Kitten's Works

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

But I have to get rid of ym notebook, all thigns I have that MEN shouldnt have, like a little mini compsoition book of drawings and songs/poems arent masculine and as such are to be disappearing, most arent even about being TG, I'll explain them after I type them in

We sing songs of hate

We sing songs of war

We sing songs of rape

We sing songs or gore

But I sing a new rythm

Yeah I sing a new beat

One that'll get you off your feet

Its a smooth donkey rhyme

Its a twisted little game

The song I sing

Is a song of pain

I've lived I've laughed

I've Loved, I've died

I've stayed up all night

not a tear to cry

You ripped my heart out

You ruined my life

All with one word

You said Goodbye

Now I live alone

Afraid to go out

Trusting not a soul

Living in doubt

I dont know what to do

I dont know what to say

So I sit alone and pray

Waiting for day

But thats okay

I can take this beating

Cuz when I leave this world

You'll be the one weeping

After the funeral

When you wipe dry your lashes

Pick up my glasses

Put em on jus give them a try

See my life through my eyes

My Gf jus cheated on me ((I diddnt wanna have sex, apparently she did O.o))

Scared n alone

Here with no throne

My feet cant bear

What my heat and mind share

Heart beats thumps and thuds

Surrounded by fems and studs

Wondering if I fit

Wondering if I should split

Is this me?

If so why?

I scream these questions

Up to the sky

The whole time

Surrounded by friends

Just how friendly

Are the She's and hims?

I went to a support group and it was a bit overwhelming

I knwo they're awful, but I jus wanna hold onto them

[Guest sarah f]

You should give yourself more credit than that. These really are good and heart felt. Don't ever sell yourself short. You did good.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Donna Jean]

Kitten.....

Very good...

You say exactly how you feel...

Makes me feel like helping you somehow.....

But, that's ok....

You know that you're loved...

Donna Jean

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

Kitten.....

Very good...

You say exactly how you feel...

Makes me feel like helping you somehow.....

But, that's ok....

You know that you're loved...

Donna Jean

Help me? I dont need help I'm fine

[Guest ~Brenda~]

My dearest Kitten,

You may think that everything is OK, but I see otherwise. Your topic began with the supposition that you had to get rid of your notebook because "men" do not have such things. Well you do. So what does that tell you about yourself?

Additionally, your poems have a deep sense of meloncholy about them. A sort of desparate sense of giving up. What are you actually crying for? Who are the support group you are seeking?

I do hope that you understand that we/I care deeply for your emotional well being.

You have chosen to be here at Laura's. You have waited the registration period. You wait for your posts to be approved. You express yourself here. Why?

I know why. Because you have questions, doubts, and fears. You are beginning to realize yourself and you have become afraid.

Dearheart, do not fear. You are safe, and I will help you.

Love

Brenda

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

My dearest Kitten,

You may think that everything is OK, but I see otherwise. Your topic began with the supposition that you had to get rid of your notebook because "men" do not have such things. Well you do. So what does that tell you about yourself?

Additionally, your poems have a deep sense of meloncholy about them. A sort of desparate sense of giving up. What are you actually crying for? Who are the support group you are seeking?

I do hope that you understand that we/I care deeply for your emotional well being.

You have chosen to be here at Laura's. You have waited the registration period. You wait for your posts to be approved. You express yourself here. Why?

I know why. Because you have questions, doubts, and fears. You are beginning to realize yourself and you have become afraid.

Dearheart, do not fear. You are safe, and I will help you.

Love

Brenda

Everything isnt okay, but I'll live, regardless of weather or nto I want to be I'm tough and strong, in ways that are good for me as well as bad

As for the ntoebook, I am not the one who wants o get rid of it, Me and my grandmother have been having a back and forth voer it but it is destined to end in ym defeat so she asks and I simply obey for the time being, and I did choose to be here, even though I know I wear on peopels nerves and really dont fit in even here, I am nto afraid, I dont get scared, it does no good.

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

Okay so I spoke before thinkin, I do get scared but its nothign I cant handle, I'll lvie, I psoted these here so that they wouldnt disappear, I am fine, help peopel who need it I do not

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

We all cave in

We all feel weak

Legs drop out

Fall to our knees

Life sucks

Got no luck

Walk around

An empty husk

Happy, love, joy, all gone

Everyone says, move on

But this is me I can never be free

Never be free of me

I went to guy mode

Tried to hide me

Then I realized

I was living one big lie

Guy girl in between

All forms make me wanna scream

Whats wrong with me?

Why cant I be what they want me to be?

Betrayed by those I trust

My heart and my head are ready to bust

I tried to hard

and got a hole in my heart

What do you?

Ask for help and find none

Find relief at the barrel of a gun?

Find no joy under the rays of the sun

Friends family and home

All of these I have none

Am I a fool?

Am I a tool?

will I achive what I wish?

Or will I do what they all wish?

Put on a facade make a big smile

Live forever in the wordl of denial

Theres are OLD OLD OLD thigns I wrote a logn time ago not exactly rhyming scheme but I like em, actually after opiniosn on these!

As human beings, we seek the one to hold and to hold us during those times we truely need them. We seek this person because we know they will provide us wiht the greatest pelasures and comforts we shall ever known, weather those simple words that make all the other pain go away, or knowing when you jsut want to be alone, and staying with you anyways becausethey knwo you want to be with them even more. And then, this person who ahsgiven su the greates moments of our lives, causes us the greatest pain we ever known? Pushing us to the point where they killed us emotionally and we attemtp to finish the job with the sharp edged razr or the round tip of a bullet. So why, why do we go after someone capaale of amazing pleasure and comfort, yet an even larger pain and torutre?

Night time, the ultimate symbol of peace and quiet, where the mice scurry not and the birds quiet their song, laying in their nests as the world of slumber calls, and they obey the beckoning. Where you walk along the quiet streets, the only noise that of the wind brushing through the trees and the occasional car driving by, their headlights showing you the path you walk, the cool breeze of night brushing through your hair as a grain spreads on your face, your skin warm with a soft beat of your heart, the harsh burn of the sun no longer felt on your skin, you walk, because in the night, you can.

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

We live, we laugh

Life goes on

We live, we cry

Life goes on

We live we scream

Life goes on

Surrounded by strangers

Life goes on

Outcast by family

Life goes on

All alone

Life goes on

Hugs from oruselves only

Life goes on

We hate our forms

Life goes on

We change our forms

Life goes on

We die in the body we finally want

Lifes no more, we're no more

Was it what you thought it would be?

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Kitten!

Complicated things going on with you! I could comment but all you really need to hear is - YES - I understand.

A PollyAnna answer is good but you won't get it from me. The bare truth? You will get through this! We all have something - and I am full of sorrow myself sometimes. It's very difficult to just live day to day WITHOUT our gender dysphoria - and a girlfriend who cheated, that's terrible! And then when life seems just tooooo much to bear... I know.

SO VENT AND VENT AND VENT! We ALL hear you.

And the poetry - don't sell yourself short! Its heartfelt - its real - its you!

Thank you for sharing - we get glimpses into your very soul - a gift from you to us!

So do know I read every word. I will go back and read it again. I might even come back over and over! That is what makes poetry, and I agree - songs - so memorable - so good. When something clicks with the reader.

So I won't comment on the events. Others can do that. All I can do is wish I could clasp your hands, look into your eyes, and say 'I understand." I do understand.

I do

Lizzy

"Life goes on.."

[Guest Donna Jean]

Kitten.....

Honey....those songs are YOU...and reflect your life events...

I thank you for sharing them and giving us a look into your heart....

Huggs...

Donna Jean

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

What do I do

To convice you

All I wanna do

Is be me

Why do I bow

Why do I cower

You dont ask why

You want all the pwoer

I jus wanna be me

Be free

So you see

all I can be

But you hold me

Control me

Never let go of me

Let me live

Let me smile

Feel joy

once ina while

I smile you scream

I giggle you steam

I frown you gleam

I'm dieing you see

Tryign to mvoe

Tryign to live

Wanna go on

Get away from this nuts

To doped to udnerstand

Why cant I be a man

Why cant I take a stand

Well I am

I'm guna be me

I'm gunna be free

I'm gunna show you

What I can be

You cant hold me back

Detour I will not

You can do what you want

But I wont play the part

Wont do what you want

Wont be who you wish

Quit takign them pills

You drug addicted b****((ahem))

((I know, I try to be dep and it turns out medicre and dumb, but I jus had a bad day with my mom, thats a different post, so, ya have to keep up wit me if u wanna see! lol sorry x.x forced happy x.x I shush now))

[Guest Elizabeth K]

x.x I shush now

You are such a dear! you melt my heart!

lizzy

[Sally]

Oh, Kitten,

I haven't commented on your songs before but this one you wrote after a bad day with your mom has struck a chord so deep within me that its resonance must be audible.

Please know that at some point in your life you will need to break away from her control, you can not leagally until a certain age and after that it is still difficult - so if you ever do manage could you send me a guide as to how you did it.

I love your songs, they do say so much.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

x.x I shush now

You are such a dear! you melt my heart!

lizzy

uhh, thanksies? o.o" I don gets it

[Guest Donna Jean]

uhh, thanksies? o.o" I don gets it

You don't always "Get it" when Lizzy is involved.....

Just take your Hugg and be happy....

Donna Jean

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

lol k! -hugs abck- O.o? Am I doing it right T.T XD x.x sorreh

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

Someday, when I'm stronger

They'll all know, my name...

Someday, when the fogs gone

I'll no longer feel this, shaaaammmme...

I've grown uup

In this craaazy world

Where things arent what they seeem...

Maybey, I should never

Have tried to plays this game...

Moving, and tryyying

Brings only pain...

Living, as what they want,

I get some grand old times...

No longer, can I play this

Wanna scream whats on my miiiiind...

No more, can I stay here

My sanity is long gone...

Only, with my fears

They're all I seem to knoooow

And I'm tired

Of living this lie

No longer living

Just wish I would die

Trying, to move on...

Friends and family behind!

I dont know anymore

Just who I am

I dont know anymore

Just where I belong

Someday, when I'm free

I'll look back in time, and seeeee.

All of, my friends there

Who were with me the whoollle time!

Not udner my roof

Not over hte phone

Never heard their voice

But they've heldp me and my choice

There when family wasnt

Friends when none were left

Saving me many times

From fate worse then death.

So, even though you guys abrely get any lines HUGS to all ^^" I just wish I could get to the point where I could look abck, but, I'm sure you're all gunna help me get there and I hope I can help you all, not sure how but I'll try!

This is kinda like the stages of my whole thing, and I'm at the

No more, can I stay here

My sanity is long gone...

Only, with my fears

They're all I seem to knoooow

Part, so ltosa work to go x.x

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

Why do you do this, to me?

Making it hard, just to breathe

You say you want a smile

I say, I want to be free

Why do you do this, to me?

I've tried to make you happy,

I've tried to make you proud

You try to make me normal

A good boy from the south

Why do you do this, to me?

Making it so hard, just trying to breath

You say you want a smile

I say I want to be free

Why do you do this, to me?

I walk these halls, an empty shell

Afraid I'd shatter if I fell

I try just to smile

And it comes out just a frown

Why do you do this, to me?

Making it so hard, just trying to breath

You say you want a smile

I say I want to be free

Why do you do this, to me?

Criticism or tips wanted on this one o.o

[Sally]

Wow, Kitten!

I love these songs - I can almost hear them as I read - I think that you have a great talent for expressing yourself, the true feelings like seeing the disease rather than just the symptoms - such a clear and vivid picture for me from each one.

"I walk these halls, an empty shell

Afraid I'd shatter if I fell"

That is put so well and explains just how I feel too.

Remember that you do have so many friends here and we are always ready to respond with a cheerful word or a friendly *hug* and cocoa and cookies if those will help.

While in our daily lives we may not feel it at all - here we are loved and it is such an incredible feeling.

Know that you are loved, always,

Sally

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

Thats part of the problem though Its so, dishearteneign, to find your only support and acceptance from people you never see, whose voices you never hear, the only words of consolation the toneless emotionless words primnted on a screen, btu it does help, so thanks ^^

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

Cursed to live

I live my life

Doomed to die

I live my life

I walk these streets

I wish to die

Even at home

I always cry

Cant stop

Cant think

Cant breathe

I'm a freak

Cant stop

no I cant think

Cant breathe

I'm just a freak

Peopel stare

And peopel laugh

Hate myself

But forced to laugh

Cant stop

Cant think

Cant breathe

Another freak

[Sally]

Oh my, Kitten

I thought that you were feeling a little better the last time we talked but I don't think so.

Do remember you are not a freak, you are a beautiful young lady and that is all.

If you do not think of yourself as a freak you are not - their opinions are uninformed and therefore unimportant.

You had mentioned how disheartening it is to only be understood and loved here on the Internet - I have the same problem - life is what you make of it so I am here whenever you need me.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

Not a rhymign poem, not even a [poem, not sure what it si O.o

Isolation of Anonymity

Seeking others

But seeking nobody

We want nobody to know us

But pray them to find us

We see nobody

But pray to see everybody

We put everythign on people we dont know

People we've never seen, heard, met

We bear everythgin to them

Is it human nature?

Are so safe with our Anonymity?

Is it a comfort to know we can never receive comfrt?

No hand to hold oyur chin and look into your eyes

No hand to brush the tears away

No kiss to make it all okay

No hugs, nods of udnerstanding, coo's of concern

All you have are words, no emotion, no tone to them

We are isolated, sitting at computers

Isolated against the world

But we are known in a place of unknowns

Seekign comfort from those who can never give it

We are isolated from the world

But we are surrounded by the peopele of the word

We are surrounded, and yet we are alone

Friends with peopel whom we never met

We are isolated

In a world of Anonymity

[Guest Pól]

I think it's a poem if you want it to be one. I liked it.