Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Kitten's Works


Guest 91curiouskitten

Recommended Posts

Guest 91curiouskitten

But I have to get rid of ym notebook, all thigns I have that MEN shouldnt have, like a little mini compsoition book of drawings and songs/poems arent masculine and as such are to be disappearing, most arent even about being TG, I'll explain them after I type them in

We sing songs of hate

We sing songs of war

We sing songs of rape

We sing songs or gore

But I sing a new rythm

Yeah I sing a new beat

One that'll get you off your feet

Its a smooth donkey rhyme

Its a twisted little game

The song I sing

Is a song of pain

I've lived I've laughed

I've Loved, I've died

I've stayed up all night

not a tear to cry

You ripped my heart out

You ruined my life

All with one word

You said Goodbye

Now I live alone

Afraid to go out

Trusting not a soul

Living in doubt

I dont know what to do

I dont know what to say

So I sit alone and pray

Waiting for day

But thats okay

I can take this beating

Cuz when I leave this world

You'll be the one weeping

After the funeral

When you wipe dry your lashes

Pick up my glasses

Put em on jus give them a try

See my life through my eyes

My Gf jus cheated on me ((I diddnt wanna have sex, apparently she did O.o))

Scared n alone

Here with no throne

My feet cant bear

What my heat and mind share

Heart beats thumps and thuds

Surrounded by fems and studs

Wondering if I fit

Wondering if I should split

Is this me?

If so why?

I scream these questions

Up to the sky

The whole time

Surrounded by friends

Just how friendly

Are the She's and hims?

I went to a support group and it was a bit overwhelming

I knwo they're awful, but I jus wanna hold onto them

Link to comment
  • Replies 71
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Sally

    6

Guest Donna Jean

Kitten.....

Very good...

You say exactly how you feel...

Makes me feel like helping you somehow.....

But, that's ok....

You know that you're loved...

Donna Jean

Link to comment
Guest 91curiouskitten
Kitten.....

Very good...

You say exactly how you feel...

Makes me feel like helping you somehow.....

But, that's ok....

You know that you're loved...

Donna Jean

Help me? I dont need help I'm fine

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

My dearest Kitten,

You may think that everything is OK, but I see otherwise. Your topic began with the supposition that you had to get rid of your notebook because "men" do not have such things. Well you do. So what does that tell you about yourself?

Additionally, your poems have a deep sense of meloncholy about them. A sort of desparate sense of giving up. What are you actually crying for? Who are the support group you are seeking?

I do hope that you understand that we/I care deeply for your emotional well being.

You have chosen to be here at Laura's. You have waited the registration period. You wait for your posts to be approved. You express yourself here. Why?

I know why. Because you have questions, doubts, and fears. You are beginning to realize yourself and you have become afraid.

Dearheart, do not fear. You are safe, and I will help you.

Love

Brenda

Link to comment
Guest 91curiouskitten
My dearest Kitten,

You may think that everything is OK, but I see otherwise. Your topic began with the supposition that you had to get rid of your notebook because "men" do not have such things. Well you do. So what does that tell you about yourself?

Additionally, your poems have a deep sense of meloncholy about them. A sort of desparate sense of giving up. What are you actually crying for? Who are the support group you are seeking?

I do hope that you understand that we/I care deeply for your emotional well being.

You have chosen to be here at Laura's. You have waited the registration period. You wait for your posts to be approved. You express yourself here. Why?

I know why. Because you have questions, doubts, and fears. You are beginning to realize yourself and you have become afraid.

Dearheart, do not fear. You are safe, and I will help you.

Love

Brenda

Everything isnt okay, but I'll live, regardless of weather or nto I want to be I'm tough and strong, in ways that are good for me as well as bad

As for the ntoebook, I am not the one who wants o get rid of it, Me and my grandmother have been having a back and forth voer it but it is destined to end in ym defeat so she asks and I simply obey for the time being, and I did choose to be here, even though I know I wear on peopels nerves and really dont fit in even here, I am nto afraid, I dont get scared, it does no good.

Link to comment
Guest 91curiouskitten

Okay so I spoke before thinkin, I do get scared but its nothign I cant handle, I'll lvie, I psoted these here so that they wouldnt disappear, I am fine, help peopel who need it I do not

Link to comment
Guest 91curiouskitten

We all cave in

We all feel weak

Legs drop out

Fall to our knees

Life sucks

Got no luck

Walk around

An empty husk

Happy, love, joy, all gone

Everyone says, move on

But this is me I can never be free

Never be free of me

I went to guy mode

Tried to hide me

Then I realized

I was living one big lie

Guy girl in between

All forms make me wanna scream

Whats wrong with me?

Why cant I be what they want me to be?

Betrayed by those I trust

My heart and my head are ready to bust

I tried to hard

and got a hole in my heart

What do you?

Ask for help and find none

Find relief at the barrel of a gun?

Find no joy under the rays of the sun

Friends family and home

All of these I have none

Am I a fool?

Am I a tool?

will I achive what I wish?

Or will I do what they all wish?

Put on a facade make a big smile

Live forever in the wordl of denial

Theres are OLD OLD OLD thigns I wrote a logn time ago not exactly rhyming scheme but I like em, actually after opiniosn on these!

As human beings, we seek the one to hold and to hold us during those times we truely need them. We seek this person because we know they will provide us wiht the greatest pelasures and comforts we shall ever known, weather those simple words that make all the other pain go away, or knowing when you jsut want to be alone, and staying with you anyways becausethey knwo you want to be with them even more. And then, this person who ahsgiven su the greates moments of our lives, causes us the greatest pain we ever known? Pushing us to the point where they killed us emotionally and we attemtp to finish the job with the sharp edged razr or the round tip of a bullet. So why, why do we go after someone capaale of amazing pleasure and comfort, yet an even larger pain and torutre?

Night time, the ultimate symbol of peace and quiet, where the mice scurry not and the birds quiet their song, laying in their nests as the world of slumber calls, and they obey the beckoning. Where you walk along the quiet streets, the only noise that of the wind brushing through the trees and the occasional car driving by, their headlights showing you the path you walk, the cool breeze of night brushing through your hair as a grain spreads on your face, your skin warm with a soft beat of your heart, the harsh burn of the sun no longer felt on your skin, you walk, because in the night, you can.

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
Guest 91curiouskitten

We live, we laugh

Life goes on

We live, we cry

Life goes on

We live we scream

Life goes on

Surrounded by strangers

Life goes on

Outcast by family

Life goes on

All alone

Life goes on

Hugs from oruselves only

Life goes on

We hate our forms

Life goes on

We change our forms

Life goes on

We die in the body we finally want

Lifes no more, we're no more

Was it what you thought it would be?

Link to comment
Guest Elizabeth K

Kitten!

Complicated things going on with you! I could comment but all you really need to hear is - YES - I understand.

A PollyAnna answer is good but you won't get it from me. The bare truth? You will get through this! We all have something - and I am full of sorrow myself sometimes. It's very difficult to just live day to day WITHOUT our gender dysphoria - and a girlfriend who cheated, that's terrible! And then when life seems just tooooo much to bear... I know.

SO VENT AND VENT AND VENT! We ALL hear you.

And the poetry - don't sell yourself short! Its heartfelt - its real - its you!

Thank you for sharing - we get glimpses into your very soul - a gift from you to us!

So do know I read every word. I will go back and read it again. I might even come back over and over! That is what makes poetry, and I agree - songs - so memorable - so good. When something clicks with the reader.

So I won't comment on the events. Others can do that. All I can do is wish I could clasp your hands, look into your eyes, and say 'I understand." I do understand.

I do

Lizzy

"Life goes on.."

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean

Kitten.....

Honey....those songs are YOU...and reflect your life events...

I thank you for sharing them and giving us a look into your heart....

Huggs...

Donna Jean

Link to comment
Guest 91curiouskitten

What do I do

To convice you

All I wanna do

Is be me

Why do I bow

Why do I cower

You dont ask why

You want all the pwoer

I jus wanna be me

Be free

So you see

all I can be

But you hold me

Control me

Never let go of me

Let me live

Let me smile

Feel joy

once ina while

I smile you scream

I giggle you steam

I frown you gleam

I'm dieing you see

Tryign to mvoe

Tryign to live

Wanna go on

Get away from this nuts

To doped to udnerstand

Why cant I be a man

Why cant I take a stand

Well I am

I'm guna be me

I'm gunna be free

I'm gunna show you

What I can be

You cant hold me back

Detour I will not

You can do what you want

But I wont play the part

Wont do what you want

Wont be who you wish

Quit takign them pills

You drug addicted b****((ahem))

((I know, I try to be dep and it turns out medicre and dumb, but I jus had a bad day with my mom, thats a different post, so, ya have to keep up wit me if u wanna see! :P lol sorry x.x forced happy x.x I shush now))

Link to comment

Oh, Kitten,

I haven't commented on your songs before but this one you wrote after a bad day with your mom has struck a chord so deep within me that its resonance must be audible.

Please know that at some point in your life you will need to break away from her control, you can not leagally until a certain age and after that it is still difficult - so if you ever do manage could you send me a guide as to how you did it.

I love your songs, they do say so much.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean
uhh, thanksies? o.o" I don gets it

You don't always "Get it" when Lizzy is involved.....

Just take your Hugg and be happy....

Donna Jean

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest 91curiouskitten

Someday, when I'm stronger

They'll all know, my name...

Someday, when the fogs gone

I'll no longer feel this, shaaaammmme...

I've grown uup

In this craaazy world

Where things arent what they seeem...

Maybey, I should never

Have tried to plays this game...

Moving, and tryyying

Brings only pain...

Living, as what they want,

I get some grand old times...

No longer, can I play this

Wanna scream whats on my miiiiind...

No more, can I stay here

My sanity is long gone...

Only, with my fears

They're all I seem to knoooow

And I'm tired

Of living this lie

No longer living

Just wish I would die

Trying, to move on...

Friends and family behind!

I dont know anymore

Just who I am

I dont know anymore

Just where I belong

Someday, when I'm free

I'll look back in time, and seeeee.

All of, my friends there

Who were with me the whoollle time!

Not udner my roof

Not over hte phone

Never heard their voice

But they've heldp me and my choice

There when family wasnt

Friends when none were left

Saving me many times

From fate worse then death.

So, even though you guys abrely get any lines HUGS to all ^^" I just wish I could get to the point where I could look abck, but, I'm sure you're all gunna help me get there and I hope I can help you all, not sure how but I'll try!

This is kinda like the stages of my whole thing, and I'm at the

No more, can I stay here

My sanity is long gone...

Only, with my fears

They're all I seem to knoooow

Part, so ltosa work to go x.x

Link to comment
Guest 91curiouskitten

Why do you do this, to me?

Making it hard, just to breathe

You say you want a smile

I say, I want to be free

Why do you do this, to me?

I've tried to make you happy,

I've tried to make you proud

You try to make me normal

A good boy from the south

Why do you do this, to me?

Making it so hard, just trying to breath

You say you want a smile

I say I want to be free

Why do you do this, to me?

I walk these halls, an empty shell

Afraid I'd shatter if I fell

I try just to smile

And it comes out just a frown

Why do you do this, to me?

Making it so hard, just trying to breath

You say you want a smile

I say I want to be free

Why do you do this, to me?

Criticism or tips wanted on this one o.o

Link to comment

Wow, Kitten!

I love these songs - I can almost hear them as I read - I think that you have a great talent for expressing yourself, the true feelings like seeing the disease rather than just the symptoms - such a clear and vivid picture for me from each one.

"I walk these halls, an empty shell

Afraid I'd shatter if I fell"

That is put so well and explains just how I feel too.

Remember that you do have so many friends here and we are always ready to respond with a cheerful word or a friendly *hug* and cocoa and cookies if those will help.

While in our daily lives we may not feel it at all - here we are loved and it is such an incredible feeling.

Know that you are loved, always,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest 91curiouskitten

Thats part of the problem though :( Its so, dishearteneign, to find your only support and acceptance from people you never see, whose voices you never hear, the only words of consolation the toneless emotionless words primnted on a screen, btu it does help, so thanks ^^

Link to comment
Guest 91curiouskitten

Cursed to live

I live my life

Doomed to die

I live my life

I walk these streets

I wish to die

Even at home

I always cry

Cant stop

Cant think

Cant breathe

I'm a freak

Cant stop

no I cant think

Cant breathe

I'm just a freak

Peopel stare

And peopel laugh

Hate myself

But forced to laugh

Cant stop

Cant think

Cant breathe

Another freak

Link to comment

Oh my, Kitten

I thought that you were feeling a little better the last time we talked but I don't think so.

Do remember you are not a freak, you are a beautiful young lady and that is all.

If you do not think of yourself as a freak you are not - their opinions are uninformed and therefore unimportant.

You had mentioned how disheartening it is to only be understood and loved here on the Internet - I have the same problem - life is what you make of it so I am here whenever you need me.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest 91curiouskitten

Not a rhymign poem, not even a [poem, not sure what it si O.o

Isolation of Anonymity

Seeking others

But seeking nobody

We want nobody to know us

But pray them to find us

We see nobody

But pray to see everybody

We put everythign on people we dont know

People we've never seen, heard, met

We bear everythgin to them

Is it human nature?

Are so safe with our Anonymity?

Is it a comfort to know we can never receive comfrt?

No hand to hold oyur chin and look into your eyes

No hand to brush the tears away

No kiss to make it all okay

No hugs, nods of udnerstanding, coo's of concern

All you have are words, no emotion, no tone to them

We are isolated, sitting at computers

Isolated against the world

But we are known in a place of unknowns

Seekign comfort from those who can never give it

We are isolated from the world

But we are surrounded by the peopele of the word

We are surrounded, and yet we are alone

Friends with peopel whom we never met

We are isolated

In a world of Anonymity

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 112 Guests (See full list)

    • MaybeRob
    • Petra Jane
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,020
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Tami
    Newest Member
    Tami
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bebhar
      Bebhar
      (41 years old)
    2. caelensmom
      caelensmom
      (40 years old)
    3. Jani
      Jani
      (70 years old)
    4. Jessicapitts
      Jessicapitts
      (37 years old)
    5. klb046
      klb046
      (30 years old)
  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      We have had some real dillies come out as the initiative sort of thing, but as @Carolyn Marie said, very few make it out of the petition signing seasons.  I am not surprised at the origin site of this thing, it is probably one of only 3 regressive leaning counties we have in the state. We actually had one of these initiatives started to make it mandatory for police to shoot dead on site any Gay behaving individuals wherever they found them.  For the most part the matters are poorly written in ways to be unenforceable even if enacted.  Thus most never become law or get to the voters.
    • Carolyn Marie
      You make some good points, AYS.  But there are usually already too many ballot propositions each election, so the proponents know it's best to wrap it all up into a nice package.  Plus, it's easier for the signature gatherers.  Otherwise they have to have a separate clipboard for each proposition.  Too much paperwork, dontcha know?   This kind of proposition is a loser in CA, so the only possible way the proponents can succeed is to give it the scariest title imaginable and try to put one over on the voters before they get wise.  Bottom line; an ice cube on a hot summer sidewalk has a better chance of success.   Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Reading that article, it seems like the attorney general gets to call it whatever unless its an outright lie.  Given the nature of politics in CA, it seems like one side has the bully pulpit for sure.  Labeling it "Restricts Rights" vs "Protects Kids" is very much a matter of perspective.  Unfortunately, that matters since many voters don't bother to read.  Perhaps a better (unbiased) way to handle it would be to simply give the ballot measure a number with no title, forcing folks to read it.    I think it would have been better to handle the various issues covered by the ballot measure separately, rather than all at once.  For example, issues relating to disclosure of medical and social information to parents.  That could be its own ballot measure, rather than lumped in with everything else.  Besides, shorter and more succinct measures are more likely to be read completely. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://calmatters.org/education/k-12-education/2024/04/trans-youth/     Yup, the existing title sound perfectly appropriate and accurate to me, too.   Carolyn Marie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Seen my hrt specialist this morning and nothing but good news,estrogen levels looked good.Boyfriend was with me and I admit he has been learning well about my transition showing his support.Our relationship is going great and we both see each other much happier now.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      This reminded me of an individual who, due to child sexual abuse, lived as a woman for 15 years, detransitioned and noisily insists that all trans people have his story.  His name comes up fairly often because it fits the narrative.   I don't know that anyone actually has been railroaded.  People may say it, they may look back at what happened and decide that happened.  It's a he said / she said, but it feeds a narrative that is useful for those who are already convinced that trans people are abuse victims first and foremost.  That the detransition rate is so low tells me that railroading is not actually a problem, and I regret giving the impression that I thought it was.  That so few detransition is a success story.   What is pertitent at heart is that people hear and believe all the stories out there, and the story we have to tell is not heard, because TG folk are, after all, untrustworthy in their view and unworthy of an audience.  Somehow it needs to get out there as to what the real situation is. 
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      I'm not saying that Christianity is wrong but at the same time there were more than 30,000 changes to it. The Bible doesn't state anything against transgender. The only point that can be proven by them is that people are giving into their desire. 1 John 2:15-17 ESV "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." I would love to challenge them by asking who watches a movie, reads books, and listens to music that isn't Christian based because then they would be guilty as well. 1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Probably not a single hand would still stand that they don't participate in everything they do gives glory to God. "
    • VickySGV
      My neighboring state got lucky a couple years ago. 
    • VickySGV
      https://www.wpath.org/soc8   I had been looking for this to respond to a member and could not find it .  Pinning it for now.
    • VickySGV
      @Abigail GenevieveSomewhere in the Forums here, we have a link to the World Professional Association for Transgender Health's Standards Of Care, now at revision 8 but it is available in plenty of places.   https://www.wpath.org/soc8.    These are the canons for the allied medical fields that deal with Trans people and are the guidance for those professionals.  I personally know members of the Association and have toyed with the idea of becoming an associate member since I am not a medical professional but because I like to keep on top of what is going on medically.  There are a number of Trans people who think they are overly oppressive as far as the gatekeeping goes, but the medical / psychological profession members who follow these guidelines for there patients WILL NOT be forcing their patients into unneeded or harmful surgery or medications.  I read my first pitiful and heart-rending  "detransitioning" story 60 years ago when I snuck a tabloid newspaper behind a comic book down at the neighborhood convenience store when I was 16 years old and reading it off the rack which should have been adult only.  I am afraid that it was the first thing I ever read that told me about Trans and Transsexual people, it would be another 30 years before I actually figured out my own story.  The story I later found out, was NOT written by a Trans person, but a well known Porn scribbler who wrote many fantastic and gory stories about what he thought Trans people were.  We are not anything like his imagination, but he was a "press agent" for Trans people of the time.  We do have some well known and noisy, negative view Detransitioners who have been found to have gone to multiple psychologists and lied their way Transitioning, one of the most infamous actually hid Dissociative Identity Disorder, right therapist wrong Identity that was being counseled.  It is a messy story.  The public, like my first encounter, was NOT getting their information from the scientific journals of the time, they were getting it from Adult Entertainment and Tabloids   We need to be careful of where we get some of our ideas from. Evidence is good that the person at the heart of this thread gets most of his information from us from the slanted and non-scientific sources most people get theirs.   OOPs, I( may have sent this off track here, but but but.    
    • Ivy
    • Ashley0616
      Yet another failed attempt. Glad to know that we are more important than education or health care to them.
    • Mmindy
      I agree with you.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Well said, and I agree @VickySGV   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...