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Guest Redbeard

A Video On Passing

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Guest Redbeard

The FTM's and MTF's will appreciate the bitter humor of this vlog entry by the lovely Red Durkin.

Transgender people in general will enjoy this one, methinks.

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Guest Donna Jean

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Thanks, Redbeard....funny!

I loved 'em...thank you!

Huggs

Donna Jean

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    • LeavesThatAreGreen
      I apologize in advance for how long and rambling this is going to be.   Well, in the past few weeks I've finally come to terms with the reality I've known for years. And I don't think a second too soon. I've been on a roller coaster ride these past few days, getting really wasted (not encouraging that behavior, nor do I mean to trigger anyone who suffers from alcohol abuse, just let me know if this part isn't ok) and crying my eyes out to music so loud the neighbors could hear it.   The first people I came out to were some people I knew online. I think I felt confident coming to them first because they have no idea what I looked like, they could instantly shift their perspective of me, and they did. They were incredibly accepting and to be treated like the person I really was for the first time was such an amazing experience and I felt a kind of happiness I've never felt before. Of course very soon after I was again wracked with self-doubt and shame. I almost got to the point where I felt like I was unsafe enough to check myself into in-patient (once again).   Realizing that my only options were seriously transition or die, the next day I came out to my therapist. Our scheduled meeting had to be called off, but when I emailed him to schedule a new one he offered to do a session over the phone. He was obviously incredibly supportive, said that he's had clients like me in the past and we'll have a lot to talk about the next session. Called me by my real name a million times and it was so great. Afterwards I called my brother and sister-in-law, which also went incredibly well, they're very open minded people, as is my mom who I called next. They all were supportive and agreed to try their best to get into the habit of using the right name and pronouns. I know it's gonna take a long time to adjust, and hell I still misgender myself even in my own head. I don't feel at this point that I'm worthy of being recognized yet, but I think I just have to fight through that. Telling my dad is going to be rough though, and I'm not even going to think about that for now.   As the title might suggest, I'm 22 and I'm not getting any younger. The thing that finally did it for me was noticing how masculine my body was getting. All of us sudden I experienced dysphoria intense enough to truly recognize it for the first time, and I realized that I've been dealing with it for years without knowing what it is. I've always been attracted to men so in the recent past I figured that "just being gay" would be enough, but obviously it's not the same thing. I could fight through it, but for some reason homosexual activity just didn't feel "right", not in a judgemental way, just in a "that's fine and all, and I'm into it, but it's not really me" way. Now I know what that reason was.   As far as the hand I've been dealt in terms of transitioning, I'm honestly pretty lucky. I think talking about the specific things I'm dealing with, for better or worse, is probably best for another thread. I've been reading around online and some people say that 22 is getting up there to start, but I don't think it is at all. Our bodies aren't even done developing until 25 or so, and it's NEVER too young to transition. I think most people who say "X is too old to transition" are trolls and transphobes who want us to choose the that only other option we have. Like I said, this isn't really the thread where I'd like to go into it, but in my opinion I don't have overly masculine features, and I think passing is well with-in the realm of possibilities for me sooner rather than later. I've got my work cut out for me, but in a lot of ways I really am lucky to be in the situation I am. Well, I mean if just being born the right gender wasn't an option.   Good luck to everyone else here, and I look forward to being a part of this community, Jaye
    • Ellora
      First of all Welcome! It's great to have you here! I have deleted and or walked away from many many posts, cause sometimes my mind wants to say a whole bunch, sometimes it flows, and sometimes it gets all tangled up. After i come back and read a bit more in here, i find i am able to write most of what I wanted to say in the post. Sometimes I "ramble on," but I feel better getting it out, instead of bottling it up. The TP community helps me with my thoughts and questions, and later I can see what and how i was thinking.  As abstract as you might think your thoughts are, they will make sense to us, cause we are and have been where you are right now, in some form shape and manner,   we either understand and/or can be here for you to help. (I hope all of that made sense, lol)  
    • carolcrissy
      Thanks to all for a warm welcome!😊
    • Ellora
      The Answer depends on the individual. For some people. their bodies might respond quickly, others not for years. I am 53 and have been on HRT for a little over 4 months and counting. I had an Orchiectomy a little over a month ago, and I am T free. I feel that My hips are starting to show, but not to anyone else. I can see slow breast growth happening , but only one comment about "have i been working out?" But thats Me, you and everyone else will probably have a different response. Speak with a Gender Therapist and your Doctor (that is fluent with the LGBTQ community), so they can help you with your journey. Continue researching until You are comfortable with your decisions. If you decide to start HRT, and do not like the way you look and or feel, then talk to your doctor, or stop all together.  Since you have a "year or two," you have plenty of time to do your research and talk to the GD therapist and your Doctor.  Best of luck in  your Journey!
    • Nebulous
      Facial hair is no longer my “beard”- pun intended as I’ve had laser hair removal. I guess my main question from here is the question of when the curves:fat redistribution and breasts became harder to hide. I do eventually want to live full time. I just won’t be ready to make that leap for another year or two though.
    • Dain
      Thank you all so much for the warm welcome!   I'm really looking forward to dive in! Just need to sort out my thoughts into words first. I find myself wanting to write something only to end up in a haze of abstract thoughts unsure of how to translate it into language.  I struggle a lot to articulate myself, so it's nice to be in a safe space like this to try and express myself and get input from other transgender peers.   Thank you! ❤️
    • Charlize
      It is most likely possible to be on HRT for a long time without being noticed.  Remember we have many FTM members here who pass by binding etc.   Remember baldness and a bit of beard screams male.  I would think a greater issue might be whether, after starting HRT, the desire to live as yourself wouldn't grow.   I know that when i was on HRT i had no desire to be seen as male but i suppose it is possible to be in the middle ground.  Don't forget that HRT also can affect sexual abilities, fertility and preferences for some.     Hugs,   Charlize
    • Timber Wolf
      Good morning everyone,🦄   Happy Birthday DaHudie Biz!🎂 Hope you have a great day!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf 🐾
    • Timber Wolf
      Hi Carol, Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf 🐾
    • tracy_j
      Hi Carol,   Welcome!   Tracy
    • tracy_j
      Hi Dain,   Welcome!   Tracy
    • Alex C
      well I been on HRT and like Vicki I am stuck or set on B cup..I am small size o ( not bragging) and when I am not comfortable presenting as F..I wear Large shirts ..Vicki is also on the money with hair growth. I am bald , some hair is growing back but I relegated to wearing a wig until I die..good luck, be safe and stay proud  
    • Bananarama
      NS,   You could try looking at the following:   https://www.behindthename.com/top/lists/united-states/1980   Enter your birth year in the drop-down field, and then look through the top 1000 names that were most frequently used at the time (you can also sort the list alphabetically). If you have siblings, you could also use that as clues to what your parents might have used.   For example, my birth year was 1960, and my sister's name is Melissa. Taking that and clues of other family members led me to select 'Melanie' as a logical given name (ranked #125 on the list from the above site, and 'M-E-L' the clue from my sister). I then selected my mother's middle name 'Jean' for mine, thus I became Melanie Jean, which IMHO has a nice ring about it (it also happened to leave my initials intact, as my friends usually call me 'MJ').   Best wishes on whichever you decide. 🙂
    • Jani
      Hello Dain.   Welcome.  I read Devon's post and it was interesting.  I think you will find an accepting community here.  Please join in.   Jani
    • Jani
      I have been married for 44 years so I can attest to thinking at times that you're on the same wavelength when in fact you're are not.  Life and people are strange in that regard.   I think it may be time to have some serious dialogue about how he (and you) felt things have been going.     Also, in my opinion women are more prone to accept this change in a partner than men are.  Women can be close friends with each other without seeming sexual, while men never want to get too close so to not project the image of homosexuality.      
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