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Post-Op Depression?


Guest kelise

  

13 members have voted

  1. 1. Did you experience any negative feelings related to your SRS when you became post-op?

    • yes
      2
    • no
      11


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Ok, I've read and heard many a horror story of regret, remorse, depression, what have you, coming on after surgery. For those of you who experienced this, when did they begin? Immediatly? One month? Three months? A year? Longer?

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Guest KimberlyF

I have zero experience w/this but from what I've read (and who knows if it's true since there isn't the Mayo Clinic TS wing)In one case it's about the same time periods as a lot of post partum depression when it's the same cause-rebalancing of hormone levels. So I'd GUESS 2-6 weeks would be fairly common if that were the cause of the depression.

My wife had PP at about 3 weeks after #2. Just couldn't stop crying.

Kim

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Here is a link Michelle H posted October 23, in it she says "For reasons that are not clear, the depression hits its peak around the end of month 3. From what Dr. McGinn has said, this peak around the end of the third month is very typical. I went in to see my gender counselor for one of my regular visits, she took one look at me and wanted to call 911 and send me to the hospital – it took the full hour of the session to talk her out of it – that session was at the 90 mark. In another week, I will be at the 120-day mark and the depression is finally clearing."

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=25729

Paula

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Actually, I read that post, but already can see my and MichelleH's experiences are very different. For one, I have experienced phantom limb and it's very annoying. Getting better though. And as for depression, other trhan that small amount while on painkillers I have felt nothing but being on cloud 9 since my surgery. I am now almost 1 month post-op and I was just wondering if this is something that comes later. We'll see what happens at 3 months.

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I think regrets and depression are quite different things. So, not sure in your poll there lumping them together is fair.

Some do experience a bit of depression right after surgery from almost immediate to months after, but the far more common result is a great deal of relief. It is almost a state of euphoria and many do describe it as the post-op euphoria phase.

By far the most common period of depression among those I know seems to occur 2 to 3 years after surgery. This is not the most visible within the community as by that time most post-op have drifted away. The roots of this depression are fairly clear and easy to understand in my opinion. While I didn't get depressed, and many don't, I been through the associated mental processes. I believe this very different than the depression one might encounter a few months after surgery. I can't really comment on the near term depression but if you would like me to elaborate on the roots of the further out depression, just let me know or drop me a PM.

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I have felt nothing but being on cloud 9 since my surgery

lol, you posted that while I was posting. So you are experiencing common post-op euphoria!! I say enjoy it and not to worry. It probably won't be wearing off anytime soon.

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You're right. I know regret and depression are very different. I modified the poll to just say negative feelings. I would love to hear more on any sort of depression at any time, because I just don't see it. I feel happier than I've ever felt in my life!

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Guest Jenni_S

I did have some negativity immediately afterwards, mainly in the form of a big emotional drain. So many emotions surging around in my head in the last couple of months leading up to my hospital visit, and just getting stronger and stronger! Then BOOM!, it's done. There was a lot of relief, but then, all those emotions (excitement, nervous, apprehension (never had *any* surgery previously), happiness, giddiness, and many, many more!) had no reason to be there anymore. I'd just achieved a major goal, which had taken up a sizable chunk of my time, and, "Well, what NOW?" echoed through my head.

That only lasted a few days, though. It just took some thinking and realizing "Now? Get out there and get on with your life!" After discussing it with my therapist on my return, it was a lot like when you complete any big goal in life; graduating from school, getting married, having a child, or what have you. Things have suddenly changed immensely, and it takes a bit of time to get used to the new. And you can always set a new goal, too!

So now, a new goal? I'm just being the best parent I can be, and really loving it!

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Guest Donna Jean

I have felt nothing but being on cloud 9 since my surgery.

Well, Honey

All that I can add right now is to wish that this is the only feeling that you get from it.....forever!

Huggs

Dee Jay

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  • Forum Moderator

As I understand it post surgical depression-regardless of the surgery -is a common phenomenon. I have read different theories about its causes-the major ones being the over production of adrenalin leading up to a surgery causes a depression when it drops back to normal and a lingering reaction to anesthesia in sensitive individuals. Apparently some traces can actually take weeks or months to completely clear your system.

I had an emergency surgery several years ago and my Dr cautioned me about the possible depression after the surgery.

If you aren't showing any signs I'd just enjoy the happiness you are feeling and not anticipate any depression.

The depression that occurs years later is also not an across the board occurrence

but more related to the personality of the person than any results from SRS. If you have lived many years of your life with depression it becomes a default mode to life stressors. And there are plenty of those whether you are trans or not.

I've watched your journey and been amazed at your attitude and strength.

Enjoy! You earned it.

Hugs

John

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would love to hear more on any sort of depression at any time, because I just don't see it. I feel happier than I've ever felt in my life!

You make me chuckle Kelsie and I totally mean it in a good way. I could say I could tell you more and ruin it, but really, at this point, virtually nothing can ruin it. I know quite well the feeling and I look forward to future intellectual discussion on the subject. You WILL understand be you find it depressing at the time or not.

The depression that occurs years later is also not an across the board occurrence

but more related to the personality of the person than any results from SRS. If you ave lived many years of your life wit depression it becomes a default mode to life stressors. And there are plenty of those whether you are trans or not.

The emotional process resulting in the depression is one that virtually all MTF will go through a few years post SRS. It may not lead to outright depression, but it will have its impact. Of course those more prone to depression will experience it more in a depressive way.

The really cool thing, in my opinion, is the mental processes are needed and its too bad they almost never happen before SRS.

I think Jenni touched on some of it in her comments.

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Guest KimberlyF

I feel happier than I've ever felt in my life!

OMG you could have lead with this :P

I made my post cause I was wondering what was up with where you were at and I know a few girls who had issues with the being pulled off the estro around the surgery time and then getting the lower dosages after and no more spiro and it just took a little adjustment period.

Kim

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Guest sarah f

Kairi I hope you never have post-op depression but if you do we will be here for you and to comfort you until you get passed it.

I will say that when I was in the hospital for 5 days this year because of stomach problems, I was severly depressed. My heartbeat dropped in the 30's after a procedure and had to wear a heart monitor for 4 days until it stabilized. Along with a IV bag it was not fun. All I could do was lay there in the bed 24 hours a day. At least they had me on morphine and it didn't hurt that much.

What got me through this was the members of Laura's. I was on here with my phone of course reading and replying to posts. I am very appreciative to everyone here. We will do the same for you Kairi if needed or anyone else that needs help.

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Thank you all! You are too sweet! Like I said, I'm not experiencing depression of any sort right now. It just seems lately I've seen a barrage of disscussions about it, both on and off LP. People saying it comes later. Some saying regret, others saying definately not regret. I just wanted to know the average amount of time after surgery these feelings came on, So I know when I can officially say, "Nope, didn't get them," or when I should expect to get them, or what.

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  • 4 months later...
Guest DésiréeG

I'd just achieved a major goal, which had taken up a sizable chunk of my time, and, "Well, what NOW?" echoed through my head.

I was worried that this would happen to me, so I did two things well before surgery. One was to not think of GRS as the culmination of my life. I'd be the same person after as I was before. Any problems I went into the hospital with I'd be taking home with me. If you can understand that, you cut down the risk for depression a lot. GRS removes the physical package, not the emotional baggage.

Second, I made sure I had other goals, plans and challenges in my life. Yes, going through RLT, HRT and evntually GRS was a huge part of my life, no denying it. But ultimately, it's really only a small part of who I am, so I made sure not to be in a situation where afterward I'd say "I've reached my biggest goal in life. What do I do now?"

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  • 1 month later...
Guest valeriedances

Ok, I've read and heard many a horror story of regret, remorse, depression, what have you, coming on after surgery. For those of you who experienced this, when did they begin? Immediatly? One month? Three months? A year? Longer?

I had depression after surgery for several reasons. Mostly because it was painful and I had complications (a real bad fourchette tear) to cope with. There seemed to be alot of trauma to the area overall and this was hard to deal with emotionally. My body was in a state of shock. This was a recovery issue, not regret. It would have been the same for any other body part that was affected similarly.

I was also affected by not understanding my new body, if I had a clitoris or not. There was numbness that lasted many months and my mind couldnt reconcile the various parts of my vagina compared to photos of natal women. Because of swelling, scabbing, numbness, I didnt really know if I had one. I thought if I did, it must be buried under the skin.

Thirdly, I was affected negatively by disclosure. I tried too soon to meet men, and dealing with rejection while still in a healing mode was not good.

I am doing much better emotionally now. My healing is complete (I am one year post-op tomorrow) and I have had a whole year to adjust. I love my vagina and BA, my body is just amazing to me. I'm very happy. The dysphoria is gone. This was the best decision of my life.

peace to you all. I'm glad to be here.

-Valerie

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Guest kelise

Welcome, Valerie! I wonder if I know you. Are you near Orlando?

I'm sorry you had so many complications. Who was your surgeon? I had a lot of success with Dr. Bowers. She gave me a grand tour of my anatomy, so I knew right where my clit was. Only took me a few weeks to find my G-spot, and my clit started working again after 3 months. I'm six months now, and apart from a little hypersensitivity along my incisions, I seem to be 100%. Worst problems I had was a little granulation on the back of my vaginal opening, and a case of bacterial vaginosis, both of with have gone away. I'm also lucky enough to have a LTR with an amazing woman, so I'm not worried about relationship issues at this time. I guess I'm just REALLY lucky:)

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Guest valeriedances

Welcome, Valerie! I wonder if I know you. Are you near Orlando?

I'm sorry you had so many complications. Who was your surgeon? I had a lot of success with Dr. Bowers. She gave me a grand tour of my anatomy, so I knew right where my clit was. Only took me a few weeks to find my G-spot, and my clit started working again after 3 months. I'm six months now, and apart from a little hypersensitivity along my incisions, I seem to be 100%. Worst problems I had was a little granulation on the back of my vaginal opening, and a case of bacterial vaginosis, both of with have gone away. I'm also lucky enough to have a LTR with an amazing woman, so I'm not worried about relationship issues at this time. I guess I'm just REALLY lucky:)

Hi kelise :)

I live in South Florida, so it's possible we've met. I dont seem to venture out of my area too often. I had surgery in Montreal with Dr. Brassard. My result appearance is quite excellent with good sensitivity. I'd more detail, but that is beyond the scope of this thread, so will save that for another time.

Wow, A G-spot. I've tried to find one but havent really noticed an area internally that feels extra wonderful while trying to ...you know, learn about my body.

Glad to hear your healing went so well and that your feeling 100% well. Also, happy to hear the good news on your relationship. It's wonderful to be accepted by a lover.

Disclosure is very difficult, especially with men. But my hopes are strong and will keep dating and looking for the right guy for me. I have a promising date for Friday and will just see how it goes.

thanks for the welcome.

-Valerie

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  • 7 months later...
Guest Donna Jean

Just thought I'd update. I am now 1 year and 1 month post-op and still feel no depression or regret regarding my surgery.

Good for you, Kelise........

I'm sure that the dreaded "Post OP Depression" doesn't hit everyone.

Another of those "Everyone Experiences It" myths.......

Good luck, Hon!

Huggs

Dee Jay

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He explained some terms.    They warmed up with some basic, easy stretches.   They learned a kata called Taikyoku Shodan, involving blocks, punches and some movements. This was not bad.   She was now paired off with Judy.  Things were going well and this was not too bad. Judy was sixty years old and had been told to exercise by her doctor.  Taylor said her boyfriend was teaching the other class, which was impressive, and he wanted her involved.   "You remember the gedan barai - downward block?"  They did. Everyone showed him and he went around and made sure everyone had it down. "And the lunge punch?"  They did. "Now we are going to put them together. One of you will punch and the other block it. Okay?"   Taylor squared off against Judy.  Her heart was pounding.  She practiced her gedan barai as Judy practiced her lower lunge punch.  Then they faced each other. "Okay, first partner, lunge punch.  Second partner, lower block.  Slowly.  Go!" Taylor saw the punch coming at her, but instead of blocking it her eyes welled up with tears and she dropped to the floor, weeping uncontrollably. "Oh God, Oh, God, Oh God, make it stop, make it stop" she shouted to parties unseen. Fetal position, rocking back and forth. Crying hysterically. "I didn't go near her," Judy said, bewildered. "Taylor?"  this was Sensei Bob.  Both classes had stopped and were looking at her. She kept crying. "I am here, "Bob told her, not touching.  "Oh Bob you need a wife who can be a real woman to you. I am making you into a monk or something." And she continued crying at full volume. "You need someone better than me, someone who can give you kids." Everyone could hear this.  They were turning away, trying to pretend they could not hear this. "I need to get her out of here and take her." Bob said, and he and Mark bowed to each other. He scooped her up and she bawled into his shoulder.  She clung to him.  First hug ever. Death grip, more like it. "Judy, would you get her things?" "I did nothing," Judy said, and moved towards the restroom, stunned.  "Nothing." "I know what she was wearing," Margie said, and got them. "I've got a gym bag. It 's red and it says Roosters on it. Can you get it? Mark got it.  He accompanied them to the car.  Taylor was non-stop crying deeply, clinging to him for dear life. Mark unlocked the car and together they managed to pry Taylor off of him, even though it took both of them to do it.  She was in the car seat and they managed to buckle her in it. "I am going to take you to your apartment," he said. "No. Emergency room," she said. "Maybe the psych ward."  He didn't doubt it. She calmed down in a few minutes on the way. "Well, that was embarrassing." "Everyone remembers their first day of karate class." "Bob, what I love about you is your sense of humor." "I love everything about you." "Even this?" "Yes. Even this." She managed to walk into the ER.  They were both still in gis. "Karate accident?" "No. I am Taylor and I am a nut. I wear a gi all the time. I make my boyfriend wear one, too." "She had a triggered event.  She's had some difficult times." "I see. Do you you know are bleeding?" "No."  Her crotch was wet with blood and the blood was seeping down both legs. She was wheeled away. "Sir, please wait here." He did.  He had no legal right to see her right now. After a while a nurse came out and said he could come on  back. There she was in a hospital gown.  "Seems like old times." "yeah.  We gotta stop meeting like this." The nurse buzzed around and left them. "They are running tests." "I bet they are." "I got an MRI. On a Saturday morning, too."  First ever. "You rate.  But why?" "They figure some of the old scar tissue - you know, from the- from the past - ripped open and they need to see what is going on." "We know what is going on,"said a doctor, stepping in. He looked at her. "I am Doctor Michaels.  They called me in.  I just happened to be in the building and they wanted me to see this and take the case.  My specialty is Disorders of Sexual Development. But what I am seeing is little in the way of disorder.  Look at this." They looked at the image. "This is a perfectly ordinary uterus." "Uterus?" "Yes, your uterus." "What?" "That is not all.  This is a cervix, and this is a vagina." "It's blocked up." "Yes.  It looks like you had surgery to do exactly that when you were an infant.  They used to do that." "This is me?" "You." "Really?" "I imagine this takes some getting used to. "Can it be undone?" "Absolutely. I mean, I cannot guarantee it, but it is more than likely. I would like to run some tests." "And the bleeding?" "It looks like the hormones you have been taking have kicked of a regular monthly cycle. Then you did a whole bunch of exercise.  Not surprising." "What?" "I want you to come to my office next week for follow-up.  Have you ever had a genetic test of any sort?" "No." "Well, your testes - one looks at first glance more like an ovary." "Ovary. Can I have kids?" "Too soon to tell.  You look happy." She did.  "Bob, you look stunned." "I am." "Given what happened earlier today we want to keep you overnight for observation.  I understand you are a trauma victim and something triggered it." "I got a punch thrown at me in kara-tay class, is all. I am a wimp." "Well, I will let you two talk for a minute and they will come and get you shortly.  No bad news here." "They are coming to take me away, hah-hah, they are coming to take me away," Taylor chanted. "Bob, I am not done with kara-tay.  I want to at least finish a first class. I mean, you paid for it and I want you to get your money's worth." "I think I got that." "Kiss me, you fool,"  she said, and he did, with energy.        
    • April Marie
      These arrived in yesterday's mail. I'm out working in the yard today so just old clothes. I'm looking forward to wearing this t-shirt dress when the weather warms up a bit more.  
    • missyjo
      Ashley I've known busty girls who wore b nice bras tl work n such then like a sift sports bra to lounge or sleep in hugs
    • missyjo
      your nails b hair came wonderful  congratulations  enjoy
    • Willow
      The one thing about this position, if you want more hours just wait and be flexible.  I’m now working until 7:30 pm instead of 4:30.  
    • Ashley0616
      I hope your head cold goes away soon! Sorry you have to cut grass with that.   Love the new t-shirt   I love that one.    What Jeep would you want to get? That is awesome about your wife getting better!
    • Ashley0616
      Welcome Mattie! I would recommend the first step is finding a gender therapist and see if you are or aren't. Then one of the biggest steps if you are do you want to start hormone replacement therapy. The decision should be thought long and hard. There are irreversible effects. Looking forward to your next post! Take care!
    • Ashley0616
      Congratulations on being able to pick up a cancellation! I hope to hear more updates about your transition. 
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Getting a dog maybe next month
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