one day I can call someone my prince or my queen. Although the desire for someone is fading because of everything. it's even more amazing that she was your high school sweetheart! Looking forward to the next entry.
    • Ivy
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been a good long day for me.Got everything done I worked on.Been getting customers that want me to work on their trucks only and my boss is cool about it.A construction company,seen I do good work and do not leave a grease mark in the interior.I keep tub o towels on my tool box.Had a good supper when I got home,a grilled pork steak with a potatoe and green beans
    • Betty K
      Awww thanks for listening everyone. I have another 5-6 songs in this style that I started recording at the same time, so hopefully I’ll finish the next release soon.   Yes, exactly. Everything was easier about this project, mainly because it felt authentic. The energy was very different, because it was such a pleasure to express myself without a filter. I laughed a lot. 
    • Betty K
      Thanks for listening @Mmindy.   You’re welcome @April Marie. I think Sally Can’t Dance is an underrated album.
    • KymmieL
      Well I had an interview with the local Ford Dealership for an opening in the parts dept. It sounded positive. I was told I would here by tomorrow morning.    Other than that just sticking around the house. I haven't done much, the weather is cold and yucky. Doesn't look like good weather till Sunday. Maybe tomorrow I'll fire up the heater in the garage and see about getting the other brake hose put on the Explorer.   Have a good rest of your day/evening.   Hugs, Kymmie
    • MaeBe
      Maybe they called me he/him at the dealership because I completely forgot my mascara! Eyeliner without mascara…a bold new trend among the helplessly lost! :)   Fixed that! 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Ah. Email from Gibson. [it was actually less legible than this, as he didn't use punctuation, it was all caps, and he ran all his words together. Taylor was used to it.   T - As everyone was under my super. this last year, don't worry about the evals. I will handle it. Send all email about new proposals to me, your unit handles work under way.  You will be involved but the first step is those go to me. Thanks   Here is an outline of what questions I want to see answered tomorrow.  Feel free to just jot down your thoughts.  If you don't know, say so and maybe point to how we can find that out............   Your new position will seem very challenging for a while but I am sure you can handle it.  Everyone has the utmost confidence in you.   PS your performance evaluation will be stellar, as reflected in your new position and compensation.  You get 100. One less thing to worry about.   Taylor sent him 45 emails right after that, gave some thought to the questions, and then had to turn to one of the proposals under way and review it.  That done, she read through the personnel files on her people so she would better understand them and what they could do. There was a very thin folder with her name on it.  It had one piece of paper on it. On it was written "the best!".  The others were thicker but didn't take long either, and she returned to answering the questions.   
    • Sally Stone
      Post 5 “Coming out to My Significant Other”   My wife and I were high school sweethearts and after 40 plus years of marriage we are still soulmates.  Yes, I consider myself lucky, but we also worked hard to stay sweethearts, and my transgender nature was one of the things that required a lot of hard work to reconcile.    Back when I realized she was the girl I was going to marry, I was still struggling with gender identity, and up to that point I had kept this guarded secret from her.  I wondered how I was going to tell her, and I pondered the timing.  I had already decided she needed to know before I would feel comfortable asking her to marry me.  I was absolutely terrified that when she learned about my gender identity issues, it would scare her off.  Despite my deep concern, I just knew in my heart, I couldn’t keep the truth from her.   In my case, I never thought a relationship with a girl, or marriage to a girl would somehow cure my gender dysphoria.  In fact, the blossoming of our relationship didn’t mute or minimize my gender confusion one bit, so my desire to keep dressing like a girl remained strong.  I actually considered not telling her at all, but I already knew this wasn’t a passing phase, so kicking the proverbial can down the road didn’t make sense to me.    Since I was committed to revealing my secret, I pondered how to initiate the conversation?  Obviously, I would tell her that I enjoyed dressing and looking like a girl, so part of the conversation would be about crossdressing.  The fact that I cross-dressed was the easier part of the conversation and it would make clear to her what I was doing, but the harder part would be explaining why; because, at that time in my life, I had no idea why I was feeling like I was a girl.  Still, I felt a partial explanation was better than none at all and if she could accept the crossdressing part initially, maybe she and I could explore the deeper meaning, together.    Telling my fiancé I was a crossdresser seemed the simplest explanation at the time.  All that remained was the timing and this is when a situation arose that I hoped would be the perfect setup for my big reveal.  She and I were going to a friend’s party, and on the weekend it was to take place, my fiancé’s parents were out of town.  I casually mentioned that I thought it would be a “goof” to show up at the party dressed like a girl.  Much to my joy and surprise, she thought it was a super idea.  In fact, her enthusiasm for the idea was more than I could have hoped for.  With her parents out of town, we had her house to use for my transformation.    At the time, I had my own stash of girl’s clothing, but admitting to this would have revealed too much.  Besides, she had already started planning my wardrobe for me and I was certain her efforts would be much better than anything my feeble stash might result in.  I couldn’t have been more correct and after she dressed me and did my makeup, I looked more like a girl than I ever had before.  In fact, my new appearance was so striking, I could barely contain my joy.  Of course, this was supposed to be a “goof” so, I did my level best to hide the excitement I was feeling inside.  While I was elated being dressed and out in public, I was absolutely terrified at the same time.  Consequently, showing up at the party was a lot more difficult for me than I had imagined.  Ultimately, everyone got a big kick out of me, and that did help to relax me a little.  However, I had vowed to come clean to my fiancé at some point during the evening, so I remained uncomfortably anxious.   Later, and after a few drinks, I had mustered up the courage to reveal my secret to my future wife.  I pulled her aside and had her follow me to a quiet room upstairs.  Alone together, I began trying to explain my feelings, which as I recall revolved mostly around my desire to dress like a girl.  I did tell her my feelings were more complex, but I think she latched onto the fact that I was a guy who enjoyed looking like a girl on occasion.  I was extremely emotional as we talked, but she comforted me and told me it didn’t change her feelings for me.   I have to say having that conversation with my fiancé that night was the best decision I ever made.  It ensured we would face the future together without secrets or deceit. I know it strengthened our relationship. Of course, my wife really didn’t have any idea what she was signing up for when she agreed to support my transgender nature.  It would be like riding a roller coaster, lots of ups and quite a few downs, but the fact that she knew about me before we got married, made the ride a lot smoother than it could have been.   Hugs,   Sally
    • Maddee
    • rachel w
      Thank you    Here is a up date all went well was back home by noon time feeling really good just chilling out,  I was able to kind of get my sister on board with me and it feels so good she is trying and i told her I am very proud of her to try to under stand she wants to no know so that is a step forward. she also drove me to the hospital.  thank you all for just being here
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...