Guilt In A Burnt Field

[Guest Esperanza Xochitl]

"Guilt In A Burnt Field"

If I still see your face in every girl in the distance, I'm sorry.

If our winter parting of ways hurt you deeply, know I hurt an eternity.

I still shed tears over you

I didn't mean to make this hurt

But I thought it'd be more pain if you Knew

That I'm this flower in a field now burnt

Thinking about what happened continues to make me sick, sick with guilt.

Thoughts of what I didn't disclose in my heart, and the tear drops you spilt.

If I could reverse these tedious clocks

I'd have the faith to state my heart

And give you the key to the lock

To use it and stay, or drop it and part

I feel so powerless in the hand of regret of times forever gone by.

An ember, just an ember, feels it will burn until the day I die.

Note:

I wrote this about the ex girlfriend who I feel I regret the pre-emptive manner in which I broke up with her in the big crisis that led to me coming out. Maybe I should have given her a chance to accept me as a woman. To stick with me. Things were increasingly emotional for me. I was breaking and in panic. It's likely way too late, but I wonder that big what if... Some of my friends tell me I need to let her actually see me and sit down woman to woman so she will know why and what was actually going on so there will be an explaination. It is scary for me, but I feel she deserves this explaination.

[Guest Evan_J]

Wow. I think I agree with your friends. For better or worse (just be sure you can survive it). If nothing else she would know why her heart got broken?

[Guest Esperanza Xochitl]

I wish it were less difficult. I wouldn't be suprised if she already knows, but maybe she really needs to see me. Seeing and hearing about are two different things.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Honey.....

I have to agree with the friends.....

She may love you as a person and love may transend your gender....

It's only fair...

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Sally]

I think that your friends are right - give her the chance to decide.

You decided to break up for her, she should be given this opportunity to either decide that she loves you for who you are or at least to get closure.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Evan_J]

Plus, if you're writing poems about her, maybe you need closure too? -There's nothing worse romantically than dragging around a spectre of "what if" to screw up your future life.

[Guest Esperanza Xochitl]

How to go about this is really difficult for me.

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

I always enjoy reading your writing, and looking at your artwork. You're really talented

[Guest Esperanza Xochitl]

I always enjoy reading your writing, and looking at your artwork. You're really talented

You are throwing me undeserved roses.

I'm flattered. Thank you.

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

You are throwing me undeserved roses.

I'm flattered. Thank you.

It is not undeserved.. you truly are talented *hugs*

[Guest Esperanza Xochitl]

thankies! But inkm,y eiyes I'll be awlay s average.

[Guest Penelope]

"Guilt In A Burnt Field"

If I still see your face in every girl in the distance, I'm sorry.

If our winter parting of ways hurt you deeply, know I hurt an eternity.

I still shed tears over you

I didn't mean to make this hurt

But I thought it'd be more pain if you Knew

That I'm this flower in a field now burnt

Thinking about what happened continues to make me sick, sick with guilt.

Thoughts of what I didn't disclose in my heart, and the tear drops you spilt.

If I could reverse these tedious clocks

I'd have the faith to state my heart

And give you the key to the lock

To use it and stay, or drop it and part

I feel so powerless in the hand of regret of times forever gone by.

An ember, just an ember, feels it will burn until the day I die.

Note:

I wrote this about the ex girlfriend who I feel I regret the pre-emptive manner in which I broke up with her in the big crisis that led to me coming out. Maybe I should have given her a chance to accept me as a woman. To stick with me. Things were increasingly emotional for me. I was breaking and in panic. It's likely way too late, but I wonder that big what if... Some of my friends tell me I need to let her actually see me and sit down woman to woman so she will know why and what was actually going on so there will be an explaination. It is scary for me, but I feel she deserves this explaination.

Just a suggestion: why not send her this poem and explanatory note?

Then take it from there.

Hugs,

Penelope

[Guest Esperanza Xochitl]

That might work. As long as her brother doesn't intercept it. I don't want to be a casualty of his insecurities.

[Guest Evan_J]

Just a suggestion: why not send her this poem and explanatory note?

Then take it from there.

Hugs,

Penelope

The best suggestions about how to approach girls do come from women don't they. My suggestion was to go see her. Maybe a merge of the two since the brother is in the mix. Take her the poem. Rule number one of wanting a woman; a phonecall has never won one.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Yes

Take her the poem... kiss her palm. place it in her hand.

You poetry is beautiful! Stunning work!

Lizzy

[Guest Esperanza Xochitl]

Except for the palm kissing, that could turn into disaster.

Also, I don't really want to win her over, I want the choice to be made by her and her alone what she wants to do. I wouldn't feel right influencing the decision in her hands.

[Guest Evan_J]

Yes

Take her the poem... kiss her palm. place it in her hand.

You poetry is beautiful! Stunning work!

Lizzy

There is just no containing that Southern Belle in you, is there?

Shhhhh. Esperanza says "can't influence" Watch her Esperanza, she'll have you strummin a mandolin standin in a pile of rose petals........

[Guest Esperanza Xochitl]

I haven't played mandolin in years. I might be a little rusty.

I figure I'd have a hard time going out of my way to see her. Maybe going by the eventual chance running into her might work better.