Wish I Knew

[Flint]

I’ve been sat here thinking

Would probably be better of drinking

But here I am and now I’m writing this

Looking at old photographs

Sad thing is it hurts too much to laugh

And I sit here and reminisce

About everything I’ve said and done

And wonder now why I always come undone

Because my wounds keep reopening

And I can’t find what will stitch me back together again

And I’ve tried everything

But it seems they’re here to stay

Names etched on my heart

Memories play like videos in my brain

Distorted though today

But still it hurts like yesterday

Wish I could break free from this pain

Wish I knew if there was something I could say

It seems such a shame

That all those friends I used to know

When we were kids we would play our little games

Now they don’t have a clue

Who I am or who I’ve become

They talk to my sister

But they don’t know a loving thing

And it hurts to know that they might still talk about me

Still picturing me like I was way back when

Sometimes I wonder what it’d be like to talk again

I miss having fun, I miss having friends

I see photographs of people having a blast

And I wish I could be just like them

But here I sit trapped in this hell

Trying to find a way out of my shell

And I want to make it

But I’m scared as hell

I try to imagine what my granddad would say

“Life is a battlefield but if you get your armour you’ll be okay

Don’t let the haters get to you

They’re just trying to pull you down as you pave your way”

Wish I could break free from this pain

Wish I knew if there was something I could say

[Guest Evan_J]

This might not be relative and helpful, I dunno.

It could even be over the line and not what ya wanted in a response. I dunno.

But

I used to have this friend in highschool that was on the swimteam.

One day before practice, goofin around, she dived off a starting block.

Broke her neck in the bottom of the pool

and was paralyzed.

The "hardest" part, from the perspective of someone who'd known her

was not knowing what to do

And worrying that "you had no idea what" would be "wrong" or hurtful.

If you still have that many feelings

Your friends still have em about you.

and maybe just don't know what to do.

I love you dude.

And hope you feel better

[Flint]

This might not be relative and helpful, I dunno.

It could even be over the line and not what ya wanted in a response. I dunno.

But

I used to have this friend in highschool that was on the swimteam.

One day before practice, goofin around, she dived off a starting block.

Broke her neck in the bottom of the pool

and was paralyzed.

The "hardest" part, from the perspective of someone who'd known her

was not knowing what to do

And worrying that "you had no idea what" would be "wrong" or hurtful.

If you still have that many feelings

Your friends still have em about you.

and maybe just don't know what to do.

I love you dude.

And hope you feel better

Nah not over the line. I get what you mean, it can be hard for others around you too when you become ill or something like that.

It's a bit about that anyway, it's also a bit about being trans and how they still talk about me as if i'm female and that. It's all of it really.

*man hugs*

[Guest Donna Jean]

The best that I have, Matty......

{{{{{{{HUGGG}}}}}}}

That's a really long and tight one, Hon.......

Dee Jay

[Flint]

*hugs back DJ*

[Guest Evan_J]

The talking about you and not "to" you transgender thing we all get

Aggravating that.

[Carolyn Marie]

Matt, I know how you feel. It's hard thinking about your old life, knowing that the people you know will always think of you one way, while you think of yourself another way.

You can't change what's past, you can only change your future.

Nice bit of poetry, man. I hope it helped to get it out there.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Flint]

thanks

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

Another one of your works that leaves me speechless

*hugs*

[Guest Opal]

Hi Matt!

Although we cannot replace your past friends and memories, nor would we ever try to, you will always be Matt to us! Thanks for all that you do to help make Laura's a better place for all of us!

Hugs,

Opal

[Flint]

Thank you for your comments.

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

Thank you for your comments.

You're welcome