Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

When It Goes Away U Want It Back?


Guest EvenClose

Recommended Posts

Guest EvenClose

Was just wondering how many people have had this same experience.

Other than having your appearence drive u close to the brink of insanity, how many others go through stages of where the dysphoria tends to be extremely bad, then subside for a while. It has been happening to me for years. Some days I wake up and even though i don't really take enjoyment out of looking in the mirror and throwing on my blue collar clothes, it doesn't seem to send me into panic and get frustrated and irrational. Then other times I get up and it starts right from the bat. Thing is, is that it can be either way for an hr, a week, a month, or even 4 months. Though now that im coming to terms with everything, I kinda get upset when it don't bother me. Not saying that there is times where im not bothered at all, cause we all know thats pretty consistent. But i mean times of extreme aggravation about not being the "REAL" you.

When it does bother me, I have noticed I actually tend to smile more, and be a lot more upbeat and overall happy. When it doesn't im usually grumpy and aggravated about everything else in life.

So anyway thought ide ask and see how many pple this applies too. Have a nice day :)

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean

.

Honey...what you describe is very common to many Trans folks...

We have those days that the Dysphoria is manageable and not even hurting ...

Then other days practically kills us...

I usually compare it to a sine wave...

sinewave.jpg

The thing is...one day that hive point of the wave doesn't go back down again and we have to do something about it..I did..I'm transitioning...

Most of us have those feelings at one time...

Huggs

'

Donna Jean

Link to comment
Guest EvenClose

HAHA, somehow i knew that was coming. Im taking anti-anxiety meds for it now. Im pretty sure its about the only thing that keeps the wave goin back down.

But like you just said i can tell the wave goes down less and less each time. Im just hoping i can hold on till I get a few more things stabalized in life.

Like getting into college this coming january for..........Psychology! -seems kinda appropriate- plus by then this work comp thing will be out of the way.

Its just scary each time time this happens cause like you said, "you know its coming" but dealing with the ups and downs is taking a toll on me.

Link to comment

Over the last 40 years or so it got stronger then subsided, i can not count the number of times i bought clothes then purged, shaved my legs and polished my toe nails, hoping i did not have an accident and have to go to the hospital, each time the woman within got stronger and stronger till i had to acknowledge her or perish, and the rest is history.

Paula

Link to comment
Guest EvenClose

Yeah at the moment I just try to deal with it in subtle ways till i can get it all together. But i gotta say, when i get called gay at work, i tend to laugh histerically anymore.

Not to mention when someone wants to gossip, for some reason they always tend to come to me. lol. Not that im a big gossiper, but hey when u found a deal last weekend, its hard not to talk about it.

Link to comment
Guest abbxrdy

.

The thing is...one day that hive point of the wave doesn't go back down again and we have to do something about it..I did..I'm transitioning...

Does it ever end? I think I'm at that point, save for the teen years, I've *never* been this miserable for this long and it's been ongoing for a whole year, I'm going insane. It's nuts to hear you describe it as a sine wave, I always labeled it that too, increasing in amplitude with time as well. Right at 30 years too when I'm back in college, I can't think straight, gpa going from a 3.5 to 1.2. I'm screwed not to mention broke and no job. I want this obsessive crap to go away so I can get my mind back.

Link to comment
Guest EvenClose

I know exactly what you mean there. Last year at work my quality record for the year was so bad, that they didn't know whether to fire me or congratulate me for breaking an all time record and still have a job. lol This yr has been a little better since getting on some anti anxiety meds, but its still so hard to concentrate on work of anykind when all you can think about is this.

I guess I feel a little lucky that atleast i can laugh about it most the time. Maybe thats insanity creeping up on me.

I won't even mention the embarassing moment at work with the discussion on blueberry pancake candles yesterday. ^_^

Ok but seriously, who in there right mind don't like blueberry pancakes? I mean a nice fluffy stack with some awesome syrup and some bacon perhaps. And all of this in a convenient lite anytime anywhere candle?

Maybe it was due to the fact that we were all at a mexican restaurant for lunch and it was just like me and 25 guys.

Guys don't feel the same about candles? Hmm. Could have fooled me. (hahaha) OH WAIT. I get it now. IM NOT A GUY.

Well that clears that up now don't it.

So yeah its hard to keep on track when all you think about is this. Just like your gpa it affects so much of our life that sometimes we don't even notice it untill its blantently pointed out. Maybe I should just buy a surfboard. Then i could just ride the sine waves. I'll let u borrow it for school.

Link to comment
Guest ChloëC

It comes and goes for all of us. Almost a year ago, we had a discussion about this ebbing and flowing in the cross-dresser forum, so it isn't unique to full transgendered people - even if some believe that cross-dressing is just a stepping-stone. Whether it is or isn't, we still live by the wave pattern.

The interesting thing for me is, if I'm at a low point on the chart, but the opportunity presents itself, I jump right in. I do not let opportunities pass. Of course, the amount of time I spend will probably be less than when I'm really into it.

I suspect this whole ebbing and flowing beyond just gender identity is where those bio-rhythm charts that were very popular in the 1970's-80's came from. There probably is something to them.

Hugs

Chloë

Link to comment
Guest EvenClose

Yep you said it. Thats exactly what i mean. When your on the low side of the sine, you jump right in if you can. Its just amazing to me to see how the days are so different at times. Makes you a bit confused.

I haven't look into the charts. But i might study them a bit. Seems interesting and might give me some insight into dealing with everything easier.

Link to comment

Hi Sugar! You brought up several good points for discussion here. My first

thought was wondering if you are on HRT or not. I suspect if you are you'd

find yourself evening out. While I am not on HRT myself my body produces a

high level of estrogen naturally, so that I experience pretty much all the

same benefits of HRT. But hormone levels do fluctuate and I can feel the

differences in my levels. My mood is the best when I am feeling more "hormonal"

The fact is ciswomen experience hormonal fluctuations which affect their

moods. That's just part of being a woman.

Like you I have to dress as a male for my job and I very much dislike having

to appear as a male, albeit an effeminate one (I am also asked if I am gay.)

I avoid looking in the mirror when I cross-dress as a male. I pretty much

just accept needing to cross-dress for work as a reality in order to support

myself and tell myself it beats the alternative! But when I get home and

can be me again I truly relax and enjoy just being me. If I couldn't be

myself outside of work I don't know what I would do.

Hugs, Miss Ricka

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 99 Guests (See full list)

    • VickySGV
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Evelyn J
    • MaybeRob
    • EasyE
    • Petra Jane
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,024
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alscully
      Alscully
      (35 years old)
    2. floruisse
      floruisse
      (40 years old)
    3. Jasmine25
      Jasmine25
      (22 years old)
    4. Trev0rK
      Trev0rK
      (26 years old)
  • Posts

    • KymmieL
      Well first day is over and now getting ready for bed soon. Work was OK.   Don't know why but I am feeling down. I am heading to bed. Good Night.   Kymmie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I our time at my place.Both admit our sex life is good,got intimate for the 2nd time and he is good at it
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  I will look those up in the document, hopefully tomorrow.   I always look at the source on stuff like this, not what someone, particularly those adversarial, have to say. 
    • MaeBe
      LGBTQ rights Project 2025 takes extreme positions against LGBTQ rights, seeking to eliminate federal protections for queer people and pursue research into conversion therapies in order to encourage gender and sexuality conformity. The policy book also lays out plans to criminalize being transgender and prohibit federal programs from supporting queer people through various policies. The project partnered with anti-LGBTQ groups the Family Policy Alliance, the Center for Family and Human Rights, and the Family Research Council. Project 2025 calls for the next secretary of Health and Human Services to “immediately put an end to the department’s foray into woke transgender activism,” which includes removing terms related to gender and sexual identity from “every federal rule, agency regulation, contract, grant, regulation, and piece of legislation that exists.” The Trump administration proposed a similar idea in 2018 that would have resulted in trans people losing protections under anti-discrimination laws. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; The New Republic, 2/8/24] Similarly, the policy book calls for HHS to stop all research related to gender identity unless the purpose is conformity to one's sex assigned at birth. The New Republic explains: “That is, research on gender-nonconforming children and teenagers should be funded by the government, but only for the purpose of studying what will make them conform, such as denying them gender-affirming care and instead trying to change their identities through ‘counseling,’ which is a form of conversion therapy.” [The New Republic, 2/8/24] The policy book’s foreword by Kevin Roberts describes “the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children” as “pornography” that “should be outlawed,” adding, “The people who produce and distribute it should be imprisoned.” Roberts also says that “educators and public librarians who purvey it should be classed as registered sex offenders. And telecommunications and technology firms that facilitate its spread should be shuttered.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Roberts’ foreword states that “allowing parents or physicians to ‘reassign’ the sex of a minor is child abuse and must end.” Echoing ongoing right-wing attacks on trans athletes, Roberts also claims, “Bureaucrats at the Department of Justice force school districts to undermine girls’ sports and parents’ rights to satisfy transgender extremists.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; TIME magazine, 5/16/22] Dame Magazine reports that Project 2025 plans to use the Department of Justice to crack down on states that “do not charge LGBTQ people and their allies with crimes under the pretense that they are breaking federal and state laws against exposing minors to pornography.” [Dame Magazine, 8/14/23] Project 2025 also calls for the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services to repeat “its 2016 decision that CMS could not issue a National Coverage Determination (NCD) regarding ‘gender reassignment surgery’ for Medicare beneficiaries.” The policy book’s HHS chapter continues: “In doing so, CMS should acknowledge the growing body of evidence that such interventions are dangerous and acknowledge that there is insufficient scientific evidence to support such coverage in state plans.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Going further, Project 2025 also demands that the next GOP administration “reverse policies that allow transgender individuals to serve in the military.” The policy book’s chapter on the Defense Department claims: “Gender dysphoria is incompatible with the demands of military service, and the use of public monies for transgender surgeries … for servicemembers should be ended.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023]   …summaries of what’s within the rest of the document re: LGBTQ+ concerns. A person can believe their gender is fixed but incongruent with their physiology, but the authors and Trump (by his own words) just see the incongruity of an “expressed gender” that conflicts with what was/is in a person’s pants.
    • Mmindy
      Good catch… I took care of it.
    • Sally Stone
      I'm tired of the two-party system.  It has degraded to a system where there are only two diametrically opposed views, neither of which supports me.  I have conservative views regarding big government and government spending but I have very liberal views when it comes to protecting the rights of individuals.  And just elections of the past, I am stuck with two choices, neither of which I support. With only two parties, each with agendas that are off the left and right scales, I am not adequately represented.    Finally, I'm okay with party affiliated politicians running for office using their party views, but once elected to office, they are obligated to support the entire electorate not just the electorate members that voted for them.  Plain and simple, our government system is broken and dysfunctional.  I'll step down from my soapbox now.     
    • Sally Stone
      Thanks Mae.  She was an amazing friend and I grew to love her like a sister.
    • Sally Stone
      I did Ashley.  Non-rev travel was one of the major factors for taking the job.  At the time, US Airways had the best non-rev policy in the industry.  It cost $10 to fly coach and $25 to fly first class.  We flew first class whenever there were seats available.  
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You should have a moderator fix what you meant to write as "birth certificate".  Ooops.   I've gone over that verse and am wholly and completely dissatisfied with the SBC exegesis of it, so much so that it was one of the things that helped me break out of a mindset of guit.  Sometime I may strut by stuff as a Hebraist and show what it really means.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I found this   — 450 — Mandate for Leadership: The Conservative Promise Goal #1: Protecting Life, Conscience, and Bodily Integrity. The Secretary should pursue a robust agenda to protect the fundamental right to life, protect con- science rights, and uphold bodily integrity rooted in biological realities, not ideology. From the moment of conception, every human being possesses inherent dignity and worth, and our humanity does not depend on our age, stage of development, race, or abilities. The Secretary must ensure that all HHS programs and activities are rooted in a deep respect for innocent human life from day one until natural death: Abortion and euthanasia are not health care. A robust respect for the sacred rights of conscience, both at HHS and among gov- ernments and institutions funded by it, increases choices for patients and program beneficiaries and furthers pluralism and tolerance. The Secretary must protect Americans’ civil rights by ensuring that HHS programs and activities follow the letter and spirit of religious freedom and conscience-protection laws. Radical actors inside and outside government are promoting harmful identity politics that replaces biological sex with subjective notions of “gender identity” and bases a person’s worth on his or her race, sex, or other identities. This destructive dogma, under the guise of “equity,” threatens American’s fundamental liberties as well as the health and well-being of children and adults alike. The next Secretary must ensure that HHS programs protect children’s minds and bodies and that HHS programs respect parents’ basic right to direct the upbringing, education, and care of their children.   https://static.project2025.org/2025_MandateForLeadership_CHAPTER-14.pdf   First, that is not much, if that is all that is of concern.  Secondly, I have seen all sorts of anti-Trump slander, including the Steele dossier and the lawfare he is now undergoing, to be cynical of any criticism against him, and indirectly this document.    He deserves some of what he is getting, but not all.  Thirdly, I bolded one statement of concern.   I don't think gender identity is subjective.  "Radical actors" is name calling, and there is a lot of that going around.  Maybe I am not seeing everything of concern or reading this right, but i would discuss with the author of this document concerning this.
    • Willow
      Good evening   well I finally finished reading my textbook.  Yeah.  But I still have a lot more to go for the class.     My endocrinologist always asks me about lactation.  And yes I have had some very small amounts of leakage but not on any regular basis.  I figure I blocked the discharge Duce when I pierced my nipples with scare tissue.  But who knows.  I also get asked about mammograms.  I e had my first or baseline and this fall I will need to schedule my second.   As someone in the midst of studying the Old Testament, I can say that I haven’t found any mention of pending damnation for being transgender or intersex.  The closest it comes is a verse that says men should not wear women’s clothing.  Now I don’t know each and everyone’s particulars, but I know I meet the medical definition of female gender, and even in Ohio, a State that until recently refused to allow birth certificates to be changed, I meet the criteria.  Therefore I can only conclude I am not a man wearing women’s clothing.  But there is a somewhat different scholarly explanation of that law that it should not be taken as literally as the haters want.  Mostly men should not pretend to be women to ex ape from their enemies. Or tried to hide from God.     willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Well, the left wing has been doing that.    I read a few things while trying to find out what the problem is and liked what I read.  But I am a conservative.    Is there something specific in there that is of concern?  Does it promise somewhere to erase trans folk? That would be problematic.
    • Ivy
      It's a plan to basically completely take over the government by the right wing.
    • Ivy
      I'm actually in Asheville tonight.  Some of the people in the support group invited me for dinner after the meeting.  We're going to get together again tomorrow again. It's been nice, 4 trans women and 1 trans man, together ar a restaurant.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I found https://www.project2025.org/policy/   I will have to read it.  I have not.  What is of concern?   The link provided earlier goes back to this forum.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...