Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Kitten's Works


Guest 91curiouskitten

Recommended Posts

Guest 91curiouskitten

But I have to get rid of ym notebook, all thigns I have that MEN shouldnt have, like a little mini compsoition book of drawings and songs/poems arent masculine and as such are to be disappearing, most arent even about being TG, I'll explain them after I type them in

We sing songs of hate

We sing songs of war

We sing songs of rape

We sing songs or gore

But I sing a new rythm

Yeah I sing a new beat

One that'll get you off your feet

Its a smooth donkey rhyme

Its a twisted little game

The song I sing

Is a song of pain

I've lived I've laughed

I've Loved, I've died

I've stayed up all night

not a tear to cry

You ripped my heart out

You ruined my life

All with one word

You said Goodbye

Now I live alone

Afraid to go out

Trusting not a soul

Living in doubt

I dont know what to do

I dont know what to say

So I sit alone and pray

Waiting for day

But thats okay

I can take this beating

Cuz when I leave this world

You'll be the one weeping

After the funeral

When you wipe dry your lashes

Pick up my glasses

Put em on jus give them a try

See my life through my eyes

My Gf jus cheated on me ((I diddnt wanna have sex, apparently she did O.o))

Scared n alone

Here with no throne

My feet cant bear

What my heat and mind share

Heart beats thumps and thuds

Surrounded by fems and studs

Wondering if I fit

Wondering if I should split

Is this me?

If so why?

I scream these questions

Up to the sky

The whole time

Surrounded by friends

Just how friendly

Are the She's and hims?

I went to a support group and it was a bit overwhelming

I knwo they're awful, but I jus wanna hold onto them

Link to comment
  • Replies 71
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Sally

    6

Guest Donna Jean

Kitten.....

Very good...

You say exactly how you feel...

Makes me feel like helping you somehow.....

But, that's ok....

You know that you're loved...

Donna Jean

Link to comment
Guest 91curiouskitten
Kitten.....

Very good...

You say exactly how you feel...

Makes me feel like helping you somehow.....

But, that's ok....

You know that you're loved...

Donna Jean

Help me? I dont need help I'm fine

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

My dearest Kitten,

You may think that everything is OK, but I see otherwise. Your topic began with the supposition that you had to get rid of your notebook because "men" do not have such things. Well you do. So what does that tell you about yourself?

Additionally, your poems have a deep sense of meloncholy about them. A sort of desparate sense of giving up. What are you actually crying for? Who are the support group you are seeking?

I do hope that you understand that we/I care deeply for your emotional well being.

You have chosen to be here at Laura's. You have waited the registration period. You wait for your posts to be approved. You express yourself here. Why?

I know why. Because you have questions, doubts, and fears. You are beginning to realize yourself and you have become afraid.

Dearheart, do not fear. You are safe, and I will help you.

Love

Brenda

Link to comment
Guest 91curiouskitten
My dearest Kitten,

You may think that everything is OK, but I see otherwise. Your topic began with the supposition that you had to get rid of your notebook because "men" do not have such things. Well you do. So what does that tell you about yourself?

Additionally, your poems have a deep sense of meloncholy about them. A sort of desparate sense of giving up. What are you actually crying for? Who are the support group you are seeking?

I do hope that you understand that we/I care deeply for your emotional well being.

You have chosen to be here at Laura's. You have waited the registration period. You wait for your posts to be approved. You express yourself here. Why?

I know why. Because you have questions, doubts, and fears. You are beginning to realize yourself and you have become afraid.

Dearheart, do not fear. You are safe, and I will help you.

Love

Brenda

Everything isnt okay, but I'll live, regardless of weather or nto I want to be I'm tough and strong, in ways that are good for me as well as bad

As for the ntoebook, I am not the one who wants o get rid of it, Me and my grandmother have been having a back and forth voer it but it is destined to end in ym defeat so she asks and I simply obey for the time being, and I did choose to be here, even though I know I wear on peopels nerves and really dont fit in even here, I am nto afraid, I dont get scared, it does no good.

Link to comment
Guest 91curiouskitten

Okay so I spoke before thinkin, I do get scared but its nothign I cant handle, I'll lvie, I psoted these here so that they wouldnt disappear, I am fine, help peopel who need it I do not

Link to comment
Guest 91curiouskitten

We all cave in

We all feel weak

Legs drop out

Fall to our knees

Life sucks

Got no luck

Walk around

An empty husk

Happy, love, joy, all gone

Everyone says, move on

But this is me I can never be free

Never be free of me

I went to guy mode

Tried to hide me

Then I realized

I was living one big lie

Guy girl in between

All forms make me wanna scream

Whats wrong with me?

Why cant I be what they want me to be?

Betrayed by those I trust

My heart and my head are ready to bust

I tried to hard

and got a hole in my heart

What do you?

Ask for help and find none

Find relief at the barrel of a gun?

Find no joy under the rays of the sun

Friends family and home

All of these I have none

Am I a fool?

Am I a tool?

will I achive what I wish?

Or will I do what they all wish?

Put on a facade make a big smile

Live forever in the wordl of denial

Theres are OLD OLD OLD thigns I wrote a logn time ago not exactly rhyming scheme but I like em, actually after opiniosn on these!

As human beings, we seek the one to hold and to hold us during those times we truely need them. We seek this person because we know they will provide us wiht the greatest pelasures and comforts we shall ever known, weather those simple words that make all the other pain go away, or knowing when you jsut want to be alone, and staying with you anyways becausethey knwo you want to be with them even more. And then, this person who ahsgiven su the greates moments of our lives, causes us the greatest pain we ever known? Pushing us to the point where they killed us emotionally and we attemtp to finish the job with the sharp edged razr or the round tip of a bullet. So why, why do we go after someone capaale of amazing pleasure and comfort, yet an even larger pain and torutre?

Night time, the ultimate symbol of peace and quiet, where the mice scurry not and the birds quiet their song, laying in their nests as the world of slumber calls, and they obey the beckoning. Where you walk along the quiet streets, the only noise that of the wind brushing through the trees and the occasional car driving by, their headlights showing you the path you walk, the cool breeze of night brushing through your hair as a grain spreads on your face, your skin warm with a soft beat of your heart, the harsh burn of the sun no longer felt on your skin, you walk, because in the night, you can.

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
Guest 91curiouskitten

We live, we laugh

Life goes on

We live, we cry

Life goes on

We live we scream

Life goes on

Surrounded by strangers

Life goes on

Outcast by family

Life goes on

All alone

Life goes on

Hugs from oruselves only

Life goes on

We hate our forms

Life goes on

We change our forms

Life goes on

We die in the body we finally want

Lifes no more, we're no more

Was it what you thought it would be?

Link to comment
Guest Elizabeth K

Kitten!

Complicated things going on with you! I could comment but all you really need to hear is - YES - I understand.

A PollyAnna answer is good but you won't get it from me. The bare truth? You will get through this! We all have something - and I am full of sorrow myself sometimes. It's very difficult to just live day to day WITHOUT our gender dysphoria - and a girlfriend who cheated, that's terrible! And then when life seems just tooooo much to bear... I know.

SO VENT AND VENT AND VENT! We ALL hear you.

And the poetry - don't sell yourself short! Its heartfelt - its real - its you!

Thank you for sharing - we get glimpses into your very soul - a gift from you to us!

So do know I read every word. I will go back and read it again. I might even come back over and over! That is what makes poetry, and I agree - songs - so memorable - so good. When something clicks with the reader.

So I won't comment on the events. Others can do that. All I can do is wish I could clasp your hands, look into your eyes, and say 'I understand." I do understand.

I do

Lizzy

"Life goes on.."

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean

Kitten.....

Honey....those songs are YOU...and reflect your life events...

I thank you for sharing them and giving us a look into your heart....

Huggs...

Donna Jean

Link to comment
Guest 91curiouskitten

What do I do

To convice you

All I wanna do

Is be me

Why do I bow

Why do I cower

You dont ask why

You want all the pwoer

I jus wanna be me

Be free

So you see

all I can be

But you hold me

Control me

Never let go of me

Let me live

Let me smile

Feel joy

once ina while

I smile you scream

I giggle you steam

I frown you gleam

I'm dieing you see

Tryign to mvoe

Tryign to live

Wanna go on

Get away from this nuts

To doped to udnerstand

Why cant I be a man

Why cant I take a stand

Well I am

I'm guna be me

I'm gunna be free

I'm gunna show you

What I can be

You cant hold me back

Detour I will not

You can do what you want

But I wont play the part

Wont do what you want

Wont be who you wish

Quit takign them pills

You drug addicted b****((ahem))

((I know, I try to be dep and it turns out medicre and dumb, but I jus had a bad day with my mom, thats a different post, so, ya have to keep up wit me if u wanna see! :P lol sorry x.x forced happy x.x I shush now))

Link to comment

Oh, Kitten,

I haven't commented on your songs before but this one you wrote after a bad day with your mom has struck a chord so deep within me that its resonance must be audible.

Please know that at some point in your life you will need to break away from her control, you can not leagally until a certain age and after that it is still difficult - so if you ever do manage could you send me a guide as to how you did it.

I love your songs, they do say so much.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean
uhh, thanksies? o.o" I don gets it

You don't always "Get it" when Lizzy is involved.....

Just take your Hugg and be happy....

Donna Jean

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest 91curiouskitten

Someday, when I'm stronger

They'll all know, my name...

Someday, when the fogs gone

I'll no longer feel this, shaaaammmme...

I've grown uup

In this craaazy world

Where things arent what they seeem...

Maybey, I should never

Have tried to plays this game...

Moving, and tryyying

Brings only pain...

Living, as what they want,

I get some grand old times...

No longer, can I play this

Wanna scream whats on my miiiiind...

No more, can I stay here

My sanity is long gone...

Only, with my fears

They're all I seem to knoooow

And I'm tired

Of living this lie

No longer living

Just wish I would die

Trying, to move on...

Friends and family behind!

I dont know anymore

Just who I am

I dont know anymore

Just where I belong

Someday, when I'm free

I'll look back in time, and seeeee.

All of, my friends there

Who were with me the whoollle time!

Not udner my roof

Not over hte phone

Never heard their voice

But they've heldp me and my choice

There when family wasnt

Friends when none were left

Saving me many times

From fate worse then death.

So, even though you guys abrely get any lines HUGS to all ^^" I just wish I could get to the point where I could look abck, but, I'm sure you're all gunna help me get there and I hope I can help you all, not sure how but I'll try!

This is kinda like the stages of my whole thing, and I'm at the

No more, can I stay here

My sanity is long gone...

Only, with my fears

They're all I seem to knoooow

Part, so ltosa work to go x.x

Link to comment
Guest 91curiouskitten

Why do you do this, to me?

Making it hard, just to breathe

You say you want a smile

I say, I want to be free

Why do you do this, to me?

I've tried to make you happy,

I've tried to make you proud

You try to make me normal

A good boy from the south

Why do you do this, to me?

Making it so hard, just trying to breath

You say you want a smile

I say I want to be free

Why do you do this, to me?

I walk these halls, an empty shell

Afraid I'd shatter if I fell

I try just to smile

And it comes out just a frown

Why do you do this, to me?

Making it so hard, just trying to breath

You say you want a smile

I say I want to be free

Why do you do this, to me?

Criticism or tips wanted on this one o.o

Link to comment

Wow, Kitten!

I love these songs - I can almost hear them as I read - I think that you have a great talent for expressing yourself, the true feelings like seeing the disease rather than just the symptoms - such a clear and vivid picture for me from each one.

"I walk these halls, an empty shell

Afraid I'd shatter if I fell"

That is put so well and explains just how I feel too.

Remember that you do have so many friends here and we are always ready to respond with a cheerful word or a friendly *hug* and cocoa and cookies if those will help.

While in our daily lives we may not feel it at all - here we are loved and it is such an incredible feeling.

Know that you are loved, always,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest 91curiouskitten

Thats part of the problem though :( Its so, dishearteneign, to find your only support and acceptance from people you never see, whose voices you never hear, the only words of consolation the toneless emotionless words primnted on a screen, btu it does help, so thanks ^^

Link to comment
Guest 91curiouskitten

Cursed to live

I live my life

Doomed to die

I live my life

I walk these streets

I wish to die

Even at home

I always cry

Cant stop

Cant think

Cant breathe

I'm a freak

Cant stop

no I cant think

Cant breathe

I'm just a freak

Peopel stare

And peopel laugh

Hate myself

But forced to laugh

Cant stop

Cant think

Cant breathe

Another freak

Link to comment

Oh my, Kitten

I thought that you were feeling a little better the last time we talked but I don't think so.

Do remember you are not a freak, you are a beautiful young lady and that is all.

If you do not think of yourself as a freak you are not - their opinions are uninformed and therefore unimportant.

You had mentioned how disheartening it is to only be understood and loved here on the Internet - I have the same problem - life is what you make of it so I am here whenever you need me.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest 91curiouskitten

Not a rhymign poem, not even a [poem, not sure what it si O.o

Isolation of Anonymity

Seeking others

But seeking nobody

We want nobody to know us

But pray them to find us

We see nobody

But pray to see everybody

We put everythign on people we dont know

People we've never seen, heard, met

We bear everythgin to them

Is it human nature?

Are so safe with our Anonymity?

Is it a comfort to know we can never receive comfrt?

No hand to hold oyur chin and look into your eyes

No hand to brush the tears away

No kiss to make it all okay

No hugs, nods of udnerstanding, coo's of concern

All you have are words, no emotion, no tone to them

We are isolated, sitting at computers

Isolated against the world

But we are known in a place of unknowns

Seekign comfort from those who can never give it

We are isolated from the world

But we are surrounded by the peopele of the word

We are surrounded, and yet we are alone

Friends with peopel whom we never met

We are isolated

In a world of Anonymity

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 178 Guests (See full list)

    • Birdie
    • April Marie
    • MaybeRob
    • Betty K
    • Mirrabooka
    • Heather Shay
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,015
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bowie Ellis
      Bowie Ellis
      (19 years old)
    2. Damien Mcknight
      Damien Mcknight
      (18 years old)
    3. JJ
      JJ
      (77 years old)
    4. KathyLauren
      KathyLauren
      (70 years old)
    5. memyselfandwe
      memyselfandwe
      (44 years old)
  • Posts

    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      When do you know you've had enough surgery?
    • Heather Shay
      Another week completed with more inregration.
    • Heather Shay
      Relief (emotion) Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org › wiki › Relief_(emotion)         Relief is a positive emotion experienced when something unpleasant, painful or distressing has not happened or has come to an end.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Loving this woman I am becoming.
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!! I was up early again - already on my third cup of coffee having walked/fed the dog and read the local paper.   We have a birthday party for a friend to go to this afternoon but no real plans otherwise.   I hope to be able to attend tonight's TGP Zoom session. It's been weeks since I've been able to participate with the illness/loss of our dog, two horrible colds in succession and our trip to chase the solar eclipse.   Have a wonderful day and look for the goodness in it.
    • April Marie
      I think we tend to be overly critical of our looks, whether we're trying to express ourselves as masculine, feminine or anywhere along the gender spectrum. For me, I use photos as a way to track my progress, to help me find my style and look and to help me find ways to improve myself in posture, looks, make-up, style......   I didn't really think about our FB avatar being public but then realized that when people search they do see it.   Since I'm not out to anyone but my wife, therapist, priest and people here, my FB page remains "that guy." I have created a Bitmoji that is relatively androgynous moving slowly towards the feminine. Long gray hair, earrings, softer features...I'm transitioning it along with myself. :-)
    • April Marie
      I so very much enjoy your posts. This one, though, hit home with me for many reasons. I was commissioned in the Army in '77, as well. Like you, I was not overly masculine in the way that many of our contemporaries were. I (still do) cried at weddings, pictures of puppies and babies, when I talked about bring proud of what my units accomplished and was never the Type A leader. In the end, it worked for me and I had a successful career.   This is, of course, your story not mine so I won't detail my struggle. It just took me much longer to understand what the underlying cause of my feelings was and even more to admit it. To act on it.    Thank you for sharing your story, Sally.
    • Sally Stone
      Post 6 “The Military Career Years” In 1977 I joined the Army and went to flight school to become a helicopter pilot.  To fly for the military had been a childhood dream and when the opportunity arose, I took advantage of it, despite knowing I would have to carefully control my crossdressing activity.  At the time, military aviation was male dominated and a haven for Type A personalities and excessive testosterone.  I had always been competitive but my personality was not typically Type A.  And while I could never be considered effeminate, I wasn’t overtly masculine either.  Consequently, I had little trouble hiding the part of my personality that leaned towards the feminine side.    However, serving in the Army limited my opportunities for feminine self-expression.  During this period, I learned that being unable to express my feminine nature regularly, led to frustration and unhappiness.  I managed these feelings by crossdressing and underdressing whenever I could.  Underdressing has never been very fulfilling for me, but while I was in the Army it was a coping mechanism.  I only cross-dressed in private and occasionally my wife would take me out for a late-night drive.  Those drives were still quite private, but being out of the house was clearly therapeutic.    I told myself I was coping, but when it became apparent the Army was going to be a career, the occasional and closeted feminine expression was clearly inadequate.  I needed more girl time and I wanted to share my feminine side with the rest of the world, so the frustration and unhappiness grew.  Despite my feelings regarding feminine self-expression, I loved flying, so I wasn’t willing to give up my military career.  Consequently, I resigned myself to the fact that the female half of my personality needed to take a back seat, and what helped me through, was dreaming of military retirement, and finally having the ability to let Sally blossom.   About Sally. Ironically, she was born while I was still serving.  It was Halloween and my wife and I were hosting a unit party.  I looked upon the occasion as the perfect excuse to dress like a girl.  After a little trepidation, my wife agreed I should take advantage of the opportunity.  Back then, my transformations were not very good, but with my wife’s help, my Halloween costume looked quite authentic.  Originally, my wife suggested that my presentation should be caricature to prevent anyone from seeing through my costume.  But that didn’t appeal to me at all.  I wanted to look as feminine and ladylike as I could.   To my wife’s and my amazement, my costume was the hit of the party.  In fact, later in the evening, my unit buddies decided they wanted to take me out drinking and before either me or my wife could protest, I was whisked away and taken to one of our favorite watering holes.  Terrified at first, I had an amazing time, we all did.  But on Monday morning, when I came to work, I learned that I had a new nickname; it was Sally, and for the duration of that tour, that’s what I was called.  Well, when it came time for me to choose a feminine name, there weren’t any other choices.  Sally it was, and to this day I adore the name, and thank my pilot buddies for choosing it.   And this brings me to my last assignment before retiring.  I was teaching military science in an Army ROTC program at Mercer University in Macon, Georgia.  I had been a member of TRIESS (a nationwide crossdressing support group).  I wasn’t really an active participant but when we moved to Georgia, I learned there was a local chapter in Atlanta.  I reached out to the membership chair person, and joined.   Because the chapter meetings took place in Atlanta, a trans friendly city, and because Atlanta was so far from Macon and any of my military connections, I felt it would be safe to let my feminine hair down.  The monthly meetings took place in the Westin Hotel and Conference Center in Buckhead, an upscale northern Atlanta suburb, and the hotel itself was 4-star.  The meetings were weekend affairs with lots of great activities that allowed me to express myself in a public setting for the first time.  It was during this time, that Sally began to blossom.   I have the fondest memories of Sigma Epsilon (the name of our chapter in Atlanta).  Because the hotel was also a conference center, there was always some big event, and in many cases, there were several.  One weekend there was a nail technician conference that culminated in a contest on Saturday evening.  When the organizers learned there was a huge group of crossdressers staying at the hotel, they reached out to us looking for manicure volunteers.  I volunteered and got a beautiful set of long red fingernails that I wore for the duration of the weekend.   During another of our meeting weekends, there was a huge military wedding taking place, and imagine what we were all thinking when we learned it was a Marine wedding.  Our entire group was on edge worrying we might have to keep a low profile.  It turned out to be one of the most memorable weekends I would experience there.  First off, the Marines were all perfect gentlemen.  On Friday night and throughout the day on Saturday before the wedding, we rubbed elbows with most of them and their wives in and around the hotel, and at the hotel bar.  In fact, we got along so well the bride invited us to the reception.  Somewhere, there is a picture of me with a handsomely dressed Marine draped on each of my arms, standing in the lobby of the hotel.  Sadly, I never got a copy of it because the woman who took the picture used a film camera (yes, they actually took picture that way in ancient times).    My two-years with Sigma Epsilon was the perfect transition.  I went from being fully closeted to being mostly out.  I enhanced my feminine presentation and significantly reduced my social anxiety.  It also signified the end of one life and the beginning of another.  I had a great career and never regretted serving, but I was ready to shed the restrictions 20-years of Army service had imposed on my feminine self-expression.  My new life, Sally’s life, was about to begin, and with it I would begin to fully spread a new set of wings, this time feminine wings.    Hugs, Sally
    • Sally Stone
      Ashley, for a very long time she clung to the term crossdresser, because for her it was less threatening.  Over the years, though, she has come to recognize and acknowledge that I have a strong feminine side.  And like me, she now has a much better understanding of where my transgender journey is going, so me being bigender, isn't the threat she might have perceived it as, years ago. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://apnews.com/article/title-ix-sexual-assault-transgender-sports-d0fc0ab7515de02b8e4403d0481dc1e7   The revised regulations don't touch on trans athletes; which I totally understand, as that's become a third rail issue and this is an election year.  But the other changes seem pretty sensible, and will obviously result in immediate right wing lawsuits.   Carolyn Marie
    • missyjo
      darling you have wonderful taste..I especially love the red dress n sneaker outfit   enjoy   missy
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...