Not Being Noticed

[Guest AshleyRF]

Ashley - think it through - you are 100% woman - it's the body that is not working like it should - consequently, your memories had to be compromised. Accept that you are what you are, a woman, and you are working on remodel of the body.

And then you have some catching up to do! Sighhh

Otherwise you will go nutzzzzz

Lizzy

I really just don't feel like a real woman. I actually felt more like a real woman prior to my transition than I do now as strange as that is.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I really just don't feel like a real woman. I actually felt more like a real woman prior to my transition than I do now as strange as that is.

You LOOK like a woman! Hey - really!

Lizzy

[Guest AshleyRF]

You LOOK like a woman! Hey - really!

Lizzy

Not to me I don't.

[Guest NatalieRene]

Not to me I don't.

I think you do. When I first saw your first avatar picture of you I thought it was a placeholder photo of some other woman lucky enough to be born correctly. You look great.

[Guest AshleyRF]

I think you do. When I first saw your first avatar picture of you I thought it was a placeholder photo of some other woman lucky enough to be born correctly. You look great.

I want to look like a genetic girl in all of them not just one.

[Guest NatalieRene]

I want to look like a genetic girl in all of them not just one.

You do.

[Guest Michele H]

Once I came to a personal understanding that I wasn't a pervert and that it really was possible to be a gender different than what everyone said I was and started to see my GC, I told her I was born female but with significant birth defects that caused me to have to learn to pass as a boy and then a man. Once I transitioned, I no longer had to passs as something I was not. The journey for me is about fixing the birth defects and trying to cram puberty and menopause into a short time period. Since that time- about two years ago ( One year this April for officially being recognized as my true self at work) - I see more and more sisters expressing almost identical thoughts. WPATH is going to have to catch up ( as a non voting member - I have been advocating for this different paradigm.

[Guest Kaitlyn88]

I would gladly give up the last 20 years of memories, I would be a much happier and better person. Plus I would actually be able to have kids.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Not to me I don't.

Double gender dysphoria? GRIN

Maybe when you get to triple, you will be where you need to be?

YIKES

Seriously - we are ALWAYS our worst enemy. Know in your heart - that's the key.

Lizzy

[Guest viv]

Remember the adage "half a loaf is better than no loaf",,I remember as a younger

person I was always hoping when I wake up in the morning I will be a girl, well,,,,,,

guess what ???? So for me reality constantly bites ,,,the best I can achieve in

Transition is to pass ,to blend in as Donna Jean put it . It does not get any better ,,

we have to accept what we cannot deny , we are Trans women , end of story and

its a good plan to make the best of a bad deal !!! end of rant, time for a big mug of

coffee (no sugar Grrr, Baahh) luv ya all,,,viv

[Guest NatalieRene]

Remember the adage "half a loaf is better than no loaf",,I remember as a younger

person I was always hoping when I wake up in the morning I will be a girl, well,,,,,,

guess what ???? So for me reality constantly bites ,,,the best I can achieve in

Transition is to pass ,to blend in as Donna Jean put it . It does not get any better ,,

we have to accept what we cannot deny , we are Trans women , end of story and

its a good plan to make the best of a bad deal !!! end of rant, time for a big mug of

coffee (no sugar Grrr, Baahh) luv ya all,,,viv

All I know is when I can pass I am going to keep the use of the label trans to the bare minimum. I don't want to be treated any differently. If I'm dating someone I'll tell them once and then thats it. Maybe I'm being selfish but I just don't want to be loud and proud. I want to just be as ordinary as possible.

[Guest AshleyRF]

Remember the adage "half a loaf is better than no loaf",,I remember as a younger

person I was always hoping when I wake up in the morning I will be a girl, well,,,,,,

guess what ???? So for me reality constantly bites ,,,the best I can achieve in

Transition is to pass ,to blend in as Donna Jean put it . It does not get any better ,,

we have to accept what we cannot deny , we are Trans women , end of story and

its a good plan to make the best of a bad deal !!! end of rant, time for a big mug of

coffee (no sugar Grrr, Baahh) luv ya all,,,viv

I don't want to "accept it", I don't want to "deal with it". I shouldn't have to. I should have never been born if this was the way I was going to turn out. Never feeling comfortable with yourself? Never seeing yourself in the mirror? Always feeling like an outsider. What kind of life is that?

I'm sitting here in my home right now and I have three young nieces who are playing with my dogs and as horrible as this sounds.... I HATE THEM!!! I hate them for what they are. I hate them for what they were given. Why were they good enough to be born correctly. Sadly this hatred for women doesn't end here. Part of me hates my wife because she was born correctly. I hate ever woman I see with all my being. It's so unfair that they were given such a gift and they don't even know it. They take if for granted. What kind of person has this much hate inside them? I don't want to be this person, but how can I not? How can I not look at those kids and feel so cheated out of a life that could and should have been? How can I not look at those women out there with their perfectly feminine bodies and faces, with their perfect little families and just have this seething anger, hatred, and jealousy towards them? How can I feel like I'm one of them (even if the world does see me as one of them) when I know that I am not one of them? How does one forget about 30 years of being a "man" and all of a sudden accept themselves as a woman? How are so many of us so happy with themselves after they transition? How do you say "I'm just a woman now." when you don't see it when you look in the mirror?

[Guest NatalieRene]

I don't want to "accept it", I don't want to "deal with it". I shouldn't have to. I should have never been born if this was the way I was going to turn out. Never feeling comfortable with yourself? Never seeing yourself in the mirror? Always feeling like an outsider. What kind of life is that?

I'm sitting here in my home right now and I have three young nieces who are playing with my dogs and as horrible as this sounds.... I HATE THEM!!! I hate them for what they are. I hate them for what they were given. Why were they good enough to be born correctly. Sadly this hatred for women doesn't end here. Part of me hates my wife because she was born correctly. I hate ever woman I see with all my being. It's so unfair that they were given such a gift and they don't even know it. They take if for granted. What kind of person has this much hate inside them? I don't want to be this person, but how can I not? How can I not look at those kids and feel so cheated out of a life that could and should have been? How can I not look at those women out there with their perfectly feminine bodies and faces, with their perfect little families and just have this seething anger, hatred, and jealousy towards them? How can I feel like I'm one of them (even if the world does see me as one of them) when I know that I am not one of them? How does one forget about 30 years of being a "man" and all of a sudden accept themselves as a woman? How are so many of us so happy with themselves after they transition? How do you say "I'm just a woman now." when you don't see it when you look in the mirror?

Because if you let it the anger will rot you away into nothing. You need to let go of the anger, before it consumes you. Anger won't help.

[Sally]

Ashley,

My mirror lies to me all of the time - I see a tired old man and my friends see a loving and caring mature woman - someone's Aunt or Mother.

If I choose to believe my mirror and always see myself as that tired old man that is what I will truly become and I will have wasted the opportunity of a lifetime - my lifetime, my second chance to finally get things right - I have learned in my life that some people are lucky and others are not - but it is not always at it seems, some of the people who seem to have the very best luck have hidden problems much worse than you could imagine.

The whole trick to happiness for anyone not just transgendered is not to look at what someone else has and want it - especially if it is something that is totally unattainable - the real joy in life comes from looking at what you have and being happy about that - I did a lot of things in my life while i was trying to be who everyone else wanted me to be - I do not want to loose those memories - I never hated the male me because I strove to be the best person I could be as a male, that same drive is what keeps me going through my transition - unsupported any anyone I know.

I am not a cheerleader or a total Pollyanna - I know that things get tough and it is hard to push on but your wife supports you, you still have your family and your friends are telling you the truth you are a beautiful woman - you might not make the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition but is that why you were transitioning?

I am transitioning to feel complete and to be at peace with myself - you can only be at peace with yourself when you declare the truce - no one else is involved here - this battle is in your mind - you make that choice - believe in what others say, believe in yourself or sit around and moan forever because you were not born female - like any other birth condition - you fix it and move on - are all less than perfect natal women to moan about that all of their lives or should they get on with their lives and be happy?

I think they should be happy and so should you -believe - that is your most powerful weapon against this anger that is eating away at you - believe your friends, believe those who tell you that you are beautiful and the pain will subside - you can be anything that you believe you can be.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Kaitlyn88]

I think that is just a part of being trans. People say I look like a pretty, tall girl but when I look in the mirror 9 times out of 10 I see a man with boobs. I've had a lot of trans people tell me they were jealous of my results, but I don't see it myself. What does actually look good gets downplayed with everything should have always looked like that. In most cases we are more harsh and judgemental on ourselves then anyone else. I don't know if it ever goes away, but I just keep going on trying not to think about it, fixing what I can.

[Guest AshleyRF]

I wish I knew how. It's killing me inside slowly. Everyday I loose more and more of my will to survive. I'm slowly falling into a state of complete hopelessness.

How can I look in a mirror without seeing all my flaws and imperfections? How can I not sit there and pick myself apart piece by piece and think "that part doesn't look feminine" until I've covered my entire body. How can I look at this face and body and just think "woman" when it looks so far from what women look like and so far from what I want to look like. I wake up every day, put on my make up and all day I feel like I'm just faking it, that I'm faking being a woman because in reality, I'm not one, and sometimes I just feel so ridiculous for even trying.

[MaryEllen]

Ashley, you're looking in the mirror and seeing flaws and imperfections that just aren't there. You are your own worst critic. It looks as if you are deliberately looking to find imperfections. You've got to stop this self loathing or you'll end up destroying yourself. Have you ever spoken about these issues with your therapist? If not, it would be a wise thing to do. You don't have to feel this way.

MaryEllen

[Guest viv]

I hope you find resolution Ashley . There is an answer , you just have not found it yet .

I have not even taken my first pill/patch/injection,,,,I may think as you do now , I just

honestly hope I dont.I want to be be as content as possible , If my last reply was a bit

harsh hun,,,sorry (just read back on it) .Keep looking for your answer Ashley , I refer

to our Transition as the climb,,do what ever you have to to make it worth the climb.

You have put far too much effort into your life to be unsatisfied now , find your answer ,

luv,viv