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Guest Anira

Don't Know What To Do...

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I've been trying to figure out what to do when i get back to the states from deployment. I can't really go to any of the people at work (i work in the medical field in the navy) cause it will lead to me getting kicked out and loosing any benefits that will help me later down the road. so i was looking at going to a civilian one. but i'm not sure how to go about it. I've been doing alot of personal reflection and soul searching for a while now. almost a year come to think of it. and i want to get started on everything but i'm also very scared. it was hard enough to open up to my BF (now my ex) and even harder to open up to my family. it was easier with some of my friends online cause most of them never see me and i never see them. at least not in person. so i don't get to "see" their reaction to me. only what they put in text. most of my friends have accepted it and those that didn't told me why. but opening up to some one who is a stranger that i have to see face to face is terrifying at this point. I mean i know who i am but i also know some of my flaws. one being that i don't handle rejection or disapproval too well. not in a bad or angry way. more so in a "i get rather said, depressed, and kinda draw back into myself away from people" way if that makes any sense. i want to start but part of me is afraid that things won't go well. not just that they'll say no don't transition, but also that things will become more focused on the negatives in my life. I know i shouldn't be afraid but i can't help it.

sorry if this seemed more like a rant or venting session but this is stuff that has been going through my mind for a while now.

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Anira,

This seems like a hard situation to be in; from what I gather you haven't come out to family etc? Don't worry, follow what feels right inside, but be prepared to hear "don't transition" I heard it hundreds of times from my parents, grandparents, sisters, etc etc...they come to grips with it in time inshaAllah (God willing) but it will take them time as it is new for them and they have to learn to see you differently than they have your entire life. Don't let that deter you though, because you need to be who you are :D I hope you can make a decision as to what to do..and I totally understand what you mean by withdrawing...I did that too when I first came out, honestly I didn't leave the house for like two months before we finally moved out of our small town and to Cali (back again lol :P). This forums is a great support though, you'll see; everything will work out well; just be true to who you are.

As a side not my Dad was a Corpsman in the Navy in Vietnam...needless to say he didn't like it very much because he never got to see the inside of a hospital (he had hoped for nursing training etc) lol..only jungle :(. Anyway, never met another one other than him :D

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Anira,

This seems like a hard situation to be in; from what I gather you haven't come out to family etc? Don't worry, follow what feels right inside, but be prepared to hear "don't transition" I heard it hundreds of times from my parents, grandparents, sisters, etc etc...they come to grips with it in time inshaAllah (God willing) but it will take them time as it is new for them and they have to learn to see you differently than they have your entire life. Don't let that deter you though, because you need to be who you are :D I hope you can make a decision as to what to do..and I totally understand what you mean by withdrawing...I did that too when I first came out, honestly I didn't leave the house for like two months before we finally moved out of our small town and to Cali (back again lol :P). This forums is a great support though, you'll see; everything will work out well; just be true to who you are.

As a side not my Dad was a Corpsman in the Navy in Vietnam...needless to say he didn't like it very much because he never got to see the inside of a hospital (he had hoped for nursing training etc) lol..only jungle :(. Anyway, never met another one other than him :D

the only ones in my family who know are my mom, two of my sisters, and my grandmother. dunno how grandma feels cause i didn't tell her personally. (on of my sisters told her and my mom a day or two before i came out to my mom on my own) Mom is ok with it and is supporting of me. her only thing was she wished i had said something to her. cause she knew i had been struggling with something just didn't know what. My big thing is more the therapist thing. i'm more nervous that a cat in a really tall burning tree...

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Hi Anira,

First, let me thank you for your service to this country!

Yes, it is very nerve-wracking to first contact a Therapist. I am in an area that does not have any Therapists who specialize as Gender Therapists, but was fortunate enough to find someone who was familiar with Gender Identity issues and who had a childhood friend who transitioned after becoming an adult.

Have you found the list of Gender Therapists here on Laura's ? There are some who can even meet with you on-line, saving you the hassle of scheduling a time to meet in person. It will be scary, but in almost all the cases posted here, people were relieved and really glad they found a Therapist.

I wish you the best on this.

Big Huggs,

Opal

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Anira, your fears are normal and expected. The first time is almost always hard. When I first called my G.T.'s office she wasn't there,

so I left a message on her answering machine. Just saying the word "transsexual" to someone out loud for the first time scared me to

death. But I did it, and it worked out fine. It will for you, too.

Psychologists don't just focus on the negatives. They will help you see all the positives in your life and your personality too.

If they are any good at all, they won't judge you or scold you or disapprove of you.

California has many G.T.'s in virtual every decent size city. Here is a list: http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm

If you are in the L.A. County area please PM me and I can probably provide a more specific referral.

Good luck, hon.

Carolyn Marie

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