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Oy.


Guest Ibuki

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Guest Ibuki

Hi.

I joined this site, and began using the chats and forum because I am getting serious about my transexualism.

I have been crossdressing as long as I can remember. It caused me a lot of trouble when I was younger, my parents thought I needed to be disciplined (it's far more complex than that, but I shall spare you my life story). I spent a lot of time in residential mental health facilities. At the the I was angry and scared, I never admitted to what I had been doing and I never talked about what I want. I think this inhibited my growth, psychologically.

Eventually my mom came around to my crossdressing. Too bad I was in my late teens.

Too bad she thought it was just a fetish.

Even I thought that's all it was, but in recent years I have been more honest with myself and other people, and the more I explore this side of me the more I realize, this is what I should have been doing that first time 15 years ago.

I'm 25 now. Ever since I was 12 I've had very high levels of testosterone. Fate truly does have a sense of humor. My body is quite masculine, and in a woman's eyes, I guess you could say it is perfect. Lucky me.

My mind, now that is a different story entirely. I'm a deep, thoughtful person. I'm emotionally wired, yet highly logical. Mature, yet I enjoy acting childish. I'm pretty intelligent, yet also naive and gullible. It's like I have two personas vying for dominance.

The childish, emotional side is winning.

The good thing about this is I am able to let go of my reservations and feelings of embarassment, so I can accept that I act girly and I don't get mad when my friends make fun of me for it. I pretty much just let myself out, and the more I do that the more I realize how right it is.

And then I look at my "perfect" body, and become disgusted, uncomfortable, guilty, ashamed, and there is only one thing left to do...

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  • Root Admin

Hello Ibuki,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

MaryEllen :)

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Guest Jack Solomon

Greetings, Ibuki! I can definately relate to what you're saying. I'm from 'the other side of the fence' and ironically, I am small-ish and feminine in body type. I also look at my body (which is supposedly attractive to the biological male population but has always seemed unfamiliar and unrelatable to me) and become disgusted, uncomfortable, guilty, ashamed, etc. Welcome, I think you'll find many friends here and support.

Solomon

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